Hi guys back with a update, hope it lives up to your expectations.

            Sanskar starred at swara and felt at loss of words ,he never expected Keerthi would have interfered and all the misguided anger he held towards swara made him feel deflated as he had no idea what to say to lessen the hurt that was visible in her eyes.

              And because of it Sanskar was glad that they were interrupted by the doctors  visit , as the doctor went about checking him . His eyes stayed on his wife who was  looking at him in concern and once again he felt guilty of assuming she choose to move on .

            None of it was her fault.  It was not fair of him to blame her for his broken heart or the friendship that fell apart because he couldn't stay near her . And yet he continued to hurt her by his actions .

               Swara wanted to speak up but didn't know what else to say that could make it right.  She  knew she shouldn't have given up just by keerthi words ,  she who had the courage to fight for her parents marriage , failed to fight for their friendship .

              But her reluctance to fight  stemmed from her conflicting heart , she just didn't know how to react towards it and so she choose to run away instead .

      And now she looked at him in an hospital bed and realized she would have never  forgiven herself if  anything happened to him and she failed to try to bridge the gap between them .

         The thought she was close to losing him made her struggle with controlling her emotions that the doctors voice took a few moments before getting registered .

        " Are you his family ?" the doctor question made Sanskar realize that though she was his wife ,she wasn't part of his family ,how can one claim to be his family when they become more like strangers ,it was because of that he was surprised by her answer .

        " Yes ,I am his wife " Swara spoke up not caring how sanskar constructed her answer ,she knew she hurt him beyond forgiveness but still she can't keep lying to everyone as if they were strangers when they were still bonded together by matrimony .

             The next few minutes swara focussed on the doctors instructions and refused to glance at Sanskar ,as she didn't want to know how he would react to her presence .  She learnt Sanskar wounds were severe than she surmised earlier.

            He also sustained a bruised  rib which made her realize the reason he was still hiding behind the blanket , he was trying to downplay his injuries so she won't worry .

             Only when the doctors left did she finally turn around to see him looking at her with not anger but sadness , she wondered what she did now then realized it must be because she introduced herself as his wife .

         " I am still your wife Sanskar , at least legally though you may hate me it still the truth " Swara spoke up waiting for him to agree that he hated her .

        " I don't hate you Shona " Sanskar answered back ,he should have held on to his silence because the moment he uttered those words he noticed swara shoulder slump a little in relief as if she was expecting him to agree with her.

          " You should Sanskar because no matter what I should have continued to reach out to you not take Keerthi words as yours and I had no right to get jealous either , it wasn't because I didn't trust you sanskar . For a moment I lost my mind " Swara answered back as she walked towards him then stopped abruptly as she realized he may not welcome her physical proximity.

             " Keerthi may be wrong to interfere but she just wanted to help me " Sanskar spoke up not realizing why he felt the need to defend keerthi but he couldn't let her take the blame for his actions , it was because he took to drinking Keerthi felt like she need to interfere .

                 " Oh " Swara couldn't say any more as she realized though he didn't ask keerthi to speak up on his behalf ,he still felt the same that she should stop bothering him . 

               She quickly turned away as she didn't want to see how much his words wounded her nor notice the tears that threatened to spill at any moment . 

                " Swara wait " Sanskar spoke up ,he knew he should let her go but the brief glance of hurt in her face bothered him .

             " I began to drink heavily after work  that I tend to lose consciousness , to make myself forget you ,it didn't work because  when I came home  i could see the  number of message you left in my inbox and the countless voicemail you left .

    I wanted to atleast hold on to our friendship yet I knew it won't be enough hence I couldn't even bring up to respond to your call , then it stopped and I realized I ceased to matter to you.  It should have driven me to drink more  but it was what I needed to stop drinking .

               As long as I held a little hope that I mattered to you , I needed the drink to keep myself from staying away but when you stopped messaging it was as if every hope I held was lost and no drink was enough to blot out the truth .  So I stopped drinking and it may have made keerthi believe she did the right thing but it wasn't not by a long shot .

            I drank to forget the pain but I stopped because nothing could make me forget that you moved on " Sanskar spoke up , he knew it wasn't fair to burden her with his emotions but for a brief moment last night he thought he won't survive the crash and he wished he had spoke up instead of holding back.

                Just because she didn't feel the same doesn't mean ,his feelings needed to be kept hidden either . He wanted to say he loved her to her face once again and wanted to know why it was easy for her to give up on him during the moment he battled between life and death

                Swara refused to turn around and see how much his words affected her , she never imagined loving someone could cause that much pain , her father claimed to love her mother but he wasn't affected like Sanskar when he lost her , laksh claimed to love her and he wasnt affected like Sanskar and went on to marry her sister.

               
                But she always knew Sanskar love was different ,more permanent and it was because of it she refused to acknowledge it at first , and now she realized it was because he loved her so intensely that he is heartbroken as well

      Unlike swara who had to admit her love for Laksh withered away the day he failed to trust her . It made her question her heart that was quick to move on and it also made her hesitant to acknowledge the new found feelings she possessed for Sanskar .

               " I am sorry Sanskar " swara whispered after a moment still refusing to look at him . As she had no idea what else to say to him.

