Shore: We interrupt your regularly scheduled dare program to bring you a surprise update!

Ember: Because Air said we had to update today!

Permafrost: Why they didn't delay yesterday's update to today to fit that, NOBODY KNOWS, but here we are!

*players appear*

Haze: So what's important about today?

Air: *throws confetti*

Nightflyer: *blows loudly into a noisemaker*

Air: IT'S DEAN WINCHESTER'S 42ND BIRTHDAY!! WE HAVE TO HAVE AN UPDATE TODAY!

Rainkeeper: Are we gonna tell her he only makes it to 41?

Kelp: NO.

Air: *dances around*

Air: It's his birthday, so we should all eat pie and play classic rock.

Haze: But instead, you, Joy, and Rainkeeper are going to go on a hunt with Dean and Cas.

Air: EVEN BETTER!!!!

Nightflyer: You're actually happy. I missed this.

Air: IT'S HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY IN A CANON DESTIEL WORLD, NIGHTFLYER ASKJKSKJDDKKFW WSFWWFSVV

Ander: And a wertyuihvsxc fesfndr to you too.

Ember: These- There are not words-

Ander: þegiðu, þú veltir kúlu af svínum saur

Ember: WHAT IS THAT.

Ander: Isländisch, du Verschwendung von Luftraum

Permafrost: Your language capacity both scares me and makes me want to give you undubbed Japanese anime for you to translate.

Ander:....These are not good uses for my skills.

Ander: *snaps talons*

*Joy, Air, and Rainkeeper appear at the bunker*

Dean: Hey.

Air: HIIIII!!!!!!!

Dean: *rubs his ears* Ow.

Air: *bear hugs Dean*

Air: HI I LOVE YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, WE GOT YOU PRESENTS.

Joy: We did?

Rainkeeper: *holding a pie*

Rainkeeper: We did.

Joy: Can I add my name to the card or...?

Cas: *detaches Air from Dean and sets her on the ground*

Air: *immediately runs over and bear hugs Castiel*

Cas: What are you doing?

Air: HELLO I LOVE YOU, YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER, IT WASN'T UNREQUITED, HE'S JUST A DUMBASS.

Cas: Dean? What do I do?

Dean: Uhhhhh *shrugs*

Cas: *awkwardly pats Air*

Air: *screams*

Air: HE DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO KILL ME, I LOVE THEM!!! *falls to the floor and flails*

Dean: You're a friend of Becky's, aren't you?

Air: I WISH. I'M AIR, THAT'S JOY AND RAINKEEPER.

Joy/Rainkeeper: *waves and actually acts normal for once*

Cas: And you will be joining us on our vampire hunt?

Air: YES.

Air: Unless it ends up being a nest of....Werepires.

Dean: YES!

Cas: No.

Dean: YOU'RE AWESOME.

Air: SO ARE YOU.

Dean: SHE'S STAYING.

Cas: Of course she is. What about the other two?

Joy: *dumps out a large box full of miscellaneous weapons*

Joy: These will be helpful, right?

Dean/Cas:........

Dean: They can stay.

Rainkeeper: Well then let's get going. Vampires aren't going to kill themselves.

*Group walks to the Impala*

Dean: *climbs in the driver's seat*

Cas: *goes to climb in the back seat*

Air: *shoves Cas in the front seat next to Dean and slams the door shut*

Dean: What-

Air: HE DESERVES TO SIT IN THE FRONT FOR ONCE.

Joy: I'm not sitting in the middle.

Rainkeeper: Neither am I.

Air: I WILL!!!

Joy/Rainkeeper/Air: *climb in the backseat*

*Cue awkward silence*

Air: SOOOOOOO

Dean: So.

Air: CAS!

Cas: Yes?

Air: Could you put on some music?

Cas: Uh- *frowns at the car radio and the cassette player*

Dean: There's not a tape in there, but there's a box in the glove compartment, just pick one.

Cas: *opens the glove compartment. It's empty*

Cas: No there's not.

Dean: What? *looks* WHERE'S MY MUSIC??

Air: OH NO, WHATEVER WILL WE DO?

Joy: What did you do with the-

Rainkeeper: When did you have time to sneak in here and steal them-

Air: Wait, CAS! Didn't Dean MAKE YOU A LED ZEPPELIN MIXTAPE??

Dean: Wait how did you know about that-

Cas: Yes. *pulls out the mixtape and puts it in, Whole Lotta Love *

Dean: *stares at Cas*

Joy: Uh-Dean- The road-

Dean: Do you just carry that around with you at all times?

Cas: Yes. I carry around everything I value with me at all times.

Cas:....Is that not what I'm supposed to do?

Dean: No, it's fine.

Dean: So you value the mixtape I made you.

Cas: Of course. It was the first gift I have ever received, and it was from you, so that makes it special to me.

