𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐍'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕

I DIDN'T KNOW if it was indigestion or what, but I had this weird feeling in my gut (oh that rhymed, haha). It was that desolate feeling you get when you open the fridge, stare into it for five (or six or seven or twenty) minutes, and then realize that what you're actually missing isn't even in there. 

That makes sense... Right? 

This train ride with Renzo to Lorentown was turning out to be just slightly therapeutic but very much scary because all my feelings were just out there like a sad little three-legged puppy in the rain. 

After we said goodbye to each other, Jolene, Renzo, Cora and I had gone our own ways. Well, Jolene and Cora had gone separately, since Renzo and I had gone together because I was traveling to Lorentown for a while before going to a friend's wedding in Devenshire. 

After Cora had left, something felt kind of hollow right in the middle of my chest. I'd told her, "Don't forget me, Miss A.B.," and then she'd looked at me murderously, which of course, was expected. 

But when her taxi had rumbled away, far off in the distance, and I'd still forgotten she'd left and turned to tell her something, only to be met with empty air— it hit me then. I wanted to flag that taxi down and maybe, oh, I don't know, hug her one last time or something. 

But why? 

And why did I know that it wouldn't be enough to do just that?

Along came Renzo, of course, and got to play pretend-psychologist with me, and made me realize exactly why my heart was aching.

It was like, you come back from an amazing trek and wonder why everything feels... off, like you left something important behind, but it was very much not your water bottle or something. Not even close.

Nope. Instead, I had a freaking crush. A huge, unprecedented one at that, and now it was all over before it even started— and yes, it's as pathetically heartbreaking as it sounds. Realizing my crush ended up crushing me. Haha. 

But what made the pain a thousand times worse and a thousand times better —simultaneously— was the special person in the middle of it all. 

Cora. 

She made it a sort of pleasant pain. 

Wait, isn't that some grammar thing? Like, an oxymoron, or something? Something about two opposite concepts in one phrase?

Huh. Much like Cora and I. 

But I didn't want to emphasize how different we were, because it made my lungs hurt. So I stopped thinking about that, instead immediately rewinding to grammar. But then thinking about grammar instantly conjured up an image of Cora in a sexy, teacher-like outfit, tight bun and all, totally strict and uptight, but I knew just exactly what would undo her...

Oh, fūck. I needed to stop. 

Ah, see? There it was again: our differences. Cora was much more innocent than that. And I, on the other hand... Let's just leave it at that, shall we? Because this book was not labeled mature, and let's keep it that way, yeah?

At least for now. 

But long story short, Cora and I were opposites and it made my heart ache because outside of physics, did opposites really attract?

I mean, I knew that I liked everything about her. Every little thing that made her so foreign to me before, it wasn't so scary or different now. Despite our differences, I saw myself in her (not like that; I mean, also like that, but that's not the point right now) and she was simply... Cora, my crazy little Almond, and I wanted her. But could I have her? 

Would she even want me?

Because I knew she liked routine and planning and all of that. It was practically her way of life and I admired her for those traits. But even if she was impressed by me for planning things last minute, I doubted she actually would admire me for it. She was such a high achiever and so smart and so kind and so funny—

Maybe a small part of me knew that she was too good for me?

Ha. Scratch that. All of me knew that she was too good for me.

And so it hurt. It hurt my dainty little heart that someone like that pollen-sniffer Bryon was probably well matched with her (I turn petty when sad, screw me) because I just knew he was well organized and routinely and heck, he even loved gardening. I mean, good for him, I guess. 

Damn. I swear that thought made me enter a depression of sorts. I was genuinely out of it for a while in the train.

But then came the second half of said train ride with Renzo, our resident low-budget Cupid. Or, 'coveted expert matchmaker', as he liked to call himself. 

After he called me out for my real feelings and made me realize how whipped I actually was, he told me how he noticed certain things. And those certain things made me wonder if maybe all wasn't gone and done with Cora. 

"You bring out a different side in her, bro," Renzo said, opening up a bag of Skittles as he gave me that look. You know the one, like he knew all my secrets (he did, but still) and would lay them all out on the philosophical table if needed. "She's just more... open with you, like she could be anything she wants in front of you and it wouldn't matter because you'd accept it and love it. And you... she makes you want to be better, dude.  The both of you... you're just good for each other. That's all I'm going to say."

And then he smugly popped a red skittle in his mouth casually as if he didn't just make my Christmas come earlier. 

The way I was obsessing over it all, I felt like some high school kid realizing that what he had was a crush and not heartburn. But still... I liked it? 

You know what, just shut up. 

"It doesn't matter," I said then, staring out the window again like the depressed sock I was. "Didn't she say she had some bachelorette party to go to? We're going our separate ways now, Renzo. It's finished before it even started. Forget it."

My friend then shot me a look. "Would you be able to forget her?"

I swallowed. 

I couldn't answer as Cora's shy smile and soft gaze flashed behind my eyes. And then came to mind the fiery contrast of her words, how passionate she got when she really cared about something. The way that if anyone happened to catch her eye, she would immediately smile that smile of hers, the one that made you feel instantly like you were already friends with her. The way she'd bite her lip, the way she'd burst out laughing that totally (in)sane laugh... 

And of course, the way she had the mind to randomly call herself Almond Baba. 

She's such a weirdo, but she was the cutest, most genuine, most kindest weirdo I'd ever met. She's crazy, but she was my sort of crazy. She was just so... herself. She was just so Cora. I don't even think that made sense, did it?

But if there was any place in her life for me... I'd take it. Perhaps Renzo truly was right about her and I being good for each other. So I decided then, as I stole a skittle from Renzo's bag, that the next time I saw Cora... well, I'll figure it out when I actually do see her (I'd probably just freeze and stare at her for a few seconds like a lunatic and ruin all my chances with her, but hey, a guy could dream, right?). Next time.

Well, whenever that 'next time' would be. Hopefully (it sounds like I'm saying that casually, because no, I'm actually rolling on the ground and praying to the stars), it would be soon. But until then, I would wait. 

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A/N: Hope you liked Finn's POV 
(≧∇≦)( ﹁ ﹁ ) ~→ 💖...💘✨

P.S. Happy 20th Chapter!!