           " It not your fault Swara " Sanskar admitted as he knew fate must be so against him to kill kavita who loved him and made him fall again for swara who didn't love him .

       
             After a awkward pause where both of them had no idea what to say further , they were relived when Keerthi entered the room again ,though swara was hurt by keerthi acts she also realized that she acted to protect Sanskar .

        " I paid the bills and  I am heading back , wanted to let you know " Keerthi spoke up leaving swara wonder  if she  should  leave Sanskar right away but she didn't want to leave him alone .

        " I am staying behind " Swara spoke up and hoped sanskar didn't ask her to leave , she knew running away was no longer an option not when she wasn't sure about her heart  

          " Keerthi , I am sorry for lashing out " Sanskar spoke up , though keerthi had been kavita best friend , Nikhil little sister she was the one person who stood beside him when he was alone and he didn't want her to leave thinking he was angry with her . 

           " I know Sanskar , take care. " Keerthi spoke up and left them alone once again . 

              " I am staying " Swara spoke up once again waiting to hear Sanskar objections but he simply nodded his head in answer making her relax that he wasn't fighting with her about it. 

                     The next two days they had reached a silent accord of their own , swara stayed with him but they barely talked except few questions that need to be addressed , for swara who hoped being in his close proximity would save their friendship ,she was disappointed to find that sanskar had retreated in to a shell and blocked her out  . 

                   " Doctors said you can be discharged tomorrow " Swara spoke up and waited for him to let her know his plans .

         " My secretary will come to drive me home and I asked him to hire some to look after me  " Sanskar answered and swara wondered if it was his way of saying she was no longer needed or if he only said it so she won't worry about it. 

           Mean awhile Sanskar waited for swara to speak her mind , when she first insisted she will stay behind ,he hadnt the heart to ask her to leave especially after he found out the reason she stopped trying to reach him was due to keerthi .

        Still the mask of indifference was bothering him, he didn't want her to leave and yet wanted to protect his heart as well . Two days they may have been confined in a single hospital room but they hardly talked about anything that matters

         If he took Swara home with him , then he need to know it was what she wanted and for that they need to speak about things that matter even if the answers hurt .
 

          " Swara, we can't go on like this " Sanskar voice made swara aware that the time of hiding was over ,she knew they can't go on like this avoiding the issue that caused this distance .

                  " I know Sanskar " Swara answered back waiting for him to speak his mind first so , And when he choose to remain silent ,she realized it has to be her who spoke up this time .
               

           " Sanskar , i can't pretend like you don't matter to me and remain unaffected when I hear you got into an accident .

          I don't like the distance between us either but for once I don't know what is the right thing to do , I always believed doing the right thing even if it is painful is the way to live but I don't have a answer when it comes to us . 

                  So tell me what you want ,I will do as you wish . If you want me to leave you alone and not contact you . I will do so " Swara spoke up, all the awhile anticipating sanskar to ask her go away .

                 " I don't have the answer either swara , but what I do know is that I can't go on fighting with you about it . So let call it a truce . " Sanskar was surprised by his words as well , swara had given him the perfect opportunity to break it all up and yet he was reluctant to do so .

             And yet seeing her face lit up with a smile made him believe it was the right course of action for now even if it will break his heart all over again when she choose to leave .

                   *****************

          It has been  two weeks since the day at the hospital , sanskar was slowly regaining his strength while the initial awkwardness faded away and he was able to be content with her friendship , at times his heart would remind him why he walked away but he choose to ignore it and concentrate on the time he had left with her.

           Sanskar had learnt from swara that she had told her family that she is staying with him and they didn't mind . And he kept the accident from his family as they would worry .

                      He knew she was here to take care of him , as a friend swara will never turn her back when someone is injured , he also knew she wants him to remain her friend and sometime he wishes it could be that simple .

                  And yet he knew even if not now ,soon swara will want to go back home and he knew she will do so only if she believes she hadn't lost him , it was in her nature to reach out to everyone and try to fix every relationship .

          He knew the last two week ,she began to believe that she got her friend back , and he also knew once she felt that she didn't lose him ,she will go back home . And  yet he hoped that the day will not come soon .

          Swara was happy , the last two week she was content to be with Sanskar without the awkwardness , and yet she knew it was more than that , being with sanskar made her happier .

                   She liked spending time with him , and she knew it might be over when he regained his full strength . But the truth is she didn't want to leave him .

                    She had thought she was trying to regain his friendship but even when she had it ,she longed for more . The truth was he no longer looked at her the like before ,the love that  used to shine in  his eyes were no longer visible .

         Maybe he learnt to hide it or his love for her faded away by her actions and Initially swara may have believed it would have been simple if he didn't fall in love with her . 

        But after being recipient of his love ,she didn't want to lose it either . She no longer remained indifferent to him either ,her eyes stayed on him longer than it ought to , she knew her heart wanted more yet she didn't want to lead him on until she was sure of herself.

      
                   Her thoughts were interrupted by door bell ,she answered it to come face to with Sanskar family , and swara realized starring at the hatred in Sanskar mom face that her time with Sanskar reached its end .

P. S :" That it for now ,Let me know your thoughts and feedbacks .Hit the votes if you liked it "

Love

Nita