VII —— you're on your own, kid

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          ONE OF FIANNA'S FAVOURITE THINGS about being head girl is the prefect's bathroom. The swimming pool-sized bath, the mermaid living in the stained-glass window, the endless selection of bath soaks... it made Fianna feel as though she had left school and stepped into a spa. She's always felt her most relaxed around water, and since she wasn't in the mood to sit as a swan on the lake, her first thought after returning from Hogsmeade was to take a bath.

The bathroom door magically locks after someone enters, the mermaid keeping a careful eye on the door. Fianna undresses and sinks into the bath, lavender-scented steam surrounding her. She lets out a heavy sigh, tired.

Maybe it was a mistake, starting this with Regulus. Maybe she should've just let him get into trouble, if the Aurors would've ever gotten to him. If they had arrested that other Slytherin for being a Death Eater, they might've just stopped there anyway. Maybe all of this wasn't even needed, and instead, Fianna's pretending to be a Death Eater's girlfriend for no reason. She's worrying about Lestrange's engagement party, and she can't help but wonder, has all of this gotten out of hand?

Fianna crosses her forearms on the edge of the bath, resting her chin on them, looking up at the stained glass window's mermaid. She's always liked the mermaid, and the mermaid's always reacted nicely to her, as if she can recognise another water spirit. Apparently some of the prefects have had the bath water magically thrown at them if the mermaid doesn't like them. But Fianna feels safe under her watchful eye.

I bet you don't have to fake-date, Fianna thinks miserably.

She watches the mermaid comb her hair, and she imagines the mermaid speaking back to her, saying, Of course not. What kind of idiot would involve themselves with Death Eaters?

Idiots with a warped sense of empathy, Fianna thinks.

You're such a Pisces, says the mermaid.

Fianna turns away from the mermaid, groaning. I knowwww!

She wonders what would happen, if she ended this early. Couples break up all of the time, and surely it would be believable if she said, "Yeah, once things got public it became a bit too much." Like, with what he is, surely people would understand why she backed out?

But then, what if that ignites a rage inside of him? What if he, embarrassed and rejected, decides to give the Death Eaters the go ahead to hunt her, or her family? Or, what if he does have an inkling about her brother, and he was being kind up until now, but her ending this leads him to outing her brother?

Fianna's uncertainty follows her all the way through her bath, back to her dorm room in Gryffindor Tower. Going to Hogwarts has meant she's ran around school wearing pyjamas more times than she can count, which slowly trickled into her acquiring a collection of nice pyjamas she wouldn't feel uncomfortable speaking to teachers in. But, when she returns to the room her and Georgia share, she strips off the trousers and shirts, wearing short-shorts and vests.

She's about to trudge up the stairs to her common room, when she hears a group of boys' voices, cackling as they turn the corner. Fianna ignores it, until they all stop, noticing her.

"Oh, hey," says Regulus, awkwardly.

Fianna suddenly feels underdressed. "... Hi."

Barty Crouch Jr. looks her up and down. She always saw him as the ringleader of their group; his dad's high-up in the Ministry, and apparently it's mere months before he becomes Minister. Fianna isn't sure about that — and hopes that won't happen, because she can't imagine a man with a Death Eater son would be left-wing — but Barty Jr. acts with the arrogance of a prime minister's child. It doesn't help that he's somewhat attractive, too, with chocolate-brown floppy hair that he always runs his hands through. He looks mean, but in a fit way. It's terrible.

"Bit underdressed for dinner, Lupin?" he says.

Fianna frowns. "I was in the prefects' bathroom."

Barty snorts. "Tough luck, Reg."

She pauses for a second; her gaze flickers across to Regulus, who looks just as uncomfortable. Fianna straightens her posture. "Only one person can go in there at a time, the door has a charm to lock," she explains. "But I know you wouldn't know that."

Barty doesn't say anything. Beside him, however, Regulus starts to smirk.

"See you around, Black," says Fianna, swiftly walking up the stairs.

