Seashell: Alright people, let's hear the excuses.

Rainkeeper: We took Intro to Behavioral Neuroscience and it's the biggest mistake we made in life and responsible for all of our time management problems?

Seashell: *buzzer noise* Wrong. We gave up on that class long ago.

Air: Supernatural....?

Seashell: That show ended a year ago, and you haven't cried over it in a month. 

Air: November 5th, to be precise. If you know, you know.

Kelp: We're lazy?

Seashell: Close, but no cigar.

Kelp: I don't smoke?

Joy: I have no excuses, we've done nothing wrong.

Seashell:....WE HAVEN'T UPDATED IN AGES.

Joy: AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?

Seashell: OURS.

Joy: Come on, Seashell, you should know better by now. When anything goes wrong, we blame the American Public Education System.

Seashell: I-

Seashell:....Wait, you may have a point there-

Joy: EXACTLY.

Nightflyer: Or we can just admit that college is somehow both more and less time consuming than high school is. The homework is less, but like, there's dishes, laundry, meal prepping, shopping, and like, other adult things to factor in?

Seashell: AAAaaannnd there's the answer I was looking for.

Rainkeeper: But the important thing is we're here now!

Kelp: And we will be making no promises! We suck at keeping them!

Air: And now, onto our irregularly scheduled program!

*players appear*

Winter: WHEN WILL THIS END????

Joy: WHEN WE'RE DEAD.

Rainkeeper: When the Internet goes down.

Seashell: Nope, in that scenario, we'll mail updates to anyone who wants them.

Nightflyer: Or, to save on postage, we can send them via carrier piegon.

Air: Piegon?

Nightflyer: Pegion?

Air: Pige-in?

Nightflyer: HOW DO YOU SPELL THE STUPID BIRD?

Air: I DON'T KNOW, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE SMART ONE!

Nightflyer: I AM THE SMART ONE- I CAN SPELL NECESSARY!

Air: N-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I.

Rainkeeper: Sweetie, that's for Mississippi.

Air: YOU SPELL IT THEN.

Rainkeeper: Nesscessary.

Kelp: Nesessiary.

Winter: You're all so stupid.

Joy: You do then, smartass.

Winter: Easy.

Winter: Moon, how do you spell the word?

Moon: Uh.

Winter: YOU'RE A MIND READER, YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW TO SPELL EVERYTHING.

Moon: NOBODY THINKS BY SPELLING OUT THE LETTERS OF EACH INDIVIDUAL WORD, WINTER.

Nightflyer: What have I started?

Joy: Anarchy, thankfully.

Qibli: DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW TO SPELL SKISSORS???

Amber: SICCORS!

Carnelian: NO.

Joy: QUICK, WHAT'S THE LONGER VERSION OF CONGRATS?

Air: C-O-N-G-R-A-T-A-L-A-G-I-O-N-S!

Joy: *laughing* That was so wrong!

Air: I KNOW THERE'S A G IN THERE SOMEWHERE!

Kinkajou: WHY IS THERE A D IN FRIDGE, BUT NOT ONE IN REFRIGERATOR??

Turtle: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT A REFRIDGERATOR IS?

Kinkajou: HOW DID YOU STILL SPELL IT WRONG???

Seashell: *crying* Why is English like this???

Kelp: Other languages aren't better!

Rainkeeper: Prove it!

Kelp: Mi papa tiene cuarenta y ocho anos.

Rainkeeper: My dad is 48 years old.

Kelp: My potato has 48 anuses.

Rainkeeper: WHAT-

Moon: Why don't we just consult autocorrect?

All:................

Amber: ARE YOU JOKING RIGHT NOW?

Air: AUTOCORRECT DOESN'T UNDERSTAND THE WORD MAINTENANCE.

Nightflyer: Does Wattpad no longer have autocorrect?

Kelp: I....I don't think it does.

Nightflyer: *lights the room on fire*

Nightflyer: Chaos has come for us all.

