Seashell: I hate it when I can't remember if we've done a dare before or not-

Rainkeeper: Well if anyone asks, just say we thought people didn't laugh enough the first time so now we have to bring it back.

Nightflyer: Plus we're over 450 chapters into this, I think you're entitled to forget some things.

Joy: *drops a broken coffee maker on the table*

Kelp: What the-

Joy: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad. I just want to know.

Seashell: *nods* We've definitely done this before.

Kelp: Shut up, I don't remember it, let's do it again.

Air: I did. I broke it...

Joy: No. No, you didn't. Rainkeeper?

Rainkeeper: Don't look at me. Look at Nightflyer!

Nightflyer: What?! I didn't break it.

Rainkeeper: Huh. That's weird. How did you even know it was broken???

Nightflyer: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken!

Rainkeeper: Sus.

Nightflyer: No, it's not!

Kelp: If it matters, probably not... Seashell was the last one to use it.

Seashell: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Kelp: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Seashell: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Kelp!

Air: Alright let's not fight. I broke it, let me pay for it, Joy.

Joy: No. Who broke it?

Nightflyer: *whispering* Joy, Kevin's been awfully quiet...

Kevin: *meows angrily*

Nightflyer: Yeah, really!

Joy:.....

Joy: *stares at the camera while everyone else dissolves into fighting*

Joy: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

*players appear*

Nightflyer: HAVE YOU HEARD THE WORD???

Amber: *gasps* WHAT'S THE WORD?

Nightflyer: HE'S a coming.

Amber: WHO'S a coming?

Nightflyer: THE HILLYWOOD SHOW IS MAKING A GOOD OMENS PARODY AND AS MUCH AS I ENJOY HILLY'S ACTING, YOU CAN'T TELL ME MICHAEL SHEEN AND DAVID TENNANT WOULD NOT JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO STAR IN IT SO LIKE-

Kelp: They're making a Good Omens Parody.

Nightflyer: Yes.

Kelp: And you're trying to tell me a universe exists where Michael Sheen does NOT take full opportunity to play Aziraphale three thousand times more gay with no consequences?

Carnelian: Michael Sheen would be the crowned gay king without hesitation.

Amber: The position has been offered to him, but he keeps insisting he's straight, so we had to go with someone else.

Air: Ok but Michael Sheen and David Tennant are a thing, right?

All:......

Air:...Or have I just been grossly misinterpreting Staged?

Kelp:....We'll talk later cause you're right and wrong at the same time, anyway-

Joy: We stan Michael Sheen in this house, that's all there is to say.

Rainkeeper: You know what *sighs*

Rainkeeper: *tacks a piece of paper next to Tam's Shrine that reads 'PEOPLE WE STAN'*

Rainkeeper: Just fill it up, it'll be easier.

Air: *uncaps marker*

Nightflyer: *raises pen*

Joy: We're gonna need a bigger piece of paper.

Rainkeeper: Alright, well while you're busy with that-

Air: We filled it.

Rainkeeper: What?

Rainkeeper:......*puts up another piece of paper*

Rainkeeper: Write smaller this time.

Air: Can do! Here you go!

Rainkeeper: Anyways, Winter we need you to sing No Friends by Cadmium

Winter: Seriously- I HAVE FRIENDS.

Turtle: Really? Who?

Winter:....I mean....Aren't you one of them?

Turtle: Oh. Oh no no no. *laughs* No.

Air: RAINKEEPER WE DID IT AGAIN-

Rainkeeper: Dammit STOP LIKING PEOPLE.

Air: NO.

Rainkeeper: Winter, just sing before they wallpaper the place in people they like.

Joy: WAAAAYYY ahead of you. *stapling pictures of Keanu Reeves to the walls*

Rainkeeper: Why-

Joy: You know why.

Rainkeeper:.......

Joy:........

Rainkeeper: *clicks boombox*

*music starts*

Air: *whispers* Rainy look!

Rainkeeper: *long suffering sigh*

Winter: People say I try too hard

Winter: People say I come off really awkward
You know I don't mean no harm

Moon: Didn't you threaten to slice my face off on multiple occasions?

