Future Series part 15

20th June 2020

Love was an emotion that consumed her. Love was an emotion that eluded her husband at least when it comes to her. Swara never expected just how much she had desired to be loved by her husband. Maybe not as much as she loved him but she wanted to know she was loved. Most importantly by him,  Her Sanskaar. And yet it was eluded from her.     

She had learnt to not show her despair to him. While no one would care about her as much as husband. She was thankful he had never known of her heart desire. She didn't want to hurt him.

But today she was not strong,  Because today was the day that reminded her keenly why is heart was not meant for hers. Today was the day Kavita died and with her she took her husband heart. And she knew she shouldn't feel resentment towards someone who was killed by her husband uncle.             

If at all she should feel sympathy for such an young life lost due to the world's cruelty but she wished sometime her husband heart was not lost with someone who was dead for so long.             

Swara always predicted Sanskar behavior, Living with him for so long has its advantage. But today was one day she doesn't dare to predict. First year of their marriage  he left her all alone.  Second year he took her to visit Kavita grave. Today she was clueless.

       
He hadn't mentioned going alone today neither did he ask if she wants to go with him.  And Swara was getting agitated during breakfast due to his silence. She tried making small talk in hopes of him opening up. But he remained closed off and that bothered her.

And she was surprised by his declaration of going to office. She didn't expect him to go to work today. And when she voiced her suspicion.  He remained completely clueless about her reaction.

"Today is not a  weekend,  So of course I am going to work. Why are you  so surprised Shona, " He asked, and then it dawned on his face as his eyes landed on the calendar hung straight before him.   

She had seen the look of shock the first time and him leaving her without an word. Today he smiled instead .  It was not an happy one neither an sad one. More of an melancholy smile.

"I forgot again it seems, "  He said offering no other word. And Swara wanted to remain unaffected but she just couldn't so she asked the one question that was playing in her mind the whole night.

"Do you want to go alone or should I come with you?" She asked him

"I have an important meeting today and I have to go, We will go in the evening if you want, " with that he got up from the table and embraced her in a hug before leaving her alone in their house .  

She grew to cherish  those hugs because that was the most she can expect from her husband. An hug to comfort not an hug of passion. And suddenly her life seemed so miserable. How can she have an husband and yet feel so lonely she didn't know but it was the truth no matter how she hoped for something else.

Swara usually don't visit her family often,  Things were still awkward between them. She had an father, a sister and an paternal grand mother with whom she don't talk. Not because she holds enmity with them.

      
But because they were not her family. So she went to see the one person who could brighten up her day , Her dida. She cooked and packed her dida favourite dishes and headed to meet her .

As her ride grew towards the end. She was filled with anticipation to see her dida  And what she didn't expect was to find her husband car parked in front of her house. She thought he might have changed his mind about attending the meeting and came home and find her missing.    

Hence the whole visit to dida house she thought but he was not in dida house. He was in her mother house. She heard his voice sharp and clear. Talking with her name sake father. She slowly walked towards them to find her entire family present with her husband.

Her mind reeled with the possibility of his visit. But she didn't come up with one reason that made sense. And she finally had her answer only when her husband eyes rested on the  unexpected visitor, Her.

When Swara arrival was found out several gazes met her,  Her husband why are you here look, her mother guilt look and if she was not mistaken she knew her father looked bit ashamed at her presence and her dida looked angry. And then only Swara noted they were more than her family in that room.  Dressed in an formal attire sat two strangers.  And before Swara could enquire upon them. She was dragged inside by her mom and her dida followed in as well

"What going on Mom? " She asked clearly trying to make sense of the situation

"Well her husband's love for bad investments cost us our home, "  her dida sarcastically answered.

Then between sobs and choked words her mom accepted the failure of her husband. Swara didn't mind the fact he lost his house due to his investments but he went as fair as losing every little bit of her mom jewellery and if that wasn't enough her dida house was made collateral as well.    

And through all of this events Swara remained unaware, First she was angry then upset to know no one cared to mention it to her and then only  her husband presence made sense.  He said it was important.. Of course to him her family would come first.

Swara wanted to talk to him soon.  But she had to wait till her husband settled her father debts. And once he was free. They did talk as she dragged him to dida house .

