Chapter 7:" The first step"

Swara was scared about his reaction. The moment he saw her, He simply walked out. While it felt like an big disappointment to her. She was worried about their child. She couldn't handle if he walked out on their child too and she mentally chastised herself for even thinking like that,  It  was her Sanskaar after all.

Swara has been making mistakes after mistake for a long time. And even now keeping it from him was an mistake. But she didn't think she can handle if he accused her of using their child to get back into his life.

She thought she knew her husband but she never realized how much she was losing him by her action until that day when he walked away. She made him walk away,  She blamed herself for making the guy who would trust her to the point of believing everything she said, failed to believe her when she really needed him too.

Swara found out she was pregnant three months later. And she held it an secret for more than over an month. She kept it an secret because the first person she wanted to tell was him.

And she thought he could do it when he comes back for uttara engagement. She didn't think she would be kicked out. She didn't want to cause more problems to uttara Marriage. So decided to wait till the marriage happens . And a week later dida came home.

Swara had to confide in her because she already guessed it correctly .And her dida refused to let her go alone to her check up. She wanted to tell him. She really did, But she didn't and whatever she thought this is not how she wanted him to find out.

Meanwhile Sanskaar was devastated. He didn't know how to react. The last few minutes he spent in fear that Swara could very well be sick and he was wrong to walk away.

But to find she had kept yet another secret from him was heart breaking. He can't blame her, he knows that because he was not present . But he hated the fact he didn't know, He was lost in his thoughts until a hand was placed on his shoulder and an voice spoke up.

" Don't run away again son. It your kid. You can't or shouldn't walk away. "Dida spoke up

"  I am Not running away. I just need a minute. why didn't she tell me . "he asked her instead .

"  You were not here son."Dida answered back.

" I came back two weeks ago. And I was told she with you in banaras. "he explained back trying to fix the pieces together in his mind

"  Probably she should have told you when you came back . I asked her too but she didn't want uttara marriage to be disturbed. She was going to tell you never doubt that . "dida spoke up in her defense .

"  I was not here for her. Not when she really needed me around "he answered back

"Yeah you were not around. But you can be there for her now. Each minutes you are here. She is there freaking out. Don't delay it son. "Dida voice of reason broke through his panic filled mind. 

" What if I said something wrong and hurt her more "he asked her worried about the same

"  Still it better than not being around son. I am not saying it will be better now that you are gonna have a kid. It going to be more tough.But still you need to work it out. Because I refuse to let my great grand child suffer the same fate as my grand child "Dida voice held firm .

"  No ,  My kid will always have me in his life .  Trust me on it atleast "he promised her back.

 "I always trusted you Sanskaar. Even when my Shona was hurt by you. I trust you because I know you. And you will keep my Shona happy. Now go inside before she worry more " Dida assured him 

 By the time he went back. All he heard form dida was something about listening to her first but his heart was filled with trepidation. He didn't know how to react. He was hurt, angry and furious with her but at the same time he was angry and furious with him as well. He wasn't there for her when she needed him the most.

Swara knew he was here even before she heard his footsteps. She couldn't find the courage to look up to him. So she kept her eyes down. He was silent for a very long time.  And Swara was too scared about the silence. And before he could speak up. She spoke up her worst fears.

" First, I am really pregnant. This is  not one of the fake scenario I created to make you stay. Two, This is really your child. At least believe this two things. If not everything. Please Sanskaar. "her voice broke a little as she spoke up .

  Sanskar couldn't believe what he heard,  He can't believe his swara would think like she need to prove it was his child. He knew that. But why would she think like that was something he can ask later.

Right now he needs to assure her about the same ,  Yet he couldn't speak to her without losing his calmness. At least not yet. So he decided to speak to the one person who is going to become his world soon.  Her gently placed the chair near her bed.He placed his hand gently on her stomach and spoke up.

" Hi Kid. I am your dad. And I am so so  sorry for getting here late. Right now just know , I am your dad and I am here to stay for you. And even before you were born just know I  love you with all my heart. "he spoke up directly to his kid and hoped his swara listened to him as well

Sanskar looked up to see her only after he finished speaking. He failed to notice the drop of tears in his eyes but he sure did notice the continuous drop of tears in hers.

His first reaction was concern,  Maybe she was hurting after all she is in the hospital. He was gonna call the doctor but she held him back. She somehow knew that was he going to do.

" I am Not hurt Sanskaar,  I am just glad you are here finally. I wanted to tell you first. But dida found out and I really didn't want you to find out in this way "she spoke up looking at him hesitantly

"  It fine, I  am here now. And I am so happy. "he answered back

"   Really." the single word from her filled with doubt was heart breaking to hear .

