May 3rd, 2018
Friday, 7:43Pm

The article sat before her on her laptop, which was halfway on top of the yellow notebook that she used to jot her points down at the protest. It was finished, but needed a little more editing. She was on the floor of Amin's bedroom, the guilt struggling to overpower her with every key stroke. But she was determined. The protest was still fresh in her mind, and the countless testimonies of how the young women had been treated made her decision final. She was going to do everything possible to get the article printed.

It wasn't going to be easy, she knew the consequences of her pending actions would be severe but she couldn't seem to care. The protest was still on, but she left so that she could finish the article on the floor of the man who she was adamant on betraying.

"I need a drink," she muttered and closed the head of the laptop, sighing. The cold floor against her thighs was a welcomed distraction even when it didn't help much. He was going to be home at any moment and she wasn't ready to see him. After Monday, he was going to hate the sight of her. It seemed a bit unreal that all she had was a weekend before everything went wrong.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing on the floor beside her. She stood up, taking the phone with her. That drink suddenly seemed necessary. "Hello?"

"Jessica? It's D."

"Oh, hey Aladdin." She smiled when he laughed and got the Merlot bottle out of the fridge. "Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure...tired from all the movement. I just got home from the protest. It's on, but I have work tomorrow."

Her hand stilled on the glass that sat on the countertop. "You were there? I didn't see you." She poured the wine tentatively.

"But I saw you. You didn't stay very long though."

"Yeah...just went to cover for the paper a little bit. Can we not...you know, not talk about it? I'm really tired." The red liquid sloshed around in the glass as her trembling hands lifted to her lips.

"Jessica. Are you okay...?" His voice was full of concern but all it did was make her feel awful.

"No. I can't talk, I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Maybe I can help—"

She ended the call and drank the wine, draining every last drop from the glass before placing it on the counter. It burned on its way down but it wasn't enough.

She wanted to run.

She wanted to stay, be in his arms and forget everything else.

She wanted to delete the article and follow instructions.

She wanted to drink until she couldn't feel her thoughts.

The sob escaped her lips before she realized she was crying. Her hand hit the glass and it fell on the counter and rolled over, shattering on the floor. The sound sobered her up a little, and she did a careless swipe at her face with her palms and squatted to clean up the mess.

"Babe. What the..? What happened in here?" Amin's voice reached her ears before his hands settled on her shoulders. "Did you cut yourself?"

"I-I didn't mean to, I was just here...it wasn't on purpose, I'm really s-sorry," she clung to him as he led her away from the glass shards that surrounded them.

"It's just glass, Jess. Are you...crying? Why are you crying? What happened?" He tried to get her to look at him, but she couldn't. The tears kept pouring out and she could barely see anything. She hugged him and cried her eyes out. His presence sealed her guilt, it made everything clear; brought it into focus. She was going to lose him and there was nothing she could do about it.

She was vaguely aware of the fact that he lifted her and walked into the bedroom, whispering to her to calm her down. She stopped sobbing, but the tears slid down her cheeks unhindered.

"Babe? Look at me, hey," he sat her down on the bed and wiped her cheeks with his palms, "talk to me. I'm so worried, I don't know what's wrong. How can I help?"

She just shook her head and hugged him, sniffing into his neck. "Nothing, I'm just...it's fine. I'm tired, that's all."

He sughed and knelt before her. "Tired? You really want me to believe that...? Please talk to me. Please."

"I don't want to talk. Can you just hold me? Please, Amin. I'm so tired." Her eyes felt heavy from the crying so she kept them closed as he got off the floor and on to the bed, pulling her close. She breathed him in and snuggled closer, putting a hand under his shirt. "Talk... please."

"About what, baby?"

"Anything. I just want to hear your voice..."

"Um...okay. I knew you were busy today to make plans for our weekend together so I did something pretty cool. I planned fun things for us to do tomorrow, Sunday is yours to plan. Tonight was supposed to be yours..." He sighed and kissed her forehead.

"You gave me tonight when you knew I had work? That's smart of you."

"I know, I know. You're the lady, so I wanted to give you the chance to do what you wanted. I had a plan B though."

She laughed softly and opened her eyes, staring back into the ones looking down at her. "Of course you did. Otherwise, you wouldn't be Amin."

