Nightflyer: With everything in the world a disaster, it is important to take up learning new skills. I, for instance, learned how to sew.

Nightflyer: I broke a needle and stabbed myself several times in the process, but I learned. Anyone else?

Air: I took the opportunity to practice drawing more, in an attempt to one day surpass Rainkeeper in painting skills.

Rainkeeper: In your dreams, Air.

Nightflyer: But that's good that you've been practicing! Any artwork that's worthy for us to see?

Air: Well, there is one....

Nightflyer: Show us! I'm sure everyone wants to see.

Rainkeeper: Can't be worse than Kelp's 'Badly Drawn Comics'

Kelp: Excuse you, people love those.

Rainkeeper: Do they? Do they REALLY?

Air: BEHOLD!  *unfurls artwork*

Hosts:............

Rainkeeper: What-

Seashell: What am I looking at here?

Air: That's the Queen of England, and that's Misha Collins, and I've put them in the poses of the movie poster for Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Hosts:......

Joy: *burst out laughing*

Seashell: Why does Misha's eye look so weird-

Air: WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT, JUST FOCUS ON THE QUEEN OKAY

Rainkeeper: Can we laugh?

Air: Please do, I thought it was hilarious.

Joy: IT IS!

Rainkeeper: The wrinkles on the queen's face are on point though....

Kelp: Can we frame this?

Nightflyer: We're framing this. This is one of the greatest art pieces I've ever seen in my life.

Air: Thanks babe.

Rainkeeper: Why do I want more of these....

Air: Oh, you'll get them. I'm doing Pretty Woman next, although I'm thinking of pairing the Queen up with someone other than Misha. Any suggestions?

Joy: Freddie Mercury.

Air: Oooooo good one.

*players appear*

Air: *frames artwork and puts it up next to Tam's shrine*

Qibli: *bursts out laughing*

Amber: Queen be lookin' fine.

Moon: *facetalons* The English hate us now, don't they?

Nightflyer: If they do it doesn't matter. Everyone hates England.

Kelp: And they only have a small handful of actors.

Kinkajou: They DO NOT!

Rainkeeper: I'm five episodes into a British TV show and already there's two Doctor Whos, three Harry Potter actors, and the lady who plays the Queen in the The Crown.

Kinkajou:.....I retract my last statement.

Rainkeeper: Thought so.

Carnelian: So what are we doing today? I have to go to a birthday party with Cliff later, so we should speed this up.

Moon: *gasps* IS IT CLIFF'S BIRTHDAY?

Carnelian: No, but it's his friend's birthday, and I have to go supervise and mingle with the other mothers, and Ruby HATES going to those parties because the other moms are bitches and they always sneer at me because I'm not Cliff's real mother and- Wait why the fuck am I telling you any of this, I don't talk to you.

Amber: So what you're saying is, *flips on sunglasses and starts pouring Barcadi into a margarita glass* We need to bang bang twist twist these other moms.

Carnelian: *also wearing a sunglasses and unscrewing a bottle of pills* Well, maybe just Debra.

Amber: *gasps* UGH! DEBRA. 

Carnelian: We'll discuss the details over Brunch.

Amber: I LOVE BRUNCH.

Winter: What the hell-

Joy: Shush, we've watched ever Merdur Moms video on Youtube, and I refuse to let you diss them, it's beautiful.

Air: But anyways we need you guys to sing a song from the Heathers musical today.

Amber: *gasps and throws the margarita glass and the Bacardi*

Turtle: *gets punched in the face with Barcadi bottle, gets knocked out*

Winter: *margarita glass shatters in his face* 

Winter: AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Seashell: Bet that feels worse then a mug to the face, huh?

Winter: FUCK YOU ALL!

Amber: SHUT UP WINTER, WE'RE DOING SOMETHING WITH THE HEATHERS TODAY!

Kinkajou: Dang dang diggity-

Amber: SHUT UP HEATHER.

Amber: *grabs Rainkeeper*

Amber: TELL ME I HAVE A ROLE IN THIS. I MUST have a role in this. I NEED to hear these words.

Rainkeeper: But do you need to hear them in that exact order?

Amber: *screeches*

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*Sora and Ruby appear*

Carnelian: *quickly lights Debra's murder plans on fire and looks casual*

Carnelian: Hi honey!

Ruby: I thought you were taking Cliff to that birthday party....

Carnelian: IT's not for awhile.

Ruby: Then who's watching him now?

Carnelian:........

Ruby:.........

Carnelian: We're not very good mothers, are we?

Ruby: Shit, no we're not.

Amber: Heeeeyyy Sora.

Kelp: I know a bird named Sora.

Seashell: I know a Kingdom Hearts character named Sora.

Air: I know a webtoon with the word Soara in it.

Rainkeeper: Remember when that name was nonexistent?

Sora: Uh, hi everyone.

Winter: *hisses*

Carnelian/Ruby: *glares intently*

Moon: LEAVE HER ALONE.

Joy: We need you to sing 'The Me Inside of Me'.

Sora: Oh okay.

Seashell: Sora, you're JD, Carnelian is Heather Chandler, Kinkajou is Pauline Fleming, Ruby, you have one random line, we'll use the rest of you to fill spots, and Amber, you're going to be Veronica, but they did say Umber in the dare, sooooo

Amber: Buddy, if I have to be a boy to play Veronica from Heathers, then that's fine by me.

Amber:.......You're not gonna leave me like that though, are you?

Joy: We're mean, we're not cruel.

Winter: *having flashbacks to all the times he's been tortured*

Winter: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT.

