#OLASweetNemesis

Chapter 21
Breakfast

"I'm sorry, Nikko..." I took a deep breath, feeling guilty for turning down such a great man. "I enjoy your company, and I love having dates to get to know you more, but my heart is not in it for anything serious yet."

I clenched my fist as I had to lie a bit.

The truth is, my heart is ready. I'm prepared to enter a relationship, but not with another man. Unfortunately, it has to be with someone who makes me feel invalidated and insecure... someone who doesn't love me back... someone who's in love with another woman.

"You don't have to apologize," he quietly said. "I didn't say this to make you feel pressured. I don't need answers. I just want you to know that I see you as someone special... Well, I could be wrong, but I feel like you need to hear that."

Upon hearing his words, I couldn't help but curse my choices. I hated myself for choosing the rough road when someone was willing to take my hand and walk with me on a flowery path. Why have I turned away from something so beautiful and pure? Why is it so hard for me to let go of what's hurting me?

But I guess, sometimes, it's a thing for humans to get curious and lured into the darkness, then look for light or a way to escape after realizing they have made the wrong choice. Kailangan masaktan muna nang todo at tuluyang mapagod bago sumuko. We loved the idea of exhausting our energy and giving our 100 percent until there's nothing left for us. It's the only way we can convince ourselves that we did everything we could and raised the white flag without regrets... even if we'd end up losing ourselves.

Sana hindi na lang ganoon. I wish I knew how to give up first thing the moment I was certain that I'd be screwed in the end.

"Thank you, Nikko..." I breathed and smiled at him. "You're right. I really needed to hear that."

Ngumiti pabalik si Nikko. It was very reassuring. Everything about him was reassuring.

Natuloy kami sa paglalakad habang umiinom ng iced coffee. We had to make it quick, though, because it was scorching hot. I'm not fit to stay in hot places. Pawisin ako.

Kaya nagpahatid na rin ako pauwi pagkatapos nang sandaliang stroll sa park. I felt so sticky. I couldn't stand seeing myself in the mirror, looking haggard.

"Thanks for today, Nikko. I'll make it up to you next time," sabi ko habang tinatanggal ang seatbelt.

"Just be happy. That's all I want from you," he said, very wholesome.

Tipid na ngiti lamang ang naisukli ko sa kanya dahil hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat o tamang sabihin.

Kumaway ako kay Nikko pagkababa ng sasakyan at pinauna na siyang umalis. As soon as he was out of sight, another car approached right in front.

I wasn't sure if it was because of the heat that I didn't have the energy to fight him, or if I might just be feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. Masyado akong madaming inisip mula pa lang sa coffee shop hanggang sa huling sandaling magkasama kami ni Nikko. Hindi ko na kayang magtaray pa kahit na bumaba sa sasakyan si Keno.

"Were you following us?"Kalmado kong tanong kahit na obvious naman.

It wasn't a coincidence na kasunod namin siya agad umuwi. Siguro ay pinauna niya lang kami nang konti kanina, pero agad din siyang umalis para sundan kami. He just really wouldn't let me go on a date with Nikko alone. Lagi siyang nagmamasid sa paligid.

"Yes." He didn't think of concealing his actions and went straight to telling me the truth.

"I told you to stay at the cafe. You didn't have to follow us."

"But I'm your—"

"Bodyguard." Ako na ang nagtuloy. The word came out with bitterness. "I know... And I can't wait to have you fired para wala ka ng dahilan na sundan ako or act like you care because of your stupid job."

His eyebrows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I'm gonna have you fired, Keno," I said with conviction, ngunit kalmado pa rin.

"You can't do that," he said so confidently, as if challenging me.

"I can," sabi ko pabalik. "So count your days, Keno. Or, better yet, find a new job. Maghanap ka ng gusto kang maging bodyguard."

I quickly turned my back on him to walk away, thinking I had rendered him speechless by being overconfident.

"I will never be someone else's bodyguard." Before I could take another step, Keno stopped me in my tracks with his words.

My lips parted, and I was frozen in place. Hindi ko magawang ituloy ang balak na paglayo sa kanya.

"You will be the first and last, Hari," he continued, igniting the spark inside my heart.

Galit akong lumingon ulit pabalik sa kanya. "What the fuck are you—"

"And I don't want you to have a bodyguard other than me," he cut me off.

