Future Series part 16:

29th June 2020

Shona, Shona, Shona, She heard his voice. She heard him begging her to open the door to their room. But she was too broken to listen to him. She detected the slight increase of panic in his voice.

When his voice took the tone of desperation she can't remain unmoved so she opened the door only to pulled into an hug that was all too unfamiliar. It was not the one of comfort but one with panic and desperation as if he was confirming her presence by his embrace.

"I was so scared. Don't do this to me ever again. Tell me what I did wrong. I know I have ignored you for last week. I am sorry. I will do anything and everything to make it up. Please don't ever push me away from your life, " His voice raised and fell with his emotions. Swara wanted to be moved by his fear of losing her. But her hurt was far worse. So she pushed him away.

"Leave...Me.. Alone..." that was all she managed to speak up. Nothing more nothing less. But he stood before her unmoved. She didn't want to tell him how much his actions broke her. But if that was all she need to do to make him leave she would do it as well. So she spoke up.

" I can't do this anymore Sanskar, I really can't. I can't live with a guy who desperately loathes living with me that he wants to believe in some stupid scientist and his invention to change his life. I never expected you to love me. But I expected to mean at least something to you.

And the thought you were willing to throw me away from your life that easily hurts Sanskar. So please leave me alone,  "she spoke up, voicing out her deepest pain caused by the person she loved.

" What do you mean Shona,  "he was still pretending to not really know and that broke her last restraint so she told him about her spying and everything.

Each word spoken made his betrayal that much worse when she finished and was about to close the door on his face. He again pulled her into his embrace. This time she didn't have the strength to fight him off. She was already too exhausted. And then he spoke up

" Listen to me Shona, Please, I got the mail from Krish two months after I found about the truth of my uncle's actions. It was his way of keeping me occupied. Because he was worried I might actually kill my uncle in my state. So I humored him for a while to relax his mind. I would talk to him about it as if I believed it but I never thought about it much. I totally forgot all about it after I met you.

Till the day you left me, Shona. Remember your accident the one which robbed you of your best friend, the one which robbed me of my Shona. That was the first night I actually reopened this mail after I met you. I never knew why I haven't deleted it before, but I searched it up.

Because I desperately wanted you back in my life. I was even willing to put my bet on a stupid hoax as that one. I knew it was not possible. But I did, I tried to find out if it was possible and when I gained more information about it, I was going to do it, try to find the stupid scientist for you. Not because I believed it but because I hoped for a miracle.

I was that desperate to have you back in my life. And when I got you back I gave up on the fruitless quest. Till last night

I destroyed many lives, Shona. I can blame it on Laksh but I caused it. And yesterday someone else died because of it. I felt guilty Shona and that was the reason I wished there was a way I could change the events. But none of it means you don't matter to me. You are the only one that matters to me. The only thing that I don't regret in my miserable life is you, Shona, " and his words halted her hatred as if the pain she went through for the whole day was a distant memory, he wasn't trying to leave her. That was enough at the moment. And so she let herself be consoled by those words.

" I am sorry Sanskar. I didn't think it through, I thought you were trying to leave me. That I wasn't enough, " She spoke up, trying to make up for the hurt she caused him.

"No Shona, I am sorry. For not telling you about it. And never think you weren't enough. The only reason I am still holding on to my sanity is you. Trust me, Shona. I never once thought of living life where you are not part of my life, " he gently told her,  and she believed him.

But the next month made her aware of how much his uncle's death affected him. He had started to drink not much but just a little. And Swara didn't like his self-destructive behavior   

While things between them were good as always. Swara knew Sanskar was not really happy. Before she read those emails she might have tried to be supportive and make his present a better life but after those emails.  She began to think if she could actually change his past for him.

Swara wanted to ignore the thought, But her mind kept reminding her of it every time she was a glimpse of sadness in his face.  

       
While for Sanskar that was a way to undo his mistakes. But to Swara, it was a way to make her Sanskar happy. Now that he had admitted to having no intention of leaving her. Her mind was relieved but she wanted him happy,  She wanted to find out if there was a way he could have his happiness even if it means she losing hers.     

