TO say that the gang was shocked by what came back from my showcase trip in Manhattan would be an underestimate.

The world malfunctioned when, after the weekend, neither of us were seen despite having arrived last Friday despite the numerous calls and messages from our friends.

Mostly death threats, some made from insistent boredom.

"There's a party at Arbour," Ross said, amused, when he saw Esther's caller ID on my phone. "She had a fight with Rema days ago and wants to make her jealous when she found out she'd be there."

My eyebrows shot up as I let my phone ring. We had become weekend fixtures in his brother's home in Brooklyn, house sitting for his and his fiance's numerous plants. The showcase and Hollis' unfortunate appearance had depleted my social battery, and though I wanted to tell my friends the honest to god everyting as they are due, I wasn't ready for it yet.

So when Ross offered a hideout and Seth said he didn't mind, I had dragged the rest of my sorry self to to Brooklyn and forget any and all responsibilities bearing my name.

(I said as I finished sending an email to my professor after Esther's missed call).

"Trouble in Lesbian Paradise," I muttered as Murder She Wrote played loudly from Seth's home theatre. Seth Beauchard had expensive tastes, much like the rest of his family, but liked a more white on white approach, using texture and the brief peek of dark emerald horticulture now and again.

Ross snorted beside me, tangled as I was between his legs, two layers of blankets, and several plush pillows.

"You mean trouble in Polyamory Paradise. I love Esther-" I snorted. "- Okay, I adore Esther, but she needs to stop being so fast and loose with the rules between her and Rema, and her and her other lovers. As well as her booty calls. If she doesn't stop, she's going to lose her, and despite her bravado, it's going to sting when Rema finally realises she can't put up with her shit."

I hummed my agreement. Esther was a badass, but she has a hard time sitting down and communicating important things. When real relationship stuff starts being the centre voice. Whenever Rema finally manages to sit her down, Esther either starts acting like a bitch, a fuckboy, or just runs away.

It never ends well.

"Be that as it may..." I sighed as I opened my phone's camera and sees the rat's nest that was my hair. I tried to do something about it, but ultimately gave up, opting instead, to hurl myself to Ross' face.

"Ow- Jesus, Nads!"

"Sorry, sorry, smile with me, will 'ya?"

He grumbled something incoherent, but did so anyway, and I took the shot.

"You look really nice in glasses," I mused, posting the photo with little to no fixes, making sure the background wasn't identifiable. Not like we frequented Brooklyn or Seth's home, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Ross snorted, turning back to the show. "Just say you have a genius kink and move on, babe."

I kicked him.

"I'm filing for divorce and complete parental authority of little Amina." He sniffed, I laughed. "What is that for anyway?"

"Well." I sighed. "If we're not answering calls or texts, might as well assure them that we're not lying on a ditch somewhere, and our killer isn't just viewing and liking their posts."

I put my phone on airplane mode the minute the notification bell popped.

When Monday came, we were better prepared for what we had made agree on, walking hand in hand across campus, and Ross kissing my forehead when he dropped me off at my class.

Rumors had circulated, but no one dared approach. It was so funny to the two of us that we sent messages back and forth on who was staring and who was most likely to let the rumors fly to one of our friends, and to which friend was most likely to find out.

My bets were either Claudia or Ella.

Ross agreed. "Both Claudia and Ella know a lot of people. Claudia's easy to approach, and I still maintain my stand on Ella paying people to tell her everything all the damn time."

I laughed, switching the phone on my other hand as I take out a red bull from the vending machine. "Do you want to make a bet on either? I'm heading out for lunch. At the truck stops."

"Where are you now?"

"Literally across the fresno of the bald guy with the scroll."

"I'm at my building, wait for me. If you see them, walk away."

I snorted. "You're too far. What will I tell them if they see me first?"

"Run."

I grinned. "I'm dating a genius."

He kissed the receiver. I laughed. "I'll be there, baby. You won't have to handle this yourself."

"Thanks, honeykins," I said sarcastically. "And I don't like baby. Too weird."

"Ha. Sure thing, honeybuns."

"I was joking- and he's gone." I pressed down my phone and shuffled around to maintain my things while stuffing it in my bag. Thinking I could best slow down a bit, maybe sit in one of the benches waiting for him and sip my red bull- a shadow crossed over just as I was piling my things on a bench.

"Nadine?"

I froze. Ross and I were both wrong. My smile was almost strained as I turned to face Bucky Choi. Then I blinked.

"You cut your hair."

He blinked back. Then he laughed, his pretty mouth wide and my chest warm at the sound. "My mother got to me. Visited the apartment with a razor and scissors and it was either I conform to her decent cut or go bald. Anyway, I wasn't going out of the house with hair that's for sure." He patted the short ends, now practically cropped to his skull. "It doesn't look too bad, does it?"

"No, no. You look... younger."

He sighed. "I know. That's why I didn't want to have it cut. I look like a schoolboy."

I snorted. "I wouldn't go that far."

