Air: We should go ice skating!

Nightflyer: *considers this*

Nightflyer: *sees them all falling cause they're dragons, Joy murdering people with the skate blades, Air getting skating over while attempting to make a snow angel on the ice, Seashell bloody and crying, Kelp being weirdly good at it, and Rainkeeper sipping hot choclate from the sidelines cause he knew better than to participate*

Nightflyer: Let's not.

Air: Okay....Bowling instead?

Nightflyer: Yeah, sounds good.

*players appear*

Joy: Merry Christmas everyone!

Kelp: Happy Yule!

Air: I don't know when Hannukah was this year, but hope it was fun!

Nightflyer: Happy Kwanzaa!

Seashell: Happy whatever other holidays there are at this time!

Rainkeeper: Happy birthday!

Seashell: Who's birthday is it?

Rainkeeper: That's the genius part. If you were born on December 25th, no one ever wishes you a happy birthday because they're too focused on Christmas, and when people read this years later, maybe we'll get lucky and it'll actually be somebody's birthday the day they read it. 

Seashell:.....Have you considered a career in business?

Rainkeeper: Hell no, that's your job.

Seashell: I know. I'm like the Truth or Dare Accountant, and I deserve a pay raise for Christmas.

Joy: Oh yeah, here's your bonus.

Seashell: THIS IS A COUPON FOR THE JELLY OF THE MONTH CLUB.

Joy: Yeah. Your Christmas bonus.

Seashell: What a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit you are! 

Rainkeeper: Hallelujah! 

Kelp: Holy shit! 

Seashell: Where's the Tylenol?

Winter: Was that Seashell's version of a mental breakdown?

Turtle: Nah, that will involve her throwing things at Joy.

Seashell: You're not wrong.

Sunny: What are we doing for the holidays?

Rainkeeper: You'll all be exchanging Secret Santa gifts!

Kelp: For those who don't know, Secret Santa is when everyone draws a name secretly and buys that person a present, and then whoever got the gift has to guess who got it for them!

Seashell: Cue the flashback to a few weeks ago where we had you all spin for your person. 

*~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~*

Tsunami: *spins*

*wheel lands on Riptide*

Tsunami: YES! That's easy!

Tsunami:...........

Tsunami: Wait, what the fuck does Riptide like?

Glory: *spins*

*wheel lands on Winter*

Glory: OH COME ON.

Deathbringer: *spins*

*wheel lands on Glory*

Deathbringer: I knew we were buddies, wheel. Thanks.

Meerkat: *spins*

*wheel lands on Peril*

Meerkat: *stares*

Meerkat: WHAT DO YOU GIVE FIRE FOR CHRISTMAS?

Fatespeaker: *spins*

*wheel lands on Moon*

Fatespeaker: Ok cool.

Moon: *spins*

*wheel lands on Fatespeaker*

Moon: That's doable.

Kelp: Wheel, that's not a ship, stop trying to make it happen.

Joy: Why does it always put Glory with Winter?

Kelp: I don't know. I think it's best if we don't think too much about it.

Qibli: *spins*

*wheel land son Moon*

Qibli: YES!

Joy: Sorry, she's already been taken. Spin again.

*wheel lands on Winter*

Qibli: TWO IN A ROW, SWEET!

Joy: He's uh- He's taken too.

Qibli: DAMMIT. 

Kelp: So the wheel ships Moonbli AND Qinter. Interesting....

Joy: Maybe we should name the wheel.

Kelp: McSpinny?

Joy: Maybe we should let the audience name the wheel.

At least seven dragons: *spins*

*wheel lands on Turtle*

Kelp: MCSPINNY! QUIT LANDING ON TURTLE! *spins out of frustration*

*wheel lands on Turtle*

Joy: They have favorites, okay!

*~*~*END OF FLASHBACK*~*~*

Rainkeeper: All the presents are under the tree. Clay, you start.

Clay: Okay, but why does the tree look like that?

Tree: *spray painted black, has a Castiel tree topper and nothing but pickle ornaments*

Hosts:.........

Joy: Like what?

