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Tw// rape mentions, self-harm

Ochako stands directly under the shower head and lets the burning hot water fall on her for a few minutes. She had worked so hard this week and desperately needed to take a shower that was longer than ten minutes. She had pushed herself over her limit every day and she had all kinds of aches and sores in her body.

She still wasn't satisfied though. It had only been a week since school started and she shouldn't have been so impatient and craving for improvement when she hadn't trained her quirk for almost two months.

It was frustrating but not as frustrating as the way her classmates treated her. Sometimes there was tension in the air when she was around them as if they thought she was weird or different from the way they saw her before. She didn't blame them. No one would want to be around someone who was constantly on the verge of wanting to end their life. Although people she used to talk to sometimes ignored her while others she hadn't talked to tried talking to her.

Maybe it was because she had changed a bit. She was quieter than usual and only talked when talked to. Or her skin that was paler than usual and her face with dark eye bags and a constant stoic expression. She couldn't help it. She wasn't the type to fake her emotions constantly.

Ochako finishes her shower quickly and squeezes the water out of her hair after turning off the water. She felt less tense and more relaxed and ready to sleep for twelve hours straight. It was Friday and she should have been staying up late and having fun, but she didn't want to be left alone with her thoughts. And she was just exhausted.

She puts on some of her strawberry-scented lotion before getting dressed so she could finish doing her hair. She rolls back the sleeves of the same hoodie that Izuku had given her, it was baggy on her and the sleeves were longer than her actual arm length.

She stares at herself in the mirror for a bit and runs her fingers through her hair. She couldn't really recognize herself. She could barely remember her second year of high school even though it just happened, so all her recent memories were from when she was fifteen. She looked different. In a bad way, of course.

Her hair was longer and messier and added to her dead look and her face was red breaking out all over the place. Her bangs fell over her eyebrows and into her eyes and she could hear her mother's voice at the back of her head telling her to cut them.

She sighs and pouts. She takes the makeup bag she kept on her counter and zips it open, looking for her pair of pink scissors.

She had cut her bangs plenty of times before, yet just holding the pair of scissors in her hands made her nervous. She stares at herself again, almost spacing out before her eyes trail down to her arm covered in scars and scabs.

She hadn't had a chance to cut all week. Just one wouldn't be that bad right? She'd make sure not to go too deep.

She opens the scissors and positions them on her wrist. With a quick inhale and a quick swipe, it's over just as quickly as it started. It was deeper than she intended to go. She didn't think a pair of scissors from the drugstore would be so sharp.

It was white at first before the blood pooled in and it seeped down her arms and into the sink. She felt a little bad for not crying this time, but she had cried enough this week already and her tear ducts were recharging for whatever Monday morning had to bring.

She turns the faucet on, letting the warm water wash away the blood. It was bleeding a lot and really deep. She was a little concerned but just shook the feeling off. She was fine and had cut deeper than that before.

Once she gets the bleeding to slow, she wraps it up with a bandage. It hurt a lot when she would bend her wrist but she was about to go to bed so it's not like it would matter.

She quickly cleans up the sink before getting in bed. She was so tired and ready to sleep for twelve hours straight. She worked hard. Not as hard as she wanted and she was still beating herself up for it, but she deserved a little rest. And besides, sleeping was as close as she could get to being dead.

———

Ochako thought she'd finally be able to fall asleep quickly. She didn't have to worry about waking up early and getting enough sleep. She hadn't had any nightmares the past week so she wasn't concerned about that and her mind was blank. So why couldn't she fall asleep?

She had been tossing and turning for what felt like hours and it was getting frustrating. She needed something to help her sleep. She sighs and sits up, getting out of bed and slipping on her slippers, and wrapping herself up in her blanket. A nice cup of matcha tea would help. It was her favorite and her Mother always made it for her when she was feeling down.

She quietly leaves her room, not wanting to wake up Mina as she knew she wouldn't leave her alone if she found out she was having trouble sleeping. She loved Mina dearly, but she was too overbearing and sometimes acted like her second Mother. She appreciated it but it was quite annoying.

She regrets getting distracted thinking about Mina as she suddenly found herself standing in front of Izuku's dorm room. She swore she wanted to make tea to help her calm down. Izuku would only make things worse. But a part of her missed him.

She always went to him when she had trouble sleeping. He was kind and he listened to her vent and gave her solutions to her problems. She had to remind herself he wasn't the same person he was before.

But she couldn't help herself. She missed him desperately. She couldn't keep mourning over the past. There was nothing she could do to change things and the only thing she could do was adapt to them.

