Rainkeeper: 3am thoughts, go.

Kelp: Why were my gingerbread cookies so chewy and messed up if I followed the recipe correctly?

Joy: *eating gingerbread cookies* Wait you thought they were messed up?

Air: Dean Winchester likely represses his bisexuality because he was forced to sell himself as a teenager in order to have enough money to support Sam while John was gone, and it's possible the people that he sold himself to were more men than women hence he came to associate sex with men as a bad thing he did for money, and sex with women as what was expected of him as John repeatedly pushed the boys into very stereotypical masculine things despite Dean also taking on a motherly role. In this essay I will-

Nightflyer: WHERE'S THE ESSAY?

Air: I'M WORKING ON IT.

Rainkeeper: Nightflyer, 3 am thought!

Seashell: Imagine being a 3am thot-

Kelp: Not everything you think has to be said out loud.

Nightflyer: I've seen a lot of metaphors to explain sexualities, and while my favorite will always be the chess one, I thought of another.

Rainkeeper: Do tell.

Nightflyer: You're given a question on a test. A straight male and a lesbian select A. A straight female and a gay man select B. A bisexual selects A and B. A demisexual gets to know all the answers and selects the one they're most connected with. A pansexual circles all the answers. An omnisexual circles all the answers but draws an arrow and explains off to the side that while all the answers are right, they personally have a preference for C. An asexual doesn't answer the question.

Hosts:.........

Rainkeeper: I like that.

Joy: Why are most of our 3am thoughts LGBTQ related?

Air: Because glitter stands out better under the moonlight.

Seashell: Because the gays come out at night.

Kelp: Pun intended?

Seashell: What-OH COME ON.

*players appear*

Glory: I feel like it's been awhile since we've been here.

Nightflyer: Maybe it has, maybe it hasn't.

Air: We've lost all concept of time so does it really matter?

Sunny: What's the date?

Rainkeeper: July.

Tsunami: July what?

Hosts:.......

Air: Tuesday?

Starflgiht: Not even close.

Joy: SEASHELL LOOK AT THIS TYPO.

Seashell: SHUT UP.

Joy: NO, IT'S HILARIOUS.

Kelp: Starflgiht. Starfligit.

Air: I wonder how different his personality would be if his name was Starfight....

Starflight: I'd have a biker gang and do a lot more cocaine.

Joy: True, true....Anyways, we need you to sing Bitch Lasagna.

Starflight:.......I'm sorry what?

Rainkeeper: Bitch Lasagna.

Starflight: Is that like Garfield singing about his dinner or....?

Seashell: Supposedly it's something offensive from Pewdiepie? According to Quora anyway.

Kelp: We've already done too much research on it and don't really care anymore, so just sing it.

Rainkeeper: Imagine being such a weak lasagna you get called a bitch.

Clay: Bet all the pasta sheets fall apart and you end up with a failed ravioli.

Peril: I bet it doesn't stack well in cabinets.

Clay: I bet it's a gross vegetarian lasagna.

Peril: I bet it doesn't even have cheese!

Clay/Peril: *high five*

Air: *clicks on boombox*

*Music starts*

Starflight: Oh crap, I have to sing. 

Starflight: *does a line of cocaine and unfolds a crumpled piece of paper with the lyrics*

Starflight: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Kelp: Was he supposed to be high doing this?

Joy: No, but I think it'll make it better.

Starflight: I DON'T LIKE YOU, T-SERIES!

Starflight: WHO THE FUCK IS T-SERIES????

Rainkeeper: No idea.

Joy: Didn't he and Pewdiepie have a war over who had more subscribers?

 Nightflyer: Maybe?? All the vague middle school memories are coming back to me now....

Air: Oh moons, not the repressed middle school memories.

Nightflyer: YES THE REPRESSED MIDDLE SCHOOL MEMORIES.

