CHAPTER ONE | 장

tw: death, suicide

━━━━━━━━━

A few weeks had passed, and M/n found it odd that several days went by without a single obstacle.

It was perfect. Too perfect.

"Penguins are faster of course. Have you seen a sloth outrun an ant? No."

"I agree then. They have the cutest little feet."

Suddenly, there was a vibration from his pockets, signaling that someone was calling him. "Hold on." M/n said, halting on their walk. Reaching for his phone, he answered it without much thought.

"Hel—"

"He's dead." There was a choked cry after.

"—lo."

M/n furrowed his brows as his heart begins to beat faster. Goo looked at his partner in concern, wondering what kind of news he received.

At the moment, they were in the middle of taking a walk around the neighborhood. But suddenly, someone called M/n, interrupting their personal talk about penguins.

"Who's dead?" M/n gulped, his throat running dry.

"He's dead." His mother said again. "Your father. . . He just passed away." She cried, which was odd since M/n thought they never loved each other. But it seems like he underestimated their love.

Two people with the same ideology— she has been with him for so long already so it must be tough.

Things just kept on falling around her.

M/n felt the corner of his eyes sting. He felt immense guilt, knowing how he had been selfish a few weeks ago, only ever giving them his savings that probably didn't help all that much.

No matter how he looks at it, M/n felt grief as well. He may have never had a healthy relationship with his father but he still cared at the bottom of his heart. It was still news to take in.

Goo quickly engulfed him in a hug, in attempt to comfort him.

"Are you. . . Okay?" M/n shakily asked, rather hesitant to have asked such a question. He didn't know how to comfort her, in fact, he wasn't even sure on what to do.

"No." She replied. "For these past few months, my life has only been crumbling down on me. Perhaps, this is a sign. A karma of my own selfish thinking."

He didn't expect her to admit it to him.

He was immediately alarmed by what she said. His feet moved fast, running towards the direction of his parents' house, knowing that she was most probably there.

Goo followed after him, calling out his name, doing his best to be there for him.

The house was not so far; and M/n made sure to talk over the phone to distract her and stoll enough time. And as he arrive, he saw her on the roof of the tall house, she will obviously die from this height. And a single movement of hers will trigger her fall.

He hurried climbed the stairs and ladder to the attic, reaching the window as cold air directly hits him from this height.

"Please calm down." M/n carefully said, trying to compose himself as he looks at how it will only take a single step of hers to fall down.

"Why did you come?" She asked, but she wasn't furious. In fact, it was the first he saw her with such a gentle expression.

"It doesn't matter. Just carefully step away from the edge." M/n said calmly, glancing at Goo who was calling help from his phone already, it was a serious situation, after all— they couldn't afford to waste time.

"I'm afraid I can't." She shook her head. "There is no more place for me in this world anymore. I have done too many unforgivable things to the people closest to me. Including you."

"I already forgave you ages ago! Although you controlled my life and made me feel secluded from everyone else, I forgive you."

"You were always too nice." She smiled. "But nothing can change my mind. I did a reflection of my life and I finally realized how much of a cruel person I was. There is no way of redeeming it."

M/n didn't know what to say.

Goo at the background obviously didn't know what to say as well. He wasn't attached to anyone other than M/n, and seeing that wretched woman from before didn't spike empathy from him either.

He was just there for his lover.

'She only realized now.' He noted in his head. Suicide wasn't an easy and light topic, a life gone before your very eyes isn't funny. That was why he couldn't bring himself to make light of the situation, he only remained apathetic.

While he never respected that woman as a person, he did respect human life depending on the situation.

"Even at my last moments, I caused you trouble." She said to M/n.

Goo glanced at his phone, wondering when help will arrive. As much as he loathes the woman, he would hate to see M/n sad after losing two useless parents.

"Please, just step here." M/n pleads, holding out his hand for her to reach. "Just grab onto me!"

She only smiled again before looking back.

"I'm sorry for the trouble I've caused you, M/n. I'm sorry I didn't love you like I should, I hope your partner would compensate for that. Have a good life."

And she fell. Just like that. For just a split second, another person was dead, and M/n didn't know how to react with it.

Since he was young, he was never taught how to react at different situations nor express anything in him. And he believes that it was the result of being emotionally affected all his earlier years.

But now, he can't help but only stagger a little forward before Goo pulled him back and securely embraced him.

"Don't follow after her. I can't lose you." Goo murmured, consoling him as M/n only allowed the blonde to hold him.

For all of his life, people depended on him. His mother, his father, their dreams. . . And so, hearing someone admit that he was somehow important— it was a great feeling despite the shock entitled with it's loss.

He can finally depend on someone other than himself.

And for that, he was contented.

He figured that his mother understood it. She understood that even if she continued living, she would only continue to live aimlessly. That was why she had taken her own life, she was a woman who did everything for a reason. And now until the very end, she was selfish. She knew that living with no reason at all would be even more painful.

He could have given her a reason, he would be willing to. But knowing her, she didn't want anyone's pity. She never loved him like a mother would, that was why leaving was less heavier to her.

And yet, he still felt grief after understanding it all.

And on this day, M/n loss both his parents.

"It'll be alright." Goo muttered softly. "I know you prefer keeping in your burdens to yourself, but at least this once, depend on me."

And he did.

It happened all too fast.