Kelp: *waltzes over to Rainkeeper*

Rainkeeper: Oh no.

Kelp: *slaps down a piece of paper*

Air: Is that....

Kelp: The next issue of the beloved BADLY DRAWN COMICS, patton pending?

Kelp: WHY YES.

Air:.......

Joy:.......

Nightflyer:......

Seashell:......

Rainkeeper:.......

Joy: I CALL DIBS ON READING IT FIRST.

Nightflyer: NO ME!

Air: ME!

Seashell: I PULL THE SACRED TWIN CARD!

Hosts: *fighting over who gets to read it first*

Rainkeeper: It's still trash.

Kelp: You know what, I think I'm gonna make that the motto of the series.

Rainkeeper:......

Rainkeeper: STOP USING MY INSULTS TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

Kelp: NEVER!

Joy: Beautiful.

Air: Oh my gosh, Sparkles got a cameo! 

Kelp: I couldn't resist. 

Air: Can Molly Poppins have a cameo next time?

Kelp: Maybe.

Nightflyer: Why do we know so many drag queens?

Rainkeeper: I- I don't know. It just happened.

Seashell: Webtoon should hire you, Kelp.

Kelp: One day, Seashell. One day...

Air: Oh speaking of art, as requested-

Air: They look fabulous, don't they?

Joy: Please tell me this is not a ship.

Air: EW NO. BROTP!

Air: Although technically in that one AU where Dean's name is Dean Smith, if Charlie marries Jo, then her name would be Charlie Smith, sister in law to Death Smith, which would technically make them... Mr. and Mrs...Smith...

Air: SO THIS IS A HEADCANON OF SORTS I GUESS?

Air: I don't know, I just had fun doing it. Who's next, dear readers? And which movie poster? 

*players appear*

Sunny: Ooo, this is a rare pairing.

Blue: Weird.

Meerkat:......WHAT ARE YOU?

Sunny: Check your flashcards, Kat, they're dragons from the Lost Continent.

Meerkat: *frantically flips through notecards*

Meerkat: Uh.....Leafwing?

Blue: No....

Sundew: BITCH DOES HE LOOK LIKE-

Willow: Sundew! 

Sundew: Whaaaaaat?

Willow: WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT SWEARING IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN?

Sundew: *groans and drops a dollar in the swear jar*

Joy: Oh- that thing's not gonna last around us.

Rainkeeper: Already writing out a check to cover us for the chapter.

Kelp: Good thing we have infinite dollas

Air: Wait, so it really doesn't matter how much we swear because we're always gonna have money to put in the jar....

Kelp: Well, true, but the logic of the swear jar is still the-

Joy: FUCKTART!

Air: SON OF A BITCH!

Nightflyer: WHORE!

Willow: WONT SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!?

Nightflyer: Wait, Children? As in plural?

Willow: Yes.

Sundew: No.

Nightflyer: Explain.

Sundew: Willow wants to adopt Blue because she thinks he's a child. I refuse.

Willow: BUT BUMBLEBEE NEEDS A BROTHER!

Luna: *from the closet* 

Luna: BLUE ALREADY HAS A SISTER, YOU ASSHOLES.

Bumblebee: A-WHOLE! 

Willow: Oh no. LUNA LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID.

Rainkeeper: Hey WE DO NOT INSULT LUNA.

Joy: *throws a present into the closet*

Joy: Happy adoption anniversary Lunie! I got you a little something.

Luna: Is it a cure for Syphilis?

Joy: No....

Luna: THEN I DON'T WANT IT.

Luna/Swordtail: *loud high pitched screaming*

Joy: SORRY, IT WAS SPIDERS!

Cricket: Please tell me whatever we're doing today has nothing to do with spiders.

Glory: Or tree frogs.

Joy: Unfortunately, you're right, it doesn't.

Rainkeeper: What we're doing is even BETTER!

DOD: *immediately cower in fear*

Sundew: What's wrong?

Tsunami: *laughs*

Tsunami: Oh, right. You guys are new.

Fatespeaker: You haven't been completely tortured yet.

Blue: Wait what

Joy: HEY STARFLIGHT!

Starflight: Yes?

Joy: *holds up one gram of cocaine*

Starflight: *screeches and tramples everyone to run over to Joy*

Starflight: GIMME GIMME GIMME-

Air: *starts singing* A man after midnight, won't somebody me chase the shadows away

Nightflyer: I love Mamma Mia.

