MAY minsan talagang pumapasok sa isip ko na ang sarap bumalik sa pag-aaral. Reality hits hard after graduation. Reality is so damn stressful. I work day and night and I can feel my body burning everytime I get home from work. I needed to hire a nanny for Jacob so I can work well. Ang day off ko lang ay sabado at linggo.

Mula sa pagiging waitress ay na-promote ako bilang hotel manager. And it was months after I work day and night. Si Miss Cacai mismo ang lumapit sa akin upang ipaalam na promoted ako at ako na ang magsu-supervise sa mga bagong staff at pagma-manage ng budget.

Jacob is nearing one. He started blabbering too, starts to learn how crawl on his own. Dahil sa promotion ay medyo naging maluwag ang schedule ko sa trabaho. Nagt-trabaho ako noon umaga at gabi dahil hindi kasya ang sweldo ko sa aming dalawa ni Jacob. And now that I am starting to get better financially, I can finally give time to my son.

"What do you want? Strawberries?" I gently asked.

Ang Pinay na kasama namin ay naglilinis sa sala. Jacob is sitting on his high chair while trying to get the white strawberries in the table.

"Bla... bla... bla..."

Napatikhim ako at hindi na naiwasang mapangiti.

"Lana, may tumawag ba dito habang wala ako?" tanong ko.

Si Lana na naglilinis ay lumingon sa akin.

"Wala po, Ma'am."

I sighed and nodded. Alzien contacted us a lot of times but it suddenly stopped when Jacob was six months. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin ito tumatawag. Kapag naaalala ko ang kalagayan niya hindi ko maiwasang mag-alala. I wanted to ask how he is. Hindi naman siguro iyon pinapahirapan ng mommy niya.

"You want strawberries, baby?" pansin ko sa anak.

Itinulak ko ang lagayan palapit sa kaniya. He immediately grab two. Tig-isa sa magkabilang kamay. Hindi niya naman iyon nakakagat ng buo kaya pilaitan ko ng mas maliit para masipsip niya.

I have no plans to build a business yet. Uunti-untiin ko muna ang pagpaplano. Jacob is still a baby and I can't be busy with new business. Trabaho muna ngayon habang lumalaki ang bata.

I spent the whole afternoon playing with Jacob. He's starting to get clingy. Nakakaalis lang ako ng aparment kapag tulog ito at kapag nagigising ay ako naman ang laging hinahanap. At dahil may office naman ako sa pinagt-trabahuan ay natatawagan ko ito para mapakalma.

Nagsisimula na rin akong maghanap ng bagong malilipatan. It will be a lot of adjustment but it might be the last. Naghahanap ako ng magandang lugar na mapapagawan ng bahay. I'll bring Lana with us, too. Wala akong oras sa paglilinis at sa pagluluto naman ay nag-aaral pa ako. Mas magaling pang magluto si Lana kaysa sa akin.

"Tawagan mo lang ako mamaya kapag nagising, Lana. At huwag mong ililingat ang tingin, baka malaglag o ano," paalala ko.

It was another day to go to work.

"Sige po, Ma'am."

I headed straight to work. Ang mga empleyado rito ay halo-halo. May Pinoy at may iba rin namang hindi. It's for communication purposes and of course, source of income. Most of them are students, too. Naaalala ko sa kanila ang dating ako.

Sa office ay sinimulan kong planuhin ang bahay na gusto ko. Just like before, I prefer the house small and comfortable. A living room, maybe three rooms, a kitchen and dining, and maybe a library, too. Gusto kong kahiligan ni Jacob ang pagbabasa para madali siyang maka-catch up sa mga lessons sa school. Kung ayaw naman ay hindi pipilitin.

Jacob is growing really fast. Pakiramdam ko ang tanda-tanda ko na. I'm twenty-six and I feel thirty. Jacob's smiles resembles a lot like his dad. Sa tuwing humahagikhik rin ito o nakasimangot.

I have experience in food business. May kaalaman ako sa bagay na iyon at maalam din ako sa strategies ng marketing. My plans is fixated on food business. Sinimulan kong planuhin iyon kasabay ng bahay na pinapagawa. Mas nauna nga lang ang bahay at nang matapos iyon ay agad kaming lumipat. Lana is with us and is now fixing the house with me.