Nightflyer: That's totally normal.

Kelp: Joy wanted it black.

Joy: I thought it'd make the pickles stand out more.

Air: Not my fault ShopStands finally broke down and started selling Castiel tree toppers.

Moon: Okay but explain this. *points to ornament of a pickle glued to a brick*

Joy: It's Pickle Brick.

Kelp: And that's Pickle Stick.

Air: The one with the baby chicken is Pickle Chick.

Rainkeeper: And so is the one with the barbie.

Seashell: The one with the cactus is Pickle Prick.

Joy: The one with Keanu Reeves's face on it is Pickle Wick.

Carnelian: Please stop.

Air: Pickle Broomstick, Pickle Flitwick, Pickle Chaptstick, Pickle Mouseclick, Pickle Picnic, Pickle Kubrick, Pickle Dick-

Glory: WHOSE DICK-

Joy: You don't need to know that information.

Glory: I THINK WE DO-

Joy: Open your present Clay.

Clay: *opens it*

Clay: I got sausages! Sweet!

Fatespeaker: What?

Clay: Pork, beef, hotdogs, bratwurst, kielbasa, oooooo, I've got a whole Christmas feast!

Clay: It's from Amber, isn't it?

Amber: HOW DID YOU KNOW???

Clay: You're my sister and you're bad at hiding things?

Winter: Why would you buy your brother sausage for Christmas?

Amber: Oh come on.

Amber: You know why.

Air: Amber you go next!

Amber: *opens gift*

Amber: *shrieks*

Carnelian: What is it?

Amber: IT'S A PRIDE FLAG MADE OUT OF SKITTLES.

Carnelian: THAT'S AWESOME.

Amber: I KNOW- WHO DO I HUG FOR THIS?

Riptide: Me, actually.

Amber: *screeches and bear hugs Riptide*

Tsunami: Wow, you're actually good at gift giving.

Riptide: The kid only talks about three things, and Flame didn't consent to being stuck under the tree with a bow on his head, so I made do with the other two.

Tsunami: Fair.

Air: Pickle Arithmetic, Pickle Academic, Pickle lunatic, Pickle pogo stick-

Carnelian: MAKE IT STOP-

Kelp: Riptide's next!

Riptide: *opens gift*

Riptide: What the-

Riptide: *pulls out a large fishbowl with a squid in it and a fake brain*

Riptide:.......

All:.........

Riptide: *bursts out laughing*

Riptide: Nice one Tsunami!

Tsunami: I literally couldn't think of anything else.

Riptide: *taps at the fishbowl*

Riptide: Do you think we could train the squid to ink Coral?

Tsunami: WELL WE HAVE TO TRY NOW.

Tsunami: *opens gift*

Tsunami: WEAPONS!!

Deathbringer: Wait WHAT!

Tsunami: I got knives and a bandolier for them!

Tsunami:....You didn't get these, did you?

Deathbringer: I wish- I would've gotten you a snake.

Tsunami: Why-

Deathbringer: Because you're slimy.

Riptide: HEY!

Deathbringer: TELL ME I'M WRONG.

Qibli: I'll save you the argument- I got them. I figured you'd want to add more weapons to your skillset.

Tsunami/Deathbringer: *stares*

Deathbringer: GLORY WHY ARE WE NOT CLOSER FRIENDS WITH THIS KID?

Glory: I DON'T KNOW.

Tsunami: QIBLI YOU'RE FREAKING AWESOME.

Riptide: Yeah, and hot! Qibli's got it all!

Tsunami: Back up-

Winter: PLEASE stop complimenting him, it just swells his ego.

Air: Pickle Celtic, Pickle Kick, Pickle Magic trick-

Carnelian: I will soak your corpse in vingear and TURN YOU INTO PICKLE AIR IF YOU DO NOT SHUT UP.

Air:...............Pickle glowstick.

Carnelian: *screams and lunges at Air*

Joy: Ahhhh, now it's Christmas.

Kelp: Because there's murder?

Joy: Because there's murder.

Rainkeeper: Shouldn't we help her?

Nightflyer: Air can handle herself.

