Air: The Men of Letters Bunker is gone.

Air: Misha has the trenchcoats.

Air: And Baby went home.

Air: WE'RE AT THE END HERE PEOPLE.

Air: *does one of those gasp for air you do in the middle of sobbing*

Air: I think I'm gonna puke.

Nightflyer: Here's a bucket, a blanket, a cup of hot chocolate, and seventeen hours of pure puppy videos to ease your suffering until I can come up with a better plan.

Air: *cries into hot chocolate*  You're too good for me.

Nightflyer: No I'm not, sweetie, you just take as long as you need to heal.

Air: It's our first fandom death, you know.

Nightflyer: I know.

Air: We weren't there when Harry Potter ended. Or Throne of Glass. Or Glee. But This-

Air: *starts bawling and makes unintelligible noises*

Nightflyer: *pats her on the head*

Nightflyer: We'll get through this.

Air: I'm gonna die.

Nightflyer: No you're not.

Air: I'm gonna die.

Nightflyer: I'm gonna more puppy videos.

Air: If they kill my heart, there won't be enough puppy videos in the world.

Nightflyer:....I need to go write many strongly worded letters to the people involved in the production of Supernatural.

*players appear*

Starflight: WHY ARE ALL THE SCAVENGERS WEARING MASKS?

Rainkeeper: Why AREN'T YOU wearing a mask is the better question.

Starflight: Because realistically, I don't think it's possible for us to wear those dentist mask thing, have you seen our ears we're not getting those on.

Sunny: *attempt to put on a mask*

Sunny: Think I got it- *opens mouth, mask snaps up and slingshots her in the eyes*

Sunny: AH!

Nightflyer: Okay....what about gaiters?

Clay: *has an alligator clamped over his snout*

Air:......Clay.....no....

Clay: I think it's trying to eat me.

Alligator: *growls*

Clay: YEP IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME SOMEBODY HELP.

Peril: *slaps the alligator and grills it*

Peril:Who wants roasted gator?

Clay: *eating alligator* How the turntables-

Rainkeeper: Y'know, that's actually a great segway

Kelp: SEGWAY!

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*everyone is on a segway*

Glory: Was.....Was this the dare?

Joy: No, we just like segways.

Air: I feel like Mall Cop, VROOM VROOM! *slams into a wall*

Seashell: Don't drive in the zoom zoom lane if you can't go the zoom zoom speed!

Air: SHUT UP!

Rainkeeper: CLAY!

Clay: Are you talking to me or the art supply?

Rainkeeper:.....You.

Clay: Just checking, yes?

Rainkeeper: What's your FAVORITE animal that's edible?

Clay: COWS.

Rainkeeper: Second favorite.

Clay: COWS.

Rainkeeper: Clay, second means it should be a different animal.

Clay: Oh, okay- Blowfish!

Tsunami: WHAT.

Riptide: Clay, you're not suppose to eat those-

Clay: But they're delicious! You feel a little sick afterwards, but that's okay-

Riptide: NO IT'S NOT.

Tsunami: Oh my moons,

Joy: THIRD favorite animal to eat!

Clay: Wherever steak comes from.

Rainkeeper: That's- *sighs*

Kelp: Just do it.

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*Players turn into pigs*

All: *squeals*

Deathbringer: *screams* MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! NOOOOOO

Sunny: *screeches* 

Sunny: MEERKAT I'M LIKE WADDLES!!!

Air: Do you want us to knit you some pig sized Mabel sweaters?

Sunny: YEAAAAAASSSSSS

Nightflyer: *starts knitting*

Peril: *sniffs* 

Peril: Does anyone else smell pork?

Deathbringer: That's you, dingus.

Peril:.....I will throw you into a slaughterhouse.

Deathbringer: You say that like anyone in this game still fears death.

Fatespeaker: *crying*

Starflight: What's wrong? Other than the fact that we're swine, obviously.

Fatespeaker: IT'S JUST LIKE MY NIGHTMARES.

Starflight: What?

Fatespeaker: I DON'T WANNA BE PEPPA.

Starflight:.......You don't have to be-

Fatespeaker: YES I DO. *cries and puts on a red dress*

Joy: This is....not what I was expecting.

Clay: SWEET, I'M A PIG!

Clay: Uh oh.

Clay: Does this mean if I eat bacon, I'm a cannibal?

Joy: There it is.

Riptide: *searching the corners of the room*

Kelp: What are you looking for, truffles?

Riptide: No, Glory already found those.

Glory: *eating a truffle*

Glory: It takes better than guavas, SO SHUT UP.

Riptide: I'm looking for a spider.

Joy: Oh, I come in here once a week and set everything on fire so that no insects of any kind show up, you won't find one of those here.

Riptide: Dammit!

Riptide: If you're gonna turn me into a pig, you could AT LEAST give me a Charlotte!