Dean: Oh.

Air: *quietly sobbing*  

Rainkeeper: *stops watch* That was 57 seconds of you staring directly at Cas rather than the road. In that time we've traveled 4,560 feet of road that YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION TO. WE'RE LUCKY TO BE ALIVE. 

Joy: I have a question.

Cas: What is it?

Joy: This car can fit a body in the trunk, right?

Dean: A king of Hell sized one, yep.

Joy: Do you think it could fit TWO bodies?

Dean: I mean...probably.

Joy: Good, good. You kill vamps by decapitation, yes?

Dean: Yeah.

Joy: Okay, just checking.

Air: *stares at Cas*

Cas:......

Air: *stares more*

Cas:....Can I help you with something?

Air: Nope.

Cas: Why are you looking at me like that?

Air:......

Cas:.......

Air: Cause I adore you.

Dean: HEY!

Air: HEY WHAT, YOU GOT SOMETHING TO CONFESS, PLEASE SAY YES.

Dean: NO....Nothing! Never mind!

Air: LIIIIEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS

*Arrive at the vamp nest*

Dean: Alright, so we'll sneak in through the front door-

Joy: *kicks down the door laughing and starts firing a automatic rifle*

Dean: Or not.

Rainkeeper: Anyone who survives that will head out the back door. Air and I can cover that, you two follow Joy.

Air: BUT-

Rainkeeper: This dare was to HUNT, not to FORCE THEM TO BE TOGETHER.

Air: *sighs* I hate it when you're right.

Air/Rainkeeper: *head to the back and start attacking vampires*

Rainkeeper: *neatly decapitates a vampire*

Air: I'M ESPECIALLY GOOD AT DECAAAAAAPITATING, MY WHAT A GUY, THAT DEADPOOL *decapitates vampire*

Rainkeeper: Singing? Really?

Air: It's fun! Try it!

Rainkeeper:......

*kicks a vampire*

Rainkeeper: I HAVE ALL MY FINGERS, THE KNIFE GOES CHOP CHOP CHOP- *slices vamp's head off*

Meanwhile....

Joy: *still shooting vampires*

Dean: DECAPITATION, REMEMBER.

Joy: *still shooting*

Joy: Yeah, you take the head off.

Dean: Like with a machete or a sword-

*Vamp sneaks up on Dean*

Cas: *kills the vamp*

Dean: Thanks Cas.

Cas: Should we check on Air and Rainkeeper?

Dean: Nah, they're fine, but Joy, seriously-

Joy: *shoots the vampire's neck so many times their head falls off*

Joy: Yes?

Dean:.......

Cas:........

Dean: Well it's not the QUICKEST way, but-

Joy: You have your style, I have mine, although I am out of ammo.

Dean: That was the last of the vamps in this room, let's head to the back, then we can get you more ammo from the car.

Joy: I'm not gonna be helpful if I have no ammunition or at least a knife. My brother and Air can handle themselves. We have time to get ammo.

Dean: I don't think-

Jo: *already dragging him and Cas toward the car*

Joy: It'll JUST TAKE A SECOND-

Rainkeeper/Air: *head back towards the car, picking off bits of vampire*

Rainkeeper: I feel like the show doesn't talk about how messy this work actually is.

Air: It also fails to address the sheer amount of SCARS Sam and Dean should have, like they should be a lot more scary looking, but oh well.

Joy: *leaning against the Impala* Hi guys!

Air: Where are Dean and Cas?

*There's a thud from the Impala trunk*

Rainkeeper:....you didn't.

Joy: I figured the easiest thing to do was the middle school route.

Air: You LOCKED THEM IN THE TRUNK OF THE IMPALA-

Joy: And took the keys.

Dean: LET US OUT.

Cas: Dean, I could easily break this open-

Dean: Without hurting Baby?

Cas: Well, no-

Dean: NOT HAPPENING. LET US OUT.

Joy: WE'LL LET YOU OUT WHEN YOU HAVE A TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.

Air: AND KISS! YOU HAVE TO KISS!

Dean: NO!

Cas: Why would we do that?

Air: *glares at the Impala's trunk*

Air: You. Know. Why.

Cas:......

Dean:........

Dean: I hate you.

Air: And I love you both too much to let you go on pining in silence for any longer.

Cas: Of for the love of- *kisses Dean*

Dean: *stops all human function*

Cas: Happy Birthday, Dean.

Dean: THank you?

Air: *starts crying and hugs Joy*

Joy: What is this, why are you touching me?

Air: This is all I wanted, thank you.

Joy:....

Joy: Awww, you're welcome, I know you'd do the same to my OTP.

Air: I WILL!

Joy: You don't have to, they're all canon.

Air: I will go lock Azriel and Elain in a closet right now.

Joy:......

Joy: PLEASE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN.

https://youtu.be/avBjZoYCKEs