Warning! Smut-ish? Lil' bit of spice at least, I'm not actually sure what classifies as smut...

Nightfall had come, like it usually did, and so Negan took it upon himself to sleep in Rick and Rhea's bed. Rhea had come home from her own hunt in the evening, but was quickly kicked to the curb. Olivia stayed in Judith's room, she sat by the door the whole night, using herself to barricade it shut while the toddler slept peacefully. Brooks, however, was in her old room down in the basement. She couldn't bring herself to sleep in the bed, so she just sat on the floor beside it, her knees up to her chest, her elbows resting on them while she kept her head in her hands.

After two hours of silence, there was a knock at her oak wooden door. Brooks lifted her head, and stared at the door for a moment. "Come in." She called, expecting Negan to walk through into her space, but instead, it was her... Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Brooks was quick to stand to her feet, and glare him down as best she could, but her hard expression faltered. She was standing there in Minnie Mouse pyjamas, so she wasn't exactly the most intimidating person. Once Carl had quietly shut the door behind him, Brooks was quick to ask. "What do you want?" Her tone came off harsher than her face looked.

Carl licked his lips, and looked her up and down. The summer weather allowed for her Minnie Mouse pyjamas to be made up of short pyjamas shorts, and a little tank top. He cleared his throat, and managed to make himself look back into his eyes. He was still just wearing black jeans and a white top, ready to run or fight at any moment, unlike Brooks. Brooks knew herself and Negan were too feared for anyone to try anything, so she allowed herself to be comfortable during her resting hours.

"You." He finally answered her question. Brooks' words failed her, as her eyebrows furrowed. She crossed her arms over her chest, but no words managed to escape her frowned lips. "This isn't you, Brooks. All this anger? Sure, I get it, you've been through it these past couple... Well, your whole life. But, you're still a good person. You don't want Judith scared of you and you don't want you family living in fear."

The girl couldn't help but scoff. "Yea, some family. All they ever done is bully me, turn their backs on me, blame me, hate me. I finally found people-"

"Don't say finally. Not all of us have treated you that way."

"You were one of the people who treated me that way. For the longest time, Carl. Just because you grew up doesn't mean you didn't do it."

Carl raised his arms as he whisper yelled. "I was a just a child, Brooks! We all do things that we regret when we're kids!" His anger came through, even though his volume was a mere whisper.

"Yea, we all make mistakes. Christopher's death? That was my mistake. You bullyin' me? That wasn't a mistake, Carl."

"You can't call it bulling when you just as easily did it back. At least I never put my hands on you, can you say the same for me?"

"It's all I knew!" Brooks wanted to shout, but she kept her voice a mere whisper. "And I tried to be nice to you, when we first met, I really did. But, you just called me annoyin', stupid, dumb, and ugly so I'm sorry that I didn't keep bein' all nicey-nicey to you the way you wanted me to be. I'm sorry that I actually spoke back to you!" Brooks ranted, taking a couple steps towards him as the gap between them began to close, Carl taking his own steps forward. "Most of all I'm sorry that I've hurt you, Carl, but I'm doin' what I have too to keep myself alive! That's all I've ever done! Try to survive this damn world cause from day one I've been screwed!"

Carl grabbed her hips, pulling her close as he spoke to her desperately. "We don't have to live this way! We can just go! We- we don't have to be apart of this war our parents have created. We don't have to live the way they live. We can take Judith, find Sophia and just leave. We can create our own paradise. For centuries adults have chosen death and destruction over peace and harmony... Why don't we just change that? Leave it all behind?"

Brooks inhaled deeply through her nose as she looked at his lips, before back up to his eye. "We- we can't just go, Carl." Her stutter making her cringe, she had to keep it together. "We have responsibilities, we can't just be kids, we're part of the adults destroyin' the world now."

"We don't have to be." Carl argued.

"We do-" She was interrupted when Carl's lips were pressed against hers. Her arms had been limp by her side, but they immediately went up into his hair, while his hands travelled from her hips to her waist. Their hands pulled each other closer and tugged at whatever they could find, their lips moved with such heist and such desperation you could argue they were lovers kept apart for years... Not just teenagers kept apart for a week.