Sometimes love was selfless and for Swara, she was willing to put his happiness over hers and so she continued to search about the scientist,  all the while keeping it as a secret from her Sanskar.     

And it was until a month later she got a breakthrough. She had finally located a person who claimed to have seen the scientist, and Swara went in search of him. 

    
Her heart was dismayed when they said he passed away a year ago and Swara was dejected but his wife did mention a village name, the place where her husband saw the scientist.

      
The search of the village was tougher as it didn't exist on a map. But was none to be in the midst of a mountain and yet  Swara was determined to find a way to go on a trip to search for the scientist and the problem lies when she didn't have an excuse to give to her husband.

So she did what she could do best to make Sanskar let her go. She fought with him over his drinking habit and stormed of their house on the pretext of being angry. The fight didn't make her feel good at all  Sanskar was still but drunk to not realize her intentions       

At the moment she didn't realize how destructive he can get if she left him alone for a week.  All she wanted was for him to be happy. And if a week of pain is requisite of happiness. She knew Sanskar can handle it.

She even lied to Dida about wanting some time to cool off,  And with the pretext of visiting a friend. She went on her trip. Only to be stumbled upon obstacles after obstacles.

     
The remote village was located in the deepest part of a forest after over three-mile of a trek.  Her legs were stretched beyond her limits. The pain she totally forgot about came back. . No Internet and the signal on phone was less that it was hard for her to call her Dida once an day.    

But she managed to do that so as to keep the suspicions off. The last two days even that was not possible and Swara realized the folly of her plans when she attempted the trek back to home alone and her legs gave up.

She thoughts she was dying due to the pain. She thought she will not be able to see her Sanskar face again. But she did before she lost consciousness. His face appeared before her. He looked every bit like a wreck himself.   

And the last thing she heard him say was you are not leaving me. With that, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep in his embrace.

Her eyes opened up to see the lovely face of her Dida. Her Dida eyes brightened up to see her. But she could see the faint lines of worry etched in her face. And before she could speak up his face appeared and Swara knew he was very angry with her. With concern and care, There was unrestrained anger in his gaze. But he was holding back from unleashing it on her.

"Sanskar... I.. Am.." She tried to speak up, but he was by her side in a second holding her.

"It's okay. It going to be okay, " He said,  but Swara knew she messed it up somehow and she soon learned just how she did mess it up.

They talked for a long time that night.  Swara wanted to spare him from any more guilt. So she lied. Instead of saying she did it for him. She lied and told him she got curious to find if she could bring back Nikhil. And the next day her lie took him away from her life.

When Swara's eyes fell on the wheelchair placed next to her. She realized the damage to her legs was much serious than she wanted it to be, Even as Sanskar gently placed her in the chair. Even as Sanskaar moved her to the car seat, she didn't feel weak. But when he drove back to her Dida house that was when she realized she was weak.

" Sanskar. Why are we not going home, " She asked him, terrified of his answer.

"  I have to make a business trip for a week. So you have to stay with Dida for awhile. Don't miss out on your appointment on Wednesday Shona,  "He calmly replied back.

" You are lying,  No business trip has ever been important than me,  "The confidence in her voice seems to unnerve him.

" It was already planned Shona,  I would change it if I could,  "He replied but Swara knew it was a lie.

" You are going back to the village. You are going back, "She asked,  and his silence was enough to confirm her suspicions.

" Don't do it Sanskar, I made a mistake. Don't leave me. I love you Sanskar. Give me a chance. You don't need to change anything, " She pleaded with him. But he wasn't willing to listen to her reason.

" Of course I am not leaving you Shona,  But I have to check. I have to see if there is a way to undo the accident," He said,  and the rest of her arguments were not spoken. It was one thing for her to check on it.

     
But when Sanskar wanted to do it she realized it hurt. So she remained silent. It wasn't until later that night when she was tucked in her bed and replaying his conversation the word accident made her pause. He always mentioned Kavita's death as murder never an accident.

So she called him. Hoping he hadn't lost his signal yet. If she knew her Sanskar then he would start the journey the moment he left her at her Dida house.

