Chapter 29: "Moving on"

Future series part 14

Two weeks later

4 th February 2020

              
                 
Uttara  was persistent  just like her husband ,it was one of the reasons why Swara had reluctantly agreed to go shopping with her.  Uttara had decided Swara needs to see the charming side of shopping than stay in the house .
                

                  
It has been two weeks since Swara  walked and on continuous treatment, after two excruciating weeks she has  been able to walk for few minutes without pain. The doctors have been vastly impressed with the improvement though her dancing days are long gone.

       
Swara was happy to be able to walk and the doctors have promised  that little by little she will be able to walk without pain for longer distance . Though they have advised against dancing and other straining activities as it might strain her legs further.

            
Swara was hopeful that someday she might be able to do everything . Someday she won't need to rely on an wheelchair , and maybe in a distance future she may be able to dance as well once her legs regained it full strength.

                  
"Sanskar No shopping please ,  Tell uttara it too soon and my legs won't handle that much walking , " Swara lamented towards her husband as he entered the room in an attempt to gather his support.  

                    
"I will be there Swara ,  I won't let you walk anymore than you want too. We will leave the moment you don't want to stay,  Come on. Uttara is pretty upset we are leaving in three days. And this might appease her enough to let us go without crying, " Sanskar words were in an bid to calm her down. And it was working,  It has been so long since she has went outside without needing someone to help her move.

      
Now for the first time she is gonna walk on her own legs,  And it filled with her happiness. So she agreed.

        
To Sanskar seeing his Swara walk  again was worth everything. Her face lights up every time she walks a bit further than before , The simple gesture of walking two feet on her own has managed to make her happy than everything else.

             
And yet he also sees the moment the happiness Fades when the pain reappears. It was constant improvement. A step by step process. The shopping was an success on all accounts from uttara smile. She loved having Swara company.

                               
Sanskar was designated to the job of observing his wife and sister from far and carrying their purchases. And since he always does his job well.  He noticed the moment her wife smile faded and he walked towards her thinking the pain reappeared but something was different in her face. It was an shock. And her focus rested on someone above his head ,He turned around to look at the source of her sadness in the unfamiliar place .

        
Their behind him stood a woman  who also looked shocked by Swara appearance. He didn't understand who she was until he saw the resemblance,  She was Nikhil mother and everything made sense at the discovery.

      
Swara tried to walk towards her but at the moment her legs failed and she would have fallen hadn't it been not her husband protective arms. He was by her side  in an second. And gently  held her in supportive gesture.

                       
By the time he made sure swara was okay , Nikhil's  mother  was within two feet from them and her face displayed only hatred. Sanskar had never talked with her. He did talk with Nikhil father twice .

      
While Nikhil's father didn't blame anyone for his sons death, the look on his mother  face indicates the confrontation won't be smooth. And when she started shouting and making a scene , Sanskar  realized the extent she blamed them for her sons death.

                           
He wanted to do anything to protect Swara from those words ,  But he was helpless. Even in the weakened state. Swara grip on his hand was strong and one glance at her indicated she wanted him to be silent.

     
It was weird on how he could understand her perspective yet at the same time want rebel against it . The presence of Nikhil's dad  in the shop had abruptly stopped his wife outbursts.

     
  Unlike his wife, nikhil's father treated Swara like his own daughter. He knew something was said between Swara and his wife. But he didn't pry on it , Sanskar knew  from the way Nikhil dad was looking at wife , he would most likely have an word in private with his wife later. 

                                
On the drive back home , Swara was silent. Uttara looked guilty. She blamed herself for the incident though it was not her fault. And sanskar was troubled by Swara calm facade .

    
And it only later that night,  He has found himself raising the question that troubled him during the whole day.

                    
"Swara ...Swara.." It was only  around the fifth time she looked up to him. Not one drop of tear have been shed ever since they returned, It troubled him more.

                    
"I am fine Sanskaar. I deserve the blame, She sent her son fine and healthy to India and we sent him back in an casket. Of course she was right. And I am not affected by it. You don't worry, " those lines seemed well rehearsed , It was as if she has been thinking on what to say to him for so long.