Joy: We don't proofread shit, that's gonna come back to bite us.

Seashell: CAN WE ALL JUST PUT SPELLING ERRORS ASIDE AND GET TO THE DARE?

Turtle: Yeah, of course.

Qibli: No need to yell about it, geez.

Joy: Yeah, Seashell, get a handle on your temper.

Seashell:.....

Seashell: One of these days, Joy. One of these days I'm going to kill you.

Joy: *try to.

Kelp: I'd prefer it if you didn't.

Seashell: You were the unplanned twin.

Kelp :*gasps*

Kelp: BITCH-

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*All the Nightwings and Icewings appear*

JW: *screams*

Winter: AH! *shoves Moon and Qili away from him* 

Winter: I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE. 

Qibli: You definitely knew us yesterday-

Winter: shutthefuckup.

Amber: How long before they all start killing each other?

Carnelian: Five.

Amber: Five what?

Carnelian: Four.

Rainkeeper: Winterwatcher!

Moon: Yeah?

Rainkeeper: We need you guys to sing Rasputin.

Joy: You're not getting lyrics because you should know them.

Winter: You just expect us to know the lyrics to some random song about some random Russian guy-

Moon: NOT JUST ANY RUSSIAN GUY!

Qibli: Ra-ra-Rasputin.

Amber: He was the lover of the Russian Queen.

Kinkajou: She believed he was a holy healer who would heal her son.

Turtle: He had Hemophilia. 

Qibli: They're gonna wear the sneakers from the music video, right?

Winter: No.

Joy: Yes. *throws sneakers*

Moon: MORE POWER.

Kelp: *clicks on the music*

Icewings/Nightwings/Moon/Winter: *start dancing, Russian style*

Icewings: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Nightwings: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Nightwings/Icewings: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Winter: There lived a certain man in Russia long ago

Moon: He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow

Winter: Most people looked at him with terror and with fear

Moon: But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear
He could preach the Bible like a preacher
Full of ecstasy and fire
But he also was the kind of teacher
Women would desire

All: Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

Winter: He ruled the Russian land and never mind the Czar

Moon: But the kazachok he danced really wunderbar

Winter: In all affairs of state he was the man to please

Moon: But he was real great when he had a girl to squeeze
For the queen he was no wheeler dealer
Though she'd heard the things he'd done
She believed he was a holy healer
Who would heal her son

Nightwings: Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
There was a cat that really was gone

Icewings: Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
It was a shame how he carried on

Winter: But when his drinking and lusting
And his hunger for power
Became known to more and more people
The demands to do something
About this outrageous man
Became louder and louder

All: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Nightwings: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Icewings: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

All: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey

Winter: "This man's just got to go", declared his enemies

Moon: But the ladies begged, "Don't you try to do it, please"

Winter: No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms

Moon: Though he was a brute, they just fell into his arms
Then one night some men of higher standing
Set a trap, they're not to blame
"Come to visit us", they kept demanding
And he really came

Icewings: Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
They put some poison into his wine
Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
He drank it all and said, "I feel fine"

Nightwings: Ra ra Rasputin
Lover of the Russian queen
They didn't quit, they wanted his head

All: Ra ra Rasputin
Russia's greatest love machine
And so they shot him 'til he was dead

Winter: Oh, those Russians

All: *cheers*

Amber: That was better than the Just Dance version.

Turtle: *shudders* Don't make me relive the memories of Just Dance night.

Rainkeeper: I passed a history test cause of this song once.

Nightflyer: Historically accurate? Catchy? Involves epic dancing? 

Nightflyer: I hereby declare Rasputin a bop.

Joy: Don't use slang, it's weird on you.

Nightflyer: Is this cause I called the Velvet Underground bebop?

Joy: YES.

Rainkeeper: Well, now that we've listened to something Russian themed, there's only one thing to do. *places bottle on top of his head*

Seashell: Fiddler? *puts bottle on her head*

Rainkeeper: FIDDLER.

All: *balances bottles on their heads and starts dancing*