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Matt

I had wondered what'd taken them so long. He said that he was just going to take her to the beach to drop her off and then come back, but they were gone for three hours. Of course, at the time, I didn't want to think about any of the events that happened in those three hours, but now I understand how mistaken I was.

How they weren't doing any of those things. How the only romantic thing that happened in those three hours was the end of a romance. I think Shiro had seen it coming, but now it had come and he was a mess. I don't think I've seen him cry this hard in a while. It's a little awkward, sitting next to each other on the carpeted floor of his room, leaning against his bed.

My arm is starting to fall asleep- it's bent at a weird angle so I can keep it around Shiro's shoulder, but I don't want to move it. Shiro doesn't like to admit it when he cries, so he's trying to talk through it like it's no big deal. He's sniffling like crazy and I reach next to me for the box of tissues I've been going for every few minutes. There's a dozen of them already balled up on the floor beside him.

"Shiro, it's okay. Y'know, this is good. You have experience now, you know how to have a relationship."

"But..." he starts gruffly, then breaks down again and wipes his nose on his sleeve.

He's looking at me like he's heart-broken. I have a problem with that. I guess it would be different if they'd been dating for a few years, but we're talking months, weeks here. I don't understand why he's so torn up, but maybe that's because I've never actually been in an invested relationship before. Or maybe Allura used some sort of mermaid love potion.

Maybe that makes me the naive one here, but I know a love that he didn't understand with Allura. I know a love that's lasted years and never faulted once (except that one time I thought I might actually hate him when he broke my upgraded Roomba by stepping on it by accident) (It played music and had a laser pointer!). I know love so deep I sometimes wonder if I'm out of control.

And as much as I want to be angry at him for letting this happen to himself, I can't bring myself to be mad. Because he's Shiro. And it's virtually impossible to be mad at Shiro. He gets all sensitive and apologetic and sweet- it's almost like you're angry at yourself when you get mad at Shiro.

His dark eyes are pools of bittersweet beauty and we're so close that I can make out the pale scar across his nose, right across the bridge, a result of falling out of a tree when he was a teenager. I've always wanted to touch it. I discreetly sit on my free hand so I'm not tempted.

I'm allowing myself to bring forth feelings that I've held back for so long and it's almost too much. Shiro is too much. Too much wisdom, quiet elegance, compassion for one soul. And I'm a scientist, I don't believe in things like destiny and fate and souls, except for Shiro. It's almost inhuman how insightful he is.

It breaks my own heart that he's so upset right now. "I thought she was The One." Shiro's voice trembles and I try to be sympathetic, I really do. But it's hard to comfort someone platonically when you're in love with them.

I lift my arm from his shoulders gently and pat his knee, grimacing as all the blood rushes back into it. Ow. Shiro's so close that I can feel his body heat on my own skin through his shirt. I wonder absentmindedly if I'll ever be able to tell him I love him.

He's frustrated now, blaming himself. I tell him it's not his fault and pat his knee again. He's wearing a tight, black, long-sleeve shirt that smells like his cologne. It's really not his fault, that much I believe. I shouldn't blame him for the whole thing- who wouldn't fall for Allura, even if she wasn't a mermaid. Maybe that was an appeal too.

Shiro keeps talking and I listen as best I can. He's going off on how he doesn't think that he's even a good boyfriend, and that's why Allura probably broke up with him, but I know that's bullshit.

"Matt, maybe I'm just not a good person."

"Shiro, that's bullshit. You're beyond amazing, so just stop it. I don't know why the fuck Allura broke up with you, you're the sweetest, kindest, most compassionate man I've ever met. You're strong and smart and you can always make me feel better. You're my role model and honestly, I don't know where I'd be without you. So stop looking down on yourself because you've always been there for me and I trust you implicitly and I love you."

See, I had meant to say that in my head.

Shiro's looking at me, shocked. I can't really look away until I remember my hand is still on his knee, so I look at that instead. I hear him inhale like he's about to say something, but I don't let him.

Instead, I turn my shoulders and press my lips to his slightly open mouth. It's only for a second. His lips are tacky from chapstick and I feel it on my lips as soon as I pull back. I don't quite register what I've done for a few seconds.

Shiro's mouth is hanging open, wider than before, and I almost want to tell him to close it. I can't name every emotion that passes through his eyes as he looks at me, but I recognize confusion and it makes me want to get up and run.

At the same time, I want to stay here. Next to him. That side of me wins- I make no move to get up. My hand slides off his knee like dead weight.

Panic sets in as I realize what I've done and regret is in my voice as I start, "Shiro..."

He brings a palm up to my lips quickly, covering my mouth, looking away. His breath gets quick for some reason and I can basically see the cogs moving in his brain. Thinking, thinking. I want to kiss his palm.

After a few moments, he looks at me again, eyes fierce, and in one quick moment, he moves his hand from my mouth to the back of my neck and pulls me forward. I don't really understand that we're kissing until he makes this soft noise, a hum.

