VIII —— what once was

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          FIANNA DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY — but then, what can you say to that? She tries to place herself in his shoes, imagine everything that he's feeling... But she doesn't even know where to start. From what she's heard about Death Eaters, it's a mindset that causes them to join the group — they'll believe that purebloods are superior, or they'll have a disdain for muggleborns, and quickly they'll become radicalised by friends with similar ethics, until they're a fire-breathing, devil-horn-wearing monster. She supposes it's the same as her brother being in the Order; his friends believed in one thing, and they all encouraged each other to join, to fight for what they believed in. But to decide against that, after being involved? She cannot understand the mental toll that must be on Regulus.

She looks across at him, a desperately miserable look washed across his face, and she thinks, this boy's in the trenches. He turns his glance away, as if trying to mask how upset he is, perhaps embarrassed by his revelation and her dead silence. Hesitantly, Fianna's lips part.

"What... happened?" she says.

Regulus looks at her oddly. "I don't know what you mean."

"Well, I know I don't really know you, but you must've strongly believed in this at some point," says Fianna, still feeling a rush of nervousness, trying to walk through why someone would decide against a decision this massive. Voldemort doesn't let people quit, does he? That mark's for life. "What... happened...?"

He goes quiet for a minute. "I... I can't say."

Fianna frowns. "You told me you didn't want to be a Death Eater, but now you're having a problem with confidentiality—?"

"No, I mean... what if someone hears?"

She pauses, and her head turns from side to side, at the deserted bathroom.

"... Who?"

"You never know," says Regulus.

"But you just said that you—?"

"Fianna." Regulus' eyes bore into hers, and she feels as if she's been Stunned. Have they ever had eye contact this intense before? She feels uncomfortable, almost, but she notices the glassiness to his eyes, the panic still on his face. He's terrified. And Fianna, as much as she wishes she didn't, feels terrible for him.

"Do you... want to talk about it?" she asks, softly.

Regulus shrugs, which to Fianna screams, yes, but I don't want to admit that.

"OK..." Fianna trails off, and she thinks about her brother and his friends, and all of the places they snuck off to. She thinks about old passageways, random secret rooms around the school. But if a bathroom miles away from the student body is making Regulus anxious, then surely anywhere within Hogwarts is going to do the same? God, where else did they go...?

And then, it hits her.

"Meet me next to the greenhouses later," she tells him. "Thirty minutes past curfew."

"Why?" he says.

"Because I know somewhere we can go," she says. "And trust me, no one will follow us, or be able to listen in."

Regulus doesn't seem to believe her.

🦢

AND THIS IS HOW, ON THE first Sunday of term, Fianna finds herself standing beside the greenhouses, waiting for Regulus Black to appear. She spent the first couple of minutes watching him on the Marauder's Map, before feeling dorky and overly keen. Now, she crosses her arms, wishing she wore something thicker than a cardigan. Like, a chunky jumper, or a jacket, or—

"Sorry I'm late," says Regulus, appearing out of nowhere. Fianna flinches, accidentally stepping into him. She feels his hand on her arm, steadying her, before stepping back. "My friends were taking ages to fall asleep."

"I don't think they'd be shocked to hear you were meeting me," she says.

Regulus nods. "Yeah, but if they figured anything out about why..."

Fianna's stomach twists, as she thinks, he really doesn't want them to know about this.

"OK, well... we need to walk a few minutes," she tells him.

"We're not going to the forest, are we?" he says.

"Why, scared?" she says. "And no... we're going to the Shrieking Shack."

Regulus pauses, then goes, "... To get tinnitus?"

Fianna rolls her eyes, leading the short walk to the Whomping Willow, a great big willow tree with a mind of its own, magically attacking anyone that comes close. Because of this, the grassy area surrounding it is bare aside from the grass that doesn't know any better. When Fianna's been this route before to the Shrieking Shack, she'd transform into her Animagus and press the knot at the roots, immobilising the whole thing. But, in spite of this afternoon's findings, she feels uncomfortable revealing that side of herself. It's a slippery slope from Animagus to Remus is a werewolf.

She quietly utters the Freezing Charm, the Whomping Willow's tall, violent branches immobilising in the air. Beside her, Regulus is quiet, confused. In fact, the whole journey from the tree to the tunnel to the shack is silent; Fianna glances behind at him as often as she can without it being weird, making sure he's not confused or upset or worse, crying again. Finally, they reach the small doorway leading into the Shrieking Shack. Fianna opens the door, letting them in.

"I thought this place was haunted," says Regulus, quietly.

