SSFY 16

Tiniis ko ang bawat segundo habang nakaupo ako sa upuan ko at pinapanood ang nanay ko na maglakad papunta sa bago niyang mapapangasawa.

It is torture, ano kayang sasabihin ko kay Papa? That I saw with my own two eyes how my mom got married to a man that's not him?

Naninikip ang dibdib ko, good thing a lot of the visitors are crying but in a different reason. They’re happy while I’m not.

It feels like my heart is breaking into pieces. I feel like I’ll never get over this. I want her to see me, I want her to see that I’m suffering, that I’m here being miserable while she’s so happy being married again.

Alam mo kung ano ang mas masakit, I didn’t even know if she will notice me. Hindi niya nga ako binalikan o tinry i-contact man lang.

My heart is full of anger and pain right now that I want to explode, I was breathing heavily when I saw how Uno looked at me with worry in his eyes, I smiled like everything is okay that I’m just touched by the wedding.

I shifted my gaze to the bride which is my mom, I looked intensely at her para maramdaman niya ang presensiya ko and hindi ako nagkamali. She looked at me then her smile faded, that’s when I knew that she still remembers this face, the face of an only daughter whose been left behind by her own mom.

My mom stopped for a moment while looking at me, a tear dropped again from my eyes when she swallowed hard and put a smile again on her face before walking down the aisle again and it was another heartbreak for me.

Ano nga ba kasi ang in-e-expect ko? She’ll ruin her fancy wedding just for me? That she’ll cry like me and run to me because she missed me and she’ll explain why she didn’t talk to me?

Hindi naman ako nilayo ni Papa sa kaniya, my dad's too nice to do that. My dad is too soft hearted that she let go of my mom without having any hatred on his heart.

Baka nga kapag sinabi ko sa kaniya na kasal na si Mama baka ang sabihin niya pa sa akin na masaya siya kasi masaya na si Mama, ganoon siya ka selfless.

When the ceremony started my tears won’t stop from falling na medyo mukhang weird na sa paningin ng iba dahil ang OA ko na, akala mo ako ang ikakasal so I had to excuse myself.

Ayoko masira ang kasal niya, hindi ako gano’n kasamang tao. Galit ako sobra but I would never do something stupid just because I’m mad, everyone deserves to be happy and she’s not an exception pero bakit gano’n? Deserve rin naman namin ni papa ‘yon ah?

Tatanungin pa sana ako ni Thylene kung saan ako pupunta pero agad ko na lang sinabi na CR kahit hindi ko naman alam saan ako mag-C-CR.

Buti nga at hindi halata na umalis ako, siguro kasi start na nga ng ceremony. I ran to the farthest place I could go. Nang hindi ko na kaya napaluhod na lang ako sa buhanginan, thank God that this is a private beach kaya walang tao may ilan but nawawala rin agad.

I cried my heart out na akala mo nasa music video ako or what. Humahagulgol lang ako hanggang sa wala na akong maiyak pero bakit gano’n? Ang sakit-sakit pa rin, hindi naalis sa puso ko at paulit-ulit na nag-p-play sa utak ko kung paano niya ako tinignan at binalewala.

Sino lang ba ako sa buhay niya? I hope this time she would never leave that man, that man who’ll hear her vows and I hope she would never leave her future children with him.

Hirap na ako makahinga because I cried too much, I sat properly on the sand kahit medyo hirap ako dahil sa damit ko, I looked at the waves and the sound calms me a bit.

I want to leave this place already, I want to breath, I want to runaway.

I stayed there for quite some time that it’s getting dark already, I left my bag sa upuan ko doon sa kasal. The wedding’s already over for sure. I don’t even know what to feel about that.

As of today Adria, you don’t have a mother already.

I stood up at pinagpag ang damit ko, I wore my shoes and turn my back to start walking pero napatigil ako nang makita si Uno doon.

He was standing 5 meters away from me, nakatingin lang siya at first but then he started walking towards me.

“Kanina ka—” I didn’t get to finish my sentence dahil bigla niya akong hinila at niyakap.

“Uy bakit?” inosenteng tanong ko, may nangyari ba habang wala ako?

“Sorry, nag-alala ka ba?” I assumed nang hindi siya sumagot sa akin. Bigla kasi akong nawala kaya baka akala niya may nangyari nang masama sa akin.

“I’m here for you,” bigla niyang sabi that made me froze. Parang ang mga luha na akala ko ubos na ay nagbabadiya nanaman tumulo.

“W-what?” I asked

“We shouldn't have brought you here,” he whispered and not letting the embrace go.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-iyak ko, bakit ba siya ganito? Anong nangyari? Alam niya ba?

I buried my face on his chest as I began to sob again really hard.

He caressed my hair and back and not saying anything while I’m crying and I felt really safe at that moment.

If I could just take my pain, my issues, my anxieties away. I would run to him agad agad. I wanted to take risk with Uno but my feelings just can’t.

What if my feelings changed? Paano kung saktan ko lang siya sa huli?

