April 29th, 2018
Sunday, 8:30am

The vibrating phone against her abdomen woke Jessica woke up with a start, and she hastily removed the phone from under her stomach. How it ended up there she had no idea. She sat up, pulled her big grey tee shirt downward to cover the upper parts of her thighs and answered with her eyes closed.

“Yes?” She said in mid yawn, pressing the phone to her ear.

“Nobody wants to see your earwax oh ma.”

“Her sense plenty.”

She removed the phone to see a video call with four different boxes with her friends staring out of them. “Eight in the morning? Really?” Their laughter caused her to roll her eyes and flop back down on her pillow.

“Yesssss. You've been busy so we let you be but the wedding is in six weeks. And the bride still has things to do,” Marcia said in her usual high and mighty I'm-better-than-everybody tone. She was lying down on her bed and clicking away at another phone.

“Give her a break, hoe. She's been around so just say what we called her to say,” Grace retorted. She was wearing a blue lace dress and her face was laid to perfection. “Y'all hurry up, I have to go to church.”

Jessica listened to them go on and on while trying to wake up fully. She had just noticed that Amin was not in the apartment. It was too quiet and it made her a little uneasy. Just like last night. She hissed her teeth subconsciously before remembering that she was on a call.

... listening to what we're saying?” Joy hissed her teeth and brought her phone closer to her face. “Jessica oo, stop dreaming.” She was walking around so her image was a little distorted.

“Babe. Are you okay?” Andrea inquired, with a cup of tea in her hand. She sat at a table, leaning against it with her elbow.

“I'm fine, just trying to wake up. What is it? What's so important that it couldn't wait till noon?” She placed her feet on the ground then into her bedroom slippers. The throbbing headache that began almost immediately caused her to sway a little but she steadied herself.

“You know, you don't have to stand with us—” she cut Marcia off.

“I was talking to Andrea. The bride? Thank you, please don't get on my nerves this morning.”

“Yeah, she's definitely hung over. Cia's annoying but we don't snap at her,” Joy laughed and Grace nodded, while looking in the distance. “What did you do last night sis?”

“That's none of your business. Andy, please say something. My head is ringing.” She sat at her kitchen table and hunched over it. The coolness of the chair beneath her thighs calmed her some, but she still wanted to kill both Amin and Bassam for making her drink so much. She was downing glass after glass of wine without thinking and they kept ordering it.

“We need to meet, so we need to set a day. There's been a slight change in plans and... I have something to tell y'all.”

“Pleassseeee tell me you're not pregnant,” Marcia gasped, placing one manicured hand on her chest. As usual, she showed herself the most dramatic of the group.

“That'll be cute. That would be really cute, seriously.” Joy started doing little hops and trying not to squeal.

“I'm going to kill Max.” Grace fumed, shaking a clenched fist in front of the camera.

“Guys please. I'm not disclosing anything yet, not until the meeting. Grace, please don't kill my husband. Set the day instead, use that energy for good.”

“How's Tuesday? Six pm, let's meet at Opporto's. Somebody needs to volunteer to buy us dinner, I know I will be hungry. Just saying.”

Jessica smiled a little. “I'll get the bill. Tuesday is fine by me. I need to go guys, please. I need to wake up.”

“Okay babe,” Marcia blew kisses at her, “you still love me though right? Cause I love all of you bi—”

“Yess. Today is Sunday please, have mercy,” Jessica groaned, pleading with her to save her vulgarity for during the week.

“Tches. Okay,” Marcia smiled widely and cut her call off.

“She's a case, I swear. Gotta go babies, I love y'all. Jess, I'm calling you later for gist.” Andrea went off too.

Joy and Grace waved at her and went off. Jessica sighed and placed her phone on the table. The headache was getting worse and the strength she needed to cross the small path to the coffee machine didn't exist at that moment. She was exhausted, physically and mentally. And her thoughts weren't letting her rest. They hit hard, especially against what she was keeping close to her heart. Amin.

The memories from the night before played over and over in her head. Bassam, sending information about Amin her way, expecting her to know. Bassam, asking her questions about the person that she was proudly calling her boyfriend, questions she had no clue how to answer.

