Jane sighed and rubbed her back as she looked out onto the patio. The empty void that was to be her new infinity pool seemed to mock her. How she longed for a dip in a pool, the cool water soothing her hot heavy body.  The light flickered across the garden signalling her neighbour had returned.

Jane flapped her swollen feet on the marble floor and waddled into the kitchen. Grabbing her phone, she took a deep breath, swallowed her loathing and made the call. She held her breath as she waited for the call to go to voicemail. Jane rehearsed the message in her head. 

"Hi," a breathless voice answered. 

Jane scrambled to gain her composure and start her rehearsed message. "Oh, Hi Alex, I am so sorry to bother you I am desperate for a swim tonight, with the heat and me being as large as a house. William is out with kids and..."

"I have company." Alex stated flatly as his latest conquest sashayed slowly towards his bathroom, beckoning him to follow.

"Oh, I am so sorry." Jane couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice. She opened the fridge door and stood fanning herself. "I will speak to you later.."

Alex sighed. He heard the desperation in her voice. He was no fan of Jane Fraser or her husband. The perfect Hollywood couple. She was particularly annoying, in that British snobby superior fashion. He rolled onto his side to gain a better view of Katie peeling off her clothes. He remembered how bad Jenny his ex-wife felt when she was due to give birth and his empathy got the better of him. "No Jane, no, look just come over. I am entertaining upstairs and the place is so large that we will not disturb each other.  The number for the gate 6969 and just let yourself in. You know where the pool is."

"I am so grateful. I won't get under your feet.." Jane punched the air. She slid the phone into her dressing gown. She mocked Alex' Boston laid back voice, "The place is SOOOOO large, fucking big-headed asshole, the gate number is 6969 -SOOO original you priapetic wankpiece. Let me have parties that wake the whole neighbourhood and throw used Johnnies into your garden. Let me play the shittest music known to man at all hours."

Jane waddled out of her house and picked her way through the path that adjoined the properties. She didn't stop to text William. She would be back before he returned with the children. She keyed in the code and stood back as she eyed her prize. The pool glistened against the backdrop of LA, inviting her in. She heard the sounds from the room above her. After spending two years as Alex' neighbour and one of them post his divorce, her loathing for Alex knew no bounds.  She caught Alex' eye as she gingerly made her way into the water.

 "Ok bump, we are going to scare a man who has only ever seen women who fit in clothes that are a single digit." She covered her large breasts to numb the pain of the cold water.

 Alex watched from his bathroom window as Jane threw off her gown and touched down into the water. The gasp of bliss that escaped her lips made him chuckle. He wondered how often she made that noise and what else conjoured it. 

"Hey," Katie scolded Alex by removing his cock from her mouth."eyes and mind here if you please." She returned to blowing him with gusto. She fondled his balls, the way she knew he wouldn't last much longer before making the decision to finish there or take her to the bed and fuck her hard.

"Anything you say...." Alex grinned. He threw his head back enjoying having his cock seen to so well. He was trying his hardest not to picture Jane Fraser in his mind. Jane heavily pregnant blowing him wildly. He had watched her do her husband in the garden when they thought he wasn't home. It turned him on and had been a regular in his wank bank for months.

Alex freed himself from Katie's mouth and drew him up to her. "Your turn babe, on the bed, legs spread."It was nearly twenty minutes later when Katie lifted Alex' head from between her legs. "Do you hear that noise?"

Alex stayed where he was, he hummed and shook his head, making Katie gasp. He wanted to eke out another orgasm from her before fucking her hard.

"Do you hear that noise, it sounds...scary...." Katie placed her foot on his shoulder and moved Alex from her pussy.

Alex sighed and stood up. He was incredibly frustrated. If it was Jane complaining about the noise he was ready for another argument. He keened his ear.

"Aaaaaaaalllllleeeeeeeeexxxxxxxx" the voice screamed. "Aaaalllleeeexxxxx you baaaaastaaaaard, open the aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh." Jane pounded the glass doors below.

