Chapter Forty-Four

Give me love like never before

Cause lately I've been craving more

And it's been a while but I still feel the same

Maybe I should let you go.

I found myself sitting at the lake, somewhere that I had often found as a place of comfort.

Nothing could hurt me here.

But I was wrong about that.

Because for every good memory I had here, I had a bad memory to go with it.

Yet it was still a place for me to escape to.

I didn't want to be around anyone.

I wanted to be alone, and this was where I needed to be.

I sat on the bay, looking out over the lake and enjoying the quiet calm it brought. It reminded me of when my dad first brought me here...

"Dad? Are we almost there?" I asked from the backseat. Mum was looking at the map and Gemma was playing with her sand castle buckets. We had been driving for what felt like forever, and at that moment I really needed to pee. I shouldn't have had that apple juice...

"Just a few more minutes Hazzy." He had answered, looking at me through the rear view mirror.

"I need to pee." I whined, crossing my legs. Gemma just shook her head as she sat next to me.

"I told you not to drink your juice so fast."

"Shut up."

"Just don't think about running water Hazzy. It'd be a shame if you peed your pants." Gemma teased, grinning as i grimaced.

If I didn't need to go before... I really needed to go now.

"Gemma, leave your brother alone." Mum said, looking at us both. Eventually we did make it to our destination, and I fell out of the car in relief. I ran for the closest bathroom, completely ignoring the vast body of water as I did so

Once I was assured my bladder wouldn't explode on me, I found my parents sitting down on the bay. Gemma was playing next to the water, building her sandcastle as I walked up to them.

"Can I build a sandcastle with you?" I asked Gemma, earning a glare from my older sister.

"No."

"Gemma, share with your brother."

"It's my castle though." Gemma whined, looking at Mum for some sort of backup. Mum didn't give it to her, instead she continued to read the book she had brought along. Gemma huffed before walking away, leaving the buckets and shovels alone as she stomped off.

"Will you make a sandcastle with me?" I asked Dad, looking at him. Dad smiled before kneeling down on the sand with me, filling up the bucket as we began our sandcastle.

The fact I could remember that day perfectly just reminded me how badly it fucked me up. My seemingly perfect life was turned upside down in a second.

Simply a second.

And it sucked.

I lost two people that day, and to be honest I don't think I ever got over it.

Or at least I wasn't okay until I brought Niall here. This place used to be nothing but a nightmare.

I couldn't even touch the water.

Niall made this place seem innocent again, our own little heaven on this earth.

And I loved it.

I loved the fact that I could see the light shine in his eyes when I brought him here.

But now even that had gone to shit.

All of it has just gone to shit.

Everything he had said just hours before still rang in my ears.

They made me sick.

They made me angry.

But most of all they hurt.

It hurts to look into the eyes of the one you love... only to see hate.

It hurts to hear that they regret everything.

It hurts that they actually think you're the reason they're so f ucked up.

And there's nothing you can say because even if you try to justify yourself... they won't see it.

They don't get the fact that all you've ever done is try to keep them whole.

All I've ever wanted was Niall.

All I've ever needed was him.

And now he wants nothing to do with me.

He doesn't want me.

He doesn't need me.

So I'm forced to sit here and think about everything I could've done to change it...

But when you're forced to face that facts... and you're forced to realize there was nothing you could do to change it...

You feel worse.

I tried my hardest to make him feel loved, to assure him I would always be there.

And all for what?

Just to have him scream at me that I was his biggest mistake?

To hear him tell me that he hated me?

I didn't get it.

But I don't get a lot of things.

I used to get us.

We were so simple once upon a time.

And now it's just a huge pile of complicated shit.

This time though, I wasn't quite sure if we would be able to make it out intact.

It appeared to me that our lives were falling apart at our feet, shattering like glass.

This time though it didn't appear that we could fix it.

He'd broken his promise again.

"I, Niall Horan, give you, Harry Styles full permission to break my heart."

"I promise I won't..."

"Don't make promises you can't keep, but I promise not to break yours either..."

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#flashback season much?

Jfc.

But yeah.

I don't know how I felt about this chapter tbh haha.

Anyways....

QOTD: Who is your favorite superhero?

AOTD: I have two lol. I'm in love with Batman and Captain America :3

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Connie xx