Slowly, the house is getting more and more comfortable for us. Nagkaroon na rin ito ng buhay lalo na at may mga dekorasiyon. And speaking of decorations, we displayed a lot of balloons inside Jacob's room. It's his first birthday.

"Happy first birthday sa baby namin na super cute," bati ni Chelsea at may bitbit pa itong heart balloon.

December nine. After his birthday, pasko naman. At bagong taon. Sa susunod na buwan ay birthday na ng daddy niya.

"Kamusta ang flight? At... ang dami niyo namang dala. Cake na lang sana o strawberry," salubong ko sa kanila.

Buhat-buhat ko si Jacob. Walang palya naman ang bisita ng mga ito at tuwing nandito sa France ay sa akin na nakikitulog. It's a good thing because I get to spend time with them.

"May mga damit din sa loob. Ang bilis lumaki ng inaanak ko na 'yan."

Inilapag ni Kiko ang mga dalang paper bag sa carpeted floor at ninakaw ang anak ko mula sa akin. Pinagkaguluhan nila itong lahat kaya natawa na lang ako. My son is looking cute while innocently staring at them.

"Lana, palagay naman ng mga ito sa kwarto ni Jacob. Salamat."

Even though Jacob doesn't use that room, it is assigned to him. Sa kwarto ko natutulog si Jacob dahil hindi ako komportable na malayo siya sa akin at hindi ko nakikita.

Everyone stayed overnight to celebrate Jacob's birthday. It's just sad that Alzien wasn't able to attend his son's first birthday.

I witnessed Jacob's first word and first walk. Sa mismong new year nangyari. Everyone was gathering around to see the fireworks just outside. Sa aking kamay ay si Jacob na pilit tumatalon.

"M-m... mama."

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Iniharap ko sa akin si Jacob at pinaupo sa kandungan ko.

"Ulitin mo nga, baby. Ulitin mo," mahinang daing ko.

Jacob chuckled and reached for my face.

"M... mama! Mama! Mama!"

Napatakip ako ng bibig. My eyes watered at the scene. Inilapit ko ito sa akin at niyakap. Hindi ko alam na ganito pala kasakit ang maging masaya. Hinaplos ko ang kaniyang ulo at maya-maya pa ay may pumutok. The fireworks started and I had to put Jacob down so I did. Naka-indian sit ako at ang anak naman ay nasa paanan. Jacob got up and I supported his back. Hinawakan nito ang kamay ko at unti-unti ay bumitaw. He walked towards Tito James, Chelsea's dad. Tuluyan na akong napahikbi sa ginawa ng anak. One tap from Jacob and Tito looked at who the culprit is. Nang makita ni Tito na si Jacob iyon ay agad niya itong binuhat sa gulat.

We celebrated new year together. All of us, in our house, and Jacob learned his first walk and first word.

How fast everything had happened. It is finally the time for me to let go of being a manager to Miss Cacai's restaurant. Nagpa-party ang magkapatid para sa akin. How grateful I am to them. Sinisimulan ko na ang aking business. It started small and had grow bigger after almost a year. Ang sumusuporta sa food business ko ay ang mga kaibigan, and when it's finally able to stand by itself, I returned the favor. I invested in them, too, and all of us gained benefit from it.

"May balita ka ba?" I hopefully asked Chelsea.

"Masyadong pribado ang pamilya nila at hanggang ngayon ay wala masyadong lumalabas tungkol sa kanila. Only that, the eldest son of the Dela Rama's is the new owner of all their assets and liabilities. Narinig ko lang din 'yon kaya hindi ko sure. Alzien never resurfaced. Wala ring balita si Cielo doon."

I stared at my four year old son. A year from now he's going to enter kindergarten. Alzien missed a lot of stuff.

"Huwag ka ng malungkot. I'll try to dig deeper. Miss na miss mo na talaga e 'no?" she teased.

Umirap ako ngunit tumango rin kalaunan. Miss na miss ko na.

Chelsea had to leave after three days of staying. Naiwan ulit kaming tatlo ni Lana at Jacob. Lana helps me with the house chores at kay Jacob. Nagsasalitan din kami sa pagluluto. I'm a pro now.

"Jake? Come on, baby. The food is ready. Kailangan mong kumain para matulog."

