Guitarist Ryan Ross declined to be interviewed.

That's what Brendon was told when he asked one of the Staff members of Billboard where Ryan was.

He tried not to show his disappointment through out the interview. This was for the fans. The diehards. The ones who'd been on the journey with him for ten years now. This was not about Ryan Ross. No matter how badly he wanted it to be.

So he sat there and smiled. Speaking lively about A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. About Ryan's songs. But this wasn't about Ryan. He told stories about what it was like when they started making music. How they met Pete. Stories that he used to tell with Ryan. He'd always start the stories and Ryan would jump in to fill in parts.

But not today. Today Brendon told them alone. Pete added some things. Matt, Scott and Bob added some things. Hell, even Jon was there. But it wasn't the same as Ryan. Spencer told Brendon he wouldn't make it. Brent couldn't be contacted. And Ryan just didn't want to come. Which was understandable.

But it'd been years since that fight. Years since Ryan and Jon just skipped the band like it was forth period lunch. And Ryan was still angry. Angry at Brendon for something he didn't even fully understand. The band was doing great. The music was loved, they were as popular as ever. But Ryan still wasn't happy.

He was always sulking or complaining about his musical vision being blurred by the big parties and added producers in the studio. But Brendon didn't understand. They were famous and they were making money doing what they loved. Why couldn't Ryan just be happy.

So he asked him that, and Ryan flipped the fuck out. Screaming about how Brendon didn't understand the music. And all he did was sing lyrics to Ryan's songs that he didn't understand. Lyrics way to advanced and deep for Brendon's dopey brain. So Brendon snapped back.

Telling Ryan how he was an important member of the band too. He was the front man of Panic! He was the voice behind those words that Ryan felt were so deep. And that he was tired of Ryan moping around and complaining. Ryan always chose what songs they performed. Ryan usually had last say on the lyrics. Ryan even did back up vocals. So what the hell was Ryan fucking complaining for?

It was a trivial fight of sorts. In the leagues of 'You're a stupid head.' 'Well you're a poopy breath'. But it was still the biggest fight they've ever had. Ryan twisted Brendon's words to mean something they weren't supposed to. Something Brendon never felt. That he was the only important member of Panic! At the disco. Somehow Jon got that vibe too. Within a couple of weeks, they were gone. And Brendon was broken.

Not just because the band he'd been in since high school with his best friends broke up. But because he and Ryan broke up. The first person he'd ever loved was gone. And it was all because of a band.

Ryan didn't even seen to feel anything. The same way he withdrew from the music was the same way he withdrew from Brendon. as if they went hand in hand. When they so obviously shouldn't. Love and business shouldn't collide.

Why couldn't they fight like enemies in the studio and be smitten lovers at home? That's the way it should have been. Why didn't Ryan just leave the band but stay by Brendon's side? Or ask Brendon to leave with him. He would have gone. He would have done anything for Ryan.

Would have being the key words. Because that was long over. He and Ryan didn't even speak anymore. He was happy. Really he was. He had new members who were happy to be in Panic! He was married to a stunningly beautiful woman. He had a damn near perfect life.

Then why was he so excited about being able to talk to Ryan today?

Why was he so crushed when he found out he wasn't even coming?

Because today was the day when Brendon was supposed to make things right. He was supposed to get his best friend back. They were going to tell of memories and start reminiscing on the past. And they'd realize how much they missed each other. But obviously Ryan didn't see it that way.

"Any other words? The interviewer asked him.

Brendon shook his head.

"I'm stoked." Pete spoke up. "Ten years later, still doing the label and signing new bands is pretty exciting."

"And I think that's a wrap!" The interviewer's hands clapped together. He lifted up the microphone and stood. "I have to go get this to paper asap. Thanks for coming in."

The room erupted in a chorus of you're welcome and thank you for having us.

That was it. It was time to go. The interview was over. His only chance of reconnecting with Ryan was gone. The party would be later on tonight, but he was positive Ryan would decline that as well. He'd probably show up for a few minutes with Sarah for press. But he wasn't in a mood to party anymore.

"That was great." Pete walked up and slapped him on the back. "I'll see you at the party?"

"You're damn right you will." He said in his usual animated voice. Pete smiled and walked off.

"It was great seeing you, Bren." Jon stopped in front of him.

"You too, man." He meant that. He'd missed Jon too.

"You're going to the party, right?"

"Yeah." He nodded. Jon nodded and smiled. Walking away. An insane idea clicked in Brendon's head in that moment. "Uh, hey, Jon!"

"Yeah?" He turned.

Brendon walked up to him. Not wanting anyone else to hear what he was asking. "You're still in contact with Ryan, right?"

"Yes." His eyebrow lifted. "Why?"

