The day after his dad's birthday, Edwin texts Sandra to ask if they can meet up.

Sandra's reply is instantaneous: "Would you like to come over this evening? Luis will be out with friends."

Edwin doesn't have to think twice: "That'd be perfect." He feels calmer already because Sandra's willingness to meet up suggests everything can be solved. She's probably aware of why he wants to talk to her specifically.

Sandra opens the door to her and Luis' apartment while smiling. "Hey, dad." She doesn't hesitate to hug him. Edwin squeezes her and smiles when she steps back. She's glowing and it seems ages ago he saw her like that, even though she came to all Saturday dinners he was present. She was there and not exactly sad or angry, but they never talked one-on-one and only ever about inane topics. There was this unspoken tension, a distance that hadn't been there before his coming-out. Now that distance feels like little more than a big step instead of a canyon.

They settle in the kitchen across from each other at the table and Sandra busies herself with making tea and presenting a box of the sugary biscuits they both like.

When she sits down, she looks him right in the eye and says: "I guess I should start with my apologies. I acted as if you had done something wrong - which you haven't, I'm not a homophobe - and when I realised that, I was too much of a chicken to say it." She takes a deep breath and looks down at her tea before she's back with the intense stare. "I'm sorry if I hurt you. I was just ... shocked and - I don't know."

Edwin feels surprised and relieved and sad all at once. He came here to make amends, but he didn't expect apologies, especially not as the conversation opener, since Sandra rarely makes them. She has trouble empathising with others' feelings that might seem trivial to her. When she was a child, she accidentally broke one of Tamara's dolls and when Tamara cried and stamped her feet, she shrugged and said: "But she has others! And you can just glue it like you did with mine."

Now Edwin meets her earnest gaze and she keeps it for several seconds before she lowers her eyes and sips her tea. "Thank you for apologising," he starts. "You did hurt me, because you acted without thinking."

"I know," she sighs. "I'd blame it on the ADHD or the change in dose of my medication, but that's a piss-poor excuse. You just made me feel like I couldn't trust anything about my life anymore." She trails off.

"But I was not just changing your life, but mine too. This is about my life. If you felt lost, can you imagine how I felt? When I had to re-evaluate everything I had thought about myself. My and your mum's lives changed more than yours."

"I know!" And softer, she repeats: "I know. God, I did act like an asshole, didn't I?"

Edwin is tempted to smooth it over, but he's here to be honest, not to coddle her. "A little. You implied I would or might have cheated, that I deceived your mum because I didn't know earlier. Those are strong accusations and I didn't deserve those."

"I know I was out of line!" Now she sounds exasperated. "I just know that you don't like to be alone and I thought ... I don't know what I thought. That you needed to experiment to know? That you didn't love mum, so you must love someone else?"

"It doesn't work like that. Your mum is still my friend, even though we're still working things out between us. She's the most amazing woman I have ever met and I honestly thought I was in love with her until January."

"January! But you only told us in March?"

"Sandra." Edwin uses the stern tone that suggests she has made a mistake. "I needed to process and be sure. I needed to talk to your mum. And I was perfectly in my right to keep that to myself for as long as I needed."

"Sorry," Sandra mutters. Then she brightens. "So did you meet someone? In January? Or recently?"

Edwin laughs. "I barely know any gay men. Or bi men, I guess. It was a film that made me question."

"Oh, which one?"

"Moonlight."

"From the Oscars?"

"That one. Your mum wanted to watch it in the theatre and it sparked something."

"So no men you're interested in?" She leans over the table.

"If there were, it'd be none of your business. Privacy, remember?"

"Fine," Sandra mock-grumbles. She nibbles on a biscuit. "I'm glad you don't feel like you had to stay in the closet. I want you and mum to be happy."

Edwin reaches out but doesn't touch her. "I know that. You just needed a little time."

"Yeah," Sandra sighs. "I already told mum, but I also ... You remember the jokes about pregnancy?" Edwin nods and wonders where this is going because they're over four months later and Sandra definitely doesn't look pregnant. "We had had a positive test, but I had a ... a chemical miscarriage. After you told us. So I also needed time for that. Just so you know."

"Of course. Anyone would need time to deal with that." Edwin's heart aches. Sandra's pain can't undo the hurt her silence caused, but he wishes he had seen - known - and broken into the echo chamber of loss. Two cracks can't glue each other, but they could have filled a void.

Sandra shrugs. "It's not a big deal. It's just weird. We weren't trying. I wasn't attached. It wasn't traumatic or anything like that. We're not even ready. Chemical miscarriages happen all the time. I just wish I hadn't let you think I hated you." As much as she says it's not a big deal, the months of silence show her hurt through a veil of distance. Edwin wants to soothe, but he fears he would only prod, so he walks around the loose rocks that could cause an emotional avalanche.

"But I never thought that. I was hurt, but I always knew you'd come around."

"Thanks for not losing all faith in me." Sandra smiles. "I promise to be aggressively supportive from now on."

Edwin leans back and chuckles. "That sounds like a threat."

Sandra's grin widens. "It is."

***

Edwin meets Patrick and his friends one Sunday afternoon in August in a café in Antwerp. They have dragged several tables together that takes up one half of the terrace. He's early and only four other people are there. Luckily, Patrick is among them.

"Edwin! You're here!" Patrick jumps up and walks around the table to clap Edwin on his back. "So glad you could come! Let me introduce you. We were just gonna order some drinks already." He leads Edwin to a place next to him, at the corner of the table.