Fianna reaches her dorm room at long last, forcefully shutting the door behind her. Georgia's lying on her bed, reading a book; she peers over the pages, and raises an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Regulus," says Fianna, groaning.

Georgia quietly closes her book, sitting upright. "... Why?"

"I don't know," says Fianna. She sits down on her own bed, and covers her face with her hands for a moment. "I just... I don't know if this whole thing was a good idea."

Georgia snorts. "I could've told you that, Fee."

"Spare me of the Death Eater lecture," says Fianna.

"No, no..." Georgia, cautiously, moves across the bed, sitting down next to Fianna instead. "I mean, yeah, I still think he's a twat... But if you really do like him..."

Fucking hell, Fianna thinks. That's another thing about all of this — she hates having to lie to Georgia. It makes her heart hurt.

"Yeah, but like, is that worth all of the shit?" Fianna lifts her face from her hands, and looks across at Georgia. "I keep on thinking about Remus — what if Regulus figures it out, and he tells the Death Eaters? What if I get my brother killed, or what if Regulus finds out that I'm a half-blood and he tells the wrong person and—"

"OK, OK, OK," Georgia says, putting her hands on top of Fianna's, trying to calm her down. "Yes, that's completely valid — but, you and Remus have a pretty good group of wizards protecting you. Like, I bet the first thing Remus did, when he found out about this, was tell the Order to keep an eye on things. If there's even a whisper about a Death Eater wanting to hurt you or your family, they'll know. You're safe, just like me, just like Remus, just like James. No one's going to get hurt, OK?"

"But still..."

Georgia sighs. "I guess, do whatever feels right. I think he's a cunt, but that's beside the point. The heart wants what the heart wants."

Fianna glances to her side. "Uh, Gi?"

"Yeah?"

"You said that... with a lot of conviction."

"... Yeah, 'cause he's a massive cunt," says Georgia.

"No..." Fianna says. "I meant, 'the heart wants what—'"

"Oh." Georgia pauses, and then shrugs. "No comment."

Fianna blinks. "Um? Excuse me?"

"Woah, Fee," says Georgia. "You can have your dickhead boyfriend, if you let me mentally grapple with who I fancy."

"OK..." Fianna looks unconvinced still. "But... Tell me soon, please."

Georgia sighs. "If I understand it, sure."

And then, Georgia stands up, crossing the room to pick up the book she was reading. Fianna watches her best friend, confused. Who could Georgia fancy, and why doesn't Fianna know? Surely she hasn't been that caught up with head girl duties, or Regulus (ew) that she didn't notice her best friend liking someone? But then, there's not one name that comes to mind—

"OK, OK, you've twisted my leg enough," says Georgia.

Fianna frowns. "I literally haven't, if you don't want to say—"

"Oh my God, stop begging, I tell you," says Georgia. She turns back around, as she runs her fingers through her curls, deep in thought. "So... I can't lie, Prewett's kind-of fit..." Ew, Fianna thinks. "... But he seems to have a thing for you so it now feels weird—" Fianna's heart sinks, guilty. "—but... But also..."

"What...?" says Fianna.

"... Pandora's... also... really pretty..." Georgia trails off for a minute, looking awkward. "So I'm not sure... Because I'd happily walk the long way back from the Hog's Head with either of them, if you know what I mean—"

"Well... why don't you spend more time with both of them?" says Fianna, feeling weird giving any sort of relationship advice, but then feeling self-conscious, because she should feel confident enough to give advice, because she does have a boyfriend so—

"Yeah, but I don't want to do that," says Georgia. "I wish one of them could just, like, present themselves to me and make the effort so I don't have to."

"That's not... how it works."

"What did Regulus do?"

Fianna blinks, thinking, shit, what did he do?

"Oh, uh, he kept on coming into work—"

"So he presented himself and made the effort?"

"Oh... I guess so," says Fianna.

"It's just not fair," says Georgia.

"Yeah, but you'll figure it out," says Fianna.