At first, she down played the fact that she knew almost nothing about him. Everything was a mystery, from his side and hers. And they never bothered to really talk about anything except surface stuff. It was cool and mysterious, until Bassam started spouting things about him that she should've known and she... didn't. It was not sitting well with her anymore.

“Sorry I'm a little late. Made a slight detour,” Amin opened the door with one hand and entered with a big, brown paper bag in the other. He wore a loose fitting white sweatshirt, jeans and his slippers that were covered with white socks.

“Mmmm,” she groaned and placed her head on the table. “I thought your dad called or something.”

“You didn't see my note, did you?” He placed the bag down on the counter and went over to her, picking her up. “Yeahh you didn't.”

She wrapped her legs around his waist and clung to him, burying her face in his neck. “Don't let go.” He smelled like Amin, and at the moment that was good enough for her.

“I would never,” he kissed the side of her head and sat her down gently on the kitchen counter. “Headache?”

“Terrible one.”

“Here, this should help. I brought black coffee and your regular latte but I'm not sure if—”

“Latte. That thing is nasty,” she scrunched up her face.

Chuckling, he handed her the pink cup with the words, Kaldi's Koffee imprinted on it. “Here. It's hot enough to make you feel better, not to burn your mouth. So drink up.”

While she drank, he emptied the bag and brought out a box of warm donuts from the same place. “You're probably hungry. And since I'm only good for food, I had to deliver.”

“You're amazing.”

“It's just food, babe. If I don't feed you, what good am I?” He placed two of the donuts on a cream ceramic plate and set it down beside her. “Now. Why are you up so early?”

“The girls woke me up. Some bridesmaids meeting or something. And I don't want to sleep anymore, because now I have to think about the excuse for not going to mass with my mother. I promised that I would, but going to church with a hangover is a bad idea.” She hugged him and tugged at his shirt, pouting. A crazy thought entered her head and she went along with it.

“Okay that makes sense. Has she called yet?”

“Not yet. Cuddle? I want to sleep suddenly, now that you're here.” She pulled back and kept tugging at his sweatshirt. He watched her with a slightly confused yet amused expression.

“What does my shirt have to do with your cuddling?” He laughed at her feeble attempts and removed it himself. “I think I smell like beer a little bit. I need a shower. What's going on with you?”

She held his face and brought it down to hers, taking deep breaths. His shirtless body affected her more than she cared to admit, his strict exercise schedule yielded great results. Her gaze fell on his lips, and her grip tightened on his neck. He planted a chaste kiss on the side of her mouth and lingered there for a few seconds.

“Talk to me, baby. What’s wrong?”

She turned her head slightly, and met his lips, kissing him softly. He hesitated then responded to her, with a head full of question marks. It got heated pretty fast as he pulled her closer, parting her shaky lips with his firm ones. His stomach went taut with want when her fingers trailed down his chest and hooked into the waistband of his pants. He exhaled and placed his hands on her thighs.

“Jess…”

From the way she pulled away abruptly, he realized that his response was not what she wanted. Her heart was hammering away in her chest, and she ignored the urge to continue kissing him. His lips called out to her, they were pink and moist—they served as a much needed distraction, and she needed to dive in.

“What are we doing, Amin?” She sighed and pushed at his chest a little. He took a step back after a few seconds.

“I'm sorry, I don't understand.”

“Six months. Six months of what? What exactly is this?” He moved to speak but she held up her hand. “No wait, don't answer that. This is a better question. Why are you with me? And don't give me that answer of liking me. A man really likes the girl that he wants sex from, so it's not much of an answer.”

He cut her off, shaking his head violently. “Okay, I understand that your heart is burdened and you need to talk, but let me make something clear. I've told you, over and over Jessica. Your body is amazing, you're sexy, and you’re so beautiful it hurts. But I am not with you because of it. It doesn't matter to me.”

“So why? What's the reason, if not that? I know nothing about you! We know nothing about each other. If we're not getting physical, why is this still happening?”

