[warning, sensitive material]

Thorn stands perched against one of the science-desks in an empty classroom. She cries softly; Betty's words ringing loud in her head. She is an awful person, and Thorn believes it. She has been made to be an awful person, but the only downfall to all Clifford's teachings is that she feels utterly devastated afterwards.

"Well, that escalated," says Veronica softly. She walks into the classroom and joins Thorn. "It really bought me back my mean-girl days."

"I feel disgusting," Thorn confesses.

"It sounds like it's harboured feelings, T," Veronica says.

"You don't even know what it's like being friends with Betty," Thorn says tearfully. "I mean, Betty and I have been friends since we were four, since she moved next to door to Archie. He's the reason we became friends, and it's always been because of him. She's always been in love with him, Ronnie," she says helplessly, "and he's never been in love with her, and she's perfect," Thorn stresses. "She's so perfect, all the time. I can't even begin to compete with her. She's good and she's kind, the kind of perfect boys want; not the perfect image, always presented the right way. She's a good person, and me, well," she sighs, "as you saw, I'm not s good person." Thorn wipes away her fallen tears and adds, "And I always thought, if Archie can't love Betty, and she's perfect, how can he like me? How can anyone like me? I'm never going to be perfect."

"You shouldn't think like that, Thorn," says Veronica, sadden by the thoughts going through her friend's head. "It's torture."

"It's like every single day, I'm just always competing with the perfect girl; and no matter what I say or what I do, I'm always comparing myself to her and I'll never be good enough. I'm never her," she cries. "And I try so hard, and I'm not enough. Not enough for my mom or Clifford Blossom, or Archie, or anyone. That's why I can't miss the meet, Ronnie," she looks to her friend, "If I miss it, that's it for me. This is what my mom says I'm made to do and when I get that trophy, it's like a split second I can imagine being as perfect as perfect can be." Her body deflates. "I feel loved."

Sadly, Veronica says, "That is not love, Thorn. That's emotional abuse," she adds firmly. "You shouldn't feel like that or be made to feel like that. You'll break yourself."

"I have to try. I have to win, or else I'm nothing, V," she says helplessly. "I have to win."

"Thorn--"

"I can't believe you!" Archie charges into the room, anger clear in his face.

"Archie, don't," warns Veronica. She steps forward as Thorn wipes away her tears. "Don't do this."

"I have just been trying to console Betty for the past ten minutes," he fumes, "because she thinks I was never friends with her, that I never wanted her around because of Thorn." He points to Thorn angrily. "You," he looks at her with cold eyes, "told my best friend that I never liked her, that I never wanted her."

"I didn't mean to," says Thorn, sniffling. "I never meant to say it. I was just so angry at her for not understanding and..." she shakes her head, "I am so ashamed at what I said, Archie. I've said some awful things and thought some awful things too, but I never thought I'd say that to Betty."

"Yeah, well, maybe Betty's right," Archie says harshly. "You are selfish, Thorn. You want whatever you want and you take whatever you want; and don't give a damn about us."

"That's not true," says Thorn defensively. "I give everything to you guys. I'm always there for you, always."

"Not recently," Archie argues, "this, what you just did, was awful, Thorn. You're an awful person for doing that; all because of a swim meet you can't miss. Betty's sister is missing!" he exclaims.

"And this my life, Archie!" Thorn cries at him. "My life doesn't stop because Betty's sister goes missing! I can't put my life on hold!" She sighs, taking a moment to breathe. "I can't miss it because if I do, I won't mean anything," she tells him. "Swimming is all I'm good at, Archie, and if I miss my first meet, well, I'm already the laughing stock of the swimming community after last year."

"Here we go again," Archie says, blunt in his tone. "It's all about you and not that your friend needs you."

"Hey, she needs you too," Veronica says firmly. "You lot have no idea what's going on with Thorn because you're all so wrapped up in your own business."

"V, don't," says Thorn softly. "Don't bother." She grabs her bag and goes to leave. "He's already made up his mind about me."

"No," Veronica argues, "No, he doesn't get to do this, T. He doesn't get to say these things when you've been dealing--"

"Veronica, stop!" Thorn screams at her. She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs heavily. "I don't want to have stand here and defend myself to him," she looks to Archie, heartbroken inside, "someone I thought knew me better than anyone, that would never call me selfish - that was the one person that would never call me that; and it's crushing to think he thinks that of me, but I'm done defending myself. I don't need to."