The water had been so lovely, the ache in Jane's back had gone. She floated for an eternity, feeling light and cool. She stared at the stars and marvelled at their ability to pierce light into the sky. The lightning-bolt of pain took her by surprise. She screamed into the night air. It was the worst contraction she had ever felt. When it passed, Jane summoned all of her energy to drag herself out of the pool. 

Alex threw on t-shirt and sweats and flew down the stairs. He rushed to the doors and pulled them open. The water and blood made a frightening puddle at Jane's feet. She was crouched over gasping for breath, shaking and making a gesture that she was going to throw up.

Alex grabbed a jug and handed it to her. "Are you in labour?"

"No I am having a  sneezing fit Alex, of course, I am in labour. I have called the Paramedics and they will be twenty minutes and bastard William is aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggggghhhhh......." Jane grabbed on to the wall and crouched. Tears ran down her face. When the contraction stopped she threw up into the vase and handed it to Alex.

Alex stood rooted to the spot. He quickly recovered himself and placed a protective arm around Jane and led her inside. "Will I get towels and hot water?" Alex asked whilst leading Jane to the kitchen counter.

"Have you been watching too much Call The Midwife Alex?" Jane gasped as she steeled herself for her next contraction.

"That's what they say isn't it? I just thought with this being your third baby you would know what it is for." 

"Honestly I couldn't tell you. I have mostly been at the farthest away end of the action. Give me your hand please." Jane waved at Alex to come nearer as her breathing became more pronounced. Alex gingerly complied.

Jane gripped his porcelain kitchen counter with one hand and gripped his hand like a vice with the other. Jane let out a sound like a trapped cow. Alex screamed like a leading lady in a horror movie.

"Jamie Leigh Curtis would have been proud of that." Katie laughed entering the room wearing Alex' Patriots top. "Jesus Christ, what has been going on in here? Are you having a baby?"

"Get my cell phone and call my mother." Alex pleaded. "It's on the counter, I would try but she won't let me go." Alex motioned to his hand trapped by Jane's.

"Unless your mother is an obstetrician," Jane panted, "you would be as well calling mine, she is as useful as a handbrake on a battleship?" Jane sunk to her knees to recover. 

"She is in fact, I heard her talk fathers through this when I was a kid." Alex sat on the floor with Jane, allowing her head to roll on to his shoulders. He tenderly rubbed her back.

"What are you waiting for you moron? Call her!" Jane demanded as another contraction slammed through her body.

He found her number and Facetimed his mother. He prayed to all things Holy that she would pick up.

"Alex darling what a lovely surprise....."Alex placed the phone on the kitchen counter. "Mom, thank God! I need your help real quick. Jane my neighbour has gone into labour on my kitchen floor and the Paramedics aren't here yet and I think it's going to happen soon."

"Oh my, are you ok Alex? Can you manage this? It is going to get worse if this lady is premature or the baby has a problem." Alex' mother's voice boomed out over the kitchen.

"Mom, I don't think she is prem. It's not her first baby.." Alex motioned to Jane to talk to his mother.

"I'm 37 weeks tomorrow," Jane gasped. "It's my third, the baby was head down at the check-up yesterday. I am disgustingly healthy apart from being the fattest woman in Bel Air. My fuckwit husband decided to take the kids to a movie and is not answering his phone. So I am here interrupting your son's evening with......" Jane pointed to Katie, "whatever this one's name is."

Katie waved at the phone "Nice to meet you, Mrs Johnstone. I am Katie a friend of Alex."

"Good there are two of you to help. Katie go get some old towels, it's going to get very wet and slimy on that floor. Also, you keep in touch with the Paramedics. Alex, you do what Jane says at all times. Go get some ice and a flannel. Jane, how far apart are your contractions?"

"Three minutes, they started half an hour ago out of nowhere and they are getting longer....." Jane managed before the next contraction hit.

"I am Sarah, I have helped deliver thousands of unexpected babies." 