Air: *laughing*

Nightflyer: KICK HER ASS BABE!

Qibli: *opens gift*

Qibli: I got paperwork?

Qibli: *reads on*

Qibli: Adoption paperwo- *freezes*

Moon: Qibli? You okay?

Turtle: I mean everybody knows Thorn's practically adopted you anyway. I just thought it was about time she signed the papers to make it official.

Sunny: Your Christmas present to Qibli was getting my mom to do the thing I've been NAGGING HER TO DO FOR AGES???

Turtle: Yes?

Sunny: TURTLE YOU'RE THE BEST!

Kelp: No wonder the wheel likes you so much.

Winter: Qibli? You alive?

Qibli: OF COURSE IM ALIVE AND I'M TOTALLY NOT CRYING NU UH- *sniffles*

Qibli: TURTLE YOU'RE THE BEST SON EVER-

Turtle: I know.

Qibli: MAY I BE EXCUSED?

Nightflyer: Yes.

Qibli: *runs away*

 Rainkeeper: Welp, Turtle's next.

Turtle: *opens gift*

Turtle: I got a coupon book?

Kinkajou: Ooooo what are the coupons for?

Turtle: One free rant session....One free hug....One day of brotherly bonding?

Turtle: Clay?

Clay: Tsunami said no one in your family loves you and all your brothers have exiled you! That's not fair, so I figured I'd be your honorary brother for Christmas.

Seashell: GUYS THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY NOT HEATBREAKINGLY ANGSTY.

Joy: WHO'S CUTTING ONIONS??

Rainkeeper: *pauses in onion cutting* Sorry, I was making a Gibson!

Turtle: *crying* CAN I ALSO BE EXCUSED?

Nightflyer: Yes.

Turtle: I WANNA CASH IN MY FREE HUG COUPON.

Clay: Okay. *hugs him*

Turtle: *cries harder*

Tsunami:.....I should hang out with my siblings more...

Sunny: YOU'RE JUST REALIZING THIS NOW??

Kelp: And since we've gone full circle, NOBLE MCSPINNY, SPIN US A NEW DRAGON.

*wheel lands on Peril*

Peril: Uh-

Peril: I don't have a gift.

Meerkat: Yeaaaaah, that's my fault.

Seashell: Wasn't there supposed to be a guessing portion to this?

Kelp: Yeah, that never happens.

Meerkat: So I struggled a LOT with what to get you, Peril, I'll be honest.

Meerkat: But it's really hard to get stuff for someone who burns everything,

Peril: Fair.

Meerkat: Clay tried, but wasn't very helpful...

Clay: *still hugging Turtle* All my ideas involved hugs. Or food.

Meerkat: So after weeks and weeks of struggling, I was pretty frustrated, so I decided that my Christmas gift to you was to track down and kill your father since I couldn't kill Scarlet. So here you go. *dumps out a sack of what's left of Chameleon*

All:................

Peril: BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER.

Sunny: My mother would be proud.

Meerkat: I killed two birds with one stone- Got Peril a present, and proved to your mom that I'm worthy enough to date you!

Sunny: AWWWWW

Deathbringer: We should- We should probably keep a closer eye on that one.

Glory: Agreed.

Air: *hitting Carnelian with a pool cue*

Air: Pickle poolstick, Pickle saltlick, Pickle fiddlestick-

Carnelian: *groans*

Meerkat: *opens gift*

Meerkat: *holds up a card covered in pink glitter*

Meerkat: Kinkajou.

Kinkajou: How'd you know???

Meerkat: You still have glitter on you.

Kinkajou: Do you KNOW how hard it is to get that stuff out of scales sometimes?

Amber: Yes.

Carnelian: Glitter is permanent. 

Kinkajou: Read the card!

Meerkat: "What do you get when you cross a cactus and a duck?"

Meerkat: *opens the card*

Meerkat: "A quaktus. Happy Holidays, Meerkat. Sunkat 4ever."

Kinkajou: There's fanart on the back.

Meerkat: OOOOOO-

Sunny: I WANNA SEE.