The day I knew my feelings for him, I was scared for myself, na baka iwan niya ako, na baka saktan niya lang ako after I invested myself to him.

But as time passed, hindi na gano’n ang nararamdaman ko. I was more scared of myself na paano kung magbago ang nararamdaman ko? Paano kapag katulad lang din naman pala ako ng nanay ko?

I don’t want Uno to experience any of what I and my father experienced, he didn’t deserve it.

I was really scared na ako pa mismo ang gumawa no’n sa kaniya. I have so much issues with myself that I needed to deal with and I wouldn’t drag Uno to this.

Bumitaw ako sa yakap at agad pinunasan ang luha ko. “I’m sorry.” I laugh but we both knew how fake it is.

“You know why I hate hearing you say sorry?” Napaangat ang tingin ko sa kaniya dahil sa tangkad niya.

Hindi ako sumagot pero nag-antay ako ng sasabihin niya kaya nakatingin ako sa kaniya. “It’s because I hate that you’re being sorry for the things out of your control,” he answered as he was looking straight to my eyes with so much intensity in it.

“You're just too nice.”

I didn’t answer regarding what he just said but instead I smiled “Let’s go?” I asked

“Let’s run away, Uno.” I know I'm being selfish but I really want to at least be with him for now before I lose my sanity.

He held my hand and as I said umalis na kami, ni hindi ko alam kung saan kami pupunta. I just wanted to get out of here with him.

We stopped at the carpark then he called someone through his phone.

“I’ll take the car,” I heard him and then few seconds later he dropped the call and got the key fob from someone.

“Saan tayo?” I asked as we got inside the car na hindi ko alam kung kanino kasi naka-van kami papunta kanina.

“La Union,” he answered at napaawang ang labi ko. I didn’t expect that we’d actually run away but at some point I am glad.

Inabot niya sa akin ang ang bag ko na kanina pa nakasukbit sa balikat niya, I got it from him and got my cellphone.

To: Papa 💛
I’ll go somewhere with Uno, I’ll be fine and I’ll be back. I love you!!!!

“What are you doing?” he glance at me while he started driving.

“Texting my dad.”

“What did you say? You’re with a grab driver?” I chuckled for the first time since that wedding.

I showed him the text. “See it’s Uno na.” I smiled while he glances on my phone for a bit, he laughed pero alam ko naman na hindi niya nabasa ang nasa text dahil busy siya magdrive.

I don’t mind telling my dad I’m with Uno, he’s so cool with it and alam naman niya na may feelings ako kay Uno, baka nga ipagtulakan niya pa ako if ever.

“Are we seriously going to La Union?” I’ve never been there kahit same region lang 'yon with Ilocos kasi nga lagi naman akong walang kasama and I spend most of my time sa Manila tapos no’ng bata pa ako hindi pa naman ako pwede maggala ng malayuan e my dad is busy with work so he can’t go with me.

“Yes, ayaw mo ba?” he asked, still eyes on the road.

“Gusto pero wala tayong dalang kahit ano.” ‘Yon lang naman talaga ang concern ko.

“We’ll buy.” Here comes the rich kid Uno, hinayaan ko na lang siya kahit hindi ko nga alam gaano kami katagal sa La Union e.

“Are you feeling fine now?” bigla niyang tanong, I’m just looking at the window admiring the view.

“So much better,” I answered, it was because of him. He made me feel better, I smiled as I was looking outside.

I’m getting sleepy along the way dahil nga maga ang mata ko pero pinipigilan ko dahil may isang oras pa ata kami bago makarating ng La Union.

Uno stopped at a gasoline station with some restaurants beside it. “Let’s have dinner first.” He looked at me and I nodded pero natawa siya bigla, hindi ko alam bakit.

“Are you getting sleepy?” natatawa niyang tanong, feeling ko sobrang lutang ng itsura ko para tawanan niya ako nang ganiyan.

“Let’s eat first then sleep ka na lang dito sa sasakyan after,” he suggested and I nodded again, wala na rin ata akong energy para magsalita.

Naglakad kami papunta sa unang kainan na nakita namin, he’s holding my hand comfortably, I feel like we’re getting too comfortable with each other already, natatakot ako masanay.

While we wait for our order I checked my phone if my dad replied already.

Fr: Papa 💛
K

Agad na kumunot ang noo ko, and Uno asked me immediately. “Why? Do we need to go back?” tanong niya agad, worried pa siya habang nagtatanong.

I showed him the text and he chuckled. “Hindi man lang nag-I love you too?” reklamo ko sa kaniya, why do parents always respond with letter K, tamad na tamad na ba sila?

But atleast he’s okay with my impulsive La Union trip with a guy.

We talked about a lot of things while we were eating, alam ko naman na gusto magtanong ni Uno about what happened in the wedding pero mas pinili niyang i-divert ang topic sa kung anu-ano to make me feel better.

Mga 10 nakarating na kami sa isang resort, hindi ko alam paano niya nalaman ‘to pero marami naman kasing connections si Uno so maybe this one is from his connections.