         
Swara didnt like the fact he kept it from her but she can't help but feel assured with his reasons when she knew all he wanted was to spare her worry about his father stupidness . Swara was blissfully unaware of her half sister existence in the house . Till she graciously decided to make her self known during lunch which she was forced to attend because her mother wished for it .

Swara had accepted that Ragini would never come into to terms with Swara. She would neither apologize or accept her mistakes. So she didn't mind her angry stares at all. But when it was directed towards her husband she had to speak up.

"Pray tell what is Sanskar fault now. If you are not aware he just helped your family, "  Swara asked her sister

"Of course he would do anything for you. But when it comes to his family. He would just destroy them, " Ragini replied , clearly finding their presence in her house unappealing.

"We are leaving Maa, " with that Swara decided to walk away but her husband eyes was still trained on his sister. As if daring her to talk more and so she did.

"How gracious of your husband to help his in laws when he continues to destroy his own family. How gracious of your husband to pay his father in law debts while he continued to turn blind eye to his uncle plight. How gracious of him to save our house when his uncle just lost his house ," She kept talking,  but sanskar remained silent. Until he spoke up a little later.

" What do you mean?  " was the first sentence sanskar uttered and that when Swara realized he didn't know. Sanskar stood in silence as ragini words continued to heap insults. If what ragini said was true then sanskar was an idiot. He knew his cousin had made some stupid investment. He did try to warn him off in his own way. But all his warning were taken into no consideration since laksh believed sanskar was lying to him.

But never did he imagine that laksh could single handedly destroy the Empire. All year of planning to destroy his uncle didn't do it. But laksh being in charge almost did it without any effort from sanskar. Sanskaar knew he should feel relieved about his uncle fall from power.   

But instead he felt bad, thinking maybe it was because of him, though he stopped his intentions of destroying  his uncle company long time ago as he was content to live his life with shona . He did start the process and life's after all as an domino effect.

He was about to ask more about his uncle financial condition when the said object of his thoughts called him. If not for ragini words about his uncle financial condition. Sanskaar would not have answered the call especially today of all day . But he knew so he answered it.

"Come to home now, " Laksh barked his command, While sanskar was concerned about his cousin. The command did nothing but make him more angrier.

" No. If the company his bankrupted it your fault. Don't tell me I didn't warn you. I did. And I am not saving your family this time, " Sanskar replied back , even though his intention few minutes ago was to help him..

"You idiot , It is dad. He is dying. And he wanted to see you. Otherwise I would have never called you after all you did " Laksh replied back , and at that time sanskar realized it was true. Sanskar wanted to ignore laksh commands.

He wanted to ignore everything. He was struggling between the realization,  the man who killed Kavita is dying. But more than Kavita at that moment the man who brought him up was dying and sanskar knew he would regret the rest of his life if he didn't go to that home immediately.

So he went to his home,  The home that shaped him up. Sanskaar was thankful for Swara no judgment look . She remained by his side as always without an word of reproach. And he knew she believed him. Believes that he didn't bring financial ruin of his uncle. But that same can't be said about ragini who insisted she come with them for laksh. She blamed him for everything and sanskar knew the moment he reached that home everyone else will blame him too.

But at that moment he didn't care about all of it. With only Swara intertwined hand to hold him strong he walked inside to be greeted by his cousin all familiar punch.        

And Sanskar can't help but remain silent as his cousin kept hitting him because one glance at laksh. Sanskar knew he was late and his uncle was no more .

Because Laksh eyes was filled with grief, pain and betrayal. As he looked at sanskar. There was nothing except hatred in his eyes for him.

Swara knew time is always fleeting,  It never stops for any one. So the day she dreaded as finally ended as the clock struck twelve. But the day had left her with memories that could last a life time. Her husband pain and misery being the foremost. He remained firm and unmoved through laksh accusations but she knew the words harmed him more than the physical assault.

Swara had to laugh at the irony of life. Both Kavita and the sanskar uncle died on the same day leaving sanskar with pain. Swara knew sanskar had no love towards the man who killed his girlfriend.

       
But the guilt of his death most likely to keep him awake since he has not yet spoken a word with her after they reached home. Laksh's mom insisted Sanskar leave because she was worried Laksh might react irrationally. Given the bruises Sanskar face hold she was not going to disagree with her

She wanted to offer comfort , So she walked to his office room. At first she thought he required privacy so she didn't disturb him. But now she needed to be there for him. The sight that greeted her was not what she expected. He was sitting in his chair with his shoulder slumped , he wasn't crying but the bleakness in his face tugged her heart .