When Carl's hands reached the back of her thighs, Brooks took the cue to jump and wrap her legs around his waist, his hands immediately going to her backside to nervously squeeze. Carl stood there for a moment, just holding her in his arms as they never once broke their kiss. It didn't matter to either of them that they were going a little light headed at this point, they finally had each other. 

Just as Brooks was about to pull her mouth away to breathe, Carl threw her down onto her bed, and within seconds climbed on top of her. His knees were on either side of her hips, his hands on either side of her head as their noses were less than an inch apart. Breathing heavily onto each other's faces, Carl whispered against her lips. "Are you okay with this?"

"Runnin' away with you?" Brooks repeated.

Carl grinned. "Well, yes, but that's not the question I'm asking right now. Do you want to have sex with me?"

Brooks blushed harshly (embarrassingly) at Carl's out-right-nous, but she knew it was just because he was terrified of their being some miscommunication, and him accidentally taking advantage of her. "Yes." Brooks answered, quickly, before clearing her throat when she realised that was perhaps a little too eager. "I mean, sure, man. I'm cool. Whatever."

The boy on top of her couldn't help but laugh, as his fingers started gently tracing her skin underneath her shorts, drawing little hearts on her skin. How light his touch was began to drive Brooks a little crazy, especially when his touch started getting lower, and lower, and lower. "You sure this is okay? You can tell me if you want to stop."

"I need you." Brooks whispered against his lips, her hands still tangled in his messy, brown hair. Her words were a little ambiguous, because yes she needed him to hurry up with what he was doing... However, she also needed his help. She was drowning in the responsibility, and the pain, but she couldn't just admit that to her brown-eyed boy. 

Carl didn't torture her for too much longer, his inexperienced fingers touching the area she needed him. Brooks bit her bottom lip as Carl experimented, trying to figure out what worked, and slowly he tried pushing his fingers in. When Brooks' back arched, her eyelids fluttered and a small noise escaped her mouth, Carl knew he was going in the right direction.

/----------\

That night both teenagers got out any angst that had been bottled up for the past five years. Though they forgot to use protection, they weren't worried about anything, because they both felt good. Although neither teenager could confidently say they knew what they were doing, they had fun experimenting and somehow made it turn into an enjoyable experience. However, the lack of protection used really should have been the forefront of their minds, but that's just what happens when you're dumb kids.

Brooks wasn't sure what happened over night, but by the next day the majority of Alexandria was filled with Saviours. Carl wasn't in her bed when she woke up, and she wasn't sorry. Ignoring the dull ache between her legs, she got dressed into her clothes from the night before, and made herself look presentable. Of course, after she took a shower to wash away the smell of sex lingering on her skin.

She knew she overslept, however, when she looked out the living room window all she could see was Spencer and Negan playing pool in the street in front of a crowd? She couldn't remember which asshole neighbour had a pool table, but someone had pulled it out into the street. It seemed to be important though, because people from Alexandria and the Saviours combined were watching the game, very, very intensely. 

Her hand went to the door handle to pull open, but first, hands were spinning her around and forcing her into the door. Brooks looked up to Carl, and gasped a little at his boldness. "Before you go out, I need to talk to you." Brooks shoved him away, and straightened her clothes out from where he'd ruffled them. "What? Now you're a prude?" Carl joked, earning a glare and a whack to his shoulder. "Ow, okay, not funny!" He whispered yelled. "I just wanna ask cause we got a bit... Distracted, last night, and didn't finish our conversation."

Brooks found herself pushing her thighs together at the thought of last night, but cleared her throat and tried to push the memories to the back of her head. "There was no conversation to be had, Carl. I ain't just gonna run away with you."

"Why?"

"Because we both have people to take care of. Last night was a mistake, we should've been breakin' up not gettin' closer. We're both just gonna get hurt that way."

Carl's eyebrows raised a little. "You sure seemed to enjoy it last night."

"Don't be a dick, that's not what I'm sayin'. I'm sayin' long-run wise. We... We can't do this, okay? I can't do this. You can't leave Judith, but you also can't take Judith away from Rick and her family, that's not fair on them... But that screwed up family also won't leave what they've built 'ere, Carl, it's a dream." Brooks explained. 

