Feathers swirl around me, almost as if I'm standing in the middle of Swanna's Hurricane attack, a move he learned a while ago. I try to make sense out of what kind of Pokémon those feathers belong to as they're different from one another. The white ones are clear; they belong to my Swanna. As for the navy and crimson ones, those feathers are from a Braviary I know too well. There is only one feather that throws me off. It always catches me off guard every time I have this nightmare.

It's a small feather, curved slightly with a light green melting into a yellow. My eyes are fixed on it as I continue to stare at it, afraid it would disappear the second I blink. It's an important feather, and it's not important because of it's known power. Most items work that way. There are hidden abilities in everything. The power that an item may seem small, but in the wrong hands, it can cause collateral damage.

My hand tries to reach for it, but every time my hand draws closer to it, the green and yellow feather flies away. I follow it with my eyes, seeing a man snatch it with his hand. My body freezes as a sly grin creeps on his face.

"You're the cause of all of this," he tells me in the nightmare. I know it's a nightmare because I come across this scene a lot, but that doesn't stop the same old dialogue from happening. "If it wasn't because of you, he wouldn't be dead."

The man glances down, and as he does, he drops the feather he had previously caught. It floats down to the ground where a man is in a pool of red. His hair is damp with sweat from the previous battle. Despite all the strength he lost from it, the young man turns his head to look at me. His lips curl into a small smile, but in his uniquely colored eyes, all I could see is fear.

It's fear as death wasn't something this man deserved. While it's all a nightmare, I knew it was all true. There's no way of bringing this man back, no matter how much I want him here with me.

I try to take a step towards him. I should be there with him, but the feather that lay on his body floats away. My eyes trail it, knowing I have to make a decision. Either I can help the man, or I can chase the feather. The feathers that fly around me seem to make the decision for me. Every time I would take a step closer to the man, the feathers would poke my body, causing a lot of pain. They didn't do that when I turned to chase the feather.

No matter what, I will come back for him, I told myself. I have to make things right this time.

My legs carried me towards the feather. The moment I grab it, the Swanna and Braviary feathers disappear. I feel a moment of relief before I turn back. When I turn around, I regret it. The only thing I see in the distance is the man. His face has now grown to be as pale as a Vanillite.

"Don't worry about me," he tells me. "At least I got the chance to meet you. Maybe in another life, things will be better."

Those weren't the last words he's spoken to me, but this nightmare makes it seem like that was the last thing he said. I want to run to him, but it's already too late. His body starts to fall apart drifting with a breeze that must've been here. It's not all at once that the man disappears. His body tears apart piece by piece as if it's nothing more than sand. At least that gave me a chance to look into those unforgettable eyes that separated him from nearly every person on this planet.

"The worst part of it all," I told the woman as I truly open my eyes, forcing myself out of that situation, "it's that I couldn't do anything. All I can do was sit and watch it happen. It was just like that day five years ago. Shouldn't they have stopped? Shouldn't I be over this?"

The woman sitting across from me lowered her notepad to the small coffee table beside her before she pushes aside a lock of light green hair behind her ear. I watch her as she leans over her knees, resting her forearms on top of her legs.

"You've been through a lot, Sylvia," the therapist tells me. "From what you've told me this past year, you've always kept your problems to yourself, and that's not exactly healthy. You need to value your thoughts and feelings."

At her words, I sink into the couch I'm sitting in and pull my legs into my chest. It's the same old story every single time. I would tell my therapist what I was feeling, and she'd remind me that I just had to let it out at some point. My head rests on my knees as she talks a bit, not really paying attention to what she has to say.

I know she's just doing her job. She always does a good job with what she does, but she still can't take the pain away with the snap of her fingers. I wish she could. If there was a way to forget everything that had happened in the past, I would do it. Going through these sessions like my friend, Rena, told me to do was the next best thing.

