Rainkeeper: We should NOT be doing this. Why are we doing this?

Joy: Because it's FUN!

Rainkeeper: LITERALLY NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS THOUGH.

Joy: Yeah but like......Don't you think they're curious?

Rainkeeper: No, they're not. You just want to know if your response matches up with Kelp's.

Joy: I know it will.

Rainkeeper: EW. 

Air: Wait, what are we doing again?

Kelp: Taking the BDSM Test.

Air: What's BDSM?

Seashell: Air, we've seen your AO3 bookmarks, don't act all shy and innocent now.

Air: Just because I read it DOESN'T MEAN I KNOW WHAT IT STANDS FOR, SEASHELL.

Nightflyer: Here's the Urban Dictionary definiton sweetie- An overlapping abbreviation of Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism(SM).

Air:.....OH.

Seashell: And there are still children that read these SO WE SHOULD NOT TAKE IT.

Joy: Sounds like someone's afraid to expose the fact that they're a bottom-

Rainkeeper: No, I agree with her, THERE'S NO REASON-

Joy: Fine, then we'll let the universe decide. UNIVERSE! SHOULD WE TAKE THE BDSM TEST??

Hosts:........

Kelp: Well it's currently 69 degrees out, we're on the 69th part, and our computer battery just dropped to 69.

Joy: IT'S A SIGN, WE'RE DOING IT.

Kelp: Nice.

All: *starts taking the test*

Air: UUUUUHHHHHHH-

Nightflyer: I feel threatened-

Joy: *laughing*

Kelp: Oh, I like that one-

Rainkeeper: WHAT THE HELL-

Seashell: Ew. Wait no- Wait, yes. Ew.

Air: NOOOOO. No no no-

Air: Well-

Nightflyer: I'm vanilla and frightened.

Seashell: WHAT ARE THESE QUESTIONS???

Joy: Oh, I love that!

Kelp: Which one? 

Joy: *shows him*

Kelp: Oh yeaaaaaahh-

Rainkeeper: I may actually throw up-

Rainkeeper: But I also want to try this-

Air: WHY IS THERE A QUESTION ABOUT LIKING LARGE AGE DIFFERENCES?? EWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Joy: No, that's gross, that reminds me of Darkstalker, get rid of it-

Rainkeeper: DISAGREE, DISAGREE!!!!

Nightflyer: "I like seeing the fear in my partner's eyes-" Oh three moons, no, what are people DOING?

Joy: No comment.

Kelp: Let's just agree to never speak of these results.

Seashell: Deal, but if Joy ends up being a submissive brat, I'm allowed to tease her for eternity.

Joy: What if I fucking killed you?

Seashell: Spoken like Subways.

Rainkeeper: Air, you can't just disagree with everything-

Air: DON'T KINK SHAME ME!

Rainkeeper: There's no kinks to shame you about if you put NO TO EVERYTHING-

Air: WELL MAYBE I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING.

Nightflyer: WHY DID WE DO THIS??

Seashell: I'm so confused by some of these-

Air: I like going to playgrounds-

Nightflyer: NO.

Nightflyer: NOT LIKE THAT, YOU DON'T.

Seashell: This is just nasty-

Joy: Stick and stone may break my bones but-

Joy/Kelp: CHAINS AND WHIPS EXCITE ME-

Rainkeeper: WHY ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS SO MUCH?!?!?!

Joy: Because I have CONFIDENCE.

Nightflyer: I have confidence.

Nightflyer: What I don't have is bravery.

Air: I have confidence. I do not have THIS kind of confidence.

Kelp: Should we show the results?

Seashell: I don't think Joy's gonna give us a choice.

Joy: NOPE!

Air: Joy, you're a really sick dragon sometimes, you know that?

Joy: Obviously.

Joy: But let's think about this realistically, shall we?

Joy: We've done MULTIPLE INCEST DARES. FULL ON INCEST.

Joy: What's more traumatizing- revealing our kinks, or incest?

Hosts:...........

Kelp: I don't know, but both of them make me want to claw my eyes out.

Seashell: CAN'T WE VOTE ON THIS?

Rainkeeper: I think we should consult the universe again.

Air: Agreed. UNIVERSE???? SHOULD WE REVEAL OUR ANSWERS???

Kelp: *hits shuffle on a spotify playlist*

*Porn Star Dancing starts playing*

Hosts:..........

Seashell: *sighs* I hate the universe.

Rainkeeper: Let the record show that the consulting the universe moments did happen in real life and not in the realm we exist in and therefore the universe did ask for this.

Nightflyer: Well Joy, since you're so eager, you go first.

Joy: Okay here.