Georgia grumbles. "Either that, or die a virgin."

You and me both, sister, says Fianna, annoyed.

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          SUNDAY AFTERNOON ARRIVES, AND FIANNA feels more confused than ever. Does she just count her losses and call all of this a night, or does she keep on going? But then, why does she even need to continue? They got out of trouble on the train; this seems like way too much effort for one simple lie...

She keeps on thinking about what to do as she sits in the library with Prewett, going over the baseline plans for their Yule Ball. Or, at least, they were going to, but the discussion about theme has riddled the past hour.

"I think that's just a bit too... muggle," says Prewett.

"That's the point!" says Fianna, sighing. "If we make the evening super fun, but have it stereotypically muggle, maybe we'll sway certain people's opinions on them? It's about changing people's mindsets."

"I thought it was about a ball," says Prewett.

"Well, yeah, but, it's also a really good opportunity for us to do something worthwhile — if one person changes their mind on muggles because of this, I'm happy," says Fianna. "Are you not going to say the same?"

Prewett frowns. "Well, that is true, I s'pose..."

"Why don't we have a vote?" says Fianna.

He raises an eyebrow. "Between us two?"

"No, I mean, with the rest of the school," says Fianna. "We can come up with three ideas, and whichever one gets the most amount of votes, we go with that one. I do think it would be fun, though, to do a magical spin on a stereotypically muggle theme — like, a night in the stars, with enchantments to make it look like there's stars in the Hall. Or, under the sea, or a masquerade, or—"

"How do you know all of these?"

"Oh..." Fianna pauses for a moment. "I watched a lot of muggle films growing up."

Prewett smiles softly at her. He looks around, checking the coast is clear — which it would be, because who would be sat in the depths of the library on the first Sunday of term? Not even Slughorn has set an essay yet. But, he still checks, and when he feels comfortable with the privacy, he leans in.

"You know my sister's in the Order," he tells her, lowering his voice. "I know about your family, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it."

"How... noble of you," says Fianna, her brows furrowing.

"Just saying," says Prewett. "Not sure if your boyfriend would say the same... Does he know that you're...?"

"Of course," she says, quickly. "So I think we should decide on three themes we like, and ones we have good ideas for, and if Dumbledore agrees on the voting idea, we'll do that. If not, I guess we ask him which one he likes the most. I think he wants a reason to let his hair down, too."

"And to brush it," he says. If Fianna wasn't annoyed, she'd laugh.

They talk through ideas for a little while longer. Fianna keeps on looking at the starry night idea, secretly hoping that's the one they'll go for. But, she worries if it's a little too cliche, and if she just thinks stars are pretty. Plus, the under the sea idea seems a little too close to home for her to enjoy it... And surely the Slytherins would find it boring, considering they do live under the sea?

Eventually, they decide to revisit their plans during their next meeting, on Friday morning. Fianna thinks to herself, you mean, me have ideas and you sit there, but she reminds herself that this is how she's getting her way, planning the whole thing. The Yule Ball is going to be her masterpiece, her parting gift to this school. Prewett just needs to be on-board, so she can get it.

Fianna purposefully takes her time clearing her things away, so Prewett gives up and leaves without her. She waits a few more minutes to make sure he's nowhere near the corridor, and she can walk around her own. Fianna keeps on thinking about sitting by the lake. If no one's around, she could have a little swim, stretch her feathers...

But, as she starts the walk to the grounds, she notices a familiar boy further down the corridor. Her brows furrow, recognising this hallway as the way to Room of Hidden Things. She watches Regulus quietly wander down the hallway, in the direction of the room they spoke to Remus and Sirius in, the other day. Fianna pauses for a moment.

Look. She knows she wanted some distance, but why is he going that way? What has he got to do with that room?

Before she knows what she's doing, she finds herself following her fake boyfriend, silently following his footsteps through the castle corridors — a difficult feat, considering every stone slab makes an awful echoing boom if you're not careful about your footing.