Joy: There's about 116 kilos of cocaine buried in the room. Right next to the cure for blindness.

Kelp: And we've hidden it. Somewhere you'll NEVER FIND IT.

Starflight: *scans the room and sniffs aggressively*

Starflight: It's in that pot, isn't it?

Hosts:..........

Joy: *smashes Starflight over the head with a frying pan*

*one hour later*

Kelp: NOW it's hidden somewhere you'll never find it.

Starflight: CAN YOU AT LEAST GIVE ME THE GRAM YOU ALREADY HAVE?!!?!

Rainkeeper: Only if you agree to teach the LC players about five conspiracy theories while you're high.

Starflight: *already snorting the coke*

Starflight: FUCKIN DEAL!

Fatespeaker: Oh Starflight, not another relapse....

Starflight: shUT YOUR FAT ASS FATEY. I CAN'T GO BUY A PACK OF SMOKES WITHOUT RUNNIN INTA NINE GUYS YOU'VE FUCKED.

Fatespeaker: What the hell-

Joy: I see Starflight finally watched Boondock Saints.

Nightflyer: This is good. More Boondock Saints references.

Sunny: You're not nice when you're high.

Starflight: AND CLAY'S NOT CLAY WHEN HE'S HUNGRY LIKE ALWAYS, EAT A FUCKING SNICKERS.

Starflight: AND BESIDES, IT COULD ALWAYS BE WORSE. AT LEAST I'M NOT SNORTING COKE OFF THE TOILET SEATS OF THE GIRLS BATHROOM AT THOSE FAT CHECKED PREPPY NEW ENGLAND PRIVATE SCHOOLS!

Joy: He's got a point there.

Kelp: How would you know?

Joy: Where do you think I got the coke?

Kelp: I thought you had a dealer for the game.

Joy: We do. His name is Yaco. He's on speed dial right next to the therapist we never use.

Starflight: ALRIGHT LISTEN UP YOU SHITS.

Willow: Can someone just...take Bumblebee away for the rest of the dare?

Seashell: Oh it.

Bumblebee: NUUUUUU!!!

Seashell: C'mon sweetie, let's go make flower crowns by the ocean.

Bumblebee: OOOOOOO

Starflight: EVERYBODY KNOWS WHAT A CONSPIRACY IS YES?

Clay: *raises hand* No!

Starflight: YOU'RE NOT IN MY CLASS!

Clay: Oh never mind then.

Starflight: *looks at the Lost Continent players*

Starflight: NONE OF YOU ARE READY FOR CONSPIRACY THEORY TALK.

Cricket: Then how do we get ready?

Starflight: *fumbles and swears while messing with aluminium foil*

One hour later.....

Starflight/LC: *wear tinfoil hats and all crowded in Luna and Swordtail's closet*

Swordtail: Y'know, the closet is a lot bigger when it's just me and Luna.

Starflight: *agressively pulling the chain on a lamp, turning the lights on and off*

Starflight: SHUT UP, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE MOON.

Blue: Which one?

Cricket: What about the moons?

Starflight: WELL FOR STARTERS THE MOON LANDING WAS FAKED.

Blue: The what?

Starflight: THE FUCKKIN- EJOWFEGBJASBMFM, MOON LANDING! YOU IDIOT! I WOULD THING SOME KID WHOSE NAME IS THE FREGGIN COLOR OF THE SKY WOULD HAVE SOME SENSE TO LOOK UP OCCASIONALLY *grabs blue by the eyes and tilts his head backwards*

Blue: *screaming*

Starflight: RELEASE YOUR BATTLE CRY UNTIL IT'S HEARD IN VALHALLA!

Sundew: What the hell-

Starflight: RELEASE YOUR BATTLE CRRRYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Starflight: SHUT UP OR FREYA'S GONNA GO DEAF.

Starflight: SO LOOK AT THIS EVIDENCE FOR WHY THE MOON LANDING IS FAKED. IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.

Willow:.....I'm confused.

Cricket: where did he get that picture from...?

Starflight: *super close to the image, breathing heavily*

Starflight: DO YOU SEE!?!?!?!?!

Luna: Uh.....no?

Starflight: LOOK AT THE FLAG! IT'S WAVING!!!!

Swordtail: That is what....flags... do....

Starflight: *slaps him*

Sundew: *bursts out laughing*

Starflight: WHAT MAKES FLAGS FLAP!?!?!?

Cricket: Wind!