"I was just wondering if you could tap me his address." Jon's eyes began narrowing so Brendon thought on his feet. "I just wanted to have the label do something nice for the anniversary. Like send him a personalized vinyl or something."

"Oh." He visibly relaxed. "That's a nice idea, Brendon. But I don't think Ryan would want that."

"Why not."

"Ryan doesn't really want anything to do with the band anymore. You can guess why."

"Because he hates me. But he loves his music. All the songs from Fever were Ryan's songs. He spent countless amount of time on that album. Lyrics meant everything to him. That album was his baby-"

"Okay." He nodded seriously. Saving Brendon from spewing anymore BS from his mouth. "I'll text you his address and you make sure to give it to the label." His voice lowered. "And make sure it has nothing to do with you. Or he won't want it."

"Trust me, I know that."

"Okay. See you later man."

"Later."

********** ********** **********

Brendon's foot pushed down on the gas as he sped to Ryan's house. His GPS spitting the directions out to him. Jon would never trust him again. But it'd be worth it if he got to see Ryan one more time.

You have reached your destination

He parked in the empty spot in front of the modern house. It wasn't like Ryan at all. It was too big for his taste. Too ostentatious. But this was the address to it had to be the right house.

Brendon jumped from the car. His nerves threatening to get the best of him. His hand were shaking as he rang the doorbell. There were muted sounds coming from the other side of the door. Brendon didn't know what to expect.

What if someone else opened the door? Someone Ryan replaced him with? He'd seen pictures on Ryan's Instagram and Twitter of a bunch of other boys. And one girl in particular seemed to grace his page frequently. He couldn't remember her name but he remembered her face. Dark hair, low eyes. She looked like some kind of hippi. And Ryan looked happy as hell with her.

The lock to the door clicked. Brendon held his breath as it was pulled open. Bringing him face to face with his dream. Ryan's features slipped from neutral to hate in milliseconds when he realized Brendon was at the door.

But even with that scowl on his face, he looked good. Perfect. Still as tall as Brendon remembered. But thinner than Brendon remembered, if that were even possible. His hair was styled different. Short, but with some of it brushing over his left eye. He was wearing a gray shirt with Billy Joel printed in red, a pair of black, distressed jeans and white socks. He looked like heaven. But his eyes warned of the hell to come.

"How the hell did you get my address?" His voice rang like music to Brendon's ears. Angry music, but still music.

"How have you been?" His voice sounded as nervous as he felt.

Ryan's head tilted in confusion. "Fine."

"Don't you want to invite me in?" His eyes narrowed more so Brendon quickly rephrased. "Can I please come in?"

Ryan glanced around outside before stepping back and letting him enter. Brendon's eyes scanned the house. Neat. Clean. Simple yet unique. Stylish. Ryan. So Ryan. Different from the outside.

A low growling noise snapped Brendon from his thoughts. He legitimacy thought it was Ryan for a few seconds. Until he looked down and saw the small dog.

"Down, girl." Ryan said. The dog looked at him for a second before turning and being on her merry way.

"Thanks-"

"Why are you here? How are you here? Who gave you my address?"

He was going to ignore that last question. "I- there's a party tonight."

"So?"

"It's for A Fever You Can't Sweat Out. It turned ten to-"

"I know." He walked past him.

He knew? Of course he knew. He declined the fucking interview. Brendon followed behind Ryan. Into what was his kitchen.

"Are you going to the party?"

Ryan laughed. "No."

"No?" His voice hardened. He was getting upset. Why was he getting upset? It must have been the nerves.

"No." He said again. "Why the hell would I attend that?"

"Because it was our first album!"

"We aren't even a band anymore. That would be like a divorced couple celebrating the tenth anniversary of their marriage."

"That's not the same. It was for the fan! They-"

"You and I both know it wasn't for the fans. Maybe you did it for the fans. But all those people interviewing you are doing it for the press." He opened a drawer over aggressively. "And I don't want anything to do with it."

"It was for the fans! The diehards that have been there-"

"If it was really for the fans, why not set up some sort of reunion fan meet up? Something that involved actual fans?" He waited a few seconds for Brendon to respond. When he had no argument, he smiled. "Because it wasn't for the fucking fans."

"You could have at least done something! Post a picture. Write a tweet. Something instead of pretending it never happened!"

"You're going to come into my house and chastise me about my decisions?"

As he was speaking, he walked around the island in the kitchen. Slowly approaching Brendon.

"I just thought you'd at least pretend to care about the band you were in for years. The reason you're even known." Brendon yelled.

"I did care about the band!" Ryan's voice began to raise in the way only Ryan's voice could.

"Then why didn't you agree to do the interview?"

