SnowingOnCharming: I think we all need a little break from this town. What do you guys think about going out of town for a day or two? We can stay at a nice B&B.
EvilRegal: oh god not again.
PrincessSavior: no, mom please!
CharmingsSexyPirate: I'm in.
CharmingOnSnow: that probably isn't the best idea.
SnowingOnCharming: awe come on guys! Why are you guys such party poopers?
PrincessSavior: mom... I thought we promised not to speak of what happened last time.
EvilRegal: you told her? That was supposed to be a secret!
SnowingOnCharming: like mother like daughter Regina, we can never keep a secret.
PrincessSavior: mom...
CharmingsSexyPirate: I for one found that night quite amusing.
EvilRegal: of course you did pirate.
HeartingSwanQueen: wasn't that the night you fell in love with Emma dear?
EvilRegal: fuck off mom
PrincessSavior: look whose keeping secrets now ;-)
EvilRegal: oh shut up.
CharmingOnSnow: do I have to retell what happened?
PrincessSavior: no!
EvilRegal: absolutely not!
CharmingOnSnow: you know, now that I think of it, I don't think I ever heard this story.
PrincessSavior: dad you were there.
CharmingsSexyPirate: too late I'm gonna tell you. It was late, we had all just gone to bed. You and Snow were in one bedroom at the small bed and breakfast, swan and I were in the room just across the hall, while Henry and Regina shared a room next to yours. Our door was closed and Emma was riding me, then Regina walked in.
SnowingOnCharming: David did you really have to push him into telling the story again? Those images are worse than Emma and Regina banging.
HeartingSwanQueen: Dear Snow, I think we can finally come to an agreement on that. Love your loving mother in law, Cora.
PrincessSavior: and what were you and dad doing?
SnowingOnCharming: we were laying in bed nak-
PrincessSavior: exactly. Continue mother.
SnowingOnCharming: and we could hear you guys through the walls and I remember David saying to me "looks like Emma found her true love. We should probably stop them... We are in a B&B made entirely out of wood. We can literally hear everything." And then I laughed and said "that's probably what they thought when we were... " anyways "we can't disturb them. Its bad enough she walked in on us, but if we walked in on her..." And then you said good point and shortly after, we heard a loud scream and David and I couldn't stop laughing knowing you had just... You know what? Never mind. Sorry em.
PrincessSavior: thanks.
EvilRegal: I woke up to Henry, freaking out thinking that hook killed Emma and to be honest, there was no way in hell I'd ever leave that metal handed demon around anyone at night, so against my better judgment, I put on a robe, walked across the hall, and opened the door without knocking. Let me just say, biggest fucking mistake of my life... But then again it was also the best... I saw Emma on top of Killian and when the door opened, she turned around and I couldn't take my eyes off of her... But then I turn around to see Henry poking his head into the room...
HeartingSwanQueen: sounds like you two need to take some serious parenting classes considering he's walked in on his grandparents and one of his moms with that putred pirate.
RumpsBelle: actually three, he sort of walked in on rumple and I...
PrincessSavior:
EvilRegal: make it four...
SnowingOnCharming: don't tell me he's walked in on you too?
PrincessSavior: unfortunately... Then we had to explain to him how lesbians have sex...
EvilRegal: thanks Emma, I didn't need a reminder of how terrible and awkward that conversation was for me, and if I remember correctly, I did the explaining, while you just sat there failing misseribly with the promise you made to me not to laugh.
PrincessSavior: I couldnt help it!besides, its just payback from when I had to give him the talk... Yours was way easier to explain... And might I add, more detailed ;-)
HeartingSwanQueen: good god! Your child needs someone to watch over him! You guys fucked him up, so if he becomes the next hades don't blame us...
EvilRegal: thanks, but we weren't planning on it mother.
PrincessSavior: what the hell started this whole thing in the first place?
GirlInTheHood: with David asking Hook what had happened.
PrincessSavior: oh that's right. Dad, Is there something your not telling us?
CharmingOnSnow: uh...no?
EvilRegal: well there's only one explanation as to why you wanted to hear that story again.
PrincessSavior: either you really wanted to hear it again or...
EvilRegal: or you wanted to think of the bloody bastard having sex and considering I haven't heard your wife say anything in a while, I'm guessing its the latter. Meaning your gay.
CharmingOnSnow: ...........
SnowingOnCharming: um... Okay... Byeee.

SnowingOnCharming has left the conversation.

PrincessSavior: wait, dad your actually gay?!
CharmingOnSnow: what if I told you Killian turned me?
CharmingsSexyPirate: finally my time has come!
PrincessSavior: what the hell? You... My ex... Sex... Oh god...
HeartingSwanQueen: F is for Family and our fucked up family tree! Yay!
EvilRegal: you can say that again.
CharmingsSexyPirate: hey charming, I have an oral exam in an hour. Mind if I practice with you?
CharmingOnSnow: sure, there's no harm in practicing a speech.
PrincessSavior: wrong kind of oral dad...
EvilRegal: wow, you must be old if you don't know what that is.
CharmingOnSnow: wait you mean-? OK bye

CharmingOnSnow has left the conversation.

CharmingsSexyPirate: now if you'll excuse me, your dad only has 206 bones in his body and I think he needs one more

CharmingsSexyPirate has left the conversation.

PrincessSavior: gross.
EvilRegal: yeah but if you think about it, its no different from you and I. I mean I am your step grandmother...
PrincessSavior: true.
BellesRumple: you never know dearie, he might be your step dad one day.
PrincessSavior: yeah... Um I'm gonna leave you and your fucked up brain of darkness alone... Bye. Lets go grandma.
EvilRegal: I should have seen that coming.

PrincessSavior and EvilRegal have left the conversation.

A/N: thanks for reading, I know this was a long chapter but I had to write this because I had a dream about what happened at the B&B this morning and it was too much CaptainSwan for me that I woke up crying and almost puked😂