Winter: I'm just trying to be myself but
Sometimes I get confused
'Cause I can't read social cues

Joy: NO. SHIT.

Winter: Threw my inhibitions out the door 
I don't have an excuse
I'm just living in my youth
Don't know why people don't like me more

Carnelian: Oh come on.

Carnelian: You know. 

Winter: I have no friends but that's okay
I don't need them anyway
I do my best, all on my own
And I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends but I'll be fine
I don't need them to pass the time
And when I put my resting bitch face on, I look stone cold

Qibli: Oh, that's cool! That you're cold- cause you're Winter- get it-

Qibli: *gets punched with a tomato*

Winter: I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends
I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends, but that's okay
I don't need them anyway
I do my best all on my own
And I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends

You'll never know what's on my mind

Moon: Welp-

Winter: You'll never know the secrets that I'm keeping

Moon: wELP-

Winter: I'll scare you off with my crazy eyes

Kinkajou: Or lure us in cause you're pretty.

Turtle: Wait what?

Kinkajou: NOTHING.

Winter: 'Cause all I need is me myself and
I don't got no shame
'Cause my life is just a game
And I don't care who's been keeping score

Kelp: Last time I checked the Icewings were, but Snowfall kinda...messed that up...

Winter: Everybody thinks I'm strange
It's just something in my brain
Don't know who they're being normal for

Amber: Bitch, me too! Da fuck!

Hosts:......

Kelp: Okay I think we need to point out that the second you spoke 'Sweet Transvestite' came on our playlist, I don't know what it means, it just happened and you needed to know.

Amber: Never apologize for reminding me about Tim Curry in fishnets.

Winter: I have no friends but that's okay
I don't need them anyway
I do my best all on my own
And I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends (no friends) and that's a sign
I don't need them (don't need them) to pass the time (Ah)
And when I put my resting bitch face on, I look stone cold
I'd just rather be alone (Rather be alone)
Rather be alone (Rather be alone)
I have no friends
I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends but that's okay
I don't need them anyway
I do my best all on my own
And I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends

I don't need anybody's hand to hold at night

Moon: Um, you know friends don't do that, right-

Qibli: SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH

Qibli: He doesn't need to know that.

Moon:.....Qibli what have you been doing with-

Qibli: SHUSH.

Winter: As long as I'm with me, I know I'll be alright
'Cause I can't love no one else
Spent my love on just myself
Took this people-pleaser heart
And I tore it all apart

Qibli/Moon:.......

Qibli: Oh there's a lot there.

Moon: What to pick first-

Qibli: YOU LOVE US???

Moon: And himself.

Qibli: Definitely himself.

Moon: But PEOPLE-PLEASER HEART?? WHERE THE HELL HAS THAT BEEN?!?!?

Qibli: Dead. It's been dead.

Winter: Now I'm finally set free
I'm so proud to be me
That's why I don't care, I just wanna say
I have no...
La, la la la la
No friends 
I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends but that's okay
I don't need them anyway (I don't need them)
I do my best all on my own
And I'd just rather be alone
Rather be alone
I have no friends (No friends)
(No friends)
I'd rather be alone
No friends
All I need is me, myself, no friends
I have no friends

Qibli: *inhales*

Qibli: LIIIIEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Moon: MR. FIZZLES CAN TELL WHEN YOU'RE BEING A LIIIIIIIIIIIIIARRRRRRRRR

Qibli: YOU HAVE FRIIIIIIIENDS.

Winter: You don't count.

Qibli:......F R I E N D S~~~~~

Winter: Stop.

Moon: F~R~I~E~N~D~S~!

Winter: I hate both of you.

Qibli: Yes you do, you squishy faced sparkle.

Winter: Excuse me?

Qibli: *starts playing with Winter's face*

Qibli: Squuiiiishy face~

Winter: Don't touch me.

Air: Rainkeeper-

Rainkeeper: I'm afraid to look.

Air: JUST ONE MORE OK?

Rainkeeper: *sighs* FINE.

Rainkeeper:........

Rainkeeper: You're so sweet it's gonna give me diabetes.

Air: I try.