My gaze drops to the floor, noticing the gray and blue rug sitting there. I'm not in the mood to listen to her. Not right now. Like everyone, my therapist only knows the battles I had to face outside. I was Swanna Girl, and I still am in a way. Whether people still see that as a good thing is all based on what they see as good or bad. While part of me wishes I would have never become Swanna Girl, I also know life would be so much more different than it is now without that choice.

Maybe things would've been for the best that way.

"Why don't we try something different," my therapist suggests as she clicks her pen open again. "It's up to you to do this exercise, but I can only assume what happened during the time you were with Team Miasma to, well, you know."

I nod my head, knowing exactly what she was alluding to. From the start of this, I told my therapist I would refuse to talk about that day, and I didn't want to hear his name, or I'd break down. While my therapist keeps telling me that it's okay to cry, that I should allow that to happen more often, I hated it. I remember her being reluctant at first, but she quickly realized I wouldn't open up about certain subjects.

Maybe I would be better already if I did, but I'm just not ready. Not yet anyways.

"Would you mind sharing your experiences as to what happened?" she asked. "You don't have to share everything, or anything at all, but this nightmare of yours, it seems—"

"Guess it wouldn't hurt to try," I told her as I look away from her and towards the door. Sitting beside it is a clock. Not once would it make a ticking noise, but I watch as the minute hand twitches to the next mark. "It's not like I have to be anywhere anytime soon. Where should I start?"

"Wherever you would like," she said.

I nod my head, slowly thinking about everything that has happened. He would've wanted me to talk about it. I know he would've agreed with this therapist if he was still around. Like everyone else that stayed beside me, he knew what was best for me. Now that he's gone, I feel as if there's a missing part of me.

Funny, I didn't think that would happen. When I started this thing as Swanna Girl, I thought I would still be able to run away from my family. It wasn't that I didn't want to, but more of the fact that I never grew up around them. I thought it would be easy to live life without thinking about them. Maybe that's how it was for some people, but not in my case.

My eyes drop as I look at my hands. On the left finger is a small silver ring with a gray gemstone one it. I can't let his sacrifice go in vain, even if it was selfish of me to think. I still think it would be best if I would've taken my husband's place that day, but it didn't happen. Do I start with that and work my way back? Is that what the therapist wanted to hear or did she want to know how I got myself into this mess? Would she really want to hear about that day I met Rudi to the day I watched my brother take his spot?

I have to think long and hard on it, realizing the truth behind it all. I glance back at the clock, knowing my session would end in about forty-five minutes. For any normal person, telling a story shouldn't event take a quarter of that time, yet as I look, I know my own story would take much longer to tell.

"Do you have to be somewhere?" the therapist asks, noticing that I was staring at the clock.

I shake my head. "No, no," I told her, peeling my head away. "It's just, I think I need to start from the beginning, but I don't think I'll have enough time to say everything."

"That's alright. You have an appointment next Tuesday that you can pick up where you left off. Although, if you're not comfortable, you could always try writing it down. I've had clients who have found that helpful," she says.

I think over what she had just said. It's a choice. Like everything in my life, I don't have to do it. I could take the easy way out and just sit back, not saying a word, but then what? I know that's the reason I became Swanna Girl in the first place. If I would have stayed back in the Pokémon Center, there would be other people and Pokémon that would have to endure the pain of Team Miasma.

My mouth opens to say something when my phone goes off. The therapist frowns at me, as this isn't the first time this has happened. She tries to make me not bring my phone, or at least put it on silent, but I can't do that. My job will not allow it.

I am no longer a Pokémon Nurse. While my friends were able to clear my name, saying that what I was doing back then was for mere self defense, I couldn't bring myself back into the Pokémon Center as a nurse. The Pokémon Center committee was willing to give me back my rights, being that those deaths were an odd-sense of self defense, but I wasn't going to do that. Deep down, I know what I did was wrong. This was the best punishment I could receive, especially since I wouldn't have been trusted by Trainers anyway.

One thing stayed the same since for the past couple of years. Looking down at my phone, I realize it wasn't anything important. I sigh, and push cancel, shoving the phone back in my pocket.