Hosts: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Starflight: Nothing personal, kid
But I must go all out
Just this onceBobs or vegana, whichever will it be?
Sit the fuck down, T-Series, I'm here to spill the real tea

Starflight: *kicks a cup of tea*

*teacup hits Seashell in the face*

Seashell: *screams*

Air: *laughs harder than anyone should and falls down*

Starflight: You tryna dethrone me from spot on number one

Glory: Starflight has been many things in life.

Glory: Number one is not one of them.

Starflight: But you India, you lose, so best think you haven't won

Sunny:......I've repeated that line my head six times and I'm still confused.

Meerkat: It's alright. Not much thought was put into this song, it's not supposed to make sense.

Starflight: When I'm through with you we're gonna be completely fucking done
'Cause we only just begun, I review you, zero, bye bitch, gone
So come on, T-Series, looking hungry for some drama
Here, let me serve you bitch lasagna

Peril: Okay so it IS an actual recipe.

Riptide: What do you put in a bitch lasagna?

Tsunami: Bitches that need stitches, I suppose.

Clay: Sounds like it could taste good.

Peril: Clay what did we say about cannibalism-

Starflight: Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
T-Series ain't nothing but a bitch lasagna
Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
Look at T-Series, they just crying for their mommaBitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
T-Series ain't nothing but a bitch lasagna
Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
T-Series just wet themselves in their pajamaSo who the hell is Bob and why you wanna kiss him? 

Sunny: WHO IS BOB???

Glory: This is Bob. Bob says hi. This is Bob when a car goes by. 

Air: Bob is a snowman.

Kelp: Bob is magical.

Air: Bob is who raised Tam T. TAMLINISADICKHEAD.

Kelp: Bob sees all.

Deathbringer: Is Bob good looking?

Air: Of course.

Deathbringer: Well that answers your question, Starflight, that's why people want to kiss him.

Starflight: I'm a Blue-Eyes White Dragon while you're just Dark Magician

Sunny: You don't have blue eyes....

Fatespeaker: And you're not an Icewing....

Starflight: You got a fifth of the population in your nation
But I got nine-year-olds of worlds so hold your defecation (Ops)

Clay: Am I stupid cause I'm confused?

Glory: I'M SO CONFUSED.

Clay: Okay good.

Riptide: I'm not. A nine year old wrote this, right?

Hosts:.........

Joy: Uh-

Starflight: Motu Patlu, what the fuck is that even supposed to mean?

Rainkeeper: *consults google translate*

Rainkeeper: I don't know.

Starflight: Your language sounds like it came from a mumble rap community

Sunny: Well that's rude.

Starflight: No Papa, no Papa, yes Papa; Johnny

Clay: *crying in confusion* WHO'S JOHNNY??

Rainkeeper: *in a very deep voice* Eat shit, Little Johnny.

Starflight: Now down all of this sugar and let's throw this fuckin' party with someBitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
Look at T-Series, they just crying for their momma
Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
T-Series ain't nothing but a bitch lasagnaBitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
Look at T-Series, they just wetting their pajama
Bitch lasagna, bitch lasagna
T-Series ain't nothing but a bitch lasagnaYou got a population of 1.32 billion
But most your videos can't seem to hit even a million
Sub-bot!

Starflight: *mic drop*

Fatespeaker: No, no no. *picks mic back up and gives it to him*

Fatespeaker: You drop those when cool things happen.

Glory: I think I lost braincells listening to that.

Deathbringer: No wonder nine years olds love it.

Kelp: Something tells me the darer didn't want us to roast this song when they dared it.

Joy: Too bad, we do what we want.

Air: And we don't watch Pewdiepie.

Nightflyer: We watch Markiplier. Like cultured people.

Rainkeeper: *pulls up a Markiplier video*

Rainkeeper: Look at this man. Dignified. Refined.

Markiplier: *screams*

Hosts:........

Joy: Beautiful.

Air: Inspiring.

Peril: Would y'all just admit you're simps for Mark?

Hosts:............

Kelp: Yes. Yes we are.

Rainkeeper: I will not apologize.

Joy: JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE RIGHT, DOESN'T MEAN IT'S TRUE!!!

Clay: Guys guess what!

Clay: *holds up a tray*

Clay: I made bitch lasagna!