The last one week had been miserable for Sanskar. He had lost Shona because he was getting addicted to drinking. Nothing could wager a place in his life over his Shona. So he threw out all the bottles in his home. And promised to win her back.       

Hard to do it if the said person had left to a friend's house for a time out. He wanted her not to be suffocated by his presence so he waited for four whole days. But when her Dida called mentioning Swara phone was out of reach. He got worried.

So he tried to locate her friend's house and upon arriving at the said house she found Swara hadn't visited her friend for over a year. And the worry grew into a panic. He needed to locate her.

   
So he tracked her phone and the signal was last found in the forest. And the panic he felt at that location was not compared to him going to the forest and trying to find his Swara. There was only a small village in the middle of the forest and because he was desperate he reached the place soon and awhile he had trouble with communicating with the people who had a different native language.

      
His Shona picture brought a response, He did find out Swara had been in that place for the last two days.  And it was by pure fate he found her on the trek back.

For one brief moment, he thought he lost her and the panic he felt at the moment was not compared to the reality when the doctors said Swara had worn out her legs.  She might recover they said but it will take at least a few months.          

  First, he got angry at his unconscious wife then worried about her reason to arrive at that place. So yes it was wrong to spy on his wife's laptop. But he did. And found her reason.

It nearly shook any bit of self-restraint in him. Then when she said she wanted to bring back Nikhil he decided that he will do it for her. He will travel to the ends of the earth to find a way for her. And so he did. Driving at a reckless speed to reach his destination before he changed his mind and headed back to his Shona and plead that he be enough for her as well. Then the object of his life called him. And destroyed any hopes he had of returning back to her.

"What do you mean by accident Sanskar. Whose accident were you talking about, " was the first sentence the greeted him.

"Your's Shona. I will save Nikhil. Don't worry, " was his answer. She knew it, a part of her knew his reason would he be her and only her. But it was not her reason. She wanted him to be happy. So she made the toughest decision of her life.

"Sanskar I know there would be no signal in the forest, So listen to me now. Safe Kavita. If you had a chance to save Kavita,  then you can prevent my accident after all we wouldn't have been married if you saved Kavita," she Didn't Know how she held her voice but she did.

" No, " that was his answer. He hadn't even thought of saving Kavita and undoing his horrid past.

"Why" The word slipped out without her intention.

"Then I will lose you Shona. I won't. Do you even think about it? If I went to that time,  Then we wouldn't have met. I wouldn't have had in your life. Yes, I want to save Kavita. But I am not going to lose you. I don't think I can imagine a life without you as a part of it. Each time I get tempted to alter my life the only reason I hold back is you. I am not willing to lose you,  "He said and Swara knew he meant it. But he was not happy. And he deserves to have a second chance.

" But I am Sanskar, I am tired of living in a loveless marriage. I might have been hurt when I said it but I mean it. I regret our life. So please go back to the time before we met. And save Kavita,  She deserves to be saved Sanskar. Please for Me, I really can't live this way any longer,  " She lied pretty convincingly because all she heard was his labored breathing as if that thought never crossed his mind.

" No Shona,  I can't. I save Nikhil... I will save you, You don't ever need to use a wheelchair again. I will not make you regret our life. Please don't ask this from me, " He pleaded with her.

"Do you love me? " She asked, she knew his answer,  And it would hurt her. But that was the only way.

"Shona, " that was all he said not a yes nor a no..

"Then do as I ask Sanskaar, Promise me. You will save Kavita, " She spoke up..

"Okay, I will give you your life back Shona," that he ended the call. She knew she asked for it. She knew she decided for both of them and yet it hurt. It hurt more than anything. Giving up on her Sanskar. And she let the tears she held back fall freely at her loss.

P.S:"That is it, for now, Let me know your feedback and thoughts. This is not the final part of the supposed series. You got one more part which deals with the last week of the supposed series before Sanskar leaves to the past. And so yeah one more part and it goodbye for supposed series but the next part will be from the present where  Laksh finds out Sanskar was his brother.

Juanita Reid