Upon waking the next morning, Levi felt calmer and more rested than he had in weeks. For just that tiny moment of ignorance while his brain was still pulling itself out of sleep mode, all seemed right in the world, like the past six months never happened. Even still, when his mind began to make sense of the room around him - beige curtains instead of gray, fan blades carved out of oak instead of red cedar, plain white cotton sheets instead of deep burgundy satin ones against his skin...

Yet still beside him was the sound of soft breathing and the warmth of another human being.

Eren...he stayed with me all night...

His heart squeezed in a way he'd forgotten it could.

As Levi was sitting up, Eren's eyes were pulling open, a little dazed by his surroundings much the same way Levi had been until the memory of the previous night resurfaced. Swallowing dryly, Eren sat up as well, keeping his distance from the other as much as something within him didn't want to.

Feeling the weight shift on the bed, Levi turned as he ran a hand through his hair. "Hey," he mumbled sleepily at the other.

"Hey," Eren murmured. "Feel any better?"

"A little," Levi admitted. He turned back around, staring down at his hands in his lap where it was still beneath the blankets. "What...about you?"

"Me?" Eren frowned.

"No, the other brat in the room," Levi muttered.

"Oh. Uhm. I'm...fine," he managed as his heart squeezed painfully. With Levi looking away, he kept his own gaze on him as much as he could, a terrible feeling of longing constricted in his chest.

"Somehow I don't believe that."

"It's okay. Don't worry about me."

He couldn't be sure, but Eren swore he heard something of a sarcastic huff from the raven, who swiveled around to see the time. 8:56.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go see if Charlotte is up...get breakfast started..." Levi was saying as he tossed the blankets off and stood. "Anything in particular you want?"

"Oh, um, you don't...have to make me anything," Eren said quietly. It was rare Levi actually cooked breakfast anymore, even on Sundays; they would all simply scrounge for themselves. That was how it was for most meals anymore, though.

"I want to," Levi responded. "We should give Charlotte at least one last family meal."

Eren's heart squeezed painfully; tears stung behind his eyes. "Right. Okay. Anything is fine."

Levi nodded, stretching before heading toward the door. Eren was just slipping out of bed in preparation to make it when Levi stopped halfway through the doorway.

"Eren?" he asked without turning around.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you. For staying with me last night, I mean."

Again Eren's response came without thought or hesitation. "Of course, Levi."

That same evening, a few hours after the sun found its nest below the horizon once again, Eren found himself standing outside the door to Levi's workroom staring down at his bare feet. He stood several feet away, contemplating and tired, a conflict battling itself out in his head.

The day had been one of the easier ones, miraculously, in a long time. After sleeping beside Levi again, Eren felt better rested than he had in months; it still wasn't great, he'd only gotten about three hour's sleep, but it was better.

It felt incredibly stupid to be standing there like an idiot, but the longing he'd felt in his chest that morning never faded away and was the sole thing to push him out there, trying to convince him to knock on the door.

From beyond the door, he heard the shuffling of blankets and a soft sigh, and just that much was enough for his resolve to crumble and his fist to lift, his knuckles tapping gently against the wood.

"Yeah?" came Levi's almost immediate response.

With his lips pressed firmly together, Eren slowly twisted the knob and pushed the door open just a crack to be able to peek in and see Levi lying stretched out on his back, his arms crossed behind his head.

"I didn't wake you up, did I?" he whispered.

"No," Levi murmured, sitting up. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Eren's eyes fell; he wasn't expecting to get this far and, as a result, had no idea what to say.

"What's up, Eren?" Levi asked, voice laced with concern.

"Ah...it's um...it's nothing, sorry I bothered you..." He started to pull the door shut but just before it slid back into place within the frame, Levi spoke up.

"Come here, brat."

The brunet's heart jumped and he poked his head back in, stupidly hopeful. "Are you sure?"

Levi nodded, waving him in. "I can't sleep, either."

That was all it took for Eren to slip into the room and press the door silently shut behind him before tiptoeing over to the bed. "Sit," Levi told him when he hesitated. "It's fine, Eren."

So Eren sat. Eventually, they ended up lying down, Eren's head making a pillow of Levi's chest, their fingers laced together atop his stomach the way they always used to lay together. It was June, so it was warm, but instead of moving away from each other as they might've in the past, they kicked the blankets off.