"Do you think maybe starting from when you became Swanna Girl," my therapists suggests as her eyes trail onto my phone. "After all, your job seems to be a big aspect of your life."

"No, you know the story," I told her. "I think I want to go back to when I met him," I told her, "when I met my brother, Lethe, that is."

My response took the therapist by surprise. It's the first time I finally gave her any indication as to whom I'm mourning. She has always known it was my brother who had passed away, but I had never said those words since the beginning of our session.

Maybe she was right. Maybe I should talk about it more.

(-o-)

I take a seat on the grass, feeling the cool breeze brush past. My eyes close for a moment, so I wouldn't see the white trees that surround me, or my friends who decide to come and visit today. For a moment, I just concentrate on what I'm feeling. It's a technique my therapist taught me to help concentrate on my nerves. I become more aware of my surroundings, feeling the grass scratching the palms of my hands, the breeze pulling back my long hair, and sounds of the Pokémon that are hiding in the forest. Everything here seems so peaceful.

An arm wraps around my shoulder, pulling me closer. I don't have to open my eyes to figure out who is sitting beside me. Instead, I just lay my head on his shoulder, feeling his warmth wrap around me.

On this day, four years ago, I lost my brother. Every year, on this day, Swanna Girl would disappear from the face of the earth. It's as if everyone knows not to call me on this day for help. Birthdays, anniversaries, even my wedding day, it was a different story, but today, I don't ever seem to get a call. Crime just seems to stop for one day.

"Lethe," I hear Rudi say as he takes a deep breathe, "I know we never got along, and I know I never really got the chance to actually get on your good side, but I want you to know that I'm taking care of your sister to the best of my abilities."

A smile crosses my lips as Rudi pulls me closer to him. As he does, I sense someone kneeling beside me.

"I'm sorry I dragged everyone into this," Hilbert's voice apologizes, "but I'm happy I got the chance to meet and work alongside you."

"Same," Hilda's voice agrees. "It's because of you Unova is a safer place. I think we can all agree we won't let your sacrifice go in vain."

My eyes squeezes shut at her words. Every year, for the past four years, it's been the same routine. Not many people will ever get to know how Mr. Rogue was stopped, but to those of us who did, we'd come and pay the person who helped put a stop to him, a visit. Some years, we stayed here for hours. Other years, like last year, we barely stayed for an hour. It's the only time we would gather and reflect what happen, but more importantly, it's the only time we would let ourselves honor the man who did so much.

"Connor and I are dating just like you said we would. I-I wish ," a newer voice whispers from behind. Her voice takes me off guard that my eyes shoot open and look back. Standing there is a young woman with pink hair tied in loops. She wears a pink Pokémon nurse uniform and has a bouquet of lilies in her hands. Standing beside her are her Pokémon: Musharna, Zoroark, Stunky, and Umbreon. After Lethe passed, I decided it was best for her to take care of his Pokémon. She never talked to me after that, blaming me for everything that has happened.

She's the only person who never showed her face during this time, no matter how many times I had invited her. Despite that, I'm happy that she showed up.

Joy never looks at me. Instead, her blue eyes are fixed on the small tombstone in front of us.  She takes a deep breath before speaking again. "I should have come and visit sooner. I should have stayed in Unova rather than moving back to Sinnoh."

Her eyes squeeze shut as tears fight their way out. Seeing her like this, I slip my way out of Rudi's grasp and stand up. Before I can even get to her, her Zoroark is already patting her on the back, trying to comfort her while Musharna snuggles close to her. Both Stunky and Umbreon walk away from her and towards the tombstone.

While they did that, I walk towards Joy and carefully place my arm on her shoulder. She doesn't hesitate, and flings her arms around me. Her head digs into my shoulder, and I feel her tears running down her face.

I don't know what to say. For years, I have avoided seeing Joy, fearful on what she would say. From the minute she met Lethe, she trusted him. I'll be honest. At first, I thought she had stolkhome syndrome due to what happened. He was a member of Team Oblivion, a group of criminals who did horrible things. At the same time, it was because of Lethe that she's still here. She's one of the many lives he had saved.

