"I'm going to miss you." Mom said, standing on the front porch with a frown on her face.

"Yeah, I'm going to miss you too, Momma." I pulled her into a tight hug.  She had been the only constant in my life and I had spent all of my teenage years being a little shit to her. I was finally ready to make up for it; I was ready to make her proud of me.  I had been clean for the last two months and it had been a lot harder than I ever imagined. In fact, it had taken me almost three full years of struggling with my addiction to get to this point. Flipping back and forth between withdrawal and relapse left my body in a constant state of chaos, but I was determined to do it this time.

It didn't help that my cousin Jake was my main dealer. He was a pushy one too.  He was slightly older than me and I looked to him as my guide to all things that were depraved. He introduced me to everything I ever got into—pot, pills, pipes, needles, and sex.

The pot and pills came first.  Once I got ahold of them, I could never get enough. I had to have them to make it through the day. One time a day became two, and two became three until they had taken me over. I thought about the drugs every second of every day.

It got so bad at some point that the effects of the pills had stopped working their magic for me. It was taking a lot more of them just to get me a slight buzz. I was bitching to Jake one day because I was running out of my stash and he couldn't get me any more until the following day.  He suggested I try shooting up. He had been doing it for a while and thought I should try it too. He touted the epic quick high I could get from injecting the poison into my body and it intrigued me. By the end of the night, my arm was burning as he pulled the needle out from under my skin. 

After that, I was hooked on anything I could get. I sat back and watched him do the same thing to my cousin Mandy, but her story didn't turn out the same way mine did.  He shot her up and sat back as her body started convulsing. She was foaming at the mouth as the bad batch he gave her shut her body down.  I called 911 and held her in my arms while he laughed at the way her whole body was jerking.  She wasn't breathing for almost eight whole minutes before the paramedics got there. 

They were able to save Mandy, but she had some serious issues after. She went into the night a girl with a big future; she was on her way to college with a full-ride scholarship. She was going to make something of herself. When she came out of the coma she was in, she could barely even dress herself without help. Her mind was slower and she would say things that didn't make a lot of sense. Over time, she relearned how to do things most people took for granted, but she was never the same.

Watching Mandy go through that scared the piss out of me.

That was what made me decide I needed to get out of that life. It was the reason why I had to leave town. I kept slipping back too easily and didn't stand a chance where I was. I needed a fresh start without the reminders of why I started using in the first place.

When I told Jake I was leaving and went to say goodbye to him, he gave me a parting gift. He handed me six bottles of pills for the road in case I needed them.  I took them from him without hesitation just to be done with him. 

Three of the pill bottles were in the side pocket of one of my guitar cases right now; the other three were hiding under the loose floorboard in my closet. I'm not sure why I kept them or decided to take some with me.  I should have flushed them the second I got home.  I think I wanted to prove to myself that I didn't really need them. If I had them and didn't use them, then I had to be better. It would help me learn how to control the urges, which was something I always struggled with.

"Are you sure you really have to go? You are doing so well now. " Mom's lip trembled as she ran her fingers over my eyebrow rings and pushed my hair back off my face.

"Yeah, I have to. I have a job interview later today." I was surprisingly a little bit excited about it, as excited as I got about anything, anyway.

The job interview was at one of the only music store chains left.  I had stumbled on the ad online when I was looking at options for places to stay.  I called the number on the ad and spoke with a guy named JD, who managed the place. He asked if I could come in for an interview and I found myself packing my bags and hopping into my car within a few hours. I was hitting the road with almost no money to my name, no place to live, and jobless.

Somehow the unknown made it even more thrilling.

One day last week, on a whim, I picked up an old map I found in the garage and closed my eyes. I stuck my finger on it and opened them to see it was right in the center of a little town in Ohio. It wasn't a particularly exciting-looking town, but I felt like the place where I was meant to be. Even if I wasn't exactly ready to do it, I had to take my chance and this was it.

"Will you call me if things start to get bad again? I will drop everything and come get you." She cried. I hated when she did that. Over time,  I should have become numb to her tears after all these years, but I never could. The only soft spot I had in me was the place I left untouched for her.

"I am twenty-two, Mom. I am old enough to handle it on my own. Adult, remember?" I smiled confidently at her.

"You're never too old to ask for help if you need it. Remember that." She pulled me into a hug and I squeezed her back.

"I know, Momma. I will call you, I promise." I pulled away and grabbed my guitar case to swing it over my shoulder.

I could hear her sobbing loudly as I walked down the porch stairs.  I was her only child and the only person she had ever really had other than her brother, my Uncle Charlie. I had asked him to keep an eye on her while I was gone. I knew he would without me having to ask, but I needed to be sure someone was here to take care of her. In many ways, my Uncle Charlie was the closest thing I had to an actual father figure. I was going to miss him too.