Tears he couldn't hold back pricked at Eren's eyes and before he knew it, his nose was wet as one trailed over it and then they were falling one after the other, soaking into Levi's shirt. Levi used his free hand to rub his side, trying to soothe him. He did so until the tears stopped and they both finally slipped into slumber.

The next night was similar, minus the tears. Eren crept from his bed and into the hallway, contemplating whether it was really okay for him to spend the night with Levi for the third night in a row while they were in such a situation. But when Levi murmured a, "You out there, Eren?" from the other side of the closed door and he responded with his own small "yeah" before Levi told him to go in, he decided it didn't really matter and curled up next to him again.

The night after that, though, he forced himself to stay in bed. He knew that continuing to 'sneak' into Levi's room every night would only make it that much harder when everything was finalized, when he was moved out into his mom's place and no longer having that option. It already hurt so much, the two of them having slept in separate rooms for a couple of months now until the night of the flashback. He convinced himself it didn't matter that sleeping next to Levi again brought him better sleep and better peace of mind, that it helped chase away the potent, ever-present depression that'd been hanging over his shoulders.

Levi wanted out. And he couldn't blame him, so he kept himself away.

The morning after, he did his best to pretend not to notice the first look Levi gave him when they met down in the kitchen while Charlotte was munching away on some cereal, keeping her eyes away from them. The look that almost, almost said, 'Where were you last night?'

That night was unbearable. As he laid staring blankly up at the ceiling, his chest ached. He felt regret and yearning all at once - regret because he shouldn't have gone in that room the nights after the flashback because he was right, it hurt to be away from Levi now, and yearning because he wished he had the courage to get up and go knock on that stupid door, hoping Levi was somehow still awake at nearly 2 AM, maybe waiting for him. Wishing it was okay for him to do that, in spite of everything.

The night after that, just two nights before he was supposed to be out for good, before things were supposed to be in motion for the divorce to be finalized, was much the same, although somehow the house felt quieter without the presence of Charlotte in her room because she was staying with Alex again. It was only just after eleven when Eren settled down, resigning himself to the fact that it was going to be an agonizingly long night, and his thoughts started to wander as they always did.

This time, though, instead of reminding himself of how much he'd screwed up and pushed Levi away, instead of thinking of the entries in Lynne's journal that he still didn't have the guts to read all the way through or thinking of how much he would miss his daughter, he thought solely of Levi. Of his lips, soft and delicate but rough and even demanding at times, too. Of his hair, silky between Eren's fingers pushing through it. Of his hands, a bit calloused around the edges but otherwise soft and tender. Nurturing and dextrous. Expert as they pulled pencils across paper or needles across skin.

His thoughts were flying with Levi, Levi, Levi, his emotions a tangle of love and regret and sadness and pain and heartbreak and longing. Hatred for himself and absolute disgust for what he'd let himself turn into.

Just like that, he broke. He threw the blankets off of himself and tiptoed toward the door, out into the hall, and didn't let himself hesitate in knocking on the door. No answer, so he knocked again, just a little louder. Still nothing. Taking a risk and expecting to find Levi asleep, he edged the door open and peeked in to find the bed empty, still made up perfectly from that morning. Frowning in worry, he headed for the stairs in search of the man.

~*~

Tick, tick.

Nothing but the sound of the clock mounted on the wall to his right made a sound. The room was dark, and his back ached from having been sitting in the hard wooden chair for so long, staring blankly at the stack of papers laid out in front of him, the pen adjacent.

Tick, tick. Thump, thump.

He sat so still he could feel his heart keeping its own time within his ribs. No longer could he really make out the words printed across the paper. Since the sun went down, he hadn't bothered to stand up and turn a light on.

Sighing, Levi leaned back and slid his glasses off, carelessly discarding them onto the table and rubbing his eyes. He'd had more than enough of this...

Just as he was considering standing up and heading to bed, the sound of soft footsteps descending the stairs caught his attention and he turned just in time to find Eren appearing in the kitchen doorway. It was clear when he, too, caught sight of Levi because his hands hid themselves away in the pockets of his plaid pajama pants and his shoulders curled forward slightly the way they always did in Levi's presence, like he was trying not to show too much of himself.