Meerkat: Sparkly....

Kinkajou: My work here is done. 

Kinkajou: *opens gift*

Kinkajou: *screams*

Turtle: What is it??

Kinkajou: *holds up a polar bear cub*

Kinkajou: LOOK HOW CUTE HE IS!!!!!!!!

Glory: She lives in a humid climate, this was a bad idea-

Kinkajou: Oh, there's a note!

Kinkajou: "Because you like cute things that can also kill you. Have a decent holiday. I tolerate you."

Kinkajou: AWWWW WINTER!!!

Winter: Don't make this a thing.

Kinkajou: YOU NEED A HUG.

Winter: I do NOT.

Kinkajou: *hugs him*

Winter: GET OFF.

Kinkajou: NEVER, YOU GOT ME A BABY POLAR BEAR.

Winter: I will file a restraining order if you do not remove yourself immediately.

Kinkajou: *hugs tighter*

Winter: MAKE IT STOOOOPPPPP

Glory: You can't.

Deathbringer: There's no ending a Kinkajou hug.

Turtle: She hugged me for three days straight one time. Turns out she accidentally glued us together and didn't want to admit it, so she was just waiting for the glue to dry off.

Kinkajou: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh, that's DEFINITELY what happened....

Moon: The more I think about it, the more I realize Kinkajou is like the little sister Winter never wanted.

Winter: I have a sister! We hate her! She tried to kill this one!

Qibli: That's what sisters do. *shrugs*

Moon: Uh, Qibli, you know siblings aren't supposed to try to kill each other, right?

Qibli: Spoken like a true only child.

Tsunami: If you haven't fought your sibling at least once, you're lying.

Winter: I can't open my present with this ocotpus stuck to me.

Glory: Oh for crying out loud, DEATHY GET THR CROWBAR.

Deathbringer: *crowbars Kinkajou off of Winter*

Kinkajou: But HE NEEDS HUUUUGGGGSSSSSS-

Clay: We'll get him later.

Kinkajou: Deal.

Winter: *opens gift*

Winter:........What am I looking at here?

Glory: A written agreement from me, Thorn, and Snowfall that says none of us mind if you marry Qibli, Moon, or both and we don't care what kingdom you end up in, but you're welcome in all of them.

Winter: *stares*

Glory: AKA you don't have to be afraid of going back to the Ice Kingdom anymore and nobody's gonna sit on you in the other two kingdoms.

Deathbringer: There was a lot of negotiation over this.

Glory: But like what the hell else was I supposed to get you? I tried to get Qibli to agree to be silent for a month, but he said no.

Qibli: We both knew it was never gonna happen. 

Winter: Well. Thank you.

Glory: You're welcome.

Moon: THAT'S IT???

Winter: I'm an emotionally mature dragon, Moon, I'm not gonna cry over it.

Qibli: What I'm hearing is- we're legally married in three kingdoms now.

Winter: That is not what this is.

Qibli: Oh, I think it is.

Winter: MARRIAGES NEED CONSENT, QIBLI.

Qibli: Oh, you consented.

Winter: I did not.

Qibli: What about-

Winter: *clamps Qibli's snout shut*

Winter: DO NOT finish that sentence.

Air: Pickle toothpick, Pickle politic, Pickle slapstick

Carnelian: HOW MANY OF THESE DO YOU HAVE???

Nightflyer: Enough that I regret buying her a rhyming dictionary.

Glory: *opens gift*

Glory: Hey, I got coupons too!

Glory: One free kiss, One free assassination, one free ass beating for a dragon of your choosing, one free-DEATHBRINGER YOU CAN'T MAKE THAT A COUPON!

Deathbringer: Why not!

Glory: BECAUSE.

Deathbringer: I also got you a flower crown.

Glory: *puts on crown made of flowers and skittles*

Deathbringer: Amber helped with the design.

Glory: I want my free kiss, Deathy.

Deathbringer: Which coupon- the appropriate, sweet kiss, or the inappropriate steamy one?

Glory: Hey, it's Christmas, let's traumatize some people! Full steam ahead.

