Future Series part 10

20 June 2019

         
Swara woke up to the sound of the alarm, She was little panicked at the sound and checked whether it would wake her husband's sleep. And was thankful that he seemed to be not disturbed. She simply stared at the man her heart loves and with the knowledge today was going to hurt him a lot, she decided that he needs at least few extra hours of sleep  and so she  didn't wake him up as she got up to freshen up     

The clock struck almost 10 Am yet there was no sign of her husband waking up, she knew she should wake him but she cant especially after the nightmare last night .

   
She believed his nightmare were a thing of his past until it's reappearance last night ,She understood  what caused them as it was Kavita death anniversary , While her husband might look normal in the front. His heart and mind remained troubled over the event hence the nightmare.

The first time Swara woke up to his scream and found him awake,  She just couldn't do anything even if her heart wanted to help him.  As it was during the initial days of their marriage where she remained mad at him. Soon she realized his nightmare occurred often. 

And when he got stabbed, Swara refused to let him sleep in the couch. She just couldn't do that to him and he refused to let her sleep in the couch. And from that day they decided the bed is big enough for both of them. And when she woke up to the slight shake of the bed as Sanskar was shaking with yet another nightmare. She was worried he might reopen stitches .

     
 She didn't know what to do so she simply tried to calm him down by placing her hand gently on his shoulders and whispering it just a dream over and over again and soon he drifted back to sleep and that was the first time he didn't wake up to an nightmare. It had becomes an regular occurrence in their married life. Her comforting him when he had those nightmare and soon the nightmare stopped. Swara thought he was over it.      

Until last night, She was too tired that she slept through it.  Until he heard the all too familiar name, He always wake up with her name when he had those nightmare and Swara wanted to understand him. Yet her heart couldn't handle the pain of knowing he won't move on.  

He looked rather apologetic  that she woke up with him as well , he asked her to go back to sleep. Any other day she would have stayed awake with him . But she couldn't do it last night. As she pretended to sleep until sleep claimed her for real . Because somewhere she woke up to an nightmare as well. The nightmare of realizing how much it hurts to see the love of your life saying some other name when he wakes up.

" Good Morning dear wife, " his voice,  brought her out of her thoughts as she looked at him .

Usually there would be an smile and an playful smirk and his eyes would shine with mischief. He started to call her my dear wife after their first wedding anniversary and Swara found the term endearing.

Today there was only affection at his greeting not playfulness. And Swara knew today it would be hard on him. So instead of her trademark "Good Morning my dear husband, " She simply smiled at his greeting.

When he told her, he will be out today. She didn't ask where because she know already. Yet Swara was worried. She simply held on to the fact he needs to have breakfast at least. He looked like food was the last thing on his mind and that why she wanted him to eat. Because she knew her traitorous heart would never be at peace if he didn't even have his breakfast. He agreed after her insistence.

Throughout the breakfast, they strived to talk  to each other  as every other day . And it was only when he almost walked out of the door Swara remembered it

" The flowers didn't arrive yet Sanskar," She said ,momentarily halting his movement.

" I know ,  I cancelled it, " he replied back .

"Why?"  The question slipped out on hearing that from Swara .

"I can pick them out on my way out Shona , I didn't want you to worry, " He replied back,  looking bit worried about her .

That when Swara understood he wasn't planning on reminding her about today. He thought if the flowers didn't appear she won't know the difference between today and the rest of the day. How foolish of him. She thought. One look at him, she knew the difference.

"You do know you shouldn't hide your pain from me right. Sanskar I am your friend first,  " She replied back,  trying to force a smile for his sake .  He simply nodded and was about to head back.

And  Swara resigned herself to an day of worrying. Until she saw him back she won't be able to stop worrying. But when she heard his voice few minutes later  she thought she was imagining it up.

" Shona Can you come with me today? " he asked,  and Swara stood still at his words. She thought he wanted to be alone and the fact he wants her to be with him was oddly comforting. She stayed silent for an minute that Sanskar understood her silence as rejection. And turned around to leave when she blurted out her answer.

"Give me ten minutes, I will get ready, " She replied back, she had no idea what she was going to do while he mourns over Kavita. But if he wanted her to be with him. Then she will be with him. She decided. And he smiled at her reply.