"I have had two very normal deliveries so they tell me." Jane smiled at Sarah, "They didn't feel anything like normal. Normal should be a cup of tea in bed. This is not normal at all.  First one felt like two days. Second one 5 hours start to finish." 

"I can talk him through this on the phone or I could direct him on Facetime. The choice is yours, Jane." 

"He's an actor, don't tell him I said this," Jane confided, "a very good underrated one. Needs good direction. I am sure you will be perfect for the job."

Alex returned with ice, Katie returned with a bale of towels and a small cotton blanket.

"I thought I would get a blanket for the baby." Katie smiled at Jane. Jane nodded her appreciation.

Alex's mother's voice interrupted the silence. "Ok, Jane that sounded like a good one. You think you are ready to push yet?"

"Not far off," Jane answered her eyes were closed, centring herself for what was inevitably about to happen. She could not believe she was giving birth in her neighbour's kitchen floor. The crotch of her swimming costume rubbed against her thigh. "I need to get out of this bloody swimming costume." 

Alex and Katie sprung towards Jane as they helped her shimmy out of a wet tight costume. It was not happening easily. Manoeuvring around each other as they all tried without success to peel the offending item off. 

"Cut it off her." Sarah's voice boomed across the room. "You have no time."

"Are you kidding? This is $300 dollars worth of swimsuit." Jane gasped as another contraction took hold. She clung on to Alex' t-shirt and sunk to her knees, bringing him with her.

"Honey, you won't ever want to wear a maternity swimsuit again will you..?"

"You are right. Get the fucking scissors, cut the stupid thing off and burn it NOW. 

"Oh, not me, I don't like the sight of pubic hair or blood." Katie mock retched and handed the scissors to Alex.

 "You ok?" he nodded to Jane. He took the crotch of the costume in one hand and the scissors in another.

"Yup, I warn you it's like a ginger troll down there." Jane laughed. "Can't get to the waxer and the husband quite likes it au naturale anyway."

"I am suitably warned. I have seen enough 70's porn to not be put off by pubic hair. Ok, Jane, after three I am cutting this off. One, two, three." The swimming costume pinged apart  Jane wriggled out of it as Katie took off Alex' Patriots top and handed it to Jane.

"I can go and get another," Katie explained to Alex running across the kitchen towards the bedroom, screaming into her cell phone at the Paramedic dispatcher.

Jane breathed through another contraction gripping onto Alex. "I nearly wanted to push at the end of that one. Thank your lady friend..." Jane motioned to where Katie had stood.

"Katie..." Alex stated. He continued to rub small circles on her back, gaining a nod and thumbs up from Jane. Jane moved on to all fours as the next contraction began. 

"Mom, mom, she is gone really funny and the noise is changing......" 

"She sounds like she is in transition. She is going to push soon. You get Katie your friend to squat behind Jane. I don't think the Paramedics will make it on time, so you will have to deliver this baby." Sarah could hardly keep the laugh out of her voice.

"Mom, this is not funny, it is terrifying. What the hell...? Alex looked around, desperately watching for the blue lights that signalled safety for them all. "Katie, get the bean bag and sit on it," Alex called through the room. Katie dragged the beanbag from the living room.

Katie positioned herself behind Jane as instructed. Alex knelt on the floor, he positioned the phone between Jane's legs and looked to his mother for her next instructions.

Sarah waited until everyone was in position. "Alex under the sink is some latex gloves I left at yours for the next time I have to clean. You can pop them on as it's about to get really gory."

Alex returned with the gloves. "Gloves on mom!"

"Good! Now Jane, next contraction I want you to push 50 percent of your power. Don't give in to getting this baby out quickly, you have some inexperienced medical assistants there and you need to be kind. Can you do that honey?"

"Yes. Oh shit, here comes a big one!" Jane cried, bearing down, resisting the urge to push and not giving into to wanting to push it all out at once,

"Mom, mom, I can see the head! It's about the size of a quarter." Alex shouted to the screen. Sarah swatted him away.

