Name of the Book : Pursuit of the Inevitable (A Mahabharata fiction)
Name of the Author : mythooolover
Reviewer: Terra
Chapters reviewed: 16
Reason for reviewing again: Author was not satisfied with previous one.
Plot of the Story :
As the name suggests the story Pursuit of the Inevitable is a Mahabharata time travel book whose protagonist Ijay gets hit by a car subsequently transferred to dwapar with the body of a kid. There he meets Ved Vyas and soon gets adopted by Pandu. There he bonds with Pandavas who share some sweet moments with each other.
These moments soon diminish after the death of Pandu which marks the beginning of real adventure. Kunti decides to return to Hastinapur where everyone seems to be plotting against them with an exception of Ijaya, a friend who helped Pandavas. Join Ijay in his journey where he meets new people, makes foe and learns new things.
Positive aspect:
With several heartwarming scenes between Ijay and Pandavas the story has ample fluff that would make you feel oddly connected. The way the author creates the plot shows impeccable creativity she has with addition of new characters like Ijaya and drifting away from the actual plot of Mahabharata.
Another point that was likable was the time taken to transfer Ijay to Dwapar, it wasn't rushed and we got to know bits and pieces of Ijay's life, his adoption and his virtual activity.
The chapter length was optimal though at times they felt too short but that could be considered acceptable.
Writing style was another positive aspect as the author was precise to the plot making it a nice book for light reading.
Negative aspects :
One of the major negative aspect of the book are grammatical mistakes, there were tons of instances where wrong prepositions were used. Spelling mistakes are present in almost every paragraph and at times it becomes too jarring to continue. The excessive use of conjunction after punctuation make the story way too informal and this should be avoided.
The flow of the chapters feel kind of awkward with change in location bold out and underlined which is kind of an informal way to put things out. Without proper transitions the story looks broken lacking the element to call the book a formal writing. Change if povs is really common which sure makes things easier for the author to write the book but as a reader one has to force themselves to digest these abrupt changes. I would suggest making the flow smoother, make it look like a part of the story instead of just flipping to that area.
Another lacking was the descriptions. With minimal description and probing the area of direct characterization the story got the bland taste. Characters at times looked moving in one direction and interesting characters like Ijaya git subdued as a side character. The resource of Ijaya is not exploited to its fullest is something that is mournful.
There are few plot holes that I was able to discern, though scarce they were there. One was what was this feeling Yudishthir was feeling for Ijay in chapter 4 where he is portrayed as undisclosed pov? At most a person could feel pity for a stranger, not unexplained possessiveness that is borderline creepy. Then the bond between Karn and Pandavas. In chapter 13 we get to know through Karn's musing that he never cared for anyone's thoughts regarding him before he met Pandavas. Though brothers he is not aware about this fact which makes these feelings unexplained unless the author wants to point at the relation of heart which would again make things clichรฉ.
Another plot hole is how come not one attendant was there with Ijay and Nakul when they were suspecting Ijaya to be associated with Duryodhana? At least one herald should be there to inform people's arrival or departure from the place.
Next plot hole that perturbed me was how did Yudhisthir get the sleeping drug and a kid of his age knew what is the correct dosage for it, sure he is wise but didn't Kunti suspect anything? If yes then why did she allow the usage of such lethal drug?
Moving back to character development, lack of background for Ijaya sure adds mystery to her air but with her minimal presence she looks more of a side character with a useless presence at most. Character of Kunti again receives a major hit when she uttered words like "Hastinapur- The Kandpradesh of Dwapar". This sure adds an element of comedy but as a character of a single mother who had just lost her husband and had 6 children to care about these lines are not justified.
Parts like:
"Its alright Arjun. Its for a good cause. Listen children, I know I am harsh on you at times but after your pitashree's death we are on our own. This is not the Hastinapur which we left years ago. I don't want us to be a burden on anyone. I want you all go be self sufficient" Mata emotionally remarked and all six of us hugged her tightly.
Not only have grammatical mistakes but instead of adding severity of situation comes out as a flat monotone because what levels of emotions one wants to portray is not clear. Is her eyes welling up with tears or is her voice cracking or is it a whisper relaying her helplessness? Without proper description these lines lose their allure which could be considered a negative aspect.
A factual error too was there, children could at most play chausar, not dyut. For dyut you need to put up stakes but for chausar it is like a mere game of Ludo.
Overall analysis:
Overall the book has a nice plot that would keep you on your spot and the characters added in the story are another level of treat. It is just that the potential is not completely used which makes the book less appealing. Editing is severely required because at some points it almost reaches the point where you just want to leave the book due to those. Other than that the book is good for light reading.
(Small tip: Add a prologue as the first chapter lack enough enigma to attract audience, it is from the second chapter that one gets interested.)
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