Heather

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We're tangled up in each other, and I can't tell where I end and Robin begins. I trace lazy patterns on Robin's shoulder, watching goosebumps rise in the wake of my fingertips.

The hotel sheets are warm from our bodies. There's something intimate about this moment that makes my chest ache.

But there's also some other fucking thing about the way she's looking at me that makes my stomach flip. Not in a good way. Not anymore.

"Why'd you lie about having a fiancé earlier?" Robin asks, her tone is curious and not accusatory. "Why would you joke about something like that?"

I force a laugh, but it sounds fake even to me. I wonder if she will buy it because my heart is thudding so hard in my chest and she can hear it firsthand because her head is right there.

"Oh, that? I was just messing around." Another lie to add to the pile. Because yeah, I do have a fiancé. I absolutely do.

Javis is probably somewhere judging me for denying him. But when Robin asked earlier, I just said no. Just like that. Didn't even hesitate.

Well, to be fair, my head was crowded and she looked like she was backing out on me. I needed to get laid, I needed to release and think straight first. And do yes you can say I lied and conned her into it.

But she doesn't need to know that because now there's no taking it back, is there?

What am I supposed to say? 'Just kidding, I totally am engaged, my bad'? Yeah, right.

Besides, after today, we're probably never going to see each other again. I just needed closure I guess before finally stepping into the world that was built for me.

So why am I even worried about it? It's not like this means anything. It can't mean anything.

Me thinking about her twenty four-seven the past week means nothing. I just needed to get her out of my system and now that we've had sex, I swear her face won't pop up in my head. Ever.

Robin's hair is soft against my shoulder, and I try not to think about how nice it would feel to wake up to this in the middle of the night or in the morning.

I also try not to think about how I'm going to have to go home later and act like this afternoon never happened.

The fact that I'm going to have to look Javis in the eye tonight when he finally goes down on one knee in front of our family and proposes. And I have to pretend everything's normal, is eating me from the inside out.

"Hey, I'm sorry I did that." I miss her forehead gently.

"It's dumb."

"Yeah, I know." I laugh, glad that we can move into another topic.

"You're so dumb, it's turning me on," she says and I can't help but smile.

I click my tongue. "I see what you did there."

"Mmh mmh..." She hums before she swallows me into another slow, wet, kiss.

Just like that, more orgasms are loading.

The hours drift by, like we're in some kind of bubble where time doesn't quite work right.

We talk about nothing important. Safe topics. The weather. That weird painting on the hotel wall. The terrible coffee from that's restaurant even if she did not try it.

Anything but real life.

Two hours. We've been here two whole hours, just existing in this little universe we've created.

So much for wanting just a few minutes with each other. Robin is addictive in a way. I don't know how she does it but something about her presence just makes you want to stay there and not leave.

But reality's starting to creep in. The sun's getting lower, and both our phones keep buzzing. I don't dare ask what's up with her phone and neither does she.

It's safe this way.

"We should probably get going," Robin says, and I know she's right.

Of course she's right. We can't stay here forever, much as part of me wishes we could.

She starts gathering her clothes, and I do the same. It's awkward now, somehow even after clearing the joke thing.

Funny how that works. Like, once you start putting your clothes back on, all the magic disappears and you're just two people who made some questionable choices.

"Can you drop me at that restaurant from earlier?" Robin asks, and something in her voice is different. Careful, guarded.

I don't ask why she wants to go there. Don't ask if that's really where she's staying or if she's just trying to keep me from knowing where she lives.

I don't need to know. I don't want to know, really.

It's easier if this stays simple. Clean. A one-time--no, two-time thing that we can both walk away from.

The drive is quiet. Not uncomfortable, exactly, but heavy with all the things we're not saying.

I want to say so many things. I want to clear it up that after this, she shouldn't expect any calls from me. I want to say how much I enjoyed her, how much every part of her body had been imprinted in my head, but I do not say anything.

My chest is twisting but I ignore it. I'm getting pretty good at ignoring things today.

We pull up to the restaurant, and for a second, neither of us moves.

What do you say in a moment like this? Thanks for the afternoon? See you never? Sorry I lied about being engaged because tonight it's finally happening?

"I'm glad you came," I say instead, because it seems like the least complicated thing to say. And it's true, even though it probably shouldn't be.

"Me too," Robin says, and then she's gone.

Just like that. Door closing, walking away, disappearing around the corner like this was just another normal afternoon.

I sit there longer than I should, watching the space where she disappeared.

In a minute, I'll go back to my real life and deal with everything. In a minute, I'll have to figure out how to live with what I've done.

But for now, I just sit here, trying not to think about how I'm going to remember every detail of this, whether I want to or not.