I felt better come dinner. I was still lacking an appetite, but I came out and sat at the table with Father and Hazel, my family. I didn't socialize much, but I listened to Hazel talk about her day, and her boyfriend Leo who picked her up after school as a surprise. Percy used to do that for me.

When dinner was done, I slowly crawled onto the living room couch. My stomach still ached, probably sore from regurgitating. I rested my head on a pillow.

Hazel sits next to me and hands me a glass of water, and covers me with a blanket without asking. I guess I was a little cold. I tried to thank her, but my throat hurt, so I smiled instead.

I want to tell her. But I don't want it to be a bad idea, and I know it is. When I'm sick, I have a habit of confessing things, so luckily I'm feeling better and she was gone all day, or I would have told her. This secret is really gnawing at me, and I wish it wasn't. It's not that big of a secret, it's like saying I finished my homework when I didn't and things like that.

Maybe I'm making this out to be more than it is. Or maybe I'm making it out to be less than it is. I don't know anymore. I don't know anyone else who has synesthesia. I don't know anyone else who has something close to synesthesia. Maybe I am crazy, if I can't even decipher this. Or stupid.

"Nico? Did you hear me?" Hazel asks.

I look up at her, sitting on the small table in the middle of the couch I lay on and the television.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I croak.

"You seemed dazed, are you feeling okay?"

I nodded, "In deep thought. I'm okay."

I'm not okay. I'm not okay. I don't know what's wrong, but I'm not okay. I hate this.

"Okay." she smiles, kissing my cheek. She heads upstairs, probably to draw. I taught her how to draw.

My stomach spins, and I moan quietly at the sudden motion, grasping it with my hand. Maybe I could think better when I'm feeling better. I hope so.

I've spent too long not being okay. I want to be okay.