"Oh," Fianna says, remembering the fact that her brother sometimes uses this place still. "It's really odd, the ghosts are triggered by the lunar cycle... That whole thing about full moons bringing out the freaks is true."

Regulus goes quiet for a moment, until he says, "Right."

Granted, it is a weird place. Apparently it was a family's cottage decades ago, and the grassy grounds leading up the hill to the house had lines of flowers and vegetable patches. Remus told her, the first time she was taken here, that the husband and wife felt too overwhelmed by a wizarding war of some sort, and then one day they took off, renouncing magic. The cottage fell into disrepair, the hill it was placed atop of a bad storm away from becoming a marsh. Slowly, the cottage became a shack.

"As you can see, though, no one can get in here, and no one will want to enter. So... if you do want to talk about anything, I'm the only one listening."

Maybe she worded that weirdly, because he looks away, as if hurt.

"You can't tell our brothers," he says.

Fianna crosses her heart with her fingers. "I promise."

"No, I mean it, if anyone finds this out—"

She extends her hand, leaving her little finger out. Regulus frowns.

"What are you doing?" he says.

"Do this with your little finger, with mine," says Fianna, linking her pinkies together as an example. She raises her hand again. "It's a pinky promise, it's bad luck to break them."

Regulus raises an eyebrow. "Is this some muggle shit?"

"Yes. Do it."

He looks at her, apprehensive — before he finally gives in, slowly linking his little finger with hers. For the first time since this whole ruse started, they've touched out of their own free will, not the desire to look in love. Fianna tries to ignore this thought, confused.

"So," Fianna says, stepping backwards. She sits down on the floor, on one of the cushions her brother and his friends left here, once upon a time. Thank God the September weather hasn't turned cold yet, because she'd be freezing without her feathers. "Tell me."

"This summer, the Dark Lord gave me a task," says Regulus, sitting down beside her. Fianna nods, quiet. "Have you heard of a Vanishing Cabinet?"

"No, but I can gather what it does..."

Regulus rolls his eyes. "There's two in a pair, like swans."

Fianna goes very, very still at that comment.

"So, when you place an object in one of the cabinets and close the door, the object will be transported into the other cabinet. But, the other cabinet can be hundreds of miles away, so it makes it seem as if the object has vanished," Regulus explains. "But, anyway. They're a nightmare to come by, because the magic involved is borderline illegal, so all of the ones you find now are broken. But, if they're working, they're really helpful for secretly transporting things — or people — between two places."

Fianna thinks she understands what he means.

"The Dark Lord wanted me to fix one, so he could travel inside of Hogwarts without any trouble," says Regulus. "He..." There's a long pause. Fianna watches Regulus' face, hesitating. She almost reaches forward to touch his hand, to tell him he can trust her. Ew, she thinks, controlling herself. "He wants to take over the school and kill Dumbledore."

"What?"

"He thinks if he's out of the way, there's no one left to stop him," says Regulus.

"And he gave this task to you?" says Fianna. "That's... a lot on you."

"It would've been fine, I suppose, but something else happened this summer, that made me question things."

Fianna raises an eyebrow. "What, more than the assassination of Dumbledore?"

Regulus shrugs. "I don't like him, I don't really care if he dies," he says. Fianna blinks, but unbothered by his own comment, he continues, "A few weeks ago, the Dark Lord asked to borrow my house-elf."

"Kreacher?" says Fianna.

"You know his name?" says Regulus, and then he frowns, answering the question himself. "Oh. Sirius."

Fianna nods.

"Anyway. I let him take Kreacher, and I didn't think anything of it — until the next night," says Regulus. He pauses, which Fianna thinks is a bit dramatic of him. Just spit it out! "Kreacher returned, but he was barely alive... He tried to kill him, Fianna." Fianna feels this is a little hypocritical, what with the whole eating death thing. "And I know it isn't outlandish to believe he would leave a house-elf for dead — I was upset, of course, but then, Kreacher told me why the Dark Lord had done that."

"... So why did he?" says Fianna.

"He was testing the security of his hiding spot," says Regulus.

"What, a secret house, like Hogwarts' charms?"

Regulus shakes his head. "No... A hiding spot for his Horcrux."

Fianna's stomach drops.

"Horcrux?" she says, weakly.

He nods. "The Dark Lord used some spell on Kreacher, so he doesn't know where they went. But the reason he's been invincible so far is because he has a Horcrux, hidden away somewhere. And until that object's destroyed..."

"No one will be able to kill him," Fianna finishes.

Regulus nods.