Starflight: YES CRABS!

Cricket: That's not my name-

Starflight: AND WHAT DOES WIND COME FROM!?!?!?

Cricket: Air!

Air: *gasps* They know my secret.

Nightflyer: what secret

Air: That I was, and always have been....

Air: *paints an arrow on her forehead* The Last Airbender.

Nightflyer: *facetalons*

Starflight: AND WHAT IS THERE NONE OF IN SPACE?!?!?!

Blue: Dragons!

Starflight: *rolls up the picture and starts beating Blue with it*

Blue: OW! AIR? OW!!

Starflight: EXACTLY! *hits him again*

Starflight: So if there is not air in space THEN HOW IS THE FREJJIMIN FLAG FLAPPING?!?!?

LC:........

Swordail: The....Moon landing.... was faked!

Starflight: YES!!

Starflight: AND THE MOON IS MADE OF CHEESE! CONSPIRACY NUMBER 2! OR AS I'D LIKE TO CALL IT, CONSPIRACY SHIT! 

Luna: Cheese? Really?

Starflight: YES. I'M THINKING MOZZARELLA, BUT GOUDA IS A STRONG POSSIBILITY AS WELL.

Luna: What the fuck- HOW WOULD CHEESE EVEN GET ON THE MOON?

Starflight: IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED BECAUSE GODZILLA PRESENTED US WITH THIS EVIDENCE AND EXPLAINIATION JUST DAYS AGO.

Starflight: *deadly serious* So the cow.

Cricket: The cow.

Starflight: Jumped over the moon.

Cricket: It did.

Starflight: BUT WHAT IF IT MISSED AND LANDED ON THE MOON INSTEAD?

Luna: This is the stupidest thing-

Starflight: IT'S NOT STUPID, BOTH DOGE AND MOTHER GOOSE HAVE EVIDENCE, JUST LOOK.

Starflight: HEY DIDDLE DIDDLE, KEVIN AND THE FIDDLE. THE COW JUMPED OVER THE MOON. THE LITTLE BITCH LAUGHED TO SEE JUST MAJESTICNESS, AND THE DISH TOTALLY FORKED THE SPOON!

Blue: That's....not quite how that song goes...

Startflight: *hits him with the moon landing again*

Blue: Owwww

Cricket: I have many questions about how you got the dish forked the spoon out of 'The dish ran away with the spoon'

Starflight: ISN'T IT OBVIOUS KRAKEN?

Cricket: Not my name.

Starflight: THE DISH WAS FOOLING AROUND WITH THE FORK TWINS, SALAD AND DESSERT, AND THE SPOON WAS ENGAGED TO THE BOWL, BUT THE BOWL WAS JUST UNSATISFYING AND DIDN'T STACK WELL IN CABINETS, SO THE SPOON RAN TO THE DISH BECAUSE HE HAD PROTECTED HER FROM HER STALKERISH HOMICIDAL EX BOYFRIEND THE KNIFE, AND THE DISH REALIZES THAT HE'S BEEN IN LOVE WITH THE SPOON FOR SO LONG AND EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE OPPOSITES THEY LOVE EACH OTHER, SO THEY DITCH THE FORK TWINS, THE BOWL, AND THE KNIFE AND RUN AWAY TOGETHER AND HAVE MANY BEAUTIFUL TUPPERWARE LID CHILDREN TOGETHER, SO OF COURSE THE DISH FUCKED THE SPOON, AREN'T YOU GLAD YOU KNOW THE HISTORY OF YOUR CUTLERY NOW?

Swordtail: I'm starting to think this isn't about conspiracy theories anymore.

Starflight: WELL THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE WRONG BECAUSE THE ILLUMINATI IS REAL AND THEY KNOW ALL ABOUT THE DISH FORKING THE SPOON!

Swordtail: What's the illuminati?

Starflight: *hits Blue and starts pulling the lamp chain again*

Starflight: I CANNOT TELL YOU.

Cricket: Why not?

Starflight: BECAUSE.

Starflight: *leans in closer*

Starflight: THEY'RE LIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTENING.

Starflight: THEY'RE WATCHING YOU, WITZOWSKI. ALLLLLLWAAAAAYYYSSS WATCHING.....

Cricket: Cricket. MY NAME IS CRICKET.

Starflight: YOU CAN BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE CA PLANE POUR MOI, I'LL STILL LOVE YOU IN THE WAY MY FATHER NEVER DID. *hugs Cricket and starts crying*

Cricket: *looks utterly terrified*

Cricket: I'm so uncomfortable right now.