He smiled. Things felt fine in all the wrong ways. A certain awkwardness that I cleared my throat on. Instead of dwelling on it, I picked up my things and offered up my red bull. "Want to go to the trucks with me?"

"Yes and no. Yes on the trucks, no on the red bull. I've had my sugar high for the day." He pulled out a candy bar wrapper from his pockets. "I forgot to eat breakfast and now I'm just hungry. So I heard... from Claudia, that is." Of course. "You and Ross, huh?"

I nodded mechanically, almost jerkily. "It just happened. Manhattan skyline, champagne, art... yeah."

"Well, congrats. Ross is a great guy."

"He is. But... it's not what you think."

"What do you mean?"

"You know how Ross... doesn't date people... properly? Oh well, doesn't date properly period."

"Hm?"

He looked so confused that I almost laughed. "Didn't you know? I mean, it is a well known... sort of in the know kind of thing?"

"Huh?"

"Ross doesn't date people for love," I affirmed. "Well, not the usual kind. He dates them extravagantly and wholesomely for 15 days at the shortest. Two- three months for the longest. He makes contracts with them beforehand. Promising to devote his all in making a happily ever after with them for the period of time they've discussed then... break up."

He pulled to a stop, his face a war of confusion and shock. I felt awkward. Yeah, when you say it out loud, it does sound ridiculous. But the origin story of it is really sweet, and well. Who am I to judge on how someone handles love?

"I mean it's consensual. The agreement is drawn up beforehand. It's a perfect... sort of heartless system, I agree. But he becomes the perfect boyfriend then. Even for just a while. He's just..." I inhaled. I really didn't want to out Ross like this, but I feel bad for Bucky getting the wrong idea. "He keeps his heart close and unseen. He's careful about it. This is how he deals with it."

"And that's..." He cleared his throat. "That's what you have with him now?"

I smiled, relieved. "Yes."

"Why?"

"It just feels... right. Right now."

"I don't understand. Why would you want something like that? Why would Ross want to do something like that to you especially?"

I frowned. "What does that mean?"

"I mean, aren't you two friends?"

"That's the point. We're both adults. It's... better this way. Less of everything wrong with relationships. Confusion, problems, miscommunications... it's all the benefits without the pesky problems."

Bucky's eyes narrowed. "Pesky problems? Don't you mean feelings? And that's not all the benefits, it's also less of them. Less adoration, less realness, less... love. Less feelings is not a relationship. That's a half glass full thing, even I know thought."

My jaw clicked. I didn't like it, the way my chest felt tight and restrained. And I didn't like the way Bucky was looking at me. Righteous anger it may be, it was making me feel like a child who didn't know her left from right.

"I get it's not an ideal situation for you, but aren't you doing the same thing? With all those girls? You're not in love with them, there's less of everything but most of the benefits of dating. How is my arrangement with Ross any different with yours?"

Bucky exhaled, grasping at his hair before realizing it was shortened, then huffing out, aggravated.

"Because I'm still planning on finding the right person. I haven't given up on that. What you help me with gave me confidence and a necessary outlook in what I need to do in a relationship so I can help it function better. So I can understand it better. Granted, there are still things I need to work on, and yes, that this is a morally ambiguous situation- but what you're doing is hiding from your emotions and from reality."

"Are you..." I inhaled. "Are you calling me a coward?"

"I don't want to, but that's exactly what you're doing." His eyes were so black, so piercing. "What are you afraid of, Nadine?"

"Cockroaches," a familiar voice said. Neither of us looked to the new person, already knowing who it was, but it was the way he kept my gaze, the way I felt a lump in my throat, that I couldn't away.

"But that's not your question, is it, Buck?" Ross laughed, draping an arm over my shoulder and picking up half of my things, as well as my red bull, taking a sip from it. And I felt safe.

Yes, I was a coward. Yes, I was comfortable using Ross as a shield and a safe space, not just from Bucky's question, but Bucky himself. I didn't care. I felt my body relax under his weight, his proximity, not feeling like I was about to cry any time soon.

If it was cowardly to protect yourself from all the dangers possessing all these emotions, then goddamnit, I'd rather be a coward than who I was before I found my footing. Who I was after I stumbled and found myself knee deep in mud I know I helped create by loving someone who called what he did to me love. In a time and place I never wanted to be in anymore.

Ross kept his smile firmly placed on his lips, but he inclined his head, speaking to me. "Did you tell him the truth, sweetheart?"

"I had to," I said quietly, feeling small.

"It's okay." He kissed the top of my head, rubbing the my shoulder. "Hey Buck. I'm sure you're very confused right now and maybe a little disgruntled, but I really hope you move forward and let it go. This is between Naddy and I. The same way you made your little contract with her, we're both consenting adults who were neither drunk or inebriated in any way when we made ours. Okay?"

Bucky nodded, unsurely, but moved on. He turned to me, mouth still pursed but eyes earnest. "I'm sorry, Naddy."