Fianna goes quiet for a moment, struggling to comprehend all of this. Voldemort, using magic so ancient, so... abhorrent, it's been shunned from textbooks. She thinks about the Tale of the Three Brothers, the old children's story about the Deathly Hallows, and the brother in the tale that asked to become immortal. Fianna has never seen a picture of Voldemort, but instead, has been told of his once-beautiful appearance, which over time have distorted into a strange, corpse-like face. She always presumed it was something to do with dark magic destroying his body, but if he's walking around, his soul split into two, that makes even more sense.

"I... I don't know what to say," she tells him.

"I know, I struggled, too, with what to do about this..."

"What do you mean by that?" she says.

"Well, I can't stop fixing this Vanishing Cabinet — but on the other hand, I can't pretend I don't know this man is using a Horcrux..."

Fianna looks up at him, apprehensive. "I know you're going to hate this... But I feel like we need to tell the Order about this—"

Regulus laughs. Actually laughs at this suggestion.

"Absolutely not," says Regulus. "It's a miracle he hasn't figured out that Kreacher survived, and remembered enough for me to realise the rest. He'll kill me."

"Not even your brother?"

Regulus goes quiet for a minute. "I can't do that, Fianna."

"OK..." Fianna frowns. "Do you want to do something about this?"

"I... What can I do?" says Regulus. "I don't even know where to begin looking..."

"Well, we can figure it out," says Fianna, quietly.

Regulus' brows furrow. "We?"

"I mean, it would be pretty shitty of me to know all of this, and not help you," she tells him, with a small shrug. "Besides... I guess I always hoped you'd see the light of day."

They look at each other for a moment; Fianna feels as if the world has stopped, everything surrounding Regulus blurring in her vision, no longer important. Her heart is racing, and she thinks, STOP this!

"This still doesn't mean I want to speak to my brother," says Regulus, breaking the peace.

Fianna rolls her eyes. "You'll come around."

They decide to walk back to the school, and to reconvene sometime within the week, when they get the chance. Fianna thinks about how much time she's spent with Regulus in this first week of school — she thinks this is the most time they've ever spent together. Odd, she thinks, considering how close their older brothers are. But still, she gets to her feet, to begin the walk through the tunnel, back to school, and at long last, her bed.

"I'm surprised your brother would let you come here," says Regulus.

Fianna feels as if the entire world has halted.

"... Why would you say that?" she asks, trying to play it cool.

"He just seems the over-protective sort," says Regulus. "I didn't think he'd want you around on full moons, that's all."

Fianna's stomach drops.

"Um... there's no reason why he wouldn't...?"

Regulus gives her a funny look. "I know he's a werewolf, Fee," he tells her. If her world wasn't crumbling, she'd be having a crisis over Fee. "And that you're an Animagus. Why else would I have made all of those swan references?"

"You haven't told anyone, have you?" says Fianna, her eyes widening. "Not about me — I don't care — but about Remus?"

"No, never," says Regulus. "Regrettably I still somewhat care for Sirius."

"How did you figure it out?" she asks.

"My brother isn't exactly subtle," says Regulus. "And, I don't know... I guess I notice things about you."

What? she thinks.

"I'm pretty fun, I guess," says Fianna, awkwardly. "But why were you making all of those comments? Did you just want to torture me?"

"I liked watching you squirm," he shrugs. "Sadistic, I know, I'm sorry."

"Masochistic, more like," she grumbles. "Which is what you'll be begging for if you do tell anyone about Remus." Regulus raises his eyebrows, amused. Fianna gives him a dirty look. "I'm not joking, sunshine. I will figure out the most traumatic, most painful way to kill you, and I'll do it twice. I will resurrect you just to kill you again."

"You're such a Gryffindor," he says, rolling his eyes.

"Fight me, Black," says Fianna.

He smiles at her, in a way that melts the frown straight off of her face. She doesn't want to talk about it — she doesn't even want to think about it, the bizarre turn the conversation went. First, they were talking about how Voldemort is keeping himself invincible, and the next, was Regulus... flirting, with her? She doesn't know what to think — but, of course, thanks to their awful fucking fake-relationship, she can't even ask someone else for advice. This is a nightmare, her life has become a perverted mess of what it once was.

This year was supposed to be all head girl activities, maybe a sprinkling of Quidditch matches. She'd get her N.E.W.T.s, she'd figure out the next steps in her life. Maybe she'd meet a cute boy, if the time was right. But now? The people's princess has far, far bigger fish to fry than just the Yule Ball or even fake dating.

Fianna Lupin has to help Regulus Black kill Voldemort.

Fianna has to destroy a Horcrux.

short chapter but v important!! hope u enjoyed xx

also i'm undecided about smut in this but we will SEE because i haven't really written it before. if it's important for the plot i will consider it