“I’m not talking about this right now,” he swung his shirt over his shoulder and walked away from her. “I don’t want to believe that all of that was just you testing me. Low blow, Jessica. Very low.”

“And you knew and still responded! So you must want it! If that’s the reason, let’s just get it over with and then we can call it—”

“Of course I want you, I’d be stupid not to! I’m attracted to you in every way, but forcing you to do what you don’t want to do is not something that I’d do! Where is all this coming from? You woke up angry and decided to take it out on me?” He turned to face her, his jaw clenched.

“This… unspoken agreement that we have about not talking about our lives, who came up with it? You, I’m guessing. Because it affects you more than it does me. Where do I even stand with you? This is so vague, so shallow and it’s beginning to work my nerves!” She sat at the kitchen table and held her head in her hands, the pain in her head increasing. And the raised voices just made it worse.

“Jessica,” he wore his shirt with a sigh, “this is too complicated a conversation to spend a few minutes yelling about it in your kitchen. I’m not doing this right now.”

“”Give me something, anything. Or I make a decision that will make me feel better about all this. It’ll be hard but I’ll do it. It’s not fair to me, Amin. I cannot give you six months of my life only to realize that we’re acquaintances who love to cuddle and kiss sometimes, occasionally asking about each other’s days.”

“It’s more than that and you know it. You know it’s good, what we have is…different. It may not be deep right now and there’s a good reason for that. But I—Jess, you’re important to me. It’s complicated, and talking about it won’t make things any better.”

“You really think so? You think reminding me that I’m important to you and setting my heart at ease is not making things better?” He averted his gaze and her heart sank. He was holding back a lot, she could see it in his eyes. They needed to talk, they both knew it. But it was easier to skip the topic multiple times than to actually sit and discuss it.

“Not for me. This is more than—I don’t know how to explain it in a way that won’t make you freak out. And saying it right now will just complicate things more.” He sat in the chair next to her.

“I just want to know something. Can I ask a question?”

He looked down at his hands. “Of course.”

“Why did you talk to me in that elevator? Why forsake the movie that you went to see at the cinema just to join me for mine? And when I wouldn’t talk to you, you spoiled Ragnarok for me. Three good spoilers, just so I could look at you and talk to you. Why did you insist on taking my number? Why did you call me? Why start this, Amin? What made you talk to me? Was it curiosity?”

He smiled at the memory, and leaned back in his chair. “Yes. At first, it was. But I wasn’t just curious, I also wanted to get to know you as a person. I was…taken aback in that elevator. Jess, I still remember what you wore to see the movie. The image stayed in my head even though it was so many months ago. If that doesn’t convince you, I don’t know what will. Honestly, babe. You’re in my head, you’ve gotten under my skin.”

She just stared at him, unmoving. His hand reached hers on the table and grasped it, and she struggled not to pull away. “I’m really trying.  I’m trying to see honesty and something good in all of this. It’s just hard. I felt so bad last night, Amin. I knew nothing about everything that he said. Kept tossing and turning, I couldn’t sleep. I felt awful, like I was being used. It’s … not a good feeling.”

He stood up and pulled her along, hugging her close to his chest. “Heyyy, sshh. It’s okay, I understand. It gets scary for me too. Trust me, I’m always thinking about us. There’s just so much to take care of, so much to handle. It’s taking a toll on me. Just…please, give me some time. I beg you. You leaving me is not an option, I need you.”

She hugged him back after his last words were uttered, and they clung to each other in silence. Amin exhaled and hugged her tighter, the image of being without her flashed in his mind and it was horrifying. She’d managed to crawl her way into his heart and he had no choice but to deal with it.

“I…I like you, Jessica. It’s a very deep kind of liking, and sometimes it gets out of control. But this is legit. This is us. I like us, a lot. I may not be making you happy right now, but asking you to be mine was the biggest step that I’ve ever made in my personal life. I need you to trust me for now. Can you do that?”

She nodded on his shoulder, not letting go. “Yeah… but we have to talk soon.”

“Next week. I promise.”

•Dun dun dunn•