"Because there is no fucking band anymore!" He screamed in his face.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"They're gone! Everyone's gone. Me, Jon and now even Spencer. And you don't even fucking care. You keep the same name and you just add different people like no one will notice. Well, guess what? We fucking notice! That's not Panic! at the disco!" He pointed past Brendon. Not really pointing at anything. "Panic! Was about four friends, doing what they love! Now it's about Brendon, remaining famous! No one cares about the band part of Panic any more."

"That's not true!"

"It is and you know it is!" He laughed again. A spiteful laugh. "Look at Fall Out Boy!"

"What about them?"

"They've been around longer. And held on stronger. And they didn't even know each other as long as we did when they started. But do you think Patrick or Joe or Andy or Pete would have come back as Fall Out Boy with out everyone coming back together?"

"I think-"

"No they wouldn't have!" This was pissed off Ryan. And Pissed off Ryan never gave anyone else a chance to talk. "No one even cares about your band. They care about you. You do the interviews. You do the magazine covers. You do the album covers. You make the guess appearances. It's always you. Alone!"

Brendon could feel his chest tightening. He knew he wasn't going to cry. But he could admit he was hurt that Ryan thought of him that way. And he could admit that he was angry. Angry that Ryan thought he could leave the band, leave Brendon, and still have a say so in how things were run.

"So, no!" Ryan finished off his steamed rant. "I didn't want to do the interview. And I don't want go to the party because none of it's about the old fans. Its about Brendon! At The Disco. And I don't fucking support it."

He'd waited years to get that off of his chest. Those years of pent up hate did their job. Because that speech was painful as hell.

Brendon stood there for a few seconds. Trying to decide the best way to approach the situation. He could yell and scream hurtful things back. Then they'd stand there snapping at each other like rubber bands. Completely reactive until Ryan inevitably kicks him out. But that wouldn't get him anywhere other than where he already was. So he took a different approach.

"You could have still come."

Ryan rolled his eyes. Sighing loudly because Brendon clearly wasn't listening to anything he'd said in the past few minutes.

"I had no reason to come!" He groaned. "Just like you had no reason to come here. And who the fuck gave you my address?"

"Maybe I just wanted to see you!" He hadn't meant to yell the words, but he did.

"Why the hell would you want to do that?"

"Because maybe I wanted to kiss you."
The words slipped from his mouth easily but without consent. Brendon wanted to die of embarrassment, but he couldn't take it back. He wouldn't it back. He'd thrown that out into the universe. Ryan could do what he wanted with it. Be it, pretend he didn't say it or blow up at him for having the audacity.

"Then do it." He whispered.

"What?" Brendon's gaze snapped to his. The two shades of brown clashing like a hot and cold front. Waiting for the hurricane that was to come from it.

"Fucking do it!" He repeated in a stronger, louder voice. "Stop standing there like some stupid-"

Brendon didn't wait for any more verbal abuse. His hands reached up to grab Ryan's soft face. Yanking his mouth down to meet his.

There was no time for their lips to try and become reacquainted with one another. No. Because this wasn't about kissing on memories. Kissing how they used to when they were smitten. This was about kissing now. Kissing with all the anger and bad blood that sparked between them over the years. This was about teeth hitting and tongues fighting. Throaty groans and lip biting. This kiss was hate and this kiss was lust.

And just when Brendon was sure he was about to lose it, when his thoughts were black and his body was red, they're interrupted. By a cute little animal stepping all over their feet. Breaking them apart.

They pulled away from each other and the sound was loud. Filling the entire room. Their breathing was heavy. Their chest were rising and falling at the same dangerously rapid speed. Instead of coming together again, like Brendon really wanted to, Ryan bent down to pet the dog.

"There, Dottie." He murmered and she went insane. Wagging her tail and licking his fingers. The same way Brendon is sure he would react if Ryan cooed at him like that. "Here's the attention you want."

Brendon kneeled down beside him. Ryan snuck a glace at him from the corner of his eye.

"Can I pet her?"

"Sure." He shrugged. Moving his hand away from her.

She whined until Brendon's hand replaced his. And then she was happy again. Tail wagging and excited barks. If only people were that easily pleased.

"Jon gave me your address." Brendon glanced over at him.

He had no reason to tell. Ryan had clearly given up on getting an answer. But he just wanted a reason to speak to him. To actually say words to him without sounding aggressive.

"Thanks for telling me." Is all Ryan said back.

And it's okay for now. Because they're not yelling anymore. Brendon knows they will again, probably soon. But not now. Now they're calm. Now they're knealing next to each other and not trying to rip each other's heads off.

They're just petting a dog. It's simple. They both know nothing else about their knew found reuniton will be simple after this. But this isn't about what will happen then. This is about what's happening now. And now, things are kind of okay.