Air: Hey Joy?

Joy: What.

Air: Can you watch Kevin later? 

Kevin: Mrow.

Joy: Absolutely not.

Air: Why not?

Joy: It's Jelp Date Night!

Kelp:.....You have got to stop calling it that.

Joy: It's not wrong-

Kelp: Joy, you and me screaming along to Mick Jones Nicked My Pudding on repeat for five hours straight does NOT count as date night.

Joy:.....Then what IS it?

Kelp: It's my favorite thing. Air, we'll watch the cat.

Joy: NOOOOO

Air: YESSSSS

Joy: Curse you for being responsible.

Kelp: One of us has to be.

Joy:......Fair enough.

*players appear*

Moon: May I?

Nightflyer: Go ahead.

Moon: *in a perfect Molly Weasley impersonation*

Moon: Where HAVE YOU BEEN!?!?

Winter: Why would you say that, they'll start thinking we missed them or something.

Joy: Hi Winter.

Winter: Can we go back on a break, I hate you.

Joy: I love your cousin.

Winter: Too many people do.

Kelp: Impossible, she's wonderful. 

Air: We're so sorry for all the things we did with her in LATSSS. We didn't understand.

Joy: And yet somehow it was still in character-

Rainkeeper: ANYWAYS MOVING ON BEFORE WE ACCIDENTALLY SPOIL BOOK 14 FOR ANYONE WHO HASN'T READ IT YET.

Nightflyer: We have spoiler guilt so we're avoiding doing it again, we're sorry.

Kelp: Now LET'S GET BACK TO THE FIIIGHTIIING!!!!

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*players appear in arena*

Air: Alright, same deal, here's your fights!

Air: Moon and SCP-173!

Moon: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Kelp: I DON'T KNOW BUT THE WIKI SAID YOU SHOULDN'T BLINK.

Moon: GO AWAY CREEPY WEEPING ANGEL.

SCP-173: *grabs her by the throat*

Moon: *punches it*

Moon: OW!

Joy: Yeah, it's also made out of concrete and rebar.

Air:.....Rebar?

Joy: Yeah.

Air: *Vietnam war flashbacks*

Air: I'm interfering.

Nightflyer: No-

Air: *starts stealing guns from Joy*

Air: I'M INTERFERING. 

Moon: *being choked to death*

Moon: Plz- Halp-

Air: *angrily starts shooting SCP-173*

Hosts: *facepalm*

Rainkeeper: Anyways, uh....Winter and SCP-106!

Winter: Okay...so I have to fight...goopy swamp slenderman?

SCP-106:.........

Winter: *shrugs* Alright. *punches him*

106: *grabs his fist*

*Winter's fist starts rusting and falls away*

Winter: *loud confused screaming*

Winter: *flies up up and away*

106: *walks up into the air and towards him*

Winter: WHAT ARE YOU?!?!!?!?

Air: Qibli and SCP-504!

Qibli:......Is this a joke?

Kelp: No.

Qibli: Guys these are tomatoes.

Joy: *reading the wiki*

Joy: Oh my moons, this is PERFECT for him.

Seashell: I know right???

Qibli: YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT A BASKET OF TOMATOES???

Air: Come on, it's not the weirdest thing we've ever asked you to do.

Qibli: True, true.

Qibli: Alright. *pokes tomato*

SCP-504: *nothing*

Qibli: So, what's tomatter with you? Can't ketchup?

SCP-504: *shoots like a freaking rocket and smashes Qibli in the face*

Qibli: AH!!!!

Qibli: I guess you could ketchup-

504: *rapid fire tomato assault ensues*

Qibli: *screaming*

Nightflyer: This. This is the content I'm here for.

Air: Kinkajou and SCP-939!

Kinkajou: Oh, um...nice panther looking things....

Kinkajou: WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT A WHOLE PACK OF DEMOGORGONS WHILE QIBLI GETS A BASKET OF TOMATOES!

Qibli: *crying*

Qibli: WHY DO THE TOMATOES KEEP ABUSING ME??

Kelp: If you'd stop making puns, they'd stop!

Qibli: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP!

Kinkajou: Try dancing! It's a good distraction!