At this point, I don't even care that I'm a rebound. I've wanted this for years. I've imagined this moment 50 different ways, but this is the 51st that I've never thought of. Shiro pushes me down to the floor and I can taste the artificial strawberry chapstick on his lips.

He catches the tip of my tongue between his teeth and I love it. When the hell did he get so good at this? I decide I don't care. The fact is, Takashi Shirogane is kissing me and I've been waiting for too long.

...

"Keith... Keith, wake up." Keith groaned quietly, turning over. He felt Lance's hand on his shoulder, nudging him gently. For a few, blissful seconds, he didn't remember what had to happen this morning. And then it all came crashing back.

Startled, Keith sat up quickly, making Lance lean back at the sudden movement. He looked over at his boyfriend, pausing as he looked over his bare chest. Keith noticed the dark bruises of hickies on Lance's neck and felt bad about them for a split second. Then he felt the sting of scratches on his back and decided that the both of them were even.

It was barely light out, just enough for Keith to make out Lance's features. He wanted to kiss him at that moment, but the expression on Lance's face was too serious. "We should go," he said quietly, stretching his arms above his head, "Before the beach fills up."

Logically, this made sense. Not surprisingly, Keith felt every atom of his being wanting to resist. Slipping out of the bed, they dressed in silence. Lance had only put on boxers before padding over to Keith, wrapping his arms loosely around Keith's stomach, resting his chin on Keith's shoulder.

"Can I have one of your shirts, please?" he murmured, swallowing hard. Keith nodded. After dressing, Keith and a shirtless Lance walked downstairs as quietly as possible. They stopped at the basement door and Keith hurried down, then returned a minute later with a long-sleeved grey shirt, soft and stretchy. Lance pulled it over his head and smiled sadly.

Upon entering the kitchen on their way out, Keith nearly had a heart attack. Shiro was leaning up against the counter, sipping a mug of coffee. His expression was neutral, but as soon as he saw Lance, he put down his mug and held open his arms. Lance basically ran into them, too close to crying.

Shiro's hug was big and warm and muscley, and Lance had a sudden flashback of that time in the tub when Shiro held him up so he could expand his sail. That was when everyone had accepted him into the house, when he'd thought of Keith as a distant weirdo. Lance smiled tearily into Shiro's shoulder.

Holding Lance out at arm's length by his shoulders, Shiro grinned, "Be good, kid," he muttered.

Lance nodded, wiping his eyes. He wanted to say something like 'I'll see you again', but he didn't want to make promises he wasn't sure if he could keep. Instead, he gave Shiro one last lingering glance, asked him to say goodbye to the Holt's for him, and headed with Keith outside.

The pink hue of the sun against the blue sky was just barely visible, but the sun hadn't peaked yet. Keith and Lance climbed onto the motorcycle in silence, just trying to spend as much time together as possible. Lance's hands around Keith's torso, his head against his back, watching the roads streak past as they rode...

They arrived at the beach too quickly. Of course, there were a few people here and there, some running, walking dogs, just watching the sunrise. Keith and Lance kicked off their shoes at the pier, then held hands as they walked down to the beach together. Lance led Keith over to a more secluded section of the beach, where the rocks obscured tourist's visions. It was kind of like a cave, to be honest.

Lance gripped Keith's hand tightly as they waded into the surf together, fully clothed. Lance was already crying silently. Keith was soon to. The water was ironically calm, lapping against their waists as the pair waded deeper. It was cold to Keith, regular to Lance. For both of them, it felt like sadness.

As salt water began falling down Keith's cheeks to the sea, there was a flicker of movement in the water ahead of them, and suddenly, Allura emerged from the water.

She was taller than she should've been, bigger, but maybe that was just Keith's eyes playing tricks on him. Rising through the waves, all of her luminescence was lit, but Keith noticed that she doesn't have half as many markings as Lance, and hers were a pearly pink instead of the pale aquamarine blue.

Lance turned to Keith, blue eyes wide and too sad for Keith to bear. Throwing himself into Keith's arms, he nearly knocked him off-balance, but not quite. Keith inhaled deeply, smelling Lance's skin and shampoo. His whole frame shook, wracked with sobs.

Keith pulled back enough to see Lance's face. "This is not goodbye, you hear me, Lance?" he asked fiercely. Lance nodded, crying harder. Their lips crashed like waves on rocks, and Keith forgot to breathe. He gripped Lance too tightly, but only because he needed to make sure he was there, real, whole, all of Lance in his arms and not imaginary.

"I love you," Lance said when they broke apart, and he meant it with his whole soul. Allura, silent, reached out and took Lance's hand, pulling him with her away from Keith and into the sea. Keith reached out, but Lance was disappearing too fast.

Keith felt his heart following them as he yelled back, "I love you more!"

He was left, standing in the surf, with tears streaming down his face, alone again.

...

qotd: guess how many chapters are left?

i looooveeee uuuu~~~~