Sanskaar Maheshwari knew he was being selfish when he asked his Shona to go with him. Yet her presence makes everything better. Even the gloomiest days are better when he was around her. He thought the nightmare were a thing of the past until last night.

The recurring dream of her death haunted him even in his sleep and now he wanted it to stop. Before he thought it was his punishment for falling in love with her and not being able to protect her. He welcomed the constant reminder of pain every night. But after he got married,  He didn't want those nightmare.

Because every time he woke up with her name, he could see how much it hurts his Shona. She hopes that one day he would be able to move on and his nightmare remind her just how much of an dream that really is and he doesn't want to hurt her even because of an nightmare .Last night the same nightmare recurred and it made Sanskar restless , he knew her presence would make it better .

And she proved it as his restless heart calmed down when she   got into their car .He only stopped once on the way in the flower shop and then headed to the place where Kavita was buried. He had visited this place plenty of times before but this was the first time he had someone by his side. She intertwined her hands with his and gave him an smile that gave him the courage to walk forward.

Sanskar footsteps halted when his Shona stopped walking. He looked at her wondering why she stopped and found his answer when he looked towards the person she was staring at. Kavita had an visitor. Her best friend.

Sanskar wasn't nervous but he knew his Shona was worried,  Lucky and him hadn't gotten along well after Kavita's death. But things took an worse turn when he married Swara and started karma and Co.

Lucky thought Sanskar betrayed his family . And his actions were all an reaction to Sanskaar actions. Swara was worried that he would end up picking an fight with Sanskar. Even Sanskar wasn't able to predict his cousin actions anymore.

It took his cousin an awhile before he noticed both of them. He didn't say an word, He just started heading towards them. Swara looked like she was willing herself to jump between them if they got into an fight.              

Sanskar had been expecting some blows or at least some harsh words instead lucky surprised them both as he strode off without even an word but sometime actions speak louder than words. Because while lucky didn't say an word. The comforting pat to Sanskar's shoulder  as he walk past them spoke million words.

 Sanskar recently have only faced his cousin fist and punches. The sudden comfort made him speechless and before he could react Laksh walked past them and headed towards his car. No one was more shocked with it than his Shona. She kept staring at Laksh as if he turned into an alien all of a sudden.

Sanskar grip of Swara hands tightened the moment he placed the flowers on her grave. In an odd way he had no idea what to speak. He had stood in this same place and promised Kavita of revenge, last year he told her about his Shona and now he was finally speechless.   

But his Shona knew him better,  So she took it her job to introduce herself in an friendly banter and she made it her job to tell Kavita about what Sanskar has been up to in the last year. It was during Shona speech  Sanskar realized just how much have changed in his life after he met his Shona. Then his Shona walked away to give him some alone time and for the first time sanskar didn't have anything to say towards Kavita.

" I Am sorry you died because of me. I will promise to avenge those who killed you " were usually his departing lines but today instead he spoke in plain wishful tone.

"I wish I could move on Kavi,  For Shona. The nightmare returned last night you know. And I wish I am not this broken, I wish I could keep her happy. Because I am scared that one day she will leave me because she got tired of me . But in reality I am not that lucky right Kavi.

Anything I want were always taken away from me, first my parents, then you. After that I promised myself I won't care for anyone else. Except I did,  I don't think I can survive losing her as well Kavi,  " He spoke up,  about his worst fears ,Losing his Shona.

                 
They made a brief stop in a Children's home on the way back  and Sanskar told Swara, it was the place Kavita grew up after her mother's death , she also  learnt he used to visit every year as it was also Kavita birthday a fact she wasn't aware of until now . By the time they reached home it was late and Swara who  was tired that she drifted off to sleep little early.   

And when she woke up in the middle of the night and found Sanskar not by her side. She was worried he might have had another nightmare. She searched for him and only found him in the little backyard garden. His hands held an huge photo album. Probably picture of Kavita. And she didn't want to disturb him. So she was about to head back.

"You haven't seen her yet right ? " his voice halted her in her tracks as she realized he knew she was standing behind him.

"No,  I didn't, "  She replied back , as she walked towards him

"Come, I will show you, " he spoke up, And Swara  who still had no face with Kavita the girl sanskar loves. And for the first time she was anxious. He knew Sanskar is not an superficial guy who likes someone for how they look. Yet some part of her was worried.