He held my hand again as we walk inside a hotel. “2 bedrooms.” Hinayaan ko lang siya at hindi nagsalita, he gave his card and then we got our keys immediately.

Imbis na umakyat na kami lumabas kami ulit. “Let’s buy clothes,” he suggested. Habang naglalakad kami ay nakikita namin ang buhay na buhay na beach ng Elyu kahit na gabing-gabi na.

Sikat din kasi ‘to para sa nightlife, a lot are dancing and partying, mayroon din namang chill lang like may banda lang na nag-pe-perform tapos may mga sumasayaw na couples habang ang iba nakaupo sa bean bag sa may sand.

Umalis kami sa beach proper at naghanap ng mabibilhan sa may night market and naghiwalay muna kami para mabilis kaming makabili .

Bumili lang ako ng underwear, a shirt with I love La Union and shorts because it’s the simplest among those tsaka puro pagkain ang binebenta sa night market kaya hindi na ako pwede maging choosy pa.

After that nagpunta kami ni Uno sa souvenir shop na may mga swimming essentials, kumuha siya ng board shorts at tsinelas, pinanood ko lang siya habang pumipili siya kaya napatingin siya sa akin.

“What?” he asked and umiling lang ako.

Kumuha siya ng two piece na naka hanger at tinapat niya sa akin at tinagilid pa ang ulo na parang tinitignan niya kung bagay ba sa akin bago siya tumawa, that made me glare at him.

“C’mon we’re going to swim,” sabi niya pa kaya nagtingin na rin ako ng mga damit doon. Kumuha ako ng isang summer dress na color yellow.

Binalikan ko si Uno at inagaw sa kamay niya ang two piece na hawak niya kaya tawa siya nang tawa.

Color red iyon na tinatali sa may leeg plain lang pero maganda naman kaya kinuha ko na lang, kumuha rin ako ng cycling na itim dahil hindi naman ako kumportable nang as in parang naka-underwear lang.

Binayaran ko na lahat ng kinuha ko dahil mamaya si Uno nanaman ang magbayad, may kamahalan sa usual na presyo ang mga iyon dahil siyempre presyong pang turista.

We head back sa hotel para makaligo na. “You wanna drink?” tanong niya bago kami pumasok sa kaniya-kaniya naming kwarto.

He knows I don’t drink, at hindi naman talaga ako umiinom kasi sabi ko wala naman akong dahilan para uminom but tonight I have all the right to drink so I nodded as an answer to Uno.

“Okay then.” Pumasok na ako sa kwarto at agad na naligo, nagbabad ako sa shower at iniiwasan kong maisip ang nangyari. It's been a long day for me.

Sinong mag-aakala na ‘yung mama ko na matagal ko nang hindi nakita makikita kong ikasal sa iba tapos biglang andito na ako sa La Union kasama ‘yung taong gusto ko.

Sinuot ko ang shirt na binili ko kanina pati ang maong shorts na buti na lang sakto sa akin. Naglagay lang ako ng liptint tapos sinuot ang tsinelas na binili rin namin kanina.

Paglabas ko ay andoon na si Uno, natawa ako dahil ‘yung t-shirt niya same lang sa akin naiba lang ang kulay dahil itim ‘yung kaniya samantalang sa akin puti.

“Gaya-gaya,” reklamo niya bago hinawakan ang kamay ko at nagsimulang maglakad papuntang elevator.

Pumunta kami sa may mga bean bag na nakalagay sa buhanginan at umorder siya ng cocktail for me at isang pail ng beer.

“Uubusin mo ‘yan?” tanong ko sa kaniya pero umiling siya

“Uubusin natin,” pagtatama niya sa sinabi ko kaya kumunot ang noo ko.

“Hindi ako nag-be-beer, pangit lasa,” pagkontra ko sa sinasabi niya, nagbukas siya ng isang beer at ininuman iyon.

“Masarap ang beer sa malungkot na panahon,” sabi niya lang bago ininuman ulit ang beer.

Nagkwentuhan lang kami ng kung anu-ano ni Uno at napainom na nga niya ako ng beer kahit na hindi ako nasasarapan ininom ko na din dahil medyo bearable naman kapag sobrang lamig.

“Sayaw tayo!” aya ko kay Uno, may mga sumasayaw kasi sa gitna na mga couples I guess, tapos ang ganda pa ng kanta.

Medyo may tama na ako kaya I’m saying my thoughts out loud.

Tumayo ako at hinatak si Uno patayo kahit nagpapabigat pa siya dahil ayaw niya raw, wala siyang nagawa dahil sa kakulitan ko at tumayo na rin siya.

I placed my hands in his nape while he placed his hands on my back, sobrang lapit namin sa isa’t isa to the point that my heart is beating like crazy.

“Uno,” I called as we were dancing, I lift my head up to see his face clearly.

The light of the moon and the fire from the torches that are attached on the sand made him more attractive.

“Hmm?” He rested his chin on top of my head.

“I’m really grateful for you.”

***

Happy 500+ fam!