Swara didn't want to be nervous as she entered her home, but she was indeed nervous as she feared that it wasn't like the countless time she walked inside the door,  today she was going to ask her mother some questions that could possibly break their relationship .

So she was relived to find her father at home, it came as a surprise as well as concern because her father rarely took leave from work and she has expected him to be at work instead of home.

" Are you fine Papa?" Swara asked him, concerned about his presence in the house.

" I am good Shona, I had to work late last night and my body isn't used to the long hours like before , so took a half day leave , " he answered back as she sat beside him in relief .

" You need to rest more papa , " she spoke up , and he only nodded his head in answer because working was something that runs in his blood and he would never compromise on that and after few minutes of silence she told him about Ragini's pregnancy.

" Your mother would be worried after how tough it had been when Ragini was born for your uncle  and aunt , she still sees Ragini as the miracle baby, she sometimes forgot she was pregnant at the time as well as she would rush to your uncle house to take care of your aunt,  " her father answered back .

And there lies the truth, no one could accuse her mother of not caring , it just she cares too much at the cost of herself , her husband and her daughters happiness as well .

"  Since we got Rahul , I would like to hold a baby girl this time, I missed most of your life and Pari's because I was too focused on work, maybe I can be more of grandfather than as a father,  " her father spoke up,  and while Swara had enough regrets with her father's lack of support for them, she didn't want to bring it up at that moment when he was already regretting so only smiled back at him until her smile turned into a frown to see her mother standing near them with a shocked experience.

" I should have told you before.... You are already pregnant , it was why you were angry on me last time , I should have told you to wait before but ........" Her mother stopped speaking once she realized the words, she unleashed and hurled to break Swara heart .

" What are you talking about Mishti ?"  Her father questioned his wife but Swara couldn't manage to look at her mother whose foremost thoughts will always be about her family which apparently doesn't include her at the moment .

" Ragini is the one pregnant mom, not me how can I get pregnant when you forced me to marry a complete stranger, just like how you are forcing me to not have a child  as if you have any right to demand it from me or anyone for that matter.  " Swara lashed back,  angrier than the last time.

Because her mother's reaction to the fact she was pregnant was only regret on how she failed to ask Swara to wait , not a hint of happiness for her daughter and if that doesn't answer the questions she meant to ask her mother then nothing else will .

Swara had briefly hoped ,she could talk with her mother, hash out their differences and she even hoped her mother would understand if Swara explained how  her mother was suppressing their choices to satisfy her sister in law instead all she got was heart break for expecting her mother to be different from the one she knew all her life.

And with that Swara walked away, she didn't know why she gave a different address than her home but she couldn't go back home yet and she need to see him.

Her life was unraveling before her, and she need to see him to anchor her to the present and as she stepped inside his office building, for a brief moment she hesitated if he would be angry at her for breaking inside his office on working hours.

Yet her need to see him made her take the few steps needed to be inside the building

And she had been fortunate that Laksh splendid party idea meant all the staff and employees recognized her including the ones who gossiped about her in the party , she must have looked too upset that no one blocked her path to him.

She knew he was on the top floor of the building and had been relieved to find his office  as soon as she stepped out of the elevator.  Her eyes latched on to his name plate in the  office door before unlocking the door and stepping inside to him. 

                 ****************

Sharmistha had seen her daughters angry with her few times, upset with her too and every time if she gave them some time they would eventually forgive her, it was why she had waited for a few days before approaching her daughter this time .

And yet somehow today she realized maybe she had finally broken the string that held them together, and maybe she finally lost her daughters by her actions because today her daughter wasn't angry or upset, she was withdrawn from her as she stormed out of the house.

" I always thought it would be me, Mishti. The one who will walk away from you, but I stayed not only because I love you, also because we have two daughters whose freedom will be crushed if you took them to live with your brother.

I may not have been a good father to them, and always capitulated to your demands to keep the peace of the house to the point they  see me as someone so powerless in the house,   and yet I was thankful in spite of all we did and failed them , they grew up brave and strong, and yet love us enough to forgive our million mistakes.

But I fear, tonight you did Something that they will never forgive and the fact my silence led you to never once rethink your actions or words makes me realize I don't deserve their forgiveness either " her husband spoke up , surprising her and shocking her, there was no anger in his words just regret, as if he regret ever meeting her.

And then he left for work as if he hadn't just told his wife that he regret marrying her , that he wanted to leave her, that he felt trapped in this marriage .

Sharmistha had never look back at her life with regrets, she had believed she was doing her best every day and never stopped to look back to the past.

So today even when her heart was hurt by her daughter anger and her husband regrets , she made herself focus on the present than the past because one can't change the past and still believed her daughter would eventually forgive her.

As she drove back to her brother's house, she tried to push aside her hurt and focus on the fact Ragini was pregnant and how it would relieve her sister in law's concern.

" Do you know Mishti , I am going to be a grandfather," her brother greeted her, when she walked inside, she hadn't expected him to be at home, but learnt from her brother that he had stayed behind after Ragini's visit because he had been too happy to go to work.

And seeing her brother happy was something that always been her priority and yet she couldn't quite forget her daughter's hurt filled eyes or her husband's words today .

Then he got the call ,that changed his happy face into the one she was more familiar with seriousness, he had to grow up so soon to be a parent to her and she was used to the seriousness, Sharmistha had assumed it must be something regards to the project  and in fact her husband spend the whole night working for the project .

" What happened ji?" her sister in law asked the question first and her brother answer surprised her .