When I crossed the Ohio state line, I drove straight to the mall for the interview I had scheduled. I went inside and introduced myself to the manager, JD. We started talking about music almost immediately.  It felt more like we were two friends hanging out than an actual interview.

JD was about my age and thought he was much funnier than he really was. He cracked a few less than humorous jokes and I smiled at his attempts to be witty.  He may not have been the smartest guy, but he was different than the crowd I normally surrounded myself with.  He seemed like he had everything put together.

Until he answered his phone.

"Excuse me a second. I have to take this one." His brows furrowed a bit when he looked down at the phone. He pressed the button and placed it against his ear. "Hey, Lil' bit."

I could hear what sounded like a girl on the other end of the line.  It sounded like she was crying. Why did girls always have to cry?

It was probably his girlfriend.

"Wait, no. Hold up. What the hell? He said that to you?" He asked as his body started tensing.  There was a long pause and his face began to turn red. Even the tips of his ears were on fire. He looked pissed. "No, that's not ok. Did you say anything back to him?"

I heard sobs through the phone again. This girl was a hysterical mess.

"That's it. I'm locking up and coming to get you right now." He said through clenched teeth.

I stood there like a complete moron staring at him, waiting for him to finish his conversation with the mystery girl on the other end of the line. I didn't know what to do with myself. I was growing a little impatient; sitting still for long periods of time was not really my thing. It made me twitchy.

A girl with a nose ring and hair dyed an unnatural reddish color walked into the store, distracting me for a few seconds. She was watching me out of the corner of her eye and strutted past me. I turned my head and watched her ass as she walked by. She was wearing super low-cut jeans that screamed, 'look at me,' and I definitely was.

JD kept rambling over the phone, throwing out threats as my eyes followed the girl around the store.  She was running her hands along the shelves while staring back at me.  The way she circled me told me everything I needed to know about her. She was on the hunt. Fortunately for her, so was I.

She finally made her way over to me and slipped me a piece of paper into my hand as she left.  She didn't even open her mouth to say hello or ask me my name. I looked down and opened it up. Her number was scrawled across it in light blue pen.

Mia 555-233-7867

I shoved the number in my pocket. Mia would be getting a call very soon.

"Fine, but come over tonight. We have band practice, but you know the guys won't mind if you want to stay over this weekend. You sound like you need to get away for a bit."

My attention drifted from the redhead and my ears perked up at the mention of a band. JD seemed to notice and cocked his head at me.  I had been itching to play with a band again.  I had dropped my other one when I decided to get clean since they all used.  It wasn't easy being the only sober one in the group.

"I understand. Call me later if you want to talk some more. Behave Lil' bit." He hung up the phone with a little extra flair.

"Girl problems?" I asked.

"Sister hysterics." He laughed and patted my back. "She can be a little overdramatic sometimes."

"Sounds like it. Older or younger?"  I asked, trying to make small talk. In all reality, I had absolutely no place to be. I was going to find one of those hotels you could rent for a week until I had a few paychecks coming in. I wasn't excited about the idea, but it was the most affordable option for me.

"Younger, she just turned eighteen yesterday and is graduating high school in a few months. Everything with her is the end of the world right now. She is a handful sometimes. She makes being a big brother is a full-time job." He shrugged.

"Sounds like it." I laughed.

"I take it no siblings?" He asked.

"Nope, it's just my mom and me." That's about as far I wanted to go into my back story with a perfect stranger. I didn't like to talk about myself. It was another way I managed to keep myself cut off from everyone else.  If you didn't give anyone any ammunition, they couldn't find a way to use it against you.

Everything in my life was on a need-to-know basis, and I was the only one who needed to know.

"So, the job's yours if you want it. The pay sucks, the hours are terrible, and it is the most boring job you'll ever have. Are you in?"  JD smiled.

"Yeah, I am." It felt good to have a purpose, even if it was just a stupid job at a music store.  It was something I had never really had.

JD discussed the details of the job with me. He had me fill out papers and the application before leaving. I was going to start in two days which gave me some time to figure out my housing situation.  It also gave me two days of alone time which could get me into trouble if I wasn't careful.

"Well, I guess I will see you on Monday," I said as I was getting ready to walk out.

"Wait, what are you doing tonight? Do you want to come hang out? My band has practice and it would be nice to have an audience. We haven't played in front of anyone other than my girlfriend and little sister for ages. We could use some fresh blood around." JD asked.

I didn't see any harm in checking them out and seeing what they were about. If they were shitty people or the music sucked, it wasn't like I was obligated to hang out with them again. It would be nice to know at least one person around here.

Well, two now if I counted Mia.

"Sure, I'm in."