"Why do bad things happen to good people?" Joy cries. "He never got a chance to do anything. To find love, to find a purpose, anything."

My arm rubs her back as I hold her close. She doesn't have to explain what she meant. Even if I hardly saw her and Lethe together, I could still read her feelings very clearly.

Why do bad things happen to good people? That's a good question. I didn't know how to answer.

"You've just got to keep living for him," I told her. "He would want us all to be happy, and trust me, I know that can be hard. There are going to be days that feel like the sun never shines, and the world is against you, but Lethe cared a lot for you. Even though he's no longer with us, we are all only a phone call away."

Joy pulls away and looks at me. In the past few years, she has already grown taller than me, even if it's only by a couple of inches. The first time I met her, she was an innocent teenager, who always saw the best in people. Looking at her now, I realize how much she has grown. Joy's matured so much since that time, seeing what the world was truly like. Seeing her like this reminds me of another person who was forced to grow up all too fast.

Me.

My words of advice isn't just for her. I realize this as she looks at me. While we don't share any physical features, all I see is me. Joy is brave for all that she's been through. She is still kind and compassionate for all around her. Despite that, Joy is broken. There's nothing that can fix a broken heart. Even with time passing on as much as it has, there's nothing that can fix it. That doesn't mean she pulls through.

We all have to pull through. If not for ourselves, for Lethe.

"I'm sorry," Joy whispers. "I should've known you were only protecting me all those years. You always looked out for people. I should've known that's all you were doing."

"It's fine," I tell her, "honestly. What I did was something unforgivable."

"But it was self-defense," Joy protests. "If you didn't join, they would've killed us all. I should've known since you didn't take any lives that day in Sinnoh that you wouldn't hurt anyone."

"And that's what Team Miasma wanted people to view Sylvia," Rudi says as he comes from behind me and places a hand on her shoulder while he wraps his free arm around my waist. "Trust me, I know. We're still here for you. All of us are."

Joy nods her head as she pushes past Rudi and walks towards the tombstone. As she does, Rudi and I turn around, finding our friends kneeling in front of it, whispering whatever stories they wanted to share with him. Joy places her bouquet of flowers at the base of the small tombstone and touches it. I can't hear what she is saying, but I know she is saying the words that have been bottled up for a long time.

I say nothing for a while, watching as my friends pay their respects. It's sad that this is the one time we can all gather together, but after everything that has happened, it's for the best.

Hilda and Hilbert are the first to leave. They gave up their spots as Champion a long time ago, but they still have jobs to do. Together, they've taken two of the spots at the Elite Four. With a new Champion meant a change to the Elite Four line up. Most Champions would not bother changing it up because it's a lot of work finding people who are strong enough to defend their title, but the new Champion did. I'm not sure who that person was, but I heard they were really strong.

I'm happy things worked out for the two of them. Even though Hilbert took a while on confessing his feelings for Hilda, it all seemed to work out. I don't say anything, but I could see a small little bump on Hilda's stomach. If my hunch is right, I'm sure they'd make great parents, especially since they've worked so hard on keeping Unova safe.

My head turns to see the rest of the people sitting there. Most were quiet from the earlier conversation, not knowing what to say out loud. One of them is a man with long green hair who just sits there. Like me, he's a free man, despite all the wrongs he's done. I still can't believe how wrongly I was about him. Despite being a member of Team Plasma at one time, he probably has the gentlest soul. When the man notices that his two friends are gone, he decides to leave.

Before N goes, he gives me a note. We don't say a word as he does this, but he doesn't need to say a word for me to understand. I give him a smile, tucking the note away in my pocket, knowing whatever he wanted to say would be on that sheet of paper.

I look over towards Rena, who's leaning against one of the trees. Her hands are hidden inside the pockets of her blazer as she stares blankly at the grave. When we first came together to Lethe's grave, I remember her pulling me aside from everyone else, not knowing what to say. Not Rena. She was the one who had me talk to her about everything that had happened. While it's different because she got her brother back and got to know him, she's the only person who could somewhat understand what I'm going through.

