Hosts: *frozen in shock*

Hosts:...................

Joy: I'm.....I'm gutted.

Air: *bursts into tears*

Rainkeeper: *tearing up* Oh my moons, I didn't think this would affect me so bad-

Nightflyer: *starts shredding books of Elvis sheet music and poetry* 

Nightflyer: ROMANCE IS DEAD!

Seashell: Someone....explain to the public...

Kelp: I'll do it. *sniffles*

Kelp: So our scavenger author plays DND, her character's name is Emrys.

Kelp: And Emrys met this girl named Evangeline. And Evangeline was PERFECT. She flirted with her, she was sweet and kind, she fought better than the idiots of the party, she had a pet dragon-

Joy: Sheer perfection.

Kelp: Was also drop dead gorgeous. And in a whirlwind romance, Emrys and Evangeline got married after Evangeline proposed.

Nightflyer: The wedding was the best session we've ever had, Charis made out with a chair, a dude got whipped- it was a fun night.

Kelp: And after that, things were smooth sailing. Emrys is a total simp so she can and did do everything to keep Evangeline safe and defend her and love her- was even willing to sacrifice other party members to protect her. We went through actual hell and fought the seven sins with her.

Air: But then we went back to Emrys's hometown....

Kelp: Where there was some drama because Emrys had been previously engaged and her family had essentially adopted her ex and her ex thought they were still gonna get married, it was....rough breaking that up. 

Joy: If by rough you mean the other party members actually cried irl and another player had to come play our therapist and hug us before leaving to go screw Emrys's mom-

Kelp: So yeah. Rough 24 hours. BUT THEN- BASTARD-

Seashell: There was this shady bartender who had a history with Evangeline and another member of the party. We knew he was a bad guy but- BUT-

Joy: TURNS OUT, HE'S THE ONE SIN WE DIDN'T GET THE CHANCE TO FIGHT.

Rainkeeper: AND HE'S MARRIED. TO EVANGELINE.

Nightflyer: And it was all a lie. Emry's entire relationship- all the kind words, the songs, the love-

Nightflyer: *wails*

Kelp: Nightflyer's taking it the hardest.

Air: Of course he is, he's a romantic, and our DM just MURDERED THE PUREST RELATIONSHIP WE HAD

Joy: The DM is a sadist. She knows this.

Kelp: We saw her at a party yesterday and she actually ran away in fear and spent the party with at least three people between us because she was afraid we'd kill her.

Rainkeeper: Joy being covered in knives didn't help.

Joy: I wanted her to feel as much fear as we felt pain.

Rainkeeper: As she should. 

*players appear*

Winter: Why.

Qibli: Can you guys imagine for a moment how relieved we're gonna be when this series finally ends?

Moon: That's never going to happen.

Qibli: Yeah but just think about it....

Carnelian: When this ends I'm going on a very long cruise with Ruby. I may not ever come back.

Amber: I'll go with you if it's a booze cruise.

Carnelian: Of course it's a booze cruise, who do you take me for?

Rainkeeper: So I think y'all are actually going to enjoy this dare a lot.

JW:........

Turtle: Oh crap, we're so gonna die.

Kinkajou: HEY WAIT A MINUTE, THEY COULD BE TELLING THE TRUTH!

Qibli: Impossible, there is no truth in this game. 

Winter:......Qibli WHAT'S THE FIRST WORD IN THE NAME-

Qibli: I'll believe in truth when you admit you love me!

Winter: STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME GAY FOR YOU!

Qibli: NO!

Winter: WHY???

Qibli: BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S WORKING!

Carnelian: If you want looooove, then lower your expectations, A LOT-

Rainkeeper: Thank you, Bo Burnham, your words are a treasure.

Joy: And we mean that sincerely because Inside was a MASTERPIECE.

Kelp: Does that mean we're singing Welcome to the Internet?

Joy: N-

Kelp: *already sitting at a keyboard with glasses on*

Joy:.....

Joy: Dare first. Then Bo.

Kelp: Fair enough.

Nightflyer: You all get to spray your worst enemies with mace.

Turtle: What's Mace?

Joy: REAAALLLLY intense Pepper Spray.

JW: *shudders at horrible pepper spray memories*

Kelp: So, first order of business- who's your worst enemy?

