Woo new story! And boy, was this requested aaaaaages ago! I have been awfully slow with requests so if it's not too much trouble I'm gonna take a break on requests. Of course, I'll still write up the ones I've received when I can get them done, as far as I know, I've only had three, this being one of them. As the title of the book suggests, this is going to include thoughts of depression so please be careful when reading, I don't want to make any of you guys feel bad about yourselves, you're all perfect!
Parts of this is based off my own thoughts of what depression is, I know it isn't always cutting so although I might include that, I won't to begin with. I'm sorry if I've messed up some grammar and spellings, I'll check them once this is posted.

Other than that I hope you enjoy! This story, which I'm actually quite looking forward to writing the rest of, was requested (a damn long time ago :-: ) by lailionfleek
I'm incredibly sorry it took 3 fucking months to get off my butt and write this, even if it's no longer wanted, I'm still writing it because I love to write!
Sorry for the long Author's Note, you can finally read it now, thank you and enjoy!

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Most people have that childhood friend that they hang out with throughout their life. Maybe they one day just stop seeing each other until they've completely lost contact, or maybe they stuck together all their life. For (F/N) it was different. She had her small group of childhood friends, by group that meant two, but one of them was her best friend. He went by the name of Berwald and even when he was a child people still were pretty scared of him. All except (F/N).

She once kept him company in elementary school when he was sat alone due to the fact his friend Tino, a small Finnish man, was off school. When thinking back on it, not once did (F/N) ever find him scary. Sure, he was taller than everyone else and his glare could be quite intimidating, but he never intended any harm. He was just misunderstood. So (F/N), with a bright smile, approached him and tried to make conversation. It was awkward at some points and (F/N) sometimes struggled to think of conversation topics with Berwald's short answers, but somehow, especially with the help of Tino when he came back to school, she was able to befriend Berwald. She was friends with both Tino and Berwald for quite a few years throughout her childhood.

Truth was, she was just as lonely as Berwald, and without him and Tino, she had no friends.

So when her dad got a new job and her mother forced her to move, she was devastated. She was sure it was going to be impossible to make friends like hers again. She spent days crying and convinced her mother she was sick so she didn't have to go to school. She didn't want to have to tell Berwald and Tino she'd probably never see them again. Though she'd never expect them to come visit her and she ended up telling them everything while trying to keep in her tears. They both comforted her and told her over and over that they see her again.

"We'll see you again, when we grow up we can see each other whenever we want!"

It was a childish thing to say but it comforted (F/N) anyway. She should have known that it would never happen. They'd all forgot about each other and they'd move on with their lives.

When it came for the time for (F/N) to leave she cried and hugged both her friends tightly until her mother told her they had to leave. She looked behind her, waving to them both. Both of them waved back but Berwald abruptly left without watching her leave the whole way through; Tino quickly waving at (F/N) before following his friend. (F/N) took it harshly. She thought maybe Berwald hated her all along and it was stuck in her mind for weeks.

As she grew up through school, she had difficulty making friends; so much difficulty that she hadn't made one friend throughout all her school life. It wiped the smile off her face. Not one day went by when she wasn't reminded of her old friends and it only made her more lonely. She was an outcast. She had no friends. She was the kid in class that everyone gossiped about because they believed she had some reason to be that depressed and lonely.

"I heard her family abuses her."

"No, no, I heard her family died and her house burnt down!"

"But I saw her parents with her! They looked like her too."

"Well, she moved here a while ago, maybe something happened back home?"

They acted like she wasn't there and while they did no actual harm or they never called her names, they didn't make her life any better. No one made an attempt to be friends with her. Her smile she always wore as a little girl was gone.

Utterly gone.

~~~

It was a new day. (F/N) dragged her drowsy body out of her bed. She didn't get much sleep again and she could see the bags under her eyes. She grabbed some clothes from her closet and went into the bathroom. She showered, dried and styled her hair and dressed in a plain (F/C) hoody. Trailing downstairs, she saw all the shoes at the door were gone, no one was home except for her. Her mother and father had gone to work and her older brother had gone to school earlier. None of them bothered to wake her up. She went into the kitchen and packed herself some lunch for the school day ahead.

She grabbed her previously prepared bag and slung it over her shoulder. As she made the walk to school, (F/N) got lost within her thoughts. This school day was going to be like the one before it and the one before that: boring and dull. Nothing ever happened anyway. It was just work and sitting alone at lunch. Honestly, (F/N) couldn't tell what was more dull, school or home. Overall, both came down to the same thing; doing school work and sitting alone. How pathetic, she couldn't help but think. Once again her mind drifted back to her childhood and she wished she'd protested more when her mother told the family they had to leave. She could've stayed with her Grandparents.

(F/N) let out a sigh as she arrived at the school gates. Students lingered and loitered around the school gates in groups. They eyed the people who entered and chatted among themselves about various subjects. (F/N) edged past them feeling their eyes watch her. She walked down the path until she entered the school; walking up the stairs, she avoided students gaze until she arrived at her designated classroom. Her seat was near the window yet unfortunately not right at the back of the class; it was still a position where neither the students or the teacher would bother her though.  Everyone just pinned her as the loner girl and left her to her lonely business.

Class hadn't started yet but it was only a few minutes till it did. (F/N) didn't pay attention much anyway. She got good grades in class and that was all her parents really cared about. They did care about her... They didn't notice what was eating away at her little by little. Gazing out the window, (F/N) was on eye level with the branches of a tree since her classroom was on the second floor. She saw a small family of birds huddled together in a nest. The school bell rang out to signal the start of the first class session of the day.

"Alright, class we have some new students."

The birds huddled together, the father bird watching over the mother as she comforted her child.

"I would like everyone to treat them with respect and to make them feel welcome."

(F/N) would've smiled had it not been for the envy buried deep inside of her.

"Now introduce yourselves." The teacher let the two new students talk and stepped aside to open his laptop on his desk. (F/N) hadn't glanced at the new students the whole time, her eyes were transfixed outside and in a daze, she hadn't realised...

"Hello there! My name is Tino and this is my friend, Berwald." Her gaze snapped towards the front of the class. "It's very nice to meet you!"

...that she already knew them...

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Hey again! I hope you enjoyed the first part, I'm really trying to keep up my school work, sleep, drawing, and writing and it's proving to be difficult. The next time we're off for the holidays or a half term I'll be able to write more! Thank you for being patient with me!

Oh and to say something else about something I said at the beginning, this story does include some of my own thoughts, but I'm not like Reader-Chan here! My life is fine and I just like to write depressing stories, not as a way of venting but just because my mind is a dark place. Just to clarify that. Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next chapter of whatever I post!