"What are you even saying, Keno?"

Damn it. I had no idea how to shield my heart from those words that I longed to hear. Muli nila akong pinupuno ng pag-asa after I did everything to drain every hope inside me.

"To be honest, I don't know," he admitted while his eyes were fixed on me. "I'm professional, Hari. I don't want to mix my personal life with work. I don't wanna fucking go beyond the boundaries I set for myself. I have to focus on my job and keep you safe, but I feel like you're slowly slipping away."

Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko. Narinig ko naman ang mga sinasabi niya, but my mind didn't wanna process it while my heart completely failed at rejecting every word. I don't wanna assume and hope for something uncertain. Baka mamaya ay napapangunahan na naman ako ng nararamdaman ko.

"You're not making any sense, Keno," I said, still trying to resist him from pulling me back.

"Yeah... I guess I'm not... I might be confusing you after everything, but there's one thing I want to make clear to you," he said, looking so determined. "Yes. It's true that I had a relationship with Cess before. We broke up, and it was a mutual decision. It wasn't a bad breakup. As you can see, we're still friends."

"Friends with your ex?" It didn't sound right to me. I couldn't imagine myself being friends with that cheater.

"Yes. We don't have any ill feelings towards each other."

Fair enough. I guess it can happen, but it's very rare. Kaya sa totoo lang ay hindi ko alam kung ano ang mararamdaman ko tungkol doon. I couldn't seem to shake off my insecurity. I would be constantly worried and uncomfortable about the fact that he's still friends with his ex. It might sound immature, but after hearing all those things from their friends earlier, there was no way I would feel reassured.

"But it doesn't mean I still love or like her. Not even an ounce of romantic feelings was left," he continued, making sure he was being crystal clear, but those words only made me more confused.

"Why are you telling me these things, Keno? Wala namang nagtatanong?" I asked, keeping my attitude. I wouldn't assume unless otherwise stated.

"I just don't want you to misunderstand and get angry with me," he said, still calm. "And I don't want to see you running off with someone else again."

I swallowed hard and pushed my chin up a bit. "Why? Are you jealous?"

I didn't know where I managed to get that confidence after feeling so many insecurities that day, but I suddenly felt like a different version of myself. A version that was desperate for answers... and desperate for something certain.

Kung hindi ko makukuha sa kanya 'yon ngayon, then that's it. That was my last straw. No more hoping for me. No more hoping for us.

"Jealous, huh..." A smirk appeared on his lips as he echoed the word. I held my breath while keeping my posture. "If that's what can explain how much I hate seeing you with Nikko, then I guess I am..."

As the smirk disappeared from his lips, Keno fixed his serious gaze on me.

"I am jealous, Hari," he confirmed, which I never expected he would admit.

My lips parted as I gasped for air. I took a step back and tucked the left portion of my hair behind my ear. I did my best not to look away, but if I stayed for another minute or more, I might not be able to stay in character and break my facade.

"Well, that's unfortunate... Kawawa ka naman," sabi ko na lang, and before I could stop myself, I briefly stuck a bit of my tongue out. Mabilis ko rin siyang tinalikuran at halos magtatakbo na papasok sa bahay.

What the hell, Hari? That was so unlady-like! Bakit ko siya dinilaan?

Gusto ko na lang mag-disappear sa kahihiyan. Dire-diretso akong umakyat sa kwarto ko para magkulong. I took my phone out and quickly typed in a message for my best friend. I couldn't keep still. I needed someone to listen to all my feels. Halo-halo na ang nararamdaman ko ngayong araw. Kailangan kong ilabas ang lahat nang 'yon bago ako mabaliw.

To: Faith
Faith, can I call now, please?

I fidgeted while waiting for my best friend to answer. I just hoped that she wasn't busy during that time. Nalimutan ko nang i-check kung anong oras na ba sa kanila.

But like she promised, every time I would desperately need her, she wouldn't hesitate to give me time. Kaya nang natanggap ko ang tawag niya kaysa simpleng reply lang, I realized how true she was with her words.

Tumakbo ako papuntang kama upang sagutin ang tawag niya. Faith looked so worried when I saw her face on the screen.

"Thank God you called!" I said in relief.

"Anong nangyari, Hari? Is there an emergency? Is everything okay? Are you hurt?" She fired questions.

"I'm not hurt, but... I think I'm going crazy, Faith!" I told her.