"It feels like a fucking melon!" Jane screamed.

"I know honey, two more pushes and we will have this baby out. Katie, you ok?" Sarah asked.

"I have an audition for a part next week where the woman goes into labour, I am going to smash it!" Katie replied.

"I am glad to be of help." Jane patted Katie's leg, "Thank you for being here."  Jane kissed Katie's hand.

"I am doing fine too mom." Alex gave a thumbs up to the camera.

"Alex, honey for once this is not about you. You have been at the birth of both of your sons."

"Mom. C- sections at Cedars Sinai are sure different to this!" 

"Yes Alex, now, I need you to tell me in some detail what you can see. Such as how much of the head. I use quarters and tennis balls for example..."

"Here comes the next one." Jane began to push down and gave a huge cry out at the end.

"Well done Jane! Give her some ice Katie.  Alex, how are we doing." Sarah's voice filled in the silence.

"Size of a softball," Alex answered.  "I think one more and the head will be out mom."

Jane steeled herself for the next push. "Shitey bastard husband. I will kill him when this is done."

"Good use that anger, your contractions are doing the work, Jane. Only push thirty percent now. This baby will be out soon." Sarah soothed.

Jane began to push. Alex and Katie's eyes grew wider as the baby's head emerged.

"Heads out!" Alex shouted. "Great job Jane."

"Great job! Alex honey, can you feel gently round the baby's neck for a cord? It feels thick and pulsing."

"Nothing I can see or feel." Alex peered anxiously at the camera. His mother gave him a thumbs up.

"Great job everyone. Next push, a baby will be born. Katie, you are timekeeper and you wrap that baby up when it comes out. Alex, you are chief physician, we got afterbirth as well. Jane, this push, give it all you have."

"Will do." Jane gasped. "Ok, here it comes."Jane pushed for all of her might, gave an ear-piercing scream and sunk back onto the beanbag.

On Alex Johnstone's Bel Air mansion's kitchen floor at 19 48, a healthy girl was born. 

"It's a girl!" Alex shouted.

A sound of torrential rain came through the speakerphone.

"Mom? Mom? Are you ok?" 

Sarah laughed. "I am at dinner and the whole of the restaurant has applauded."

"Oh, mom. She is beautiful. Like her mother. Jane, you were amazing!" Alex kissed Jane and hugged her. Then he hugged Katie. The tears ran down his face. He gazed at the baby, "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"Thank you all so much. I am so sorry about the mess and the fuss. How are you going to explain this to your maid to tomorrow?" Jane sobbed as she stroked the face of her beautiful eager baby.

"Honey, his maid has seen way worse." Katie laughed, "What will you call her?" 

Jane looked at the face of her beautiful daughter and then ahead into Alex' eyes.

"Alexandra." Jane patted Alex' cheek, "it's the right thing to do." Alex took Jane's hand, kissed it and held it to his heart. 

Seconds later the blue light of the Paramedics pulled up outside the house closely followed by William and the children.

As Jane was wheeled away for a check-up she leant out of the gurney and clasped Alex' hand.

"Thank you so much. You were wonderful. You truly are a hero!"

"Thank you Alex," William patted Alex on the back, "you couldn't write this, could you?" William shrugged his shoulders. "Well, maybe she could." William gestured to Jane. "Who would have thought all those years ago when you worked together, she would give birth in your kitchen!" 

" Yeah, weird, right?" Alex laughed.

"She really didn't like you up until now. Perhaps this will change things." William offered.

"Yup, for the neighbourhood's sake," Alex smiled. He turned his back on William, silently seething. Knowing what a two-faced snake William was and watching Jane give birth had not for one second dimmed the torch Alex carried for her one iota. 

Alex watched as everyone including Katie left his home. He cleaned his floor, grabbed a beer from the fridge and felt the familiar grip of loneliness overcome him. No one to talk to. No one to caress and no one to love. 

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