" Ofcourse it our kid Swara. Why wouldn't I be happy about it "he told her with what he hoped was a real smile .

" Because I destroyed your trust in me Sanskaar. The day I walked away I killed everything that was good between us. Now all that left his mistrust, hurt, betrayal and pain. And I am scared about everything. Scared about your reactions . Scared whether you would assume the worst. "She answered back filling his heart with hurt for her .

"  What would I assume Swara, What would I assume that got you so scared. "he asked instead trying to ascertain them first. 

"  That I would use our child to get back into your life. "She spoke up .

"  You were always gonna be part of my life. With or without our child.Yeah I left because I didn't want to end up hurting you more by my actions but even if I was not here you were always part of my life." He reassured her back

" But  I don't want to be part of your life because you think I am dying,  nor do I want to be part of your life because I am the mother of your child. I want to be part of your life for the right reasons Sanskaar. I am scared that I have lost that chance long time ago. "She answered back confusing him for a moment

"  What would be the right reasons Swara. "he asked her yet again .

"  Because you love me Sanskaar,  Because I make you happy. Because being with me is what you want. I don't want you to be with me because I need you. I want you to be with me because you want too. Just like how I want I to be with you "she answered him back

"  I get it Swara ,  I also wanted you to stand by my side that day Swara.. Not because I was right but because I needed you on my side. You talked about choosing to be with you for the right reasons. That all I ever wanted for you to choose us. And not see whether I am guilty or innocent.. Did I ask too much Swara? "he asked her instead .

" No,  You were right. I shouldn't have walked away that day.  And it ruined everything that was good between us. Now I am not sure what to do? "She spoke up and he had never seen her this unsure about the future as at the moment .

"  Now we deal with everything, No more escape plans. No more running away. No more hiding . You and me  Working it out together. It won't be easy Swara. We can't make it just like that ,  We both know we have our issues. And it hard to put my heart back on the line. But I will do it.

Because the last four months didn't help at all,  I don't think staying away for four years will work either. So no more running away. What about you. "he asked her hoping she will understand him .

"  I have always rush into things Sanskaar, Never think ahead. I always take one mission and drive headlong into it. My heart is always on the line Sanskaar. But I will give you time to trust me.

I won't push you or rush you to trust me. I will wait, I won't work out crazy plans to make you believe I love you and I won't walk away from you. I will be there every step of your life until you finally learn to trust me with your heart.. And I just need one thing from you. A place in your heart for the right reasons. "she answered him back.

  "Your were always in my heart Swara. For the only reason that I love you. "he spoke up the three words that means so much to her

" I Love you too Sanskaar. More than you can imagine. I won't push you to trust me. I will wait till you finally believe me. "She replied back with a hint of a smile

Swara knew there is a long way to go from here. But they atleast are together now. And she was glad they took the first step together. Sanskaar wanted her to go back to his house with him . But Swara didn't want too.

She really don't want to disturb uttara wedding. And cause his mother disappointment right now. She told him she will come back after the wedding. And he agreed to it reluctantly. He dropped both of them home and left back.

After all most nearly a year later,  Swara was happy. He wants to give them another chance. And that all she ever wanted.

Meanwhile Sanskaar was driving back home with peace. A feeling he was alien to for over an year. Ever since Swara walked away the peace was an alien concept to him. He can't sleep without having nightmare about that night for over an year.

The nightmare stopped if he was too intoxicated, hence he would drink till he lose his consciousness. But when he left for US. He promised himself to get over it,  And he did.

But each night was spent in an sleepless fashion due to his constant nightmare.. It had only stopped the week he was with her. And soon he will have her with him again and that thought brought a smile to his face. It won't be easy he know that.

Putting his heart back on the line was the hardest choice, a choice he refused to take for so long until he saw her today.
  
Her words, Her doubts, Her insecurities all made him hate himself for being the cause of that. He always knew his heart was broken by her but Swara seemed strong. Seemed confident in her love everytime he  met her.

But seeing her like that doubting everything about them made him realize how heart broken she was as well. And to be the cause of that to someone he loved dearly was not an great feeling. And he really hoped he doesn't cause her more pain now. And Sanskar mind drifted of to the fact he was gonna be a father.

His face lightened up at the mere thought of that and for the first time in a long time. He slept without an nightmare even without drinking.

What they both understood was it was an first step to their happiness. What they never understood at that point was the Storm that going to hit their lives soon. There were blissfully unaware of it and so they did sleep peacefully.

P. S:" That it for now. Let me know your feedback. Hit the Votes if you liked it.."

Juanita Reid