She knocks on his door gently. She could have walked in like he always did to her, but she decided to be polite. He was a teenage boy after all. He was already up as light was coming from under his room door so she didn't feel as bad for disturbing him. He bothered her in the middle of the night all the time.

Whenever he'd have to sneak out, he'd do so leaving from her room. She just assumed that if he ever got caught, he was taking her down with him as well.

A few moments later, Izuku's door cracks open and he looks surprised to see her. "uh, this is weird..." He says. He'd never expect Ochako of all people to be knocking on his door at two in the morning. She had already made it known she hated his guts.

Ochako pushes her way into his room, not explaining anything. Izuku raises an eyebrow and closes the door behind him as he watches her kick off her slippers before flopping down on his bed. He smiles at the sight. It was funny. She was like a bunny flopping after eating a lot of food.

"Are you alright? You're acting differently." He says, crossing his arms.

Ochako lets out a muffled groan and rolls onto her back. "I can't sleep." She says, closing her eyes. Izuku nods. "So you decided to come here?" He asks.

Ochako nods. "You used to help me before. And you want us to go back to normal, right? This was normal back then." It was, maybe not in the sense of Ochako barging into his room and laying down on his bed without a word, but things never stayed the same forever.

Izuku lets out a chuckle. "You're weird, Chako." He says. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" He asks. He was willing to help her. He cared for her of course. He loved her and wanted her to feel safe.

Ochako shakes her head. "I just wanna sleep." She says. Izuku sighs. "Alright. But I'm not going to sleep just yet." He says.

"That's alright." Ochako says. "So you're sleeping in my bed?" Izuku asks. Ochako raises a thumbs up quickly before putting it down and wrapping herself up in Izuku's blankets instead.

Izuku can't help but smile. He chuckles at her softly and shakes his head before making his way to his closet to pull out his futon. He wasn't complaining though. He'd do anything to have a sleepover with his crush and it was finally happening. Maybe not in the way he was thinking, but a sleepover was a sleepover. It made him feel mushy inside to know that Ochako was slowly becoming more comfortable around him again.

———

When Izuku's eyes flutter open, he's confused about where he is. It takes him a minute to remember. He was still in his room, just sleeping in a different place. He didn't want to sleep in the same bed as Ochako and make her uncomfortable (even though he did totally want to just minus the making her uncomfortable part).

It was still dark in his room and he checked the time on his phone, the screen blinding him for a moment. The time read four am. He sat up, checking to see if Ochako was still there before he went back to sleep, but the spot on his bed was empty. It was then that he realized the light from his bathroom was on and slowly spilling out from the small crack of the half-closed door.

He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and stands up, making his way over to the bathroom. He just wanted to check on her and make sure she wasn't hurting herself.

As he got closer he could hear a few sniffles and he hesitated. He didn't want to bother her if she was upset, but then again, what if she just needed someone to cry to?

He peeks his head in through the crack to see ochako drying off her face with a small towel he left hanging up. He could see how badly her hands were trembling and wondered if she had a nightmare.

He slips his way inside, resting a hand on her shoulder gently. Which was a mistake as Ochako jolted and quickly looked over to see who had touched her.

Izuku quickly regrets his actions and a messy apology leaves his lips after seeing the look of pure fear in her eyes. He feels even worse when she looks like his touch makes her want to curl in on herself.

"D-Don't t-touch me!" She yells, slapping his hand away, her breathing heavy.

"S-Sorry!" Izuku mutters as Ochako shoves her way past him and out of the bathroom. Izuku follows behind her.

"Are you okay? Did you have a nightmare or something? You can talk to me, y'know?" Izuku asks worriedly. He didn't like seeing Ochako so scared. It really did hurt his heart.

Ochako stood in the corner of the room and stared at him, her breathing uneven. She didn't feel safe anywhere else. She had messed up. If maybe she wouldn't have came here and would have just toughed it out in her room, she wouldn't have had that stupid nightmare that caused her to panic.

"Was it about me?" Izuku asks. He wanted to help her and wasn't stopping until she calmed down. It hurt him to see her like this and not be able to do anything about it. Ochako shakes her head.

"Was it about anyone else? Or yourself?" He asks. Ochako nods. He smiles briefly. They were getting somewhere.

"Did it have to do with why you act the way you do now?" Ochako doesn't say anything and just stares at him. "Or a reason why you..." he doesn't want to be blunt and say that she tried to kill herself. She did, but it didn't feel right. "A reason why you attempted?" He asks, nervously. Ochako stares at him more and picks at her nails.