He caressed her face and watched her lips stretch into a lazy smile. "Who looks beautiful after crying? You're something else."

"Is there a handbook that guys follow? You always know what to say, its almost scary." She tried to sit up, but he pulled her against him. "Aminnnn, I need to pee."

"Really? You do?"

"Fine, I need a drink then," she shrugged and lay on top of him, legs on either side of his torso.

"What you need to do is be still and look at me."

"What for? I'm fine. Really, I am. I needed this, you. And here you are. Problem solved." Her chin met his chest, eyes on his. "Okay?"

"What I don't get is why you keep lying to me, Jess. Your eyes betray you, your tears spoke so much. I'm not going to push, tonight is all about you. But I need you to know that I care, babe. I'm in your corner; I'll do anything to make sure you're happy. I just need you to trust me..." He sighed and rubbed her arm slowly, shifting underneath.

The silence hung in the air while she took in silent breaths to calm her terrified heart. His words did nothing to help her relax; it felt too good to be true. "I'm sorry. We'll talk about it soon, I promise. Let's just be together tonight okay?"

"Yes ma'am," he turned them over and kissed her lips, lingering for a few seconds. "I'm all yours. Whatchu wanna do?"

She smiled up at him, then yawned, closing her eyes. "Can I have tomorrow? My mind is blank. And my limbs are not cooperating."

"Okay fine. Let's just talk, how about that?" He kissed her nose and sat up, pulling her along. "Come on, don't be lazy."

"Fineeee. Talk about what?"

He leaned against the back of the bed and hugged her from behind, placing his head in the crook of her neck. "Random things. Things you've never told me."

"Huh. Okay. I think you have a cute butt."

"Jess," he shook with laughter, "really? A cute butt?"

"Whatt? It's something I've never told you. It's eligible."

"Fineee, my turn. Um, you can't tell Bassam about this, he'll be so disappointed. But I've been with two women in my lifetime. However, he thinks it's somewhere around ten."

"Ah! Why would he think that?"

"Because every time we go out, he goes out of his way to hook me up with girls. And I leave with them to get him off my back, he just doesn't know that I take them home and come to my own."

"Oh my God," she laughed and tilted her head, "wowww. I'm scared to even understand his body count."

"Don't even try, it's terrible. Just love him the way he is, he enjoys life a little too much."

She smiled into the silence. "I was...raised by my mom. Don't know who my dad is. So she's been overprotective since I was little. And because of that, I've never really been with a boy, you know, like dating."

"Even the ones she didn't know about?"

"I'm telling you, there was no going behind her back because there was no back to go behind. She monitored my every move, I was always with her. Back then, it felt a little too much. But what she didn't do was keep me in the dark. My first birthday gift when I turned thirteen was on the birds and the bees. She told me everything, what would happen if I did what, the dangers of this or that. I just grew into it, I guess."

"Wow, you guys must be close. That sounds like a lot of time spent together," he frowned behind her.

"Oh yeah, there's nothing about me that she doesn't know. I remember the first time I got a boyfriend, before you. I think I was twenty one. It lasted a week. I wasn't used to it and besides, I wasn't used to one boy trying to control my life or my movements. When I told her, it was the funniest thing. So we had another talk, and that my friend, is how I managed to be in this with you for six months."

"That's...wow. Very interesting. Nowwww I understand some things."

She laughed. "There's a lot more, but we'll get there. Tell me something else."

"Hm. What else? I had a sister. She died before I was born. So I guess because of that, my mom checks up on me more than usual. It's hard for her to be so far away from me, so I have to call her every other day."

She leaned against him and hugged the arms that were wrapped around her in silence. "I'm sorry...that must be hard for her."

"Yeah. But she's dealing with it the way she knows how." He kissed the side of her neck and sighed. "I wanna eat. Have you eaten?"

"A little. I brought food with me from my mom, fried rice with shrimps. You want some?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope," she started to leave the bed, "I'm not prepared to get dressed and follow you anywhere so it'll have to do. Besides, it's nice. You'll love it."

She felt his gaze on her even as she exited the room. He was probably dying to know what was up, and it was hard not to ask.

Three days. That's all I have.

•Get your tissues•