"Mishti's husband suddenly decided to quit, without a proper notice and just because he is my brother in law, he expects to be let go without consequence and now I have to go back to work to find someone to replace him. If it was some one else they would have never dared to take advantage of me,  " her brother roared those words but Sharmistha couldn't help but be taken by his accusation .

"When did he ever misuse his place , even last night he worked till late hours and came home in the morning.  And when he quits, you seem more troubled by the project then your brother in law " Sharmistha answered back,  hoping to see a glimpse of understanding or regret in his brother only for him to look at her as if she was the one who was blinded in love.

It has been the look he would give her when she first married her husband, or defended him and she had stopped doing so because she believed he would grew to learn her husband's worth on his own and yet he still looked at her as a fool in love .

" Enough Sharmistha , your brother is right in his anger, I don't know what happened to Shekharji but quitting like that without a notice was his fault and not your brother's ,remember that, " her sister in law words came next as she held on to her silence not because she was incapable of saying anything but because her mind was occupied with something else. 

"Let me quit, Mishti, I don't have any friends not anymore , no one wants to be friends with their boss brother in law , and I can find some other job , I need to give proper notice of six months before I can quit . I promise to find a job somewhere else Mishti , let me quit please "

" Mishti , let's wait to have a child , I agreed to work with your brother not to offend him but having a child early because you think it would make your sister in law happy is wrong, yes I know she struggled with her miscarriages but having a child so they can be happy is not right "

" Mishti, I know you are a new mother and yet accepting an house from your brother is a big deal, you say they want to be close to Pari ,but we are already thirty minutes away from them.  Let us wait a year and we could afford to rent a house near to them "

" Misthi, I know Swara and Ragini are close in age but asking Swara to give up on her dance lessons so she can afford to go to Ragini's singing class is not fair to her "

And waves and waves of such pleas from her husband crashed on to her, she always listened to him and then override his concern with arguments.  She had assumed his acceptance was because of her argument but realized too late that it was because he didn't give him any other choice .

And then he stopped asking her anything, and accepted her decision which was the reason she never stopped in her path and it was also the reason she found it so easy to ask her very own daughter not to have a kid because she did have a child even when her husband was unwilling .

Not that he didn't love his daughter , it just she forced him to agree to have a child sooner then he wanted just like everything else and if he quit today without even telling her ,then it meant maybe he was finally walking away from her as well .

Could she blame him if he did, she can't and then she heard her sister in law voice calling out her name, Sharmistha didn't know how long she had been silent because when she looked around her brother already left to work it seems.

" Relax Sharmistha , Talk to your husband when he comes home and I am sure your brother will not be too harsh on him for your sake " her sister by marriage spoke up and she tried to leave as soon as possible but each time she attempted to take leave, there would be something or other, her sister in law need to talk about until the one topic that squashed everything else.

" I am worried Sharmistha, you see Ragini is pregnant and I fear she is weak as well that any emotional stress could make her miscarry like me, I heard from our son in law that Swara intend to join  work soon , and her husband already alloyed a room for her to dance .

Don't you think Ragini would be alone with Swara by her side , especially during the difficult times as such . I had been so relieved that our daughters live in am same house and yet if Swara worked for long hours then Ragini will be alone and might feel useless .

You know how this young people are nowadays that staying at home is considered to weakness " her sister in law kept talking but for once Sharmistha was unable to give her word that she will talk with her daughter .

Because she knew that is what required of her, and any other day she would have went straight to Swara to ask her or plead with her to not work till Ragini gave birth to a child and then maybe she would make her daughter give up on her career not to make Ragini feel inferior as well .

And she would have felt no remorse either because in her mind, she had never assumed what price she was asking her daughter to pay.

Making her daughter join Ragini extra curricular classes made her feel like a good mother who was pushing her kids to learn more than texts, it didn't matter she choose what they do according to her sister in law's wish .

When her brother was upset that Pari choose someone who a mere employees according to him, all she saw was her brother affected for his niece and wanting her to marry someone better in wealth and settled in life not realizing she even failed her son in law by not supporting him and accepting her brother disregard in silence.

And then there was her daughter Swara , who had sacrificed the most when she forced her to marry someone else just because her brother deemed the groom to be suitable, and in a way she was happy that one of her daughter would marry with his full approval than her daughter consent for the said marriage .

And now she asked her daughter not only to not have an child but quit her dream career to soothe Ragini feelings . Because she still earned for her brother's approval and her sister in law love.

Her brother loved her, but she lost his approval when she married Shekhar instead of his business partner son . And her sister in law may have raised her but she never loved her and Sharmistha was still trying to hold her family together not realizing the extent she ruined it in the first place .

As she walked back home because she made her husband accept the house her brother offered her , she was filled with self loathing that she couldn't even look at him , the man she claimed to love when she married him. 

Did she ever love him ? , how could she have loved him if she always remained unaware of the pain she caused him .

" I am sure you heard by now, I quit Mishti and I am not changing my mind not this time, my biggest regret is not doing so twenty years back " he spoke up,  at the sight of her and walked inside his room .

And Sharmistha was left alone with all the regrets of the person she had been for so long.  Someone who isn't worthy of forgiveness or love from her family.

P.S : " That it for now . Let me know your thoughts and feedbacks . Hit the votes if you liked it , I had planned to write the office scene in this update as well but it was close to 3000 words ,so you got to wait to see Sanskar till the next update. "

Juanita Reid.