"What is this?!" I shout, grabbing the slip of paper from Ryan's hand. I feel as if I am seconds away from punching a wall, so before I do, I crumple the paper in my hand instead.

    "Wow, you're really mad, huh?" Ryan teases, a chuckle in his voice while looking at my fisted hand. I am not in the mood to joke around with him.

    "Yes, Ryan, I'm mad," I begin, speaking in a cold tone, "Wouldn't you be too if someone decided to joke about your dead best friend?"

    Ryan lifts his hands above his head in a "I didn't do anything wrong" way. In reality, everything he does is wrong. His whole being here right now is wrong.

    "Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way, I was just trying to lighten the mood." For a second, he actually looked like he meant the apology and I was going to believe him. Then, I regained my senses. I am not going to get fooled by him.

    "Whatever. You can go home now." I say, my arms crossed against my chest. In reaction, he scrunches his eyebrows in a confused manner.

    "What? I thought you said you wanted help with an assignment. I was ready to help you."

    "Ok, fine. Help me really quickly, and then you can go home." I agree, just to humor him. I crouch down on the floor and grip my MacBook again, opening it to a document for my AP Physics class. The length and content of the assignment intimidated me an extreme amount. Physics was so much simpler when I did it in homeschool with my mom.

    "I don't assume you're any good at Physics, are you?" I ask, hoping he would read the room, say no, and get out of here.

    "Actually, I'm great with numbers." He states, a big grin plastered on his cocky face.

"You are, huh?"

He nods in response, which only makes my fists ball up even more.

"Makes sense, only psychopaths are good with numbers." I respond, a bitter edge in my voice.

"Okay, so first I'm a stalker and now I'm a psychopath." He laughs, shaking his head slightly as the throaty sound comes out.

"I mean, did you or did you not stalk a bunch of girls in our school two years ago?" I ask him a rhetorical question and he flinches.

"Like I told you, that's in the past now. I'm a new person." Something deep inside of me really wants to believe him, but it isn't that simple. He doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to being a decent human being, and I have to be aware of that.

"It doesn't matter. Let's just do this stupid assignment." I shrug, unbothered. The only reason why I'm keeping him around for a little longer is because I would never be able to do this work without him.

I handed him the MacBook and took a few steps toward my bedroom door, until he stopped me.
"Where do you think you're going?" He questions me.

"What do you mean? I'm just getting a snack. You can start working on the assignment for me." I instruct him.

"No, no, no, that's not how this works," He starts, waving his hands, "I'm going to help you with it, not just do the whole thing for you."

"What's the difference?"

"There's a big difference. I'm actually going to show you how to do it so you can learn. Much better, don't you think?" He explains.

"Ugh, no." I definitely do not feel like having Ryan teach me something in a condescending tone while making me feel stupid.

"Didn't you used to have your mom do this all day when you were homeschooled?" Ryan makes a point, slightly rolling his eyes at my reluctance.

"Yeah, but I hated homeschooling." I don't want to overshare my past life to Ryan, so I bite my tongue before I can say anything more.

He takes a sheet of loose-leaf paper and a pencil out of his own backpack and begins explaining gravitational forces while scribbling down numbers. I'm not paying any attention, though, my mind is in a different, faraway place.

I keep imagining all the horrendous things that could possibly happen tomorrow when I go to school again. It seems as if everyone there somehow knows about the Poppy situation, which is exactly what I didn't want. Either Brandon told everyone or the news spread from my last High School to this one. I'd assume people from Denver High School, my previous school before homeschooling, know students from my new one. Redwood High School and Denver High School are located on opposite sides of our big city, but teenagers here go out often and meet new people.

"Hey, Ivy, are you listening to me?" Ryan's pestering voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Um, yeah." I lie. He can't know that I'm nervous about being in public school again. I have to come off as brave and confident.

"So, how would you solve this equation?" He interrogates me in a skeptical tone that tells me he knows I was paying zero attention. I look at my MacBook to see the question he is pointing to and I immediately get overwhelmed by the sheer number of variables.

"Ew, I don't even want to look at that." I say, which produces an immediate laugh from Ryan.

"How did you even get into AP Physics if you seem to hate it so much?" He asks.

"Wow, how nice." I say sarcastically, "If you must know, homeschool with my mom is a lot easier than public school. I guess they assumed I was ready since I had good grades."

"Makes sense. Well, by the time I'm done with this little AP Physics lesson, you'll be the best in your class." He assured me, but now I was the one to be skeptical.

"We'll see about that." I reply, challenging him.

    By the time Ryan finishes teaching me his "AP Physics lesson" and walking me through my assignment, I am shocked. He had taught me as if he had a Bachelor's Degree in Physics. Maybe that's because I am extremely bad at the subject, but still. When did he get this smart? I wonder in my head. Of course, I am never going to ask him this aloud and boost his ego even more.

    "Does it make sense now?" He asks, facing me for the first time since he started teaching. I nod slowly.

    "Yeah, I guess. Thanks." I say, nonchalantly, making sure to show zero signs of being impressed. However, the idea does not go as planned.