"You know what," Archie steps closer to her, "I wish I could take that summer back. I wish it never happened."

Thorn feels her heart break. She looks up at Archie, matching a similar pain in his eyes, and she says, "Me too."

*

Having not spoken to any of the group except Veronica, Thorn finds it incredibly nerve-racking to have interrupt the meal Archie and Jughead are having with their dads in the diner, especially with the check in her hands.

"Excuse me, Fred," she says quietly as she approaches the booth. She ignores the stare Archie has on her, keeping her eyes on his father.

"Thorn Sanders," states FP Jones with a beaming smile, taking in the girl in front of him. "God, you look like your mother."

"I hope that's a good thing," replies Thorn jokingly.

"Oh, I knew your mom back in high school, trust me, it was a good thing," FP tells her, and she smiles. "I also remember you in those little pigtails shouting at these boys to clean their hands before eating."

"Not much has changed apart from the hair," jokes Fred, and she and he both laugh.  Although she laughs, Thorn doesn't want to be there, around the two boys after her outburst yesterday and the words she shared with Archie, so she hands Fred the check-book.

"Oh, thanks, Thorn," Fred says with smile. 

"Oh, come on, Fred," FP says to him, "This was supposed to be my treat."

"Hey, you get it next time," Fred assures him, as he hands back the book to Thorn.

As she walks away, she's called back. "Hey, Thorn, come here," FP tells her, and she does so awkwardly. She senses the toxic masculinity building and she braces herself for the blowback.

Jughead pulls out his wallet. "We invited you guys out," he says, "Let me pay."

"Put your damn money away," FP orders his son.

"FP, take it easy," Fred says coolly.

"You own me this," FP say to his old friend, pulling out his own wallet.

"Yeah, sure."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Fred smiles, "You get this one." He then says jokingly, "You know, if I'd have known, I would have gotten another milkshake," his words aimed at Thorn to ease her.

Seeing his attempt, Thorn smiles, handing him back his money, and says, "I can get you one to go if you like, on me."

"On you?" Fred asks, surprised by her offer.

"I can can treat someone once in a while," Thorn replies.

"See, boys, this is the type of girl you want to get," FP tells the boys as he hands Thorn the money for the meal. "Beautiful girl with a..."

"An employee discount?" asks Thorn playfully, making the men laugh.

"You got a boyfriend then, Thorn?" asks FP. "Girl like you has got to have someone."

"No, there's no one," she answers, fighting back the urge to look at Archie. "Never has been."

"Oh, come on," he says, "good looking girl like you. You've got to have guys wanting you."

"FP, leave it," Fred tells him quietly, his eyes on his son.

"Oh," FP puts two together, "of course."

"Oh, Thorn," says Fred, his hand on hers, "Sorry to hear about the meet. Your dad told me. I know you always aim for the trophy."

"It went bad?" asks Jughead curiously, him and Archie both focused on her.

"I freaked out a little," she admits, "I came third."

"Third is great," defends Jughead.

"That's what me and her dad said," Fred says.

"Only as good as the trophy I get, I suppose," says Thorn, a smile on her face though her voice is sad.

"You know that's not true," Archie says, speaking up. Their eyes meet across the table for the first time that night.

"Well, Clifford thinks so," Thorn says. "And he's my coach." She fakes a smile. "He just want the best for me, and third isn't that at all."

"What happened?" asks Jughead.

"I freaked out over it," Thorn tells him, "having a year out really threw me and I wasn't at my best - practically laughed out of the pool." She gives him a soft smile and then says, "Anyway, you don't want to hear that. So, I'll let you finish up."

"Thanks, Thorn," Fred says.

As the others speaks, FP's eyes travel to the girl in the waitress uniform. Her eyes are brimming with tears. He's reminded of the sweet girl in pigtails and then his mind goes the girl he caught in the Southside last year looking for a quick fix. His fists clench together as she gives them all another fake smile. He knows how quickly pressure can break a person, especially an addict.

"Thorn," FP says.