"Hey," Eren murmured, surprising Levi as he himself was usually the first to say it.

"Hey," he responded tiredly. "Come for a glass of water?"

"What? Oh. No, actually. I...was looking for you.'" He took a few steps into the kitchen, eyeing the papers on the table. "You're still at that?"

"...yeah." Levi's eyes followed him in, watching his eyes as they glowed in what very little light came in from the little square window above the sink. Those damn eyes. He looked away. "Why were you looking for me?"

Eren visibly stiffened. "I...uh..." He swallowed, unsure how he was going to put the truth into words out loud. "You weren't in your room..."

Levi nodded, understanding. A kind of warmth flooded through him and the urge to reach out for Eren's hand, to tug his wrist until it slipped from his pocket so he could slide his fingers between Eren's overwhelmed him, so he crossed his arms to keep it at bay.

"You should get to bed, though," Eren continued. "It's late. You've been at that for hours...and I'm sure it's not easy to see in the dark."

The constriction around Levi's heart tightened. It was so unlike Eren to say these things, to speak so stiffly to him. Still, Levi was no fool to the genuine concern in his rough, fatigued voice.

"Yeah. You're not wrong."

Eren stood there in another minute of silence before asking, "Do you want me to make you some tea, maybe? To help you relax...maybe get some sleep?" That naked worry had snaked itself into Eren's eyes; Levi had to swallow to keep from saying something stupid.

"Sure," he murmured.

With a small nod, Eren crossed over to the sink. "I'm gonna turn the light on," he warned and a second later the little fluorescent above the sink flicked to life. Levi could only watch with fractionally squinted eyes as Eren filled the tea kettle and left it to heat up before retrieving the packets of tea and Levi's favorite mug from the cabinets. As he opened the box containing the tea, his wedding band glinted in the light, and that was all it took.

"Forget it, Eren."

"You don't want tea?" Eren asked, oblivious, as he swiveled around, frowning.

"No, that's not what I'm talking about." Levi's arms came uncrossed; he sat up straight. "This," he said, gesturing at all of the papers in front of him.

Eren was just opening his mouth to form a question when Levi did something he'd never expected. He placed both hands firmly on the stacks and, without any regard to the pen or even his glasses, shoved it all right off of the edge of the table. Papers fluttered all over the place and skidded across the floor, clear over to the doorway to the dining room.

Eren stood in stunned silence, staring.

"I can't do this," he said, strained, his eyes filling with the pain he'd been holding back for the sake of the other, of their daughter. "No. I don't want to do this."

Eren had just enough sense to place the cup on the counter before it slipped from his fingers. "Levi..." he whispered, unconsciously taking a step forward.

"I'm done with it, Eren. Done." Eren continued unconsciously forward, eyes locked solely on Levi's, an immeasurable amount of hope beginning to flood through him. "I'm sick of it," Levi continued. Each word he spoke pulled Eren back a little more, so he kept talking. "I'm sick of coming in here and forcing myself to do this...to make these shitty decisions that are only doing more damage than good. For all of us. I'm sick of sleeping in a separate room and I'm sick of feeling so guilty for hurting our daughter and chasing her away."

By then, Eren was right in front of him, eyes wide and glossed over with moisture, clearly too stunned to say anything.

So Levi reached for him, gently tugging at one hand, and then the other, threading their fingers together before leaning forward and pressing his forehead to the center of Eren's abdomen.

"I'm tired of being the reason for your pain, too," he said in a much quieter voice.

"So..." Eren mumbled shakily. "You're saying...you don't want to get divorced?"

Levi huffed something of a laugh and lifted his head to meet Eren's eyes again. "I make a big show of it and you still have to ask?" he mused lightly with the hint of a grin.

"Sorry," Eren whispered.

Levi shook his head, dismissing the apology as he rose to his feet. His eyes were liquid; it seemed a storm was brewing within them. Eren only held his hands tighter.

"I've had way too much time to think," he began softly. "To remember why we made it here in the first place, and to realize just what I must be putting you through.

"I've had time to reflect and remember all the shit we went through in the past. Between my addiction and shitty relapses, my shitty mental health, all the godforsaken puking and spending the night in the bathroom because of it, or when my lungs got even worse or when you found new scars I never wanted you to see...when I felt like shit and tried to hide it but could never completely get it past you because you know me so damn well.