She didn't feel comfortable telling him. Maybe if he was the Izuku she knew before. The shy and kind-hearted one. He'd be the first person to know. He would be concerned for her and try to help her at least and give her more support than she deserves. Now Izuku? She could see him laughing at her or mocking her in that sarcastic but humorous tone he uses or even blaming her for what happened.

She could hear his voice in her brain and it made her head throb. "You really let yourself get "raped" by [redacted]? I didn't think you were that weak, Gravity girl. I bet you provoked him to begin with."

She covers her ears so she doesn't have to hear it anymore. Her knees gave out and she slid down to the floor, curling into a ball. Her cries were muffled but still loud. Just breathing hurt her chest.

She ignores Izuku's attempts at trying to calm her down. She feels him hug her tightly. Resting his chin on the top of her head and gently rubbed her back. She had calmed down, but she was feeling numb and too embarrassed to come out of her ball.

"Are...you okay..?" Izuku asks hesitantly. She had started crying randomly and he wasn't sure if she was really stable or not.

Ochako slowly lifts her head and looks up at him through her bangs. Izuku gives her a small smile that she doesn't return. She continued to stare at him and she knew she was probably creeping him out, but she was too far into her thoughts to stop.

Her mind was a mess and her words came out faster than she could gather her thoughts. "I had a dream about one of our classmates," Ochako says quickly. Izuku stares at her, shocked, thinking she wasn't going to talk again.

At first, he was confused. A harmless dream about one of her friends. How could that be so frightening? Then he remembers that her dream was about one of the reasons she tried to die. And that she also dreamt about her classmate.

He opens his mouth to say something but Ochako quickly cuts him off.

"If...one of your friends hurt someone you were also friends with, would you be upset?" Ochako asks, her eyes focusing on the nail she was picking at. Izuku tilts his head in confusion, but he was sure if he asked another question, she'd just ignore him.

"Of course. They can't take accountability for their actions if no one tells them they're wrong. And I love all my friends." Izuku says. He knows she didn't say it, but it felt like her question was more like, one of your friends hurt me and I think you wouldn't care if I told you. And it made him feel more anxious than he was already feeling.

Ochako is silent again. She didn't know what she was doing and was yelling at herself to stop. But her breathing was getting quicker and her hands were trembling. She didn't care if Izuku made fun of or didn't believe her, she just needed to get it off her chest. It had been eating its way to the front of her brain slowly from the moment she decided to forget about memory.

Telling him was more like a test. However he reacted is how she assumed everyone else would react. If Izuku did have a negative reaction, she'd kill herself. Her dorm room was high enough off the ground. If she jumped she was sure she wouldn't make it.

"So if I told you one of your friends touched me grossly, you'd be upset?" Ochako asks quickly, her mouth dry and palms sweaty. She pinches her thigh hard to suppress the tears that clouded her vision again. The lump in her throat was painful and she so badly wanted it to all be over.

She was starting to think that it would have just been better if she went to Mina's room instead of deciding to make tea (which didn't even happen). It would have been easier. From girl to girl. They would have both cried. Mina would hug her and pepper kisses on her cheeks and forehead and then she'd do something to cheer her up.

It would have been fine and she would feel okay.

But instead, here she was, stuck in the room of someone she once used to enjoy being around and it was unbearably awkward.

Izuku stares at her, his eyebrows furrowed and face full of concern. She stares back and becomes uncomfortable with his lack of response. Her cheeks become warm with embarrassment and she wonders if she accidentally spoke in English and he just didn't understand her.

After a few moments, his expression changes to a softer look and a subtle look of fear fills his eyes, something that she was dreading.

It was also something she was also looking forward to. He'd pity her. She told him she didn't want to be pitted about trying to kill herself and her insecurities about falling behind. But she did want to be pitied for being raped. Poor Ochako got raped by [redacted]. The men in this world are just terrible!

"W-What?" Izuku's voice comes out slow, shaky, and low.

A lot of things were running through his mind and it was becoming harder to think. He hoped what she had just said meant something else and not what he was thinking or assuming, but none of the possible realities made sense.

"Who did it?" He asks in a softer tone. He was angry of course, fucking furious, but he didn't want to stress out Ochako more than she already was.

Ochako continued to stay silent and her eyes focus on the fingers that were picking at the skin on her knees. She had said too much and did what she always does; talked before thinking. She forgot that if she wanted to actually speak up and get revenge she'd have to say who hurt her. Keeping things anonymous wasn't an option here.

But she didn't want to do that. She didn't want to ruin his life. People made mistakes and the fruit punch was spiked. People did things when they were drunk. She should have felt honored that someone found her attractive enough to snatch her virginity without her permission. Besides, he was a nice boy. She was sure he regretted his actions.