Joy: True, true. 

Joy: *drops a tarantula on Riptide's face*

Riptide: *screams bloody murder*

Joy: Have fun, Wilbur!

Seashell: *immediately climbs onto the ceiling in sheer terror*

Kelp: What are you doing?

Seashell: THERE'S A SPIDER, AND I WOULD LIKE TO REMAIN HERE UNTIL IT IS GONE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Kelp: You know there's a better chance of there being spiders in the ceiling, right?

Seashell: *screams and falls from the ceiling, lands on Meerkat*

Meerkat: *squeals and gets squished*

Joy: Welp, who wants freshly tenderized pork?

Clay: Peril, can I-

Peril: YOU CANNOT EAT ME.

Clay: BUT YOU'RE LIVING BACON.

Peril: Yes, L I V I N G. And I would like to STAY that way!

Clay: JUST LET ME EAT YOU.

Peril: NO.

Clay: But you don't mind when-

Peril: THAT'S DIFFERENT.

Clay: FINE, THEN I'LL EAT MYSELF.

Glory: That is the dumbest idea-

Clay: *eats a bite out of his leg*

Clay: *screams in pain*

Tsunami: *tries to facepalm as a pig and falls over*

Sunny: OINK.

Sunny: That is such a weird sound! OINK. OINKOINKOINKOINKOINK-

Deathbringer: Sunny, I will tell you anything you want to know about Glorybringer if you shut the fuck up right now.

Sunny:.........

Sunny: I OINK-cept.

Deathbringer: SAY OINK ONE MORE TIME-

Clay: I see what the problem is.

Starflight: That the second you become something other than a dragon, you immediately resort to cannibalism?

Clay: NO, it's that I'm a RAW pig!

Starflight:.......What?

Clay: Raw pork is no good! I have to cook it!

Starflight: That is not- HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

Clay: Because I can't reach the part of me that makes bacon yet.

Clay: *props have eaten leg on Peril to cook himself*

Peril: You are a hazard.

Clay: You're a fire hazard. That's why we work well together! We both come with our own danger labels.

Peril: Clay NO-

Joy: Did you know you can use every part of a pig when you butcher it?

Players: *step back*

Joy: *sharpening knives* It's true.

Sunny: *scared oink*

Joy: I once knew a scavenger who butchered pigs, and when they got to the brain, *stabs knife into a cutting board so that it stands up on its own* He would have them stop the butchering. He'd take the brain up to his wife, and she would make him scrambled eggs and brains. He would eat it, and then they'd resume butchering the pig.

Players: *horrified*

Starflight: Are you going to make scrambled eggs and brains out of us?

Joy: No, why would you think that?

Players:........

Glory: CLAY YOUR LEG'S ON FIRE.

Clay: Ah! The pork's done! *chomps more of his leg off*

Peril: I can't watch this.

Clay: Wow. I'm tasty. Needs flavor though. Anybody got sal-

Air: *throws a can of salt at Clay*

Glory: THIS IS NOT HEALTHY-

Riptide: GLORY SOME OF US HAVE HUGE FUCKING SPIDERS ON OUR BACKS OKAY, I DON'T THINK THEY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT WHAT'S HEALTHY!

Sunny: *chilling in a sweater* I don't know what you're talking about, this is the good life.

Tsunami: YOUR BOYFRIEND GOT FLATTENED.

Sunny: And he'll make good pork tenderloins for someone's dinner. It's how he would've wanted it.

Tsunami: HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

Sunny: He made a will when he entered the game. See, look here *nods at will* 'if I die in a such bizarre circumstances that I can provide food for the unfortunate, please donate my remains to the nearest food shelter'.

Tsunami: What the actual fuck.

Riptide: *in a tiny scared voice* Can someone please get the spider off my face*

Joy: Yep! *grabs a flamethrower* Hold still.

Riptide: NOT LIKE THAT! 

Seashell: IT is the only way to ensure a spider's destruction.

Joy: *fires flamethrower*

Riptide: *screams*

Air: Ah, the Mary method of death. A good choice.

Clay: Sweet! Bacon!

Tsunami: NO!

Tsunami: Eating yourself is one thing, but you CANNOT RANSACK MY BOYFRIEND'S PIG CORPSE FOR LUNCH MEAT.

Nightflyer: Three moons, the things we could put on T-shirts for these books.

Starflight: Can we PLEASE go back to being dragons again?

Joy: Hmmmm

Air: One thing first. 

Seashell: *snaps talons*

*pigs appear in a pen at the Mystery Shack's Fair*

Mabel: OH MY GOSH A PIG.

Sunny: Mabel!!

Mabel: She said "Mabel"! Either that or "doorbell." Did you say "Mabel" or "doorbell"?

Sunny: MABEL!!!

Mabel/Sunny: *screams*