Qibli: Yeah, but the worst part of salsa dancing is getting the tomato stains out!

Qibli: *gets decked by a tomato*

SCP-939: Hello Kinkajou.

Kinkajou: What the- That sounded like Glory!

939: Yes.

Kinkajou: *walks closer*

Kinkajou: How can you sound like Glory? GLORY ARE YOU SECRETLY AN SCP?? YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU ARE, THAT'S IN THE BEST FRIENDS CODE.

Joy: It is?

Air: I promise I'm not an SCP.

Joy: I make no promises.

Rainkeeper: Joy, you're not an SCP.

Joy: What proof of that do you actually have though?

939: *lunges and tries to clamp its jaws around Kinkajou's throat*

Kinkajou: *screams and punches it away*

Kinkajou: It is NOT NICE TO HURT PEOPLE!

Kinkajou: *grabs a big stick and starts hitting 939*

Kelp: Kinkajou is such an underrated badass.

Joy: It's even better when her competition is a Queen's right hand dragon that's being beat up by tomatoes who aren't even harmful.

Qibli: *very bruised and battered*

Qibli: I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO DISAGREE WITH THAT STATEMENT.

Qibli: In Heinz sight, this was a horrible dare!

504: *smashes him in the back of the head*

Seashell: I'm noting this for our next merch line-

Joy: Oh please do.

Air: Turtle and SCP-073!

Air: Or as he likes to be called, Cain.

Nightflyer: Don't.

Air: I JUST WANTED HIM TO LOOK LIKE TIMOTHY OMUNDSON, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK??

Turtle: Okay cool, I have to fight a scavenger!

*the ground Cain is standing on dies*

Turtle:.....Oh.

Turtle: Do I just....punch you?

Cain: If you want.

Turtle: *punches Cain*

Turtle: *reacts like he's just been punched in the face*

Turtle: OW!!!

Turtle: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?!?

Rainkeeper: Anything you do to him happens to you.

Turtle: Gee THANKS FOR THE WARNING!

Joy: Where's the fun in warnings?

Air: Amber and SCP-230!

Amber: Well you don't look very scary.

230: I'm not scary! I'm just the gayest man alive!!

Amber: Oh my moons.

Amber: Do you like skittles???

230: I LOVE SKITTLES.

Amber: I LOVE SKITTLES TOO!

230: YAY!!!

Amber: YAYAYAYA!!!

230: WE'RE GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS!

Amber: YOU'RE RIGHT!!! I'M SO HAPPY, WHY AM I SO HAPPY!?!?!?

230: *screeches happily*

Amber: *screeches louder*

Hosts:.......

Seashell: I think he got infected with the dopamine stuff 230 secretes.

Joy: WOW whatever gave that away?

Amber: *laughing uncontrollably*

Amber: I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

230: I KNOW!!!

Amber: NO I MEAN I ACTUALLY CAN'T STAAHAHAHAHAHAHAP

Amber: CARNELIAN HELP ME I'M SCAAHAHAHAHARED-

Carnelian: Just walk away from him!

Amber: NO! I NEED HIM.

Carnelian: Oh boy.

Air: Carnelian and SCP-076!

Carnelian: A cube? Really? Are any of these SCPs normal things to fight?

Winter: *still losing body parts to swamp slenderman*

Qibli: *punching a tomato*

Air: *smashing a creature made of rebar and concrete with a sledgehammer while Moon watches*

Kinkajou: I want you to think about this for a minute-

SCP-076: *reanimates into 076-2, a person*

Carnelian: WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT???

076-2: *screams and goes on a rampage, attacking Carnelian*

Carnelian: *punches it* Get it off GET IT OFF!!!

Joy: PHRASING!

Nightflyer: Welp, the Jade Winglet is doomed, moving on.

Air: Darkstalker and SCP-343!

Darkstalker: PFFT. A scavenger? Seriously? This'll be easy!

343: They call me God.

Darkstalker: Yeah, and to quote Kanye West, "I am a god"

Joy:....Can I kill him?

Kelp: No, no, let the SCP do it.

Joy: BUT-

Kelp: Your time will come, Joy.

343: *playing with Darkstalker's scroll*

Darsktalker: WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!?!!?

343: I took it.