Seashell: *snaps talons*

Amber: *turns into Umber*

Umber: Let's do this.

Sora: Think. Long and hard. Conjure her up in your mind. What would Heather say?
What is her final statement to a cold, uncaring planet?

Umber: "Dear world...
Believe it or not, I knew about fear;
I knew the way loneliness stung.
I hid behind smiles and crazy hot clothes;
I learned to kiss boys with my tongue."

Sora: That's good.

Umber: "But oh, the world, it held me down;
It weighed like a concrete prom queen crown."

Carnelian: No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings.
No one gets her insecurity.
I am more than shoulder pads and makeup.
No one sees the me inside of me.
J E S U S, you're making me sound like AIR SUPPLY.

Sora: Keep going. This has to be good enough to fool the cops.

Qibli: Whooooooooooa! Is it murder?

Winter: No, look. Here's a suicide note.

Umber/Carnelian: "They couldn't see past my rockstar mystique,
They wouldn't dare look in my eyes.

Umber/Carnelian/Winter: But just underneath was a terrified girl
Who clings to her pillow and cries!

All: My looks were just like prison bars;
They've left me a myriad of scars."

Carnelian: "Myriad." Nice.

All: "No one thinks a pretty girl has substance. That's the curse of popularity."

Qibli: "I am more than just a source of handjobs."

All: "No one sees the me inside of me."

Turtle: I'm telling you, Principal Gowan, Heather Chandler is not your everyday suicide.You should cancel classes.

Moon: No way, Coach.
I send the kids home before lunch and the switchboard'll light up like a Christmas tree.

Kinkajou: Our children are dying.
What this school needs is a good old fashion rap session
I suggest we get everyone into the cafeteria and just talk. And feel. Together.

Moon: Thank you, Ms. Fleming. Call me when the shuttle lands.

Moon/Turtle: *laughs*

Kinkajou: Oh go ahead, laugh at the hippie, but I'm telling you we all misjudged Heather Chandler, myself included. Have you read this suicide note? REALLY read it? 

Kinkajou/Carnelian: "Box up my clothing for Goodwill;
And give the poor my Nordic Track.
Donate my car to crippled kids,
Or to those ghetto moms on crack.
Give them my hats and my CDs,
My pumps and my flats, my three TVs!"

All: "No one thinks a pretty girl has feelings;
But I weep for all I failed to be.
Maybe I can help the world by leaving;
Maybe that's the me inside of me."

Moon: Aw, hell. Long weekend for everybody!

All: *cheers*

Kinkajou: Not so fast, kids. They're refueling the buses, which gives us a solid half-hour of healing.
I want you all to study this suicide note so you can really feel Heather's anguish.

Winter: Her world seemed like a perfect place!

Kinkajou: Go on!

Qibli: But friends and toys had no effect! 

Kinkajou: Feel!

Turtle: That's why she punched me in the face! 

Kinkajou: Heal!

All: Cause she was desperate to connect

Umber: *laughing*

Kinkajou: Veronica? Is something on your mind? 

Umber: I'm sorry, it's just this classroom discussion has stirred up emotions I haven't felt since Hands Across America.

Kinkajou: My God.
Look what we've done.
We're breaking through!
Heather would be so proud of you!

All: And you! And you! And you! And you!No one thinks a pretty girl can touch you...

Ruby: Heather touching me...

All: But she's made us better than we were.
Heather's dead, but she will live inside me, and I'll be the me inside of her...

Carnelian: Holy crap! This is awesome!

All: Heather cried, our sins fell on her shoulders!

Carnelian: Jesus Christ!

All: Heather died, so we could all be free!

Carnelian: I'm bigger than John Lennon!

All: Heather's gone, but she will live forever!

Ruby: She's the dove that sings outside my window!

Winter: She's the twin from whom
I'm separated!

Turtle: She's the horse I never got for Christmas!

All: Heather sees the me inside of me!
Heather is the me inside of me!
Inside of... me!

All:........

Carnelian: I feel weirdly honored right now, but Sora, Umber, if you kill me and write my fake suicide note, I'll rise from the grave and murder you.

Sora: Well I mean.....

Sora: We didn't write a suicide note....

Carnelian: Ah, right.

Carnelian: *attacks Sora*

Sora: *screams*

Umber: What- CARNIE! NO! BAD CARNELIAN, I THOUGHT WE WERE PASSED THIS, GET OFF HER!

Ruby: *holds Umber back*

Ruby: Let her.

Umber: BUT-

Ruby: Sssssshhhhhhhhh

Kinkajou: All of these songs are making me really want to watch the Heathers musical.

Turtle: I mean, I've seen the regular movie, and it's really good.

Moon: Time to add this onto the list of Broadway musicals we'll never see.

Nightflyer: NO. WE MUST SEE IT.

Moon: Why?

Nightflyer: BECAUSE ONE OF THE ACTRESSES FROM STARKID PLAYS SOMEBODY IN IT, I DON'T KNOW WHO.

Qibli: Well, what do we do now, besides watch Carnelian brutally kill Sora?

Joy: I think that's a plan enough, actually.

Seashell: *snaps talons*

Umber: *turn into Amber*

Amber: ugh, thank you.

All: *eats popcorn, watching Carnelian and Sora fight*

Turtle: Shouldn't one of you be objecting to this?

Amber: Well, I mean, it's probably good for them to work out this anger....

Ruby: KICK HER ASS, BABE!

Joy: This. This is why I ship Carruby.

Winter: Are we allowed to make fun of the Queen of England picture-

Air: NO.