MICHELLE
NOVEMBER 28TH, 2004

      IT TOOK A LOT OF CONVINCING TO GET GERARD TO LET IT GO AND SLEEP. I don't even know why I said it.

For a second I was actually about to tell him what happened between me and Chandler and not even my mom knows exactly what happened.

The only reason my dad knows was because he was around when everything went down.

Gerard had fallen asleep a few hours ago, but for some reason, I couldn't.

I had closed my eyes, I had tossed and turned, I had tried everything, but it just didn't work.

By this point it was almost four in the morning, I was lying on my back with Gerard curled up beside me. His arms were wrapped around my waist and his head rested on my chest as I distracted my mind by running my fingers through his hair.

It was oddly comforting, his hair was always so soft and there were never any knots.

Twirling a strand of blond hair around my finger, I kept my eyes locked on the ceiling. I had given up on trying to sleep about an hour ago. There was no point, I'd probably only get a few hours of sleep before I was woken up by Maeve and her annoyingly loud music.

I wish her room was on the other side of the house. She just had to blast her music the moment she woke up. And it was always the same stupid so—

My thoughts were cut off by a strangled cry coming from the boy beside me.

I took my eyes off of my spot on the ceiling and tipped my head down to focus on Gerard.

"Gerard? You okay?"

He didn't sound okay.

I didn't get an answer. Just silence.

"Hey." I kept my voice quiet as I brushed his hair out of the way in order to see his face.

He was still sleeping.

But it was different than it was every other night. It was freezing in this room, yet he was sweating, and if I focused I could feel his hands slightly shaking.

Then before I knew it, he was flinging himself up. I mean—like—he stood up so fast he managed to knock over my nightstand and somehow got tangled in the blankets and fell to the floor.

He didn't even seem to care, though.

He was off the floor in seconds and nearly broke a hole in my wall with how hard he slammed his body into it.

I really hope nobody woke up from all that noise.

He let out another cry, pushing himself against the wall.

What the fuck was going on.

I pulled myself off my bed. I wanted to make sure he was okay, but I had no idea what was going on and for all I know, trying to help could make it worse.

I froze about a foot away from him.

He was standing there, breathing heavily, his eyes were wide as he looked around my room, but I'm not sure if he was actually looking at anything.

"Gerard?" I took a step closer, despite the part of my mind that was telling me that it was a bad idea. "Are you okay."

His hands went up to his head, tangling his fingers in his hair as he clenched his fist

I reached forwards, hoping that I wouldn't accidentally get punched in the face for touching him.

"Hey." I had to remind myself to sound calm, even though I wasn't. My hand only grazed his elbow before he yanked his arm away.

Okay, so don't touch him. Noted.

Maybe just talk. I can talk. I talk all the time.

"Gerard? It's me—uh—Michelle." He was still frantically looking around the room like there were monsters crawling out of the shadows.

"Gerard?"

Could he even see me?

"Michelle." He whispered. It was so quiet I almost missed it. Thankfully, I didn't.

"Yeah, Michelle." I nodded, watching as is breathing got slightly calmer. "Please tell me if you're okay."

This whole thing was scaring me. I just needed to know if he was okay.

I didn't get an answer, but his hold on his hair loosened and his breaths got calmer.

"Gerard." I repeated, and this time, he met my eyes.

"Michelle?" His voice louder, and now I could hear how badly it was shaking.

Honestly, he looked terrified and it scared the shit out of me. I don't know what I did to make him scared of me, but it made me feel terrible.

"Yeah." I nodded, I wasn't touching him, but my hand was still stretched towards the boy, waiting for the moment I gathered the nerve to try and reach for him again. "Are you okay?"

He blinked hard, turning his attention to the mess he made. My nightstand was flung on the floor, including everything that was on it, which was a half full glass of water, a bag of chips, a lamp, and my phone. My blankets were crumbled into a ball on the floor beside my bed, and I'm pretty sure it was soaked in water from the cup that was on my nightstand.

"Shit. Did I do that?" He pointed to the mess on my floor.

"Uuh" I glanced behind me, slightly shaking my head "M—maybe"

He groaned, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes "I'm sorry—shit, Michelle, I'm so sorry." He slid his back down the wall till he was sitting on the floor with his knees pressed to his chest.

"It's alright." I took a cautious step towards him, kneeling in front of him. "You want to tell me what just happened?"

"I'm sorry." He mumbled again.

It wasn't exactly the answer I was looking for—actually it wasn't an answer at all, but I figured it was better than the cries.

"Hey, it's okay. Just—" I went to reach forwards to hug him, but I froze. Last time I touched him he jerked away, which obviously meant he didn't want me touching him. "Tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help."

He pulled his hands away from his face and rested his head against the wall "Nothing is wrong, just bad dream."

I don't think he was lying, but I also don't think he was telling the complete truth.

"A bad dream that made you leap across my room." I pointed out.

The hallway light turned on.

Shit.

"Michelle, I'm fine."

Then someone knocked on my door.

"Michelle." Oh, shit. It was my mom. "Are you alright in there?"

My gaze flickered between the boy in front of me and my bedroom door.

"Yeah, everything is fine. Just tripped over Maeve's stupid cat, again."

"You're okay?"

"Yeah, mom. I'm okay. Just go back to bed."

I heard her feet pat down the hallway, the light turned off, then everything was silent.

I turned back to the boy in front of me. "I don't believe you." I mumbled. "Something is clearly wrong." I slid closer, but made sure not to touch him "please tell me."

His eyes locked on mine, for a minute I thought maybe he was gonna tell me. He just had that look on his face that said 'let me get the off my shoulders', but right as he opened his mouth to say it, his mouth snapped shut and his head fell.

My room remained silent.

I wanted him to tell me what was wrong, but I understand if he couldn't. It was only—like—six hours ago that I had withheld information about my internal breakdown from him.

I had a perfect opening to tell him everything, but I just couldn't get the words out. It didn't matter how comfortable I felt or how badly I wanted the weight off of my shoulders, it was like the words just disappeared from my vocabulary.

And then I got scared.

I got scared that when he found out he would hate me the same way Chandler hated me. I would understand it if he did.

Maybe he felt the same way about his secret.

So, instead of pushing further, I sighed. "Okay."

He looked back up, his eyes meeting mine.

"You don't have to tell me, not until you're ready."

I wanted to reach forwards and hug him, but I didn't know if he wanted me to.

I glanced back at the disaster behind me and I felt myself groan. "I'm gonna go clean up that mess." I mumbled, pulling myself off the floor.

AUTHOR TALKS!!
These last two chapters were actually pissing me off. I was trying to write things, but my mind just wasn't working right so everything sounded stupid.

I can't wait till I get to binding 13. Life will be so much easier.

Also I didn't have my taming 7 book so I don't exactly remember how he is during his nightmares so this was mainly just based on the little I could remember.