Friday, December 15, 2017

I

woke on the floor, with the sun in my eyes, to the sound of loud voices.

I was on the floor, sun hot in my face, the sound of a body turning by my side.

I shot up from the floor, sun beaming through the wet window, and Craig had jumped to pull up his unzipped pants to hide his naked body—his eyes diverted, he cursed, and ran across the room, to where the horror lay--

It was morning, we had fallen asleep on the floor—and the door to the library, which I had not locked, was open!

The open door was a signal to tell us someone found us on the floor together. As I suppressed a scream, and already felt the frantic siege in my chest before the rinsing of tears ran desperately out my eyes, I dashed around for my shirt and sleeping shorts, and wondered if the whole house knew, if the whole house saw, if the whole house was about to turn upside down!

The door slammed shut as Craig pushed it closed and turned around, eyes wide with hysteria. "What the hell?" he said. "Did you hear someone come in?"

Had I heard someone come in, I would have surely jumped up and ran, rather than simply go back to sleep. I shook my head. I stood up straight and shivered in fear as I heard the loud voices through the walls. I wondered if George had seen us. I wondered if he ran straight to Jack's writing room to wake Jack and tell him what he saw, just to make a scene, just to create drama, just to create animosity toward me so that maybe George could gain political favor over me so he could possibly create a household punishment over Craig and me, so that George could increase his food rations. I never thought George to be that cruel. But my head was spinning. I was afraid. I was stranded in a house with five boys, in a possibly violent situation. This was no place to have enemies. This was no time to get on anyone's bad side, to make mistakes, to hurt the feelings of my boyfriend and divide the house between supporters of Jack and advocates of Craig. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. Or maybe I could have already started a war.