"You're talking like this family isn't yours anymore."

"It ain't. It never was. Actin' like it was, it's just ridiculous." 

Carl didn't get to respond, because the screams from outside distracted them both. Brooks threw open the door and ran out onto the porch, she was going to run down the stairs too but found herself stuck in place by Olivia when she saw the sight. Negan had taken a knife, and ripped into Spencer's stomach. The man was still kind of standing... As his guts fell to the ground. It wasn't long before he himself was laying in a pile of his own blood and guts too.

Spencer had been inside the walls since the beginning, Deanna's son. Although Brooks had never been fond of him, seeing his insides turn into a stain on the floor was a little bit shocking for eleven O'clock in the morning. "How embarrassing." Negan commented, grinning, soaked in Spencer's blood. "There they are! They were inside you the whole time, you did have guts! I've never been so wrong in my whole life!" Negan looked to the porch where Carl, Brooks and Olivia were standing. Brooks had to hide her distraught look, and force herself to be calm. It's like in a second, she clicked her fingers and all emotions were pushed way down into a dark hole.

Shrugging her shoulders back, Brooks made her way down the stairs, and walked to stand closer to Negan. "Mornin'." She commented, looking down to Spencer's corpse to continue. "Ya a sore loser or summin'?" Brooks joked, and Negan was quick to laugh, revelling in her dark humour. Brooks' eyes caught that of Mickey in the crowd, and bile rose in her throat. The way his eyes just met hers after scanning her body up and down. The older boy, the man, never failed to make her sick to her stomach. Brooks had to look away, otherwise she would've started uncontrollably shaking under his intense glare.

"Or summin." Negan nodded, grabbing Lucille from the pool table, before turning back to the crowd which had formed. "Someone... Better clean this mess up. Oh!" Negan laughed as he just remembered, he scanned the crowd with Lucille, making sure everyone got indicated too. "Anyone wanna finish the game? Come on! Anybody?" He chuckled at the group's cowardly behaviour, revelling in the fact nobody was brave enough to play a little pool with him...

Until the gun went off...

"Negan!" Brooks found herself yelling when he stumbled back, but he was okay. The bullet had lodged itself in Lucille, safely protecting her leader. 

"Shit! What the shit?" Negan yelled, just as Arat was forcing Rosita down onto her back, on the cold, hard concrete. Arat kneeled beside Rosita, keeping her pinned down with a knife to her throat. Instinctively, Brooks touched her stomach at the thought of Rosita and Cam's unborn child unprotected in Rosita's womb. Brooks didn't know what she would do if it came to it, but she knew like hell was anything going to happen to Rosita or her baby. "Shit! You tried to kill me? You shot Lucille!" Negan screamed like crazy, pacing, going over to Rosita but taking steps back to stop himself.

"She got in the way." Rosita taunted, an unfearing grin on her face. Brooks reached for her gun that she had tucked into the back of her jeans, cocked it, and just held the metal in her hand. Hershel's gun. It felt a little wrong to be using his gun on Negan's side, knowing full-well that Hershel, of course, would have hated Negan the way he hated the Governor. Especially due to the fact it was Negan's actions that had Maggie's death as a consequence... Or, so Brooks believed, at least.

Negan reached down to the bullet casing that fell to the floor, looked to it for a second, then looked back to Rosita. "What is this?" His anger overshadowed the question, so he took a second to collect himself, before asking again. "What is this? This lil' bad boy made from scratch?" His anger began to merge into curiosity... Look at those crimps, this was homemade. You may be stupid, darlin', but you showed some real ingenuity here... Arat, move that knife up."

Brooks swallowed thickly, tightening her grip on the gun as Arat's knife rested on Rosita's cheek, just below her right eye. "Brooks!" She heard Father Gabriel yell from the crowd. She made eye contact with him, and saw the desperation in his face. The desperation for her to do something, for her to put a stop to this. The tears in his eyes, the creases in his forehead, the shake to his hands. Gabriel wasn't turning to God this time, he was turning to Brooks, and there was something about that which crushed the girl's soul.