The first guy is almost entirely bald and has a thick neck. He introduces himself as Maarten. The one next to him is trying to get the attention of the waiter and doesn't realise it's his turn until the third man, a thin, Black guy with glasses, laughs: "Chris, you're ignoring the new guy."

The guy glances at Edwin. "Sorry, I'm Chris. One moment." He waves at the waiter.

The third guy laughs and says: "Jacques. Or the one with the better manners."

"Yeah, yeah," Chris grumbles. He has caught the eye of a waitress who is making her way over to their table. They order and another man arrives, who sits down on Edwin's right.

He holds out his hand. "Robert. Nice to meet you. It was Edwin, wasn't it? Patrick has told me about you." His grip is firm and warm and Edwin's eyes glide over his muscled arm, there for all to admire because Robert is only wearing a sleeveless top.

"He has?" Edwin glances at Patrick, who is chatting with Maarten, but he looks up and their eyes meet. He smiles encouragingly and Edwin turns back to Robert. "Not sure if I should be flattered or afraid."

Robert laughs. "All good things, don't worry. Said you played basketball and were looking to make some gay friends. I'm the only one with social skills, so he entrusted your welcome to me."

"Good to know. My own skills are rusty after 31 years of marriage."

"You are married to a woman then? And you just came out as bi?" Almost as an afterthought, he adds: "Tell me if I'm too nosy. You probably get constant questions about that."

"It's fine. If I didn't want to talk about it, I shouldn't have mentioned my marriage. But no, I came out as gay and we're divorced now." Just a few more weeks, and all the paperwork will have been finalised.

"Must have been tough. I've seen some friends going through a divorce and they're never nice. Neither is coming out if the reaction is negative."

"I've had mostly positive experiences with that. My wife ... ex-wife and I are still friends. Parents weren't happy, but I'm too old to let them dictate my life. And I'm here to make new and better friends." Friends that will be friends with him for him, and not by association.

Robert clasps his shoulder. "You're in the right place, mate. No judgement here. Except if you judge us first."

"That's right," Patrick joins in. "We'll be the best gay friends you've ever had."

By now, two more guys have arrived and the table is full. They introduce themselves as Willem and Paul. Willem is short and stocky and has a tattoo sneaking up the side of his neck. Paul has a full grey beard and is wearing a leather jacket. Individual conversations flow together into general small talk about ailments and health complaints. Edwin is mostly silent, but he's a tree among the trees and not a bleak root in the soil. They all give him a summary of what the others already know whenever necessary and Patrick and Robert catch his eyes from time to time. Both Chris and Jacques turn out to be silent types as well, nodding along and communicating with glances and adding the occasional remark.

So when Patrick mentions his high blood pressure, Edwin makes a remark about his cholesterol, which sparks a new bout of sympathising stories and it has never been easier to slip from the background of a conversation to the front. From there, they shift to sports.

"Do you work out?" Maarten asks. "You look like you have trained for those muscles. I'd be jealous if I was ten years younger." He guffaws and drinks a swig of his beer.

"I do work out. If I didn't, I'd have a whole lot more meat and a whole lot less muscle. And I know which I prefer. Also gotta stay healthy. Or as healthy as can be when you're over fifty."

"Or you could be like me and be proud of your meat." Maarten pats his bulging belly. "The days I was fit are as far behind me as the days I was young. Now I just watch these guys and enjoy my food while they suffer."

"You've been an old man since you were twenty." Patrick shakes his head.

"Exactly! I'm long past the age where people want to look good. And I haven't heard any guy complain about having more of me to love."

"That's because you haven't gotten any since the age you looked good," Paul shouts. Everyone laughs, Maarten loudest of all.

"Anyway," Robert says, "what's your workout routine, Edwin?"

"I try to run 5 km at least three times a week, and I lift weights one day a week. Used to play basketball casually, but I haven't been much recently because some guys acted weird when word got around that I'm gay." He had still been to a few practises after his run-in with Benjamin, but his team-mates had been distant, as if he was a tree in autumn and his leaves could fall on their head and mark where they had been.

"That's why we started our own team!" Robert claps Edwin's shoulder. "It's the same everywhere. You should join us! We don't always play basketball, but we have some 30 members. And a bunch of us have infiltrated the basketball team in Deurne."

Edwin smiles broadly. "That sounds great. Deurne, you say? Do you know if I could join?"

"I'll ask," Willem offers, "but it shouldn't be a problem."

"As if Arthur could refuse you anything," Patrick teases. "That boy is head over heels."

"And too young to stick it out with a guy like me. And I have better morals than sleeping with a kid that wants more."

"Yeah, yeah. And I still think you'll cave."

"Let the man be," Jacques says. "Don't project your fantasies onto him." The group roars.

"Shut up, Jacques!" Patrick throws back. "Not all of us live in married bliss like you and Chris. Let us live vicariously." More laughter, but Robert asks if Patrick has travel plans this summer and Edwin's skin fits him again and he knows who he'll see in the mirror. He soaks up the sun and the voices in the air.

***

Author's Note: I bring more ONC recommendations! First up is MonicaBGuerra with BioSynth. This novella is part of a duology, I adore the whole concept and idea, and it has impeccable writing and memorable characters! Even better, it won third place in the ONC!

Next is -dreamsinwords with Too Far to Forget. Check out his work for the most gorgeous writing you have ever seen and all the feels!

Struggling to fulfil his mother's last wish and to hide his feelings for the cook caring for her, Sivanesan Dilin must overcome grief, loss, and doubt to find happiness and love again.