                  
"You are not fine Shona, You can't be fine. It okay to feel sad or upset. And you are not guilty. I understand she lost her son. And I understand her anger but even then it not your fault, "  he replied back,  as he gave her the medicines,  She took it from his hands and swallowed it.

                      
  "I am really fine sanskar,  I gotten used to it, " She replied back ,  and  realized her slip of tongue as she stared at him in shock.

                      
Sanskar stood numb at the words, She gotten used to it meant she had heard them before. But no one get used to it unless it has been going on for so long. And she kept it from him. The thought she suffered alone was more heartbreaking.

                       
  Swara stared at her husband and felt every Glimpse of pain in his face, He was hurt for her. And she didn't know why she did it but she got up from the bed and hugged him. She was offering him comfort . After few minutes he asked the one question she dreaded to answer back.

                         
"For how long? " His question came out in an tense voice as if he was scared to find the answers to it.

                           
  "I called her Sanskar ,  I didn't know what I was thinking. I felt so guilty about his death. So I called her. At first I took her harsh words hoping it will sooth her pain. And when I tried to talk she wouldn't let me speak an word,  All she wanted was someone to hate. And I let her. It was not an big deal sanskar. If hating me makes her happy than let it be, As I said I am fine,  "She replied back,  still engulfed in his embrace ,and this time she drew comfort from him .

                      
" How long Shona?" He asked once again reluctant to let her keep it a secret any longer.

                  
" I called her two weeks after Nikhil death,  And she only calls when she is feeling sad sanskar,  "Swara answered back , trying to make him drop the topic

                
"  And how have you managed to never say an word about it to me, Why didn't you share it with me Shona, "he asked back ,  completely shattered to realized he hadn't been there for the moment she was most vulnerable.

                      
  "  We weren't together at the time. And when we got back together. I didn't want to burden you. It was just words of an broken mom. It doesn't mean much, " She calmly explained,  making him more upset because he was so angry that she suffered for so long .

                       
  "Just words. Right.  I listened to them today Shona and you of all people don't deserve to hear them. I understand you are trying to put an brave face. But tell me how you really feel Shona, " he asked,  and at the moment Swara finally lost her self imposed barriers and broke down.

    
The pain she hid for so long at those words whom Swara considered as an mother figure . And sanskar listened to her as always. Until that moment she held the pain in secret and after sharing it with him ,her heart ached lesser than before and she was thankful for his comforting presence .

                             
And the next two  days, Sanskar was oddly missing from home. It was on the day of departure she found out the reason . the whole family was gathered in the airport for the send them off .

     
But sanskar kept glancing at the door as if waiting for someone. And soon his face brightened up as Nikhil mother entered the airport.

                        
As she stared at Nikhil's mother face once again . She realized it didn't held the hatred as before and one look at her husband she knew he was behind the change. Nikhil mother apologized for her behavior and while Swara didnt blame her one bit.

      
The realization she didn't hate her  anymore was worth everything, While she hugged and parted with Swara. Swara finally let go of the deep guilt hidden behind her heart.

                                
As Swara boarded the plane she realized just how much have changed in the few months. As she walked back inside the plane without the need of wheelchair. She realized she had finally moved on not only from her physical inability.

  
But also the guilt which crippled her from smiling.   She finally realized she moved on from the tragedy. She will always remember Nikhil has her best friend. The painful remainder will be there for the rest of the life  but she won't let her guilt stop her from living her life to the fullest.

                               
As Swara stared at her sleepy husband, She realized just how lucky she was to have an husband like him. When  he opened his eyes, she uttered the  one sentence she with held  from saying out loud for so long. And it might change the level of comfort  between them but she didn't care.

                           
"I Love you Sanskaar." this time it was not just a statement like other times ,this time those four words were uttered because she felt overwhelmed by the love she had for him .

        
As she said those lines Swara realized she want to hear him say it as well. But the realization he won't say it made her heart ache. Yet as she looked at his face which held an smile at her declaration. She began to hope that one day she will hear him say it to her. And with that she leaned on to his shoulder and drifted off to sleep with hopeful dreams .

P.S : " That it for now .Let me know your thoughts and feedbacks. Hit the votes if you liked it "

Juanita Reid