Wala pang limang minuto ay nakita ko na agad ito na papasok ng kusina. Nakagawian na nitong matulog tuwing hapon para mabilis ang kaniyang paglaki. Jacob's fond of fishes so I also made a customized aquarium for him. Naka-display iyon sa balkonahe na nasa likurang bahagi ng bahay.

"Mommy," he softly called.

I turned to him with a bowl in hand.

"Yes po?"

"Someone's at the door."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. Wala namang nag-doorbell.

"Wala naman."

Umupo ito sa silya kaharap ko. Salubong ang kilay nito na akala mo ay galit.

"I heard footsteps outside, Mommy."

I titlted my head and called for Lana.

"Paki-check naman kung may tao ba sa labas. Wash your hands first, anak."

He nodded and I continued preparing our lunch. I also decided to cut white strawberries for him. Ang hilig-hilig niyang kumain ng ganito.

"Ma'am Ray, may naghahanap po sa inyo."

Bumalik si Lana dala ang balitang iyon.

"Sino daw, Lana?"

"Hindi ko alam, Ma'am. Ayaw po sabihin e. Ikaw ang hinahanap."

I took off the apron and nodded. Pumalit si Lana sa ginagawa ko at ako naman ang lumapit sa pinto.

"Hi, how may I help you?"

The woman in short hair was shock to see me.

"I-... you're Rayzeah Alonzo, right?" she nervously asked and I nodded.

"Yes."

Malawak ang kaniyang ngiti nang sabihin ko iyon.

"Great! I'm Bella, Alzien's sister."

My lips parted in shock. I gasped. Nagsimulang tumambol ang dibdib ko. Ang unang rumehistro sa aking utak ay ang mukha ni Alzien.

"I know you're in shock right now, but please listen to me. I came here not to scare you or something, okay? I'm not manipulative or evil, like my Mom. I came here to tell you that Alzien's graduating next week and I need you to come with me."

Hindi ako nakabawi agad. I am completely lost.

"I-I'm sorry but I'm confused. Come, let's talk inside. Para magkalinawan tayo kasi naguguluhan talaga ako. I lost connection with your brother years ago and I'm in a literal shock right now."

Tumango naman ito kaya niluwagan ko ang pinto at pinapasok siya. I made her sit in the couch and told Jacob to continue eating. Sumunod ang mata niya nang tawagin ko si Jacob. Pigil ang kaniyang ngiti at halos hindi na matanggal ang titig sa aking anak.

"So, first of all, what is this all about?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot to give you some explanation. But first, allow me to introduce myself formally. I'm Bella Dela Rama, Alzien's older sister. Second, I came here to tell you the reason why Alzien lost contact with you and my niece. Third, oh, my God, he's so cute, can I touch him!?" she giggled while gazing onto Jacob who's silently eating.

Napailing ako. I am not allowing anyone to touch my son in times like this. Hindi ko alam kung mapagkakatiwalaan siya dahil hindi ko naman ito kilala.

"Can you explain it to me further? Hindi pa rin maproseso ng utak ko."

She chuckled and held my hand.

"Ito na nga, my Mom, who's just plainly wicked and manipulative, manipulated this brother of mine, Alzien. I know your relationship with him, he told me everything when Mom kidnapped him. Imagine, his own mother kidnapped him! Mom and Dad was unstoppable. Mom and Dad holds power on everything kaya maski ako ay walang nagawa para iligtas ang kapatid ko from them. Bumalik sa first year si Alzien and took the course they wanted him to take. God, awang-awa ako sa kapatid ko. He'd been through a lot and here I am, walang magawa at sunod-sunuran din sa gusto nila.

"Alzien would always tell me how much he miss you and Jacob. I was there when Mom grounded him, no gadgets and tv's. Walang barkada. School at bahay lang. To ease his misery a little, I made him borrow my phone and that was the last time he had the chance to call you. Mom found out about that too and she went livid. I'm so sorry, Ray, I wasn't able to help. I was there when he broke down in tears and kept telling me how much he miss you and that he loves you so dearly."

Napugto ang aking paghinga dahil sa sunod na sinabi nito.

"The least I could do for my brother is to surprise him with what he really yearned for year. I want you and Jacob to come with me and we'll fly back to the Philippines."