It had been close to midnight when Sanskar walked towards his room , the guests left after dinner and he spent the remaining time locked up in his office room. The thought of meeting Swara made him nervous ,the last 24 hours felt like a year and yet he really didn't know where they stand as far as there marriage was concerned .

He had hoped she would be asleep so he can take the couch like he planned last night but she was wide awake waiting for him .

" We need to talk " She spoke up at the sight of him and he knew the necessity of it yet wondered if talking would solve anything at this point ,they both got married due to their family interference and were stuck together for a life time .

" Sure , what do you want to talk about " Sanskar asked Swara as he sat beside her , he knew she was nervous but he hoped by the end of the night they would have reached a accord.

" What does marriage mean to you ?" her question came as a surprise because he hadn't expected it from her but he wanted to answer truthfully.

" When I was young ,marriage meant finding someone you love and living with them forever because you loved then . It seemed simple back then , but once I grow up I learnt marriage isn't just about love but trust and commitment as well.

I knew my parents loved each other and so did my aunt and uncle ,as every kid usually do I looked up to them as well . But more than their love ,it was their support to each other that made me trust in the concept of marriage, my mother and my aunt both have never stepped inside the office door but what they contribute to our life's can't be replaced by anything.

The way they held the family together by their love and contribution is something I would never take for granted , my dad and uncle worked for long hours that we could hardly see them most if the time ,yet they never missed the important moments of their kid life , most of the time I have seen them living their life in a separate circle ,my mom and aunt in our house while my dad and uncle in work .

Yet the moment they both were in same place together ,they became a unit who relayed on each other ,laughed together and my dad would never say much but his eyes would always revolve around mom and my aunt would have plenty to say to my uncle the moment he arrives home and he would always listen to her patiently ,I had never seen him disregarding her , I wanted that partnership between two people .

I see marriage as a partnership between two people where each gets to lean on other over the course of their life . It the concept of having someone to share your life with that attracted me towards marriage , I have a cousin and a sister and few close friends but still the thought if having someone closer than everyone else appealed to me . " Sanskar spoke up and waited for her to say further.

" I can see why it appealed to you , when I see my sister and Adharsh I feel the same way about marriage but though I love them with all I am ,I had attributed that happiness to the newness of their marriage and feared it will pass away with time . You see unlike you , I saw a different version of marriage as I grew up " Swara answered back making him curious.

" What does marriage mean to you " Sanskar asked Swara this time wondering what was going on her mind.

" As I said ,I have seen my sister happy and I know it possible to be content with marriage but I also have seen my parents marriage ,though they loved each other and I still believe they do . I felt like it comprises of so many sacrifices , I feel like there will always be one person who could be unhappy in the long run because of the said adjustments. " Swara answered back which confused him further as he had no idea why she felt that way.

" So you don't believe it could be a equal partnership ,there will always be one person who will remain unhappy " Sanskar asked her after a moment of silence .

" Yes ," swara answered back and wondered if he could understand her turmoil without knowing her entire life because it is impossible to understand her reluctance to marriage without understand what her life had been because her parents weren't equal partners in their marriage.

" My dad loved my mom and because he fell in love with his boss sister, he never had much say in anything and it made him unhappy over the years . I know he still loves my mom but I do fear they don't have the marriage that makes both of them happy ,over the years I seen him retrete back into a shell and I felt like my mom had the whole power in the marriage.

My mom doesn't understand that her actions hurt those around her ,to her taking away their choices is like clipping the wings of a bird but to her it always not a big deal. She would never understand how much it upset my dad that she let my uncle take every decision for our family that included our life's . Because she wanted to keep peace between both family ,she choose her brother over us countless time that it made us feel abandoned at some point .

While my dad grew distant , my aunt got angry at us for always taking up the time from her husband . No one was actually happy Sanskar because my mom and my uncle treated marriage as the one sided decision making process, my aunt began to use different way to make her husband think he had been the one to decide on it while my father simply just stopped making any decision.

I don't doubt my mother love or my uncle love towards their respective spouse , I doubt their ability to treat it has a equal partnership. So when i grew up ,i decided completely know the person before i decide if he can be my life partner

And i went on an few dates well but i never found what i was looking for in any of them or maybe i was an overthinker and when i had to choose one person i wanted to spend rest of my life with i got scared and decided not to choose . Also mostly i think it is because i was tired of sacrifice my happiness and settling for the live i got instead of the live i want, so i wanted to be sure if i really wanted to spend rest of my life with him before getting married."

" And yet you got married to me , a complete stranger . No wonder you are nervous " Sanskar answered back ,and Swara felt like she could breath finally because he understood her reluctance.

Her sister who had been in love with Adhrash always said to her ,love is enough and her cousin Ragini saw marriage as the key to her freedom from her mom that she would never believe swara point of view . So they never understood her reluctance but Sanskar did and it relieved her .

" So what should we do next" Swara asked him ,as they continued to sit in silence for awhile and she knew he had been thinking about what she said because he was lost in his thoughts.

" Simple, Nothing. Let forget this marriage happened, wait dont look shocked. I meant let not think too much into it. We think of ourselves as roommates . We live with each other and learn about each other first. And If at any point of the time ,you realize this marriage would make you unhappy in the long run. You tell me and we will go our separate ways " Sanskar spoke up and she was greatful that he was willing to give her time to come to terms with their marriage .

" Is it that simple,think about our family they will never let us get separated they will look at us as if we murdered someone " Swara spoke imagining the look of anger in her aunt face if Swara ever decided to walk away .

" It is that simple Swara but for that you have to promise me one thing and i make sure it is possible "Sanskar answered back solemnly.

" What is the promise?" She asked nervously .

"If you realised i am not the one for you, then you will let me know immediately. I dont want you to be burdened by this relationship, you can take as many years as you want to come to your decision and please be sure about it and let me know when you made it "Sanskar answered back .

" I promise Sanskar ,but it already feel like an unequal partnership where I get to make the decision and I don't like it , so you have to promise me as well that you will let me know if the marriage made you unhappy and we will go out separate ways . I can't be the only one who made that decision Sanskar " Swara answered back and she saw him nod in agreement .

          
         
As Swara lay down on the bed, her mind wondered why she never talked about love ,because awhile she craved for an husband who would treat her as an equal . She wanted to find someone to love as well ,over the years she downplayed the importance of love in marriage because love doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness yet she wondered if loveless marriage is the answer . 

P.S :" That it for now .Let me know your thoughts and feedbacks. Hit the votes if you liked it "

    
           Also let me know , How many of you think like Swara ,that marriage doesn't mean equal partnership ? 

Love

Juanita Reid.