Deathbringer: *dips her and kisses her*

Deathbringer: *opens gift*

Deathbringer: *holds up a scroll*

Deathbringer: "How to Successfully Seduce Dragons" OH FUCK YOU-

Deathbringer: *throws scroll, nails Starflight in the head*

Glory: *starts laughing hysterically*

Starflight: I SAID WHAT I SAID

Deathbringer: READ IT YOURSELF

Starflight: I don't need to!

Fatespeaker: Yes you do

Deathbringer: HA!

Starflight: *opens gift*

Starflight: Scrolls! Swee-

Starflight: OH THREE MOONS THEY'RE SIGNED.

Peril: I tracked down all the authors and threatened them until they'd give you personalized copies! Oh, and the other part of your present is that I promise to stay out of the JMA library, so they'll be safe there.

Starflight: I TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I'VE SAID ABOUT YOU.

Peril: You said bad shit about me?

Starflight: *crying* I WAS SO WRONG-

Clay: Let's not talk about that, shall we?

Kelp: We went full circle again sooo Sunny, open yours!

Sunny: YES! MY TURN!

Sunny: *opens gift*

Sunny: *holds up a card*

Sunny: "In exchange for this card, I will do everything in my power to make sure one of your ships becomes canon."

Sunny: OH. MY. MOONS.

Carnelian: I can't draw, so I figured that was better than fanart.

Sunny: SO MANY OPTIONS. THE POWER- I-

Air: You know what you have to do.

Nightflyer: She's not gonna make one of your supernatural ships canon.

Air:......WELL SHE'S NOT GONNA MAKE WOLFSTAR HAPPEN EITHER.

Nightflyer: DAMMIT.

Sunny: *throws card at Carnelian*

Sunny: Thornmover.

Carnelian: Oh fuck me.

Amber: Can't. Gay.

Carnelian: ALRIGHT! Time to start studying couple's therapy!

Carnelian: Where's Stonemover's cave at-

Rainkeeper: Open your gift first, then get to work.

Air: We will assist you wherever possible.

Winter: But that'd be y'know, NICE of you.

Joy: HEY WE WANT THORNMOVER TOGETHER JUST AS MUCH AS SUNNY DOES, THIS IS ENTIRELY FUELED BY ULTERIOR MOTIVES.

Air: Pickle non-stick, Pickle double-click, Pickle soccer brick-

Carnelian: Soccer Brick?

Kelp: Brick Soccer.

Kelp: If you know, you know.

Joy: It's the Dance of Italy, howowooh

Kelp: SSSSSSSHHHHHH THEY'LL HEAR YOU.

Carnelian: *opens gift*

Carnelian: FANART OF ME, RUBY, AND CLIFF!!!

Sunny: IT WAS ME, I CAN DRAW, SO I GAVE YOU A FAMILY PORTRAIT!

Carnelian: *screeches*

Carnelian: IT'S SO CUTE!!!!!

Amber: Now there's an adjective I've never heard her use before-

Carnelian:: *hugs the fanart*

Carnelian: Now I'm gonna work extra hard on getting your parents together.

Sunny: AWWW *hugs her*

Carnelian: Don't touch me.

Sunny: Okay.

Moon: Well, by default I guess that means Fatespeaker and I had each other.

Fatespeaker: Guess so. You can go first!

Moon: Oooo, let's open them at the same time!

Moon: *opens gift*

Fatespeaker: *opens gift*

Fatespeaker/Moon: *both hold up copies of "How to Stop Telling Fake Prophecies"*

Moon:......

Fatespeaker:......Well now I'm just disappointed in both of us.

Moon: MY PROPHECIES ARE REAL!

Fatespeaker: Yeah yeah, OPEN YOUR HEART, YOUR MINDS, YOUR WINGS and all that.

Moon: They're realer than yours!

Fatespeaker: THAT'S JUST MEAN!

Moon: YOU'RE MEAN!

Air: Pickle logic, Pickle lipstick, Pickle Vic,

Qibli: MAKE IT STOP.

Air: Pickle. Rick.

Carnelian: FUCKING FINALLY.