No one would believe her if she said who it was anyways. [redacted]? Are you even hearing yourself? If you want your lies to be believable at least choose someone who actually shows interest in women or people at all.

"Ochako..." The sound of Izuku saying her first name snapped her out of her thoughts and she flinches when his hands gently touched her shoulders.

"I can't tell you." She says quietly, avoiding his eyes.

She hears him let out a disappointed sigh and it makes her more anxious than she already was. She didn't mean to make Izuku upset.

"Where was I?" He asks. It was a stupid question considering that he was gone for a portion of his high school career.

Ochako tilts her head to the side, still not bothering to look up at him. "It was during that end-of-year party during first year."

"Oh..." Izuku whispers. That makes his heart sink even deeper. If he was just a little more careful and not so damn weak, he wouldn't be in the situation he was in now, he wouldn't have to put Ochako in danger, and she wouldn't have gotten hurt.

"It doesn't really matter where you were though," Ochako starts. "It still would have happened anyway."

Izuku sighs again and lets go of her shoulders. That was the thing he hated. He hated not being able to save people. He hated the times when no matter what reality he was in, he couldn't and wouldn't be able to save someone.

"Stop blaming yourself," Ochako says, finally looking up at him. Her face held a scowl. "It doesn't matter anymore. It happened a year ago. I'm over it."

"Ochako, you tried to kill yourself."

"That was also in the past. It was mainly because I was lonely." Ochako says, going back to pick at the skin on her thighs. It's silent again for a few moments before Ochako lets out a shaky exhale.

"I've had enough of this. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Or ever again." She says. Izuku looks at her worriedly and doesn't try to argue back. He was the one who pushed her to talk to him even when she was uncomfortable, so the least he could do was leave her alone.

He takes a deep breath and stands up. "That's fine," He says, giving her a soft smile. "Just know that I'm here and I want to help you."

He says. He did truly care about her even if he acted like he didn't sometimes. Just because he was a "Villain" didn't mean he had to act like one. And besides, He wanted to earn Ochakos trust back.

Ochako doesn't say anything and just looks up at him.

"Don't tell anyone about this." Ochako says, slowly standing up. Her legs trembled and felt like jelly from sitting scrunched up. She had to hold on to the wall to keep her balance. She couldn't risk having Izuku telling anyone and having tons of people hate her or look at her disgusted. People already were avoiding her because she tried to die. She didn't need any of that.

"I can do that.." Izuku says, watching her walk past him and back to her spot on his bed.

..........

The next day, things were back to normal.

Ochako continued to stay close to her friends, specifically Mina, only talking when one of them said something directly to her, or sitting in a comfortable silence next to Izuku. Somehow last night's encounter made them feel the need to be closer together, even if they didn't realize it.

They sat close together. Shoulder to shoulder on the common room couch. Ochako was busy, distracted by her phone, sitting with her knees pressed to her chest. Once in a while out of the corner of her eyes, she would see Izuku look up or look around. Even when they were eating lunch in the dining area. His eyes would slowly look around the room, analyzing their classmates' faces and actions. He didn't even realize she had been staring at him or calling his name for a good forty seconds

"Deku. Deku. Dekuuu. Izuku!"

Izuku was snapped out of his thoughts by Ochako's voice and her pointer finger tapping his hand. He looks down at her and gives her a teasing smile.

"So we're on a first-name basis now?" He asks. Ochako blushes and sits up, avoiding his gaze. "No. It's not like that. You weren't answering me," She pouts.

Before Izuku could tease her anymore, she continued. "Why have you been acting so weird today? You've been oddly quiet and you keep spacing out." She says, looking up at him with worry and stuffing a bite of curry into her mouth.

Izuku smiles and chuckles. "I'm fine. I just have a lot of stuff on my mind." He says.

Ochako's eyes narrow and she stares at him. She knew he was lying but it really was no use bothering him.

Truth be told, he was trying to figure out who hurt Ochako. Well, trying to get an idea who would be stupid enough to do something like that. She did say it was one of his friends, but they shared similar friends and he was friends with a lot of people. He decided to stay within their friend group. But, his observations weren't really working. Everyone he knew didn't seem stupid enough to do that.

Although he did have to take into consideration that no matter how close he thought he was to anyone in his class, he still didn't really know anything about them. Even Ochako.

And it sucked. It sucked to know that a friend of his would be so deranged as to sexually assault someone. He had a feeling though, it was someone he was close to and least expected.