    "Hey, are you okay? You shouldn't worry about the Brandon thing if that's what this is about." He tells me in a concerned tone.

    "That's not what it is about. I don't care about someone who spends his time making fun of dead people."

    "True. Brandon seriously has no life." Ryan agrees. At that, the fire already sitting in my chest begins to grow even larger.

    "Again, then why are you still friends with him?" I shout, trying my best to control the loudness in my voice at least a little so my mom doesn't hear me.
   
He shrugs. "It's complicated. I-" He pauses and gazes up at me as if he just realized who he was talking to.

    "You know what, I should probably go. Sorry for even coming in the first place." He gets up and rushes toward the door and before I even have a chance to process what just happened, he's gone.

    I crash back onto my bed comforter and stare blankly at the ceiling. Why do I sort of feel bad for making him leave? I ask myself. He deserves to feel this way after everything he did to Poppy (and tons of other girls.) Though, a part of me desperately wants to know what he was about to say before he cut himself off. His response, "It's complicated," keeps replaying in my head over and over again. I need to know what he meant by that.

    Even as I shut off the lamp on my nightstand and dig my head into my pillow, the two words stay with me for the entire night.

    The next morning, my mom has to practically drag me out of my bed so I can wake up. Although it is only my second day of public school, I am completely dreading the day ahead of me. I move slowly through my morning routine, hoping I will miss the bus and have a free pass to get out of school. Unlike the day before, when I meticulously chose a pair of bottoms and top to wear, I barely spend any time selecting an outfit. I don't have the energy to put work into it.

    The bus comes and picks me up before I could get out of it and I lay my head against the window for the entire ride. When I arrive at the horrendous school, I creep lazily through the hallways and make sure not to socialize with a single human being.

During English class, I slouch in my seat, desperately hoping Brandon wouldn't notice me and bother me again. Luckily, he doesn't pick on me, but instead spends the entire period joking and sneering with his idiot friends.

    This is how I must go through all the rest of the school year here so I can go completely unnoticed. I am in my senior year of high school so all I must do is survive the next eight months like this and then I am out of here. I could finally move on from this miserable lifestyle and escape to a new state for college. A perfectly fresh place where no one will know who I am or have any idea of the dark secrets I will leave in my hometown. I can start anew with a whole other identity if I wanted to.

    The dismissal bell rings, jolting me out of my seat at a time when I am deep in thought. I scurry out of my last class as soon as the sound reverberates through the room, not even bothering to listen to my Math teacher's last few words.

    Suddenly, as I am rushing through the school's congested halls, I catch the sound of a girl's voice shouting my name from a few feet away.

    "Ivy! Wait!" She yells and I pause. Oh no, way to draw attention to myself.

    "Yeah?" I ask, turning around to see none other than Ashley greeting me. I'm surprised she still wants to talk to me with all the cruel rumors being spread like wildfire.

    "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out at the coffee shop nearby with me and my other friends?" Ashley offers, speaking with a huge grin on her face as if she is genuinely interested in being my friend. Two other gorgeous girls stand beside her with matching grins on their faces.

    I stand there, completely stunned I am being asked this question by someone. Maybe adjusting to this new school won't be so terrible. I make sure not to reveal any signs of me being shocked at her invite, since this is probably just an everyday thing for most normal teenagers. However, I have not met a single friend since the tragic death of Poppy. When it first happened, I locked myself in my bedroom and didn't even step outside to get a plate of food. I practically lived in my bed, staring at the ceiling as the days passed and bled into one another. After giving me some time to grieve, my mom had attempted to wake me up and get me to go back to school, but she failed.

    Finally, she ended up enrolling me in homeschool with her being my teacher. She had always been a teacher at a middle school in town, but decided it was best for her to take a break from her job to homeschool me. Now that I've returned to public school, she is back at her old job.

    So, though it sounds utterly pathetic, having people that I could call friends is not something I'm used to. I always told myself friends are not even worth having anymore now that Poppy is gone and that it would be a betrayal to her if I did have them. Now, I feel as if I am ready to finally restore my social life.

    "Yeah, of course!" I exclaim, not even trying to conceal my happiness.

    "Yay! Let me introduce you to my two other friends." Ashley says, gesturing toward the two girls.

    "This is Kelsey." She says, pointing to a redheaded girl with astounding greenish gold eyes.

    "Hi!" Kelsey greets me excitedly and I can tell just by that one word that I am going to like her. She seems to have a very energetic personality, just like Poppy. I say hi back, making sure to match her energy.

    "And my name is Samara. Nice to meet you." The other girl says in a kind voice.

"I was going to tell her that, but okay then." Ashley teases and we all giggle.

"Nice to meet you, Samara." I say. She has a smooth, dark complexion and gorgeous long braids.

I am so extremely ready to become closer with these girls and I just know that Poppy is watching over me and smiling.

hii guys! i know, i haven't updated in literally forever. i was soo busy and had major writer's block so i am sorry about that lol. this is a longer chapter so i hope you enjoyed it! byee!

- mari 💜🩷