Hosts:.................

Rainkeeper: *opens whiskey, starts drinking straight from the bottle*

Kelp: Some of these should be higher than others.

Joy: I dunno, I think it turned out pretty accurate.

Air: What's a rigger?

Nightflyer: Don't know, don't want to know.

Seashell: The brat thing makes WAY too much sense.

Joy: Fuck off.

Seashell: At least I'm not 85% submissive!

Joy: Oh yeah? Then what's your results?

Seashell: *slams down the results*

Seashell: I'm 92% submissive.

Joy: HA!

Kelp: I feel like I should leave the room.

Rainkeeper: Too late. 

Kelp: Pass the whiskey.

Rainkeeper: *passes him a new bottle*

Rainkeeper: I think we both need enough that it'd be counterproductive to share.

Nightflyer: Why- voyeur- WHY?

Seashell: *shrugs*

Seashell: Defiance and attention.

Joy: *starts laughing*

Joy: SEASHELL LIKES TO BE DEGRADED 69%-

Seashell: AND YOURS IS A 70%, YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME.

Joy: Eh, still funny.

Joy: Kelp you go next!

Kelp:.............

Kelp: *chugs more whiskey and quietly hands over results*

Rainkeeper: *spits out whiskey*

Nightflyer: Well now this is interesting.

Joy: Checks out.

Seashell: Whiskey?

Rainkeeper: *tosses her a bottle*

Seashell: *misses and drops it*

*bottle shatters*

Rainkeeper: THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.

Seashell: WHY, BECAUSE I DROPPED IT???

Rainkeeper: NO BECAUSE I'M SURROUNDED BY ALCOHOLIC BRATS.

Kelp: The real question is tho, are you one of them?

Rainkeeper: *shoves results in Kelp's face*

Rainkeeper: NO!

Kelp: Nu uh, says here- 12%

Rainkeeper: WHICH IS IN THE RED.

Kelp: BUT NOT ZERO.

Rainkeeper: WHATEVER. I don't agree with them anyways.

Air: Which ones don't you agree with?

Rainkeeper: Please spare me the fighting about it-

Seashell: It's a stupid online test we rushed through, it's not gonna be perfect. What'd it get wrong?

Rainkeeper: Voyeur....

Hosts:........

Air: You mean the one that has 92%?

Rainkeeper: IT'S WRONG, OKAY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT GOT THAT. The rest of them are fine!

Kelp: *coughs*

Kelp: So I can't help but notice-

Rainkeeper: Oh three moons-

Kelp: You claim you're not a brat-

Rainkeeper: SPARE ME.

Kelp: But you're 43% a Brat tamer, which implies-

Rainkeeper: I KNOW WHAT IT IMPLIES, SHUT UP.

Joy: *drinks heavily*

Joy: 35% Non-monogamist? Really?

Rainkeeper: KELP HAD A 39%!

Joy: I know. That's why I'm judging you.

Rainkeeper: What the fuck am I doing with my life?

Air: I think our scavenger author might be asking herself the same thing.

Joy: Your turn Air!

Air: Okaaaaaaaaaay-

Nightflyer: Oh thank the moons, she's innocent.

Joy: That 45% says otherwise-

Nightflyer: That 100% SAYS OTHERWISE.

Air: I might have answered some of the questions wrong cause I didn't understand them, but I think it worked out fine.

Rainkeeper: Are we not gonna talk about the Master/Mistress thing-

Air: *yanks back the results* NOPE!

Joy: Niiiightflyer-

Nightflyer: *long suffering sigh*

Nightflyer: Just take them.

Joy: *screeches*

Kelp: Ha! WELCOME TO THE BRAT TEAM.

Joy: SEVENTY-SIX PERCENT-

Nightflyer: SHUT UP.

Air: Yay, you're 100% Vanilla too!

Joy: *starts laughing hysterically*

Kelp: I think this lines up pretty well.

Joy: I can't- This is better than making fun of Seashell-

Nightflyer: Joy, I will announce to the forest that you're a Submissive Rope Bunny.

Joy: *laughing too hard to talk right* S-sorry, Daddy, I've been naughty.

Kelp: *bursts out laughing*

Rainkeeper: Word choice is important. It's the difference between "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty" and "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned," WHICH IS WHAT I HOPE YOU WERE TRYING TO SAY.

Seashell: Spoken like a true vanilla switch.

Rainkeeper: Sounds like a great alcoholic drink.

Nightflyer: Speaking of alcohol- more please!

Seashell: I think we all need more alcohol after this.

Joy: Shots?

Kelp: *clinks two shot glasses together*

Kelp: SHOTS.