"Through all of it. Through everything, you've remained strong. You've remained here, and constantly reminded me how much you believed in me despite the fact that I know I'm a shitty, weak person. You never left...never abandoned me to deal with it on my own, even when it was harder on you, too, for one reason or another.

"So why in the world would I abandon you in your time of need when you never once even thought about giving up on me? What in my right fucking mind made me think that would be better for all of us?" He shook his head, mostly at himself; his hands lifted to gently cup the sides of Eren's face, whose eyes were pooling with tears not yet shed. "I'll understand if you can't forgive me, love, but truly, I am sorry for leaving you alone all these months with your pain, for putting you in pain, and for being a terrible husband to you."

Levi's face was swimming. Eren blinked to clear his vision, allowing the tears to make wet trails down his cheeks, and he couldn't help but take Levi into his arms, sliding them securely around his torso and burying his face in his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Levi whispered again, returning the embrace and pressing as close as physically possible. "I'm so sorry, darling."

"Stop saying that," Eren blubbered. "I'm...I'm not mad at you."

"You should be. You should be furious. And I wouldn't blame you if you still wanted to go through with the divorce because I've been such a terrible pers--"

"Stop!" Eren's grip tightened. "I never wanted it in the first place. I'm not mad. I'm just...I'm relieved."

Levi laughed dryly. "In that case, you should. I don't deserve you. Never have."

Eren sniffled, reluctantly pulling himself back to look into Levi's eyes once more, allowing himself to get lost in them for the first time in ages. "Please, Levi...I can't take it when you say things like that. I know you think lowly of yourself, but I don't. I married you, didn't I? If this is gonna work again...if we're gonna make this work, then there has to be some change. I don't want you to stop telling me how you feel...in fact, I want you to tell me more. But I want you to try and see the beauty in yourself, okay? I wish..." He was forced to pull a hand away to wipe his face, sniffing again but ignoring the fact that he was in need of a tissue...or seven. "I just wish you could see yourself through my eyes."

And for the first time in forever, Levi's mask cracked, letting a smile through. It was small, and it only barely touched his eyes, but it was there. "I could say the same thing for you, sweetheart."

Eren dove back into the embrace, holding Levi tighter than ever - so tight that it was almost difficult to breathe, but Levi didn't have a care in the world about it. He missed this. He missed Eren's warmth, his sweet yet husky smell, the softness of his being and the light of his soul, so close and for him only.

The light had dimmed. It was being smothered by the darkness of his depression and only tiny pinpoints of light shone through. Still, it was there, and that meant there was hope.

"I love you, Levi."

Once again Levi gently pushed the other back to see his face, his hands sliding up to cup his cheeks and gently brush his tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

"I love you too, Eren."

Despite the tears still falling, Eren slid a hand to the back of Levi's neck and dipped his head and pressed his mouth firmly to Levi's.

Levi kissed him back with fervor, suddenly realizing just how desperately much he missed the feeling of Eren's lips pressed against his, moving in time with him, holding him close and conveying emotions words could never hope to express. His lips were a bit chapped and already slightly damp from his tears, but didn't fail to make Levi's heart skip a beat and his stomach flutter. He pulled Eren closer still, deepening the kiss, throwing himself into it with everything he had trying to make up for lost time. Neither of them had the will nor the desire to pull away until Levi's lungs forced him to; they were both completely breathless when their lips ceased contact, their foreheads instead resting together.

"What exactly made you change your mind?" Eren breathed after a moment, eyes still shut.

"There are so many things," Levi sighed. "The flashback, for one. When you came back to my room the next nights. When you offered to make me tea. Seeing that you're still wearing your wedding band..." He sucked in another deep breath. "Because I realized I love you more than anything, and that Charlotte was right - we shouldn't just give up after everything we've been through."

"The...flashback?" Eren whispered. "How did that...?"

"I realized that I can get over their losses - that I'd rather deal with losing them over and over and over if I had to - than ever, ever lose you, or see you in so much pain ever again."

Eren's eyes slid open as he pulled his head back, fresh tears making their way down his cheeks.

"Sh-shit..." he muttered, dragging the back of his hand across his left cheek. "I don't know why I can't stop crying..."