Darkstalker: HOW-

343: Cause I can.

Darkstalker: *screeches and attacks 343*

Air: Clearsight and SCP-999!

Darkstalker: OH NO NO, YOU'RE NOT LETTING CLEARSIGHT FIGHT ONE OF THESE THINGS.

Clearsight: Darkstalker, I can handle myse-*sees 999*

Clearsight: OH MY MOONS THAT IS THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN-

Clearsight: *hugs 999*

999: *very pleased, hugs back, happy squish*

Clearsight: I THINK IT'S PURRING, CAN I KEEP IT????

Darkstalker: CLEARSIGHT THESE THINGS ARE DANGEROUS.

Clearsight: SHUT UP THIS THING IS MY BABY NOW. I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy.

Squishy: Meep.

Clearsight: AWWWWWWWWW

Hosts:......

Air: I want one.

Joy: It's adorable.

Joy:....I love it.

Kelp: We're getting one.

Nightflyer: We have to.

Rainkeeper: I don't make the rules, we just have to.

Seashell:.....Rainkeeper, we literally make ALL the rules-

Rainkeeper: Ssssshhhh, Squishy.

Air: Indigo and SCP-682!

Indigo: *stabbing 682*

Indigo: KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT-

682: *screeches and goes into a rage state*

Indigo: FATHOM I MESSED UP, I MESSED UP- *keeps stabbing*

Air: Fathom and SCP-105!

Fathom: Oh hello little scavenger, what do you have there?

105: A camera.

Fathom: What's a camera?

105: *takes a picture of Fathom*

Fathom: WOOOOAAAHHH that's cool-

105: *reaches into the photo and rips off one of Fathom's feet*

Fathom: *has a missing foot*

Fathom: Okay.....Not cool.

Air: And Whiteout and SCP-914!

Whiteout: *stares at a huge metal machine*

Darkstalker: WHITEOUT DON'T YOU DARE GO IN THAT.

Whiteout:....I'm going in. *crawls toward the Input section*

Darkstalker: WHITEOUT NO-

Whiteout: It won't hurt me.

Whiteout: Oh, and Joy?

Joy: Yeah?

Whiteout: Tell Ander I said hello.

Joy: She says Salve.

Whiteout: In vino veritas, subite vene in orem. *crawls in the machine*

914: *does machine things*

Whiteout: *slides out the output section*

Whiteoue: That's better. 

Darkstalker: What did you-

914: *falls apart*

Whiteout: Can I go home now?

Hosts:.....

Joy: Sure you can!

Turtle: *sitting at a table, eating a fancy dinner with Cain*

Seashell: What ARE you doing?

Turtle: Anything that I do to Cain happens to me. Why would I kill him when I can use that to my advantage instead?

Seashell: How-

Turtle: I've been showering him with love and attention.

Seashell: Turtle....

Turtle: Yes?

Seashell: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Turtle: *starting crying* I KNOW.

Amber: HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA 

230: You're getting a bit loud.

Amber: I FEEL AMAZING THOUGH. YOU'RE SO WONDERFUL- IS THIS A DRUG? I LOVE THIS WHAT IS THIS?!? HAHAHAHAHA-

230: I'm gonna need you to be quiet.

Amber: *stops laughing*

Amber: *tries to talk, can't*

230: That's so much better, right!

Amber: *nods frantically*

230: Naaaahhh, still too loud. I'm gonna need you to stop breathing. 

Qibli: *barely standing, beaten nearly to death*

Qibli: Wha....What do you call...a tomato with a trumpet?

Air: What?

Qibli: A TOOTY FRUITY.

Tomato: *kill shot*

Qibli: *falls back and dies*

Rainkeeper: So it seems that Moon, Clearsight, Kinkajou, and Whiteout are the only ones who survived.

Nightflyer: And out of that Moon only lived because Air interfered.

Air: *melting down rebar scraps*

Air: What?

Rainkeeper: I'm deeming Kinkajou and Whiteout the real winner because they're the only ones who actually fought and won.

Kinkajou: *covered in dead scp goop* YES!

Whiteout: Satisfactory.

Kelp: And that is hopefully the last time we will venture into the strange realm of SCPs

Joy: For now.