I clenched a hand on Ross' arm. "Me too."

"Now that drama's over... How about lunch, kids? I have a feeling that's not the only dramatic reaction we're getting."

A week rolled around and Claudia, Bucky and I found ourselves overwhelmed by the sheer force of Ross, Ella, and Esther. An unlikely trio where the latter was the one most explicitly grinning. And if people knew Esther at all, her face was not suited to grin. It was more akin to a grim smirk associated with the god of punishments and torture once he found his prey.

"Since Ross' party sucked - "

" - I'm so glad we're starting with that - "

" - we all decided on a party," Esther continued as if Ross hadn't spoken at all. "It's going to be tight-knit, just us and bad decisions made with daddy's credit card... Not my daddy, 'cos he's a fucking cheapskate motherfucker with issues."

Ella twirled. "My daddy."

"And... my mommy." I winced. Claudia laughed. "But not of my own volition! I don't even know what's it for."

Ross twirled me around before pulling me close. "It is a well known fact that Marion adores me more than any of you bitches, and had agreed to help finance this stupidity."

"What is this stupidity?"

"All in good time, my heart."

When Ross lightly pecked me, Esther made gagging noises and Ella rolled her eyes, but everyone had been on board. Outbursts had occured, of course, gasps, accusations, and inappropriate questions you can't ask in around a holy man, but nothing that can be explained and smoothed over.

Bucky did still disapprove, turning away from us at any show of affection, but kept his comments to himself.

Esther jutted a silver-ringed finger at us. "And that's the kind of disgusting bullshit that we're most repelling," she said before draining her glass of bourbon. "We're doing another Alpha Night, bitches!"

Claudia was already shaking her head while I felt my stomach twist. I laughed nervously. "You're not serious."

Esther turned, not a shift to her expression. "Does it look like I'm joking?"

Ella nodded empathetically. "Dead set, bitch."

Claudia groaned. "No, no, no. No. The last time we did Alpha Night, we ended up in Florida. Tampa, Florida!"

Bucky raised a cautious hand. "What's Alpha Night?"

Esther grinned, her eyes glinting. He reeled back as she slowly inched toward him like a tiger to a rabbit. "Alpha Night was created on Ella's first dramatic heartbreak. Not her first heartbreak- where I'm pretty sure she was four years old and in a play pen with clay on her hair - "

" - Accurate - "

" - but we all dress up super fancy for the night, bar hop until our feet are bleeding and our livers are cursing us, and just go."

Bucky tilted his head. Claudia looked sick while I put my entire face on my hand. "Go?"

"We go. Anywhere."

"Anywhere?"

"We have a sponsor who owns a private jet." Esther swiped to Ella, then to Ross. "And another one who knows a lot of bar and club owners courtesy of his party-loving brothers. Not to mention hotels and shit. And again, financed beautifully by mommy and daddy dearests. Alpha Night is one night of literally letting loose for one night and saying fuck it to conventions and rules. We move by emotion and emotion only. Hence, Alpha Night."

Bucky pursed his lips, struggling for the right word. "It sounds... fantastical."

"It's the worst mistake you could put your body through," Claudia corrected.

"I don't even remember half the shit we did last time," I seconded.

"Which is the point." Esther crossed her arms. "Things have been uneasy in this group. Uneasy and tensed. If not tensed, then off. Awkward. We're friends for fucks sakes. This is how we do things when things are bad. We drink, party to forget, and pray we don't drop dead in a hospital by a doctor who had been pumping the shit out of our stomachs. We're doing this because as much as you all continually disappoint me, I still love ya'll. You guys are my friends. So God help me if I force your skinny, curvaceous asses to dresses and suits, because we're doing Alpha Night."

She leaned back on her elbows, raising an eyebrow at us.

"If I have to kidnap your sorry asses, don't think I will. I'm a kinky bitch. I will hog tie all of you if I have to."

And that was how, a total of 20 hours later, I found myself with a wicked hangover, on a bed wet with some red goop, and my dress that was pristine and perfect when I left, was now slashed and in tatters at the bottom, muddy along with the boots I definitely was not wearing beforehand- nor do I own.

But when I opened my eyes, the first thing I realized was the heat in the hotel room I did not remember checking in. The heat was sweltering and I had been sweating in my uncomfortable sleep.

"Ow..." I clutched my head as I slowly sat up, my throat parched and burned, as if I had been drinking dry lava.

It wasn't the orange traffic cones that gave me alarm.

Or the bucket that had... turtles inside of them.

Or the fact that the person next to me was wearing a sombrero, an eyepatch, and was wearing a combat, camo jumpsuit.

It was the fact that the person wearing the sombrero, the eyepatch, and the combat, camo jumpsuit was none other than Bucky Choi.

I didn't know how long I was staring at him in horror, but long enough that when he stirred awake, he sat up so rapidly it gave me whiplash, and he groaned in pain.

"What- " he breathed, sounding as painful as I felt in my bones, " - the fuck happened?"