"Not gonna sleep?" She asked lightly in hopes of making him speak up.

"Did you eat, Sorry I totally ignored you today , " He apologized. And Swara can't help but be moved by his concern for her . 

"I ate Sanskar,  Do you want something. Juice or milk anything?" She gently enquired, and he simply shook his head indicating his answer

"It was an heart attack and it not your fault, " She said, trying to make him feel less guilty.

"I feel empty. Now that he is gone. I feel empty Swara. I don't feel anything now. Not happy the man who killed Kavita died nor sad that the man who was like an father to me died. Why don't I feel anything Shona, "he spoke up ,voicing out his inner turmoil.    

And for once Swara had nothing to offer as comfort except a reassuring hug. Just like how he used to comfort her. Then they had talked for awhile sharing their pain.

It was an week later she began to worry more about her husband who mostly avoided her even when she tried to help him. And today he looked more lost than before that she worried about him.          

As she stepped into his study ,she saw him looking at his desktop with look of hope and at the sight of her ,he closed the page he had been seeing and swara wondered what he was hiding from her . She didn't let it bother her until the next day when she was cleaning his room   

Swara first checked history on his browser and all he did was check is email correspondence. So she logged in on his mail and shifted through the unread message and saw all the message were business related until she checked the outbox and one email stood out .   

 Her husband seemed to have corresponded with the person last night and twice before and yet as she read it her heart broke a little .      

And still  she continued to read his response  trying to find out why her husband was capable of believing something so unrealistic. She didn't want to think the reason behind his silly search. But her heart was broken nevertheless. He desperately wanted to change his past. Desperately wanted to have his Kavita back till now.

And that thought destroyed her. She didn't find it in her mind to be able to accept it. Her sanskar the guy she desperately loved didn't think life with her is worth living. He didn't think she was enough. Just like how she thought so far.    

He told her ,he felt empty after his uncle's death. She believed it was his way of saying revenge didn't satisfy him but it was him telling her ,without Kavita he was lost .    

Her Sanskar was enough for her in this lifetime even if he couldn't love her. He had been enough for her. But for him. She wasn't enough. And that was why she remained in the study room for hours crying her heart out. And that was how Sanskar found her when he returned home .

Sanskar reached home  and searched for his Shona . He went in search of her and found her in the least likely place of all. She was slumped in his chair and she was crying. Something in him broke to know she was hurt.   

The past week had been hard on him. What with his uncle dying and sanskar being blamed for the whole company bankruptcy. Though sanskar tried to save his family home. He wasn't able to convince laksh to accept his help. He rather starve than let sanskar help Laksh told him.       

And it was with some help from laksh friend that Sanskar managed to help laksh.  He gave the cash to his friend and made sure he doesn't reveal he was the source of the cash.

But the most shocking one of them was when he learnt about the death of one of the workers in his uncle office yesterday. He had heart attack just like his uncle because of losing his job         

And sanskar felt he single handedly destroyed his family. If only he grieved Kavita death as an normal human being. If only he went to the police instead of revenge. If only those questions have haunted him for so long into the night. And seeing crying Shona made him realize how much he ignored her this week.

He doesn't even know why she is crying now. It was with gentle footsteps he reached her and the first time she registered his presence, she turned to look at him and sanskar frightfully registered the hurt look on her face linked with anger directed at him. Somehow he knew the reason for her crying was him.

"Shona, What happened? Why are you crying. Did I do anything wrong?" He asked ,  silently pleading with her to tell the reason for those tears. She was silent for awhile and when she spoke up. He knew he destroyed the only happiness in his life.

" I regret it too. I regret I ever met you. I regret I ever decided that you are worth talking too. I regret becoming your friend. I regret falling for your schemes. I regret Marrying you. I regret that I stupidly fell in love with you. I regret my best friend died because of me being crazy about you. You know what I regret most of all. The three years I spend with you . So yeah go ahead change your past. And give me my life back, " with those words she stormed out of the study room leaving Sanskar loss of words but the one emotion he was keenly aware of was that he just lost the one person in his life who loved him.

P. S :" That it for now. Let me know your feedback and thoughts. Hit the votes if you liked it . "

Juanita Reid