"It's okay, love," Levi cooed before kissing the other way. "Cry as much as you need to. I don't want you to hold anything in anymore."

With a sniffle, Eren placed his forehead back against Levi's. "Then...I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I've hated not being able to say that all this time. I love you so much, Levi."

"I love you, too, Eren. More than you'll ever know." He punctuated his words with a sweet, tender kiss to Eren's lips. "C'mon. Let's head upstairs."

Hand in hand, they ascended the stairs and shut the bedroom door in their wake. Eren took a moment to wipe his face and blow his nose before crawling into bed alongside his husband, immediately maneuvering his way back into the other's arms and snuggling as close as he could, head tucked beneath his chin and gently inhaling his scent.

It wasn't long before Eren's lips found Levi's again, moving them softly against the other's and sitting up slightly for better access. Levi's hands laced together on the back of his neck while Eren's slid up to Levi's shoulders, held in loose fists. Before long, he'd sat all the way up and maneuvered himself into his lap, pressing closer and closer until there was no more room between them.

As their mouths moved in sync, their hands roving over one another, mapping out bodies they already knew but had forgotten details of over the past long months, the world seemed to stitch itself back together and flourish. Where everything had been dying out before, something new began to grow, pushing itself past what was fading, bringing to life something completely new - familiar, but different. Stronger. More passionate.

"I love you," Eren breathed between kisses.

Levi only kissed him harder, giving him no more room to say anything. His hands slid up beneath Eren's shirt, gliding over his ribs before taking complete control by pushing Eren over onto his back and rolling on top of him, only scarcely disconnecting their mouths.

Eren was forced to push him back just a little after a while longer, breathing his name in indication he needed a minute to breathe. Levi only took it as his opportunity to trail away from his mouth and nibble at his jaw, kiss softly down his neck, suck gently at his exposed collarbone. By then, he'd pushed his shirt up beneath his arms.

"Can this go?" he whispered tenderly against his ear.

Levi heard Eren's throat constrict as he swallowed thickly. "Yeah," he said, sitting up and lifting his arms just long enough for Levi to slide it over his head, tousling his hair in the process. He tossed it carelessly aside as Eren sunk back into the pillows. Levi remained upright, straddling his waist, eyes marveling at the person beneath him, taking him in, the pads of his fingers ghosting over his skin to raise goosebumps.

"Levi?" Eren murmured into the darkness when the others' fingers stilled. His own hand lifted; he brushed the pad of his thumb between his brows where there was a definitive crease. "What's the matter?"

Levi's Adam's apple bobbed; he was having a hard time meeting Eren's eyes. "You've lost so much weight," he just barely said, trailing a hand down the center of Eren's torso, between the visible ribs and to his stomach that looked almost...hollow. "So much. I don't know how I didn't notice until now..."

"Yeah...I mean, that happens when you stop eating so much," Eren said quietly, shrugging a shoulder.

Levi was shaking his head. "I'm so sorry, Eren...I'm sorry I abandoned you when you needed me the most."

"Hey, hey..." Eren's hands lifted to the sides of Levi's face, finally coaxing his eyes back to him. "Let's not focus on that right now, okay? I just...right now I just want you, alright? Please?"

The raven gently pulled his hands away and instead threaded their fingers together. "Yeah. Of course, love." He pressed a kiss to the back of one of Eren's hands. "I'm gonna turn on some music, alright?"

Eren nodded. He watched as Levi swung a leg back over and stood, crossed the room to the stereo and set his phone up with a playlist and twisted the volume knob until the sound was little more than background noise. In his trip back to the bed, he paused.

"Light?" he asked.

"Uhm...how about some candles?" Eren suggested, propped up on his elbows.

"Mm, sounds good. Be right back."

"Want some help?" Eren offered as Levi strode toward the door. He gave but a mere wave over his shoulder in response.

Only a minute later he was back with a few candles from the living room. He scattered them throughout the bedroom and lit them as he went, creating a soft, warm orange glow through the room that allowed them to see but wasn't too bright. With that, he crawled back over to his husband to straddle him once more, this time lying against his chest.