"I should get going," Thorn says, uncomfortable now. She wants to get away from the men and their boys, away from their stares. "I'll get you your change," she tells them.

"I'll come up with you," FP offers.

Thorn goes to protest but FP is already out of the booth and heading up to the front-counter. She gives the rest of the party a parting smile to reassure their confused faces and then heads up. She braces herself for the questions, and he won't be the first to ask them.

"So..?" Thorn walks behind the counter and starts putting the cash into the register. She sorts out FP's change and then she holds it out to him.

"I'm not taking that, Thorn," he tells her firmly. "And you're going to tell me when you looked so upset back there." FP gets closer. "Do you honestly believe what you said, about not being good enough if you didn't place?"

Thorn shakes her head and says, "It's a lot of pressure. It's my future. I've only ever been good at one thing and that's swimming; and if I'm not good at that, I've got nothing. It's a lot and it's all the time," she says nervously, "and then it's that moment when you think you're doing good and then Clifford tells me I'm an embarrassment, I'm right back in pool going another fifty laps just to prove that I can. It's so much pressure. I have to be perfect and I struggle sometimes. That's why--"

"Why I caught you trying to buy off a dealer," he states, and she nods. "God, Thorn, why didn't you tell anyone?" he asks, gritting his teeth. "Why didn't you tell anyone you're struggling, again?"

Thorn snaps, "I'm not doing—" She cuts herself off upon noticing how loud she got. Thorn lowers her voice and says, "I'm not relapsing, FP. I promise you. I haven't touched anything since last year. I'm just having a tough time."

"Then why haven't you told anyone?"

"Because if I did, I'll break," she says honestly, "and my family is not made to break. I've never seen my mother cry - never, not even when she and dad divorced. She has never broke, and if I did over swimming," she scoffs, "god, I would be laughed out that house and... they'd put on depressants again."

"They put you on what now?" he asks, his eyes wide.

"Last year, I told Clifford that I was struggling - that everything, all the training - in and out the pool - was killing me and my body," she says, cracking a little. "That I wasn't happy swimming; and he told my mother that I was depressed, which I was, but that wasn't the reason he told her I needed them."

"Didn't she ask you why?"

"No." Thorn says dryly, "She doesn't listen to anything else if Clifford's involved. She thinks he's making me better, a Blossom," she adds mockingly. "So, she made me drop all my extra-curriculars, apart from cheerleading, and put me on depressants. I kept swimming," she tells him. "I kept going with all the training, with their pressure, only this time I was too doped up to argue; and that's when I took to the street to find a drug that could help."

"Hey, wait. Slow down," he looks at her seriously, "argue with what?" FP asks.

"He's always trained me, alongside Jason," she adds. "We were perfect. He was making us a masterpiece, together."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Just that he wanted perfection in every form, and it comes in pairs," Thorn tells him. "He was grooming Jason to take over the family business, and me," Thorn drops her gaze, "Well, I'm the perfect sideshow piece."

"The woman on his arm," FP concludes. "He was grooming you to be Jason's partner." FP meets her eyes. "Did Jason know?" he asks cautiously.

"Of course Jason knew," Thorn says. "He knew because Clifford told us. He told us last year - before all the drugs - before the accident - before it all went to crap. I don't know when Clifford stopped training me for swimming and started training me for the business. I don't even know if it was ever about swimming for him."

"You were just a kid," FP says softly.

"I don't remember being a kid anymore," she says. "I only remember training to be what he wanted me to be, his little experiment."

"Does your dad know?" FP asks seriously.

"No," her eyes go wide, "and he can never know, ever. It would kill him if he knew," she says, pleading with her eyes. "You can't tell him."

"Promise me two things."

"Anything," she says, rather too eagerly.

"No drugs," FP orders, and she nods quickly.

"No drugs," she agrees.

"And," FP says, "promise me that if ever Clifford hurts you, you tell me," FP says firmly. "That if he threatens you - makes you do something you don't wanna do, you tell me." He sees her retreat back to a scared little girl. "What?" He asks, "what don't I know?"

"Last year," she says, her voice breaking, "last year wasn't an accident. I didn't just pass out from exhaustion in the pool. I overdosed," she tells him painfully. "I tried to drown myself."

Fp's eyes go dark, hardened with rage. "Say the word, and he's dead."