It's because of that interaction that I had a good idea what was going through her mind. As much as I want to be mad at her for having a chance to know her brother and have him around, I couldn't. That wouldn't be fair. She could have lost her brother twice. If that would have happened, I'm afraid that Rena could have easily crossed that line to the dark side. I don't want to think that way, but I think it's safe to say we all know that could happen, including Rena.

A lot has changed these past few years, and there's so much I wish I could have changed. I still wish I would have taken Rudi's place that day, but if what Lethe said was true, then I'd only be sparing him for a short while. Lethe's done so much to protect me, even when I didn't know it. I just have to make sure I keep pushing through.

Rudi pulls me closer to him and kisses me on the forehead. I turn to look at him and smile.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"Alright," I tell him. "I think I'm ready to go back home."

He nods his head and lets go of me. There are no words exchanged between the two of us as he walks to his sister to explain what's going on. I take another glance at Joy, who's still sitting there by his grave. I take a deep breath before walking over towards her. She doesn't notice me when I take a seat beside her.

Instead of saying a word, I look at his grave. There's a reason Lethe wanted to be buried here. He must've told Hilbert that it's here, somewhere in this very forest, that our mom is buried. I can never find where her grave is, but I'm not sure if there's any way to be able to find her grave either. Only Lethe knows where she's at, leaving me to visit the tombstone that she has beside our dad's back at a graveyard that's located elsewhere.

I tore my gaze away from it and look at Joy. "Rudi and I are going to head out. Our door is always open if you ever need one of us."

Joy looks up at me and nods her head. "Can I...can I stay over for the night?"

"Of course. Would you like Patrat's Pizza for dinner? Rudi insists we have Friday night pizza every week," I tell her.

The pink haired woman nods her head. "That would be nice."

"I'll make sure I get an Alolan pizza just for you," I joke, "with extra pineapple."

Her nose scrunches up in disgust. "How about we just stick with the veggie with Gogoat cheese?"

"Of course," I chuckled before looking over at her Stunky and Umbreon who are staring at me. "I'll make you guys some special Pokémon food too, no worries."

Umbreon and Stunky smile at the idea before something comes crashing down into me, forcing me down on the ground. Soft fur tickles my neck, causing me to know who it is. My arms grab Musharna and push her way from me. The pink and purple Pokémon just stares at me with a gigantic smile.

At least Joy has some kind of Pokémon to keep her happy during the dark times. It's Pokémon like Musharna that helps during the dark days, I'm sure.

"No need to worry, Musharna, I'll have Pokémon food ready for everyone, I promise." I say before I look over at Joy. "Seriously though, I'll have everything taken care of. All you need to do is--"

I didn't get the chance to finish that sentence as my phone started ringing. My head saps over to look at Rudi, who pulls away from his sister's embrace. Earlier, during my session, I had received a call. It wasn't from anyone I knew would be in trouble. As I look down at my phone now, I realize that isn't the case.

My finger pushes the button to accept the call as I bring it up to my ear. "Hello?"

"Is this Swanna Girl and Braviary Man?" a timid voice asks.

"Yes," I respond. "Is everything alright?"

"No," the voice shakes. "I'm in Nuvema Town, and there's a bad man trying to break into Professor Juniper's lab, and I don't know what to do."

"That sounds scary," I told the young child on the phone. "Just take some deep breaths, stay hidden, and Braviary Man and I will be over right away."

I didn't give the young child a chance to respond as I hang up and look back at Rudi. For four years, we've never had someone call for trouble on this day, but that doesn't matter. No matter what Rudi and I were going through, if anyone calls us for help, we'd be there. It's not because it's in our job description as superheroes that we would do it, but because we know the consequences of what could happen if someone wasn't there.

If I can help it, I'm going to make sure everyone stays safe to the best of my abilities.

(-The End-)