Negan ignored the religious man, and leaned down over Rosita. "Lucille's beautiful, smooth surface will never be the same... So, why should yours?" He shouted, angrily, standing back to his feet and raising the bullet for everyone to see. "Unless... Unless you tell me who made this." Negan offered. Brooks immediately looked to Eugene, she didn't have to be told to know it was him. The coward was shaking and crying in his boots, no doubt he wasn't going to volunteer himself.

"It was me. I made it." Rosita didn't hesitate to lie, to protect Eugene.

Negan took a deep breath, shaking his head. "See, now I just think you're lyin'. Brooks, kill somebody."

"No! It was me! No!" Rosita screamed, but Brooks tuned her out. She had a split second, life or death decision to make. If she didn't pull that trigger, prove herself the heartless killer and loyal soldier, well... She'd be screwed. Brooks believed Negan wouldn't trust her anymore, of course she'd never be welcomed back to Alexandria... But, if she did, she'd potentially be taking an innocent life which she promised herself to never do.

Oh well, the new world order was all about self preservation.

So, she lifted Hershel's gun, the biggest pacifist she ever met, and she pulled that trigger. Rosita was screaming her second 'no' by the time his body was hitting the floor, that's how quickly Brooks Dixon decided to kill Mickey. If he hadn't attacked her like he did before, maybe she wouldn't have killed him, maybe she would've frozen in place, maybe she would've killed Abraham or Sasha or someone else who did her wrong. 

Either way, she pulled that trigger and killed Mickey. Then again, maybe she wouldn't have done it if she realised his mother was standing directly behind him, now covered in her son's blood as she stood over his corpse. The screams that left the poor woman's mouth never once left Brooks' mind. The mother wasn't aware of her son's monstrous behaviour, neither were most of Alexandria, so once again, Brooks Dixon was just the monster in the shadows.

24 people.
696 walkers.

Merle finally caught her eye, after being blended in with the crowd. He didn't look horrified at her kill, he didn't care about Mickey. He cared about his baby girl. He cared that she looked more comfortable killing someone for Negan, than she ever did with her own group... But, then again, he also saw the way she grabbed her gun when Rosita was thrown onto the ground. Merle was very conflicted, looking for any sign his loving daughter was still inside that shell of a person.

Brooks was focused on Merle, and tuned out the conversation started when Rick ran over, yelling, "we had a deal!" She didn't really care. All she could do was look at her dad. She hated that Merle was the one person that she felt was looking right through her. For everyone else, even Carl, she had this hard shell up that couldn't be punctured... But, not for Merle, after all, she got her shell from him and his was a lot older, and a lot stronger.

"It was me!" From Tara suddenly brought her from her concentration.

"No it weren't." Brooks stated, coldly, getting everyone to look at her again. "Eugene." Brooks stated, looking to the coward, and a look of realisation hit Negan's eyes. He'd forgotten the conversation him and Brooks had before about the cowardly man. "Stop shakin' like a goddamn baby and own up to it. Bad enough Mickey had to die because you couldn't own up to it, don't make Tara die too." Brooks coldly ordered.

Eugene shook his head, pulling at his shirt as he cried. "It wasn't me! It wasn't me!"

Brooks scoffed a laughed, walked over to Tara and put the end of her gun to the girl's temple. "Admit it was you, or Tara's brain's gonna be all over the floor real soon." Brooks ordered without a single waver in her voice, not a flick of emotion behind her eyes. Brooks was never going to kill Tara, because she knew Eugene would admit it... With a little persuasion, of course. It had been a long time since Brooks had forgiven Tara for being on the Governor's side, but the twelve year old girl inside her who had to watch her mother be beheaded was still lingering inside her salty heart.

"No! No, okay, no don't.... It... It was me." Eugene admitted, nodding, sobbing.

Brooks smirked a little, before looking around the faces of everyone who knew her before. Merle, Rick, Carl, Beth, Michonne, Rhea, Gabriel, Tara, Rosita, Sasha, Abraham... They were all heartbroken, all shocked, all angry, all fuelled up with hatred. The teenage girl let out a small laugh, before nodding at Negan, someone who had never hated her. "I'll be in the truck. Don't let 'im piss himself before he gets there." And with that, she walked away, turning her back on everything and everyone.