She sat beside him in the swing,  And he held an pic for her. As Swara saw the picture,  she realized for the first time why he fell for her. Kavita looked sweet ,innocent and beautiful .  A pang of insecurity hit her like a lightening.

"I know her, " was all she said though at his surprised look  as she explained further anything to keep her mind from her jealousy towards  a dead person

"She was my senior in college,  And we're in an same dance club. I hardly had an chance to know her better. But as far as I remember her. She was really an sweet person, " she replied back , It was the truth. She had never really knew Kavita personally , but she seemed like an kind person.

She didn't know what else to say so she remained silent. As Sanskar kept glancing at the photos.  She noticed his smile at an picture. He looked the picture with so much affectio, that  her traitorous heart began to get hurt. She decided no matter how much she loves him. She didn't need this heartache and so was about to head back when his hands held her back with a smile.

"See I found you," He smiled at her as he held a photo before her

"What? " she asked confused,  as she took the picture from his hand 

" You said you and Kavi went to the same dance club. So I was searching if you were in any pics and look I found you, "  He answered ,  with an happy smile.

She  felt happy as she starred at the picture but her eyes didn't see her face. It only saw how happy Kavita looked with her Sanskar, Her Sanskar well truthfully he was not and it hurt more. And she was angry. She didn't deserve to be tricked like this even though she was aware of her husband playfulness.

" Stop playing with me Sanskar, I am not in the picture , It is  you and Kavita, " She spoke up,  and was surprised by the bitterness in her words and immediately regretted the words.

A brief hurt look paused in his face before he pointed to an single girl in background and insisted it was her, Swara glanced at where he pointed. He was right. It was her,  She didn't recognize at first because her eyes refused to look anywhere except Kavita. But even then she was confused how he knew it was her.

She wouldn't have guessed it was her, if it was not for her dress, the one which her dida brought for her. Because her face was not clearly visible in the picture she was surprised by how he found out.

"How do you know it me. You can hardly see my face in the picture , " She asked curiously.

"I just know it was you, " he answered back, as if that answer her question. And it was true even Sanskar can't understand how he was able to recognize her.

While on the ride back home, Swara asked if Kavita was pretty. He simply said yes but his mind refused to remember Kavita face. A part of him was relieved but an other part felt like he was betraying her. So when he took the photo album to see her face. He realized maybe he did move on.

  Because usually he would end up an mess after seeing her picture hence never really opened the photo album it was placed in an top shelf untouched for over three years. But yet when he looked at the pictures today. It didn't hurt like before. There was pain at the loss of Kavita but it didn't destroy him like before and for the first time he was able to go through half of the album without breaking down.

And when his Shona told him she knew Kavita. He had to see if she was present in any of the picture and when he spotted the girl in the farthest corner of the building. He knew it was his Shona. Yet he also knew there is no logical way to explain it.

The picture clearly doesn't even show her face,  And she was just a mere silhouette in the pic. Yet he knew it was her. So he replied the same. "I just know it was you." when Swara asked.

For all the hurt she felt before,  Swara felt relieved to hear his words. He knew it was her even when she was barely visible. And the hurt she felt vanished the moment she realized the affection with he glanced at the picture was not towards Kavita but towards her. She might not have his heart but she still have him by her side.

Kavita might have had his heart but she wasn't lucky enough to live with him as fate has cruelly intervened in her life. Sanskar might still be living yet life had cruelly snatched his love of the life and left him with an guilt that all consuming. And Swara felt her pain doesn't compare to them.

She married the guy she loves and he deeply cares for her, So what if he can't have his heart. She at least have him by her side. For the first time in her mind Swara had decided to let the hopes of Sanskar moving on fade away.

It always was an part of her dream. Some day he would move on , Some day he would realize he loved her. But now she was going to learn to be happy with him even if she didn't have his heart.

But that night she didn't realize. Fate has never been kind to her either. She didn't know she will lose him by the end of the week. And she didn't know the pain that will knock her door next week will be the worst of them all.  Because she would be walking away from her happiness. And sometime it was good to not know your future because it gave moment in the present to cherish.

As Swara and Sanskar glanced at the album together. They found more picture of her and Swara was blissfully happy with his happiness. Sanskar was blissfully happy with her by his side. They had that night of present to cherish. They both slept happily that night. As they were unaware of the Storm that will shatter their married life.

P. S :" That it for now. Let me know your feedback. Hit the votes if you liked it. "

Juanita Reid