Kinkajou: Darkstalker! Oh, or maybe Coconut....

Turtle: The world.

Winter: So many choices.....

Qibli: *raises hand* Can my whole family count as one?

Carnelian: Scarlet.

Moon: Do I really have any enemies?

Amber: Winter's sister.

Winter: HEY!

Turtle: Yeah, can I second that? I know I should say my mother or Darkstalker or something, but Icicle tried to kill Kinkajou once and I'd really like to Mace her over that.

Kinkajou: Awwww, you'd pepper spray my attempted murderer!

Moon: I know it's dangerous, but I'm gonna let you guys pick for me.

Joy: HAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAH-

Moon: Oh moons, what have I done?

Qibli: Cobra or Vulture, Cobra or Vulture....

Rainkeeper: We'll let you do both, we get a lot of happiness out of watching people get pepper sprayed.

Joy: Plus this dare is an excuse to use my NEW PEPPER SPRAY GUN!!!!

Kelp: You specifically picked this dare so you could use it didn't you-

Joy: I completely picked it so that we'd use it, I have been dying to use this thing since I found out they exist.

Rainkeeper: Shopping for Mace was weirdly fun, I didn't realize it came in so many different styles.

Seashell: I've got one that's disguised as lipstick.

Joy: Have I mentioned how much I love weapons that look like things that aren't weapons? Cause I REALLLY LOVE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS.

Kelp: Sword canes. Sword belts. Most of the weaponry in the Kingsmen movies.

Joy: *borderline drooling at the thought of them*

Kelp: I'm gonna have to remember this trick for later.

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*Cobra, Vulture, Morrowseer, Scarlet, Darkstalker, Icicle, Tundra and Narwhal appear*

Winter: Wait what? MY parents aren't my worst enemies.

Rainkeeper: Aren't they though?

Rainkeeper: Aren't they?

Winter:.........SHUT UP.

Joy: *lays out a bunch of mace in various forms* Alright, who's up first?

Carnelian: ME!!!!!! 

Carnelian: *grabs a pepper spray gun and points it at Scarlet*

Scarlet: What is that thing? Who-

Carnelian: *fires it, spraying pepper spray in Scarlet's eyes and all over her face*

Scarlet: *screams*

Scarlet: NOT AGAIN!!!!!!! WHY DO DRAGONS KEEP MAULING MY BEAUTIFUL FACE WITH THEIR SHITTY VENOM- *tries to wipes it off, effectively spreading it* AAAAAAAHHHHHH WHAT THE HELL IS THIS STUFF?!!??!

Carnelian: *laughs and kicks her*

Scarlet: *falls down*

Carnelian: Oh, this- this is the most fun I've had in a long time. Can I kill her?

Joy: *passes her a knife*

Joy: Don't get any blood near Tam's shrine.

Carnelian: Yes Ma'am. 

Scarlet: *shrieks*

Amber: *yanks Icicle's head back, presses the pepper spray can right against her eye and sprays the entire thing directly into her eyeball*

Icicle: *screams bloody murder*

Amber: *still holding her* Yesss..... Feel the pain, Icicle. Feel Every. Second. Of. PAIN.

All:.....*slowly backs away*

Air: Something tells me Book 6 would have been a lot shorter if Amber had been the one trying to kill Icicle.

Winter: Honestly, it would have spared me a lot of drama if they had just killed her. Too bad.

Tundra: How DARE you say that about your sister?

Narwhal: Even locked in prison, she ranked higher than you!

Winter: *takes two pepper spray guns and fires them at his parents*

Tundra: *glares at him through the pepper spray burning her eyes*

Tundra: Is that the best you can do?

Narwhal: *on the floor, rolling in pain and screaming like Alvin from Alvin and the chipmunks*

Hosts: *burst out laughing*

Air: Alright, we've got Alvin, where's Dave?

Nightflyer: He died.

Kelp: He's a camel.

Rainkeeper: Good old Uncle Dave.

Joy: My uncle Dave, your Uncle Dave, an endless stream of everybody's Uncle Dave falling through the crack-

Qibli: Hmmm, I wonder.....