But then he walks another way.

Fianna's stumped. She pauses for a second, wondering if it's even her business, him wandering around a part of the school so far out of the way on a Sunday... But, then, surely wherever he's going now, it's going to be for the same task that he would've been up to, in that room? What if this is something Death Eater related? What if she finds out something that could have been catastrophic, and she stops it from happening?

She pauses as she reaches a corner, peering around the corner — only to find that Regulus has disappeared.

Her stomach twists into knots, quickly following in pursuit. The only thing down this corridor are a couple of classrooms, and some bathrooms. He wouldn't go into the girl's one — especially not this one, because Moaning Mrytle likes to haunt the cubicles — so unless he's gone to study privately in the classrooms, he must be in the bathroom...?

Suddenly, Fianna feels awkward for following. She takes a step backwards, about to walk away and forget the past ten minutes.

But then she hears someone crying.

Oh, no, she thinks. Is that Regulus? Regulus Black, crying? The sole heir to the ancient and most noble house of Black, the Death Eater, the pedigree pureblood? She didn't think he could do such a thing... Maybe she can still pretend she didn't see any of this, and just see what his vibe's like tomorrow...

But, as much as her mind tells her to leave, her body fights against it. She doesn't know why — she feels embarrassed, really, that she's having such a physical reaction to hearing him cry — but she doesn't want to leave him alone. I guess... as head girl, I should check and make sure students are okay? she thinks, deciding that's why her stomach is in knots.

So she opens the door to the boys' bathroom. Tentatively, she steps inside. For a bathroom out of the way, it's massive, an aisle lined by cubicles leading towards a row of sinks. She's never used the girls' bathroom next door so she doesn't know the differences, but she apprehensively moves deeper inside the bathroom. Ahead of her, she can see Regulus, hunched over one of the sinks, his shoulders heaving up and down.

The door finally slams shut behind her. She jumps, and Regulus spins around, grabbing his wand instinctively. He points it at her, but frowns when he realises it's her.

"What are you doing here?" he says, annoyed.

"I... heard someone crying," she lies. "Thought it would be a bad head girl thing to do, ignoring it."

"Right." Regulus aggressively wipes his face with his hands, as if trying to cover up the fact he was crying. "Are you happy now? Another soul saved. One more win for the princess."

Fianna steps forwards. "I'm going to ignore that, because clearly there's something wrong with you?" she says. "I know I don't know you that well, but—"

"But what? What are you going to say to me, what conclusion can you even come up with?" says Regulus. "You don't know me."

Before that, Fianna was going to say how weird he was when they got back from Borgin & Burkes. She was going to comment on the fact that he keeps on snapping defensively when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong... But then, she thinks about her mum.

Hope, ever the primary school teacher, excelled at handling emotions. Whenever Fianna or Remus were upset growing up, she'd pause, and in that silence, they'd rattle on and on, quickly verbalising what was actually upsetting them. And then, they'd talk about that, and they'd figure it out from there.

So Fianna doesn't say anything.

Regulus looks across at her, waiting for her to respond. Confusion washes over his face, mixing with the misery and tears already there. This whole charade of theirs, she's always had a comeback — and this time, she doesn't. He glares at her, but quickly looks away, his lip quivering.

"You don't know what it's like, having all of this pressure on you to be the perfect child — you never had to try to be that, obviously, but ever since my awful brother ran away, who else were my parents going to cast their attention onto? I wanted to do this, to make them proud... but... but..." Regulus pauses for a moment, as a tear rolls down his face.

Fianna steps closer, feeling too guilty, standing there, watching him unravel like that.

"But what?" she asks, quietly.

Regulus looks at her. This close, Fianna can see the wetness on his cheeks, tear trails reflecting miserably in the light. She wants to reach out and wipe them away, but feels weird about that; instead, she looks up at him, as his mouth finally opens to speak.

"I don't want to be a Death Eater anymore."

yes this is a draco parallel i feel very strongly that him and reg are similar