Luna: We all are.

Swordtail: Can we kick you guys out of our closet yet?

Starflight: *throws Cricket* NOT UNTIL WE TALK ABOUT ELVIS!

Cricket: *screams*

*glass shatters, Kevin shrieks*

Blue: He's dead.

Starflight: HE IS NOT DEAD, YOU MORON! *hits him with the moon landing*

Blue: WILL YOU STOP THAT?

Starflight: NO.

Starflight: ELVIS IS ALIVE AND WELL AND LIVING AS A GARDENER OR SOME SHIT. I DON'T KNOW WHY. NOBODY KNOWS WHY, BUT HE'S NOT FAT, HE'S JUST CHUBBY AND SENSITIVE SO LEAVE HIM ALONE.

Air: *appears behind Starflight and puts a knife to his throat*

Air: *quietly and calmly* If you mention that name one more time, I will cut out your heart and feed it to the dragon you hate most.

Starflight: Fatespeaker doesn't eat hearts.

Air: I'll make her.

Starflight: SO SPEAKING OF CHUBBY, SENSITIVE MORONS, LET'S TALK ABOUT AMERICA'S LATEST FAILURE.

Air: *leaves*

Starflight: THE AREA 51 RAID.

Sundew: Pretty sure there are a lot more recent failures for us to discuss.

Starflight: NONE WORTH MY TIME OR ENERGY.

Starflight: JUST. *snorts the rest of the cocaine and breathes deeply* Aliens, man...

Starflight: THEY BUILD THE PYRAMIDS AND SHIT.

Willow: They did not.

Starflight: NO SHUT UP, I FINALLY GET WHAT THE FUCK THAT DUDE ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL'S BEEN SNORTING TO UNDERSTAND IT ALL.

Starflight: I UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. *inhales* I FEEL SO ALIVE!

Starflight: AREA 51 HAS ALIENS, BUT WE CAN'T STORM THE PLACE.

Blue: Why not?

Starflight: BECAUSE OF ROOTY TOOTY POINT AND SHOOTYS!

Blue: Huh?

Starflight: IF OUR SCAVENGER AUTHOR CAN SHOOT A SMILEY FACE FROM TEN YARDS OUT WITH NO PROFESSIONAL TRAINING, IMAGINE WHAT THE FUCK A TRAINED MARINE IS GONNA DO TO YOU IF YOU TRY TO TRESPASS ON GOVERNMENT PROPERTY RAMBLING ABOUT FUCKIN ALIENS.

Starflight: THEY WILL SHOOT EVERYONE. THE ALIENS ARE THERE, NO DOUBT, BUT YOU AINT CLOSE TO THEM.

Starflight: I BET ALIENS MADE COCAINE ILLEGAL BECAUSE THEY KNEW THAT ONCE YOU TRIED IT, YOU'D BE ABLE TO UNLOCK THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE.

Willow: This game does not send a good message to the impressionable children reading it, does it?

Starflight: FUCK YOUR MESSAGES, KAREN. OH! WHILE WE'RE AT IT! SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES!!! YVAN EHT NIOJ!!!!

Sundew: What?

Starflight: EEEEEEEVAN EFF NIIIIAAAAAJJJJJJJ YVAN EHT NIOJ!

https://youtu.be/nH8Vpei_UpQ

Willow: That doesn't make sense.

Swordtail: Why do I have the sudden urge to enlist in the military?

Luna: NO.

Joy: Hey! Starflight!

Starflight: WHAT?

Joy: We said you could TEACH them about conspiracy theories, not brainwash them! That's my job!

Starflight: I'LL STOP IF YOU JUST GIVE ME THE COCAINE.

Joy: We told you where to find it.

Starflight:...........*runs out of the closet, starts tearing apart the room looking for cocaine*

Joy: IF YOU HURT TAM'S SHRINE, WE'LL MURDER YOU.

Starflight: BUT I'M IN LOVE WITH THE COCO!

Kelp: So guys, what did you learn today?

Swordtail: Everything about the moon is a lie.

Willow: We need a more effective swear jar.

Sundew: The Illuminati is everywhere and there is no escape. 

Cricket: I will never look at cutlery the same way again.

Blue: I don't like this game.

Luna: Never leave the closet.

Hosts:.......

Kelp: Well, that about sums it up, doesn't it?