Qibli: *scratches Cobra in the face*

Cobra: OW!!! YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE-

Qibli: *pepper sprays her*

Cobra: *shrieks in double the pain and starts crying, effectively making the injuries worse*

Qibli: Oh damn, this is really satisfying, no wonder you love torturing us.

Joy: It's a labor of love.

Qibli: *squeezing lemon juice on top of the pepper spray in Vulture's eyes*

Qibli: Love! Right!

Turtle: Amber, Mom said it's my turn to Mace Icicle!

Amber: Bullshit, your mom doesn't talk to you.

Turtle:....YOURS DOESN'T LIKE YOU EITHER!

Amber: AT LEAST SHE KNOWS MY NAME!

Turtle: DOES SHE?

Amber:.....Just take an eye.

Turtle: *starts pepper spraying Icicle's other eye*

Icicle: *screams louder*

Darkstalker: Aren't you that little Rainwing everyone keeps making a fuss over?

Kinkajou: Little?

Darkstalker: Yeah, the weak one-

Kinkajou: WEAK????

Kinkajou: *coats a sword in pepper spray and stabs Darkstalker in the face with it*

Darkstalker: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH-

Seashell: Does.....Does that count?

Joy: Hell yeah. Bonus points for creativity.

Seashell: It's not creativity, it's a SWORD-

Joy: It's an innovation for the pepper spray community-

Seashell: *bangs her head against a clipboard*

Kinkajou: *punches a pepper sprayed pineapple up his snout for good measure and starts hitting him*

Kinkajou: I! AM! NOT! THE! WEAK! SIDEKICK!

Turtle: So I take it that's a no on the Batman and Robin Halloween costumes?

Kinkajou: I'M BATMAN!

Turtle: Fair enough.

Air: As soothing as it is to watch people get tortured and murdered via pepper spray while listening to Perry Como sing Bibbidi Bobbity Boo, I don't think we should listen to the Umbrella Academy Soundtrack while playing this game anymore. 

Rainkeeper: Request denied.

Air: Fair enough.

Moon: *staring at Morrowseer*

Moon: Sooooo why am I pepper spraying this guy?

Joy: Irony purposes.

Moon: *shrugs* Good enough for me!

Morrowseer: Wait, pepper what-

Moon: *sprays him*

Morrowseer: WHAT THE HELL, YOU DISGRACE OF A NIGHTWING-

Moon: *sprays him again*

Moon: Hey, you're right! This is fun!

Morrowseer: *screaming*

Kelp: And so, the moral of the story is....

Joy: All of your problems can be solved by pepper spraying someone in the face

Rainkeeper: Except don't do that, you'll get sued.

Air: Not if it's self-defense.

Rainkeeper: *watched Icicle continue to get pepper sprayed by Amber and Turtle*

Rainkeeper: This- This wasn't that.

Joy: That's for the courts to decide.

Kelp: *sits back at the keyboard*

Kelp: Now?

Joy: Of course. *flips on cheesy sunglasses*

*music starts as enemies continue to be pepper sprayed*

Hosts: Welcome to the internet
Have a look around
Anything that brain of yours can think of can be found
We've got mountains of content
Some better, some worse
If none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the firstWelcome to the internet
Come and take a seat
Would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet?
There's no need to panic
This isn't a test, haha
Just nod or shake your head and we'll do the restWelcome to the internet
What would you prefer?
Would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
Be happy
Be horny
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We got a million different ways to engageWelcome to the internet
Put your cares aside
Here's a tip for straining pasta
Here's a nine-year-old who died
We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports
And a bunch of colored pencil drawings
Of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other
Welcome to the internetHold on to your socks
'Cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock
They are grainy and off-putting
He just sent you more
Don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whoreSee a man beheaded
Get offended, see a shrink
Show us pictures of your children
Tell us every thought you think
Start a rumor, buy a broom
Or send a death threat to a boomer
Or DM a girl and groom her
Do a Zoom or find a tumor in your
Here's a healthy breakfast option
You should kill your mom
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Which Power Ranger are you?
Take this quirky quiz
Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kidsCould I interest you in everything?
All of the time?
A little bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
All of the timeCould I interest you in everything?
All of the time?
A little bit of everything
All of the time
Apathy's a tragedy
And boredom is a crime
Anything and everything
All of the time