Napakunot ang noo niya at unti-unting napalitan ang pag-aalala ng pagiging kuryoso. Nanliit pa ang kanyang mga mata habang nakatingin sa akin sa screen.

She then sighed, looking so relieved that I wasn't hurt or that nothing bad really happened. "Anong nangyari? Is this about your bodyguard?"

"Yes!" I confirmed it right away. "I think he's starting to like me na? He's jealous of Nikko!"

"Sinabi niya 'yon?"

"'Yung part na gusto niya ako, hindi niya sinabi, but he said 'yes' when I asked if he was jealous. Bakit siya magseselos kung hindi niya ako gusto, 'di ba?"

It was a no-brainer. He's jealous because he likes me. He likes me!

"You really like him..." Faith said quietly after seeing my reaction.

I pursed my lips and forced myself to stop smiling. "Hindi naman masyado..."

"Hindi masyado?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay. "You've never liked anyone that much, Hari. Even with your ex-boyfriend, hindi ka ganyang kinilig."

"Please don't ever mention that asshole again, Faith. He doesn't deserve to be a part of my narrative still. Binura ko na siya," sabi ko at parang nawala medyo sa mood.

"Okay, but I still stand by my words. You like him so much," she said. "Makes me wanna meet him to see if he deserves the attention you're giving him."

"Hay... You should come home na kasi! I have so many things to tell you. Hindi masayang sa video call lang. We have to meet up!" sabi ko. "Oh! Maybe I should fly to you after my business trip in Thailand? Daan muna ako diyan bago umuwi? I think I can stay for one or two days. I'll have to check my schedule."

Natawa naman si Faith. "Kung makasabi ka, akala mo talaga madadaanan mo ako galing Thailand."

"And so what kung malayo? It's okay to take a detour."

"If you have the money, yes," she said as a matter of fact. "Buti na lang hindi mo na kailangang mag-aksaya ng pera. I'm coming home next week."

Napasinghap ako't umayos ng upo. "You are?! Totoo na ba 'yan?!"

"Yes. My tickets are booked," she said. "Dad wants me home already, and I'm done with my project here. Pwede na ako umuwi."

"Oh my gosh! You are not lying!" I exclaimed with my eyes wide open. "Why didn't you tell agad?

"Well, I was busy with the preparations. Gusto ko na ring mapadali ang pag-uwi ko. I'm planning to open my own firm. Maybe you can help me find a space," sabi niya. "Pupuntahan ko agad para mag-ocular pagkauwi."

"No problem. I'll ask Kuya Knoa. He has friends with commercial buildings," I said, very willing to help if that was what would make her settle down here in the Philippines instead of living abroad.

"Thanks, Hari."

Pinag-usapan pa namin ni Faith ang nalalapit na pag-uwi niya. I was so happy and content to end the day with only good news. I felt like everything was finally falling into place.

The next day, I didn't expect to feel so anxious and nervous about seeing Keno. I told myself to act normal and unaffected, but the moment I saw him waiting at the breakfast nook, my heart betrayed me. Agad siyang nagsimulang magwala.

"Good morning," Keno greeted me with a gentle smile I wasn't used to.

"Mornin'." I couldn't smile back at him dahil baka makita niyang sobrang saya ko.

"I cooked your breakfast for today," he said.

Nanigas ako sa upuan pagkaupong-pagkaupo ko sa sinabi niya. He cooked?!

"Why? Wala ba sila Manang?" sabi ko at luminga-linga sa paligid.

"They're here, but I told them I'd cook for you. Ayaw nila no'ng una pero pumayag din sila," kwento niya.

"Of course, they won't agree. This is not your job. I'm pretty sure this is not one of your tasks as a bodyguard," I told him.

"Who says I cooked you breakfast as your bodyguard?" Nagtaas siya ng kilay, sounding so sarcastic. Tumayo siya at siya na mismo ang naglagay ng pagkain sa pinggan ko. "Like you said, this is not my job."

"Then why are you doing this?" I asked without batting an eye.

He shrugged his shoulders after pouring me cold water. "Just because."

Just because?

Napairap ako. Akala ko nakakakilig ang mga random just because, pero bakit nanggigigil ako? Walang kwentang sagot. I want a definite answer!

"And you better get used to this," he added, pulling my attention back to him once again. "I can do this for you every day."