Eren gently pushed his fingers through the other's hair, getting it away from his face, out of his eyes and studying him in the dim light. He worked on rememorizing the details his mind had let go of over the past months of lost contact, of all the time they'd spent apart. It felt like so much longer than it was and yet things came so naturally to him that it was almost as if no time had passed at all since the last time he held Levi like this, so close and warm and flush against himself.

Inevitably, their lips found each other again, moving softly against each other. Eventually Eren managed to tug Levi's shirt off, leaving their skin pressed together. He skimmed his fingers over Levi's tattoos, dipped them into small crevices and traced them around curves, letting Levi nip at his neck, suck at his exposed skin, and eventually kiss his tender way down his chest, his stomach, tangling a hand through his hair, each of them whispering sweet nothings all the while.

One by one, clothes were removed and tossed away. Limbs tangled between sheets with skin brushing together, bodies moving harmoniously with one another.

With their foreheads resting against one another, Levi leaning down over his husband as he moved against him, Eren ignored the achy protests of his body and focused solely on the music, the pleasure, the absolute bliss that it was to be with Levi again, so intimately and tenderly. His heart, thudding tremendously in his chest, beat only for the one he held close to him in that moment. His toes curled into the sheets, his back arching off of the mattress as his fist kept hold of Levi's hair, the other pressed firmly to his back.

If this wasn't his own personal version of heaven, nothing could be.

And yet as Levi slowed, their breathing ragged and bodies shaking from exertion, he felt tears - ones he couldn't seem to stop no matter how much he tried to force them away - dripping from the outer corners of his eyes and down over his temples, wetting the pillow beneath his head.

"Eren?" Levi breathed, lifting a hand to brush some of the moisture away. "What's wrong, love?"

"Ah...heh, nothing," he mumbled, dragging the heel of his hand across both eyes. "It's the opposite of wrong..."

Levi huffed a laugh. "Happy tears, huh?"

"Guess so." A chuckle escaped Eren's throat, too. "Sorry."

"For what? For finally being a little happy for the first time in forever?" Levi mumbled into his skin. "You're ridiculous."

"Hm...I love you."

"I love you too, Eren."

~*~

A few days later, Eren awoke to an empty plain of wrinkled sheets stretched out before him. Sunlight streamed between the blinds, spilling across him and the rest of the bed while the normal outside sounds filtered in through the cracked window - a few birds, the occasional car, the slightest of breezes knocking a set of wind chimes together.

He sat up, eyes only half open, and rubbed a hand through his hair before seeking out the clock. It was just before eleven, which meant Levi had likely left for work twenty minutes ago.

Sighing, the brunet hefted himself out of bed and shuffled to the bathroom, relieved himself, and headed downstairs in search of something to fill his growling stomach. Charlotte was still at Alex's; it'd been her third night there after she'd refused to come home when they told her they had news to share with her.

"She probably thinks the divorce is final," Levi had murmured after she'd hung up on him.

"It's okay. It'll give us some more time to figure things out for ourselves. More time together." He managed one of the first sincere smiles in months.

"Hm, true. And I suppose it'll be more of a surprise for her when we do tell her."

Eren couldn't wait, admittedly. After seeing his daughter slump into her own kind of depression because of him and everything happening, and seeing so much less of her because she didn't want to be around (something he couldn't blame her for), he was more than eager to see her face when they told her the divorce was off, that he wouldn't be moving out, and that things would finally start to get better.

Even the thought had his heart swelling as he rounded the corner into the kitchen, a little more awake, to find a single, bright red rose resting in a crystal vase in the center of the small kitchen table. The vase itself sat atop a piece of paper with what was clearly Levi's neat handwriting scrawled across its surface.

A smile found its way across his face as he strode over to it, eyes playing across the words.

Good morning, love. Hope you slept well. I'll be picking Charlotte up from Alex's today after work. We'll make chicken stir fry and tell her tonight.

Have a good day. I love you.

-Levi

Below it, he'd sketched the rose, stem and all, across the bottom of the page. Smiling, Eren gently ran his fingers over the petals and lifted the flower to his nose. The fragrance screamed Levi, and for the first time in months, he began to feel alive again.

---

I think this chapter (as a whole, with all four parts) is my favorite of the bonus chapters~ Let me know if you think the same so far! :D

Forewarning: there are only 2 chapters left and they are both only one part.

Thanks, loves. ♥