SURVIVORS GUILT
୨⎯ chapter nineteen ⎯୧

tw. phedophilia,
cannibalism.
!skip this chapter or leave the book immediately
if you feel uncomfortable!

━━━━ maria couldn't sleep peacefully anymore. she managed to sleep all night but the second she felt the sun rose up, she woke up as well. she pulled her arm away from joel and made sure to not make as much noise. she doesn't want ellie to wake up and alarm her.

maria threw on her jacket and made sure her gun and her knife her inside before heading to the garage where the horse was. callus, was the name of the horse. she opened up the garage door so that callus took take a breather.

"good morning beautiful." maria cooed throwing her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss on his skin and petting him down. "let's brush you, yeah?" maria whispered to the horse who neighed softly and shook his head side to the side.

maria brought up the a thick brush that she found on the shelf. callus was tall and made her look small but she didn't care. maria just stood on her tippy toes and brushed his hair. only from the middle. maria has tried before to brush his tail but callus would always only smack her in the face with it.

maria went around callus and gave him a warning, "don't smack me, callus." maria doesn't understand how the horse understood her and smacked her in the back of the head with his tail when she went or the other side. "callus."

maria continued to brush him and once she finished she set the hair brush down. she was looking around the shelfs that were pressed against the back of the garage when callus let out a series of neighs. not the kind form when he greets either one of the trio, but a warning one.

maria didn't really gave him her attention until callus hooves started clicking on the concrete. "callus what's wrong?" maria asked turning around over to the horse who looked at something in the distance. maria frowned her eyebrows and walked towards the entrance of the garage.

"if we bring those girls with us, it's only more mouths to feed." she recognized that voice. maria shoved her hand to where her gun was at and took a quick jog to the fence. she crouched down and turned her head to the fence and tried to look between the small holes of the fence. james.

but he wasn't alone. david was with him, along with others and they were all armed. maria eyes widen and sprinted back to the garage, closing its door and running back inside and down the stairs.

"el! el! they're here, help me wake joel up." maria rushed to the ground and kneeled next to joel. ellie jumped away and knew immediately who they are. maria shook joel but the older man wouldn't budge. "joel, i need you to wake the fuck up right now! joel! fuck joel!"

ellie as well kneeling on his side, maria moved on to try and pat him awake by putting her hand on each side of his face and slapping his face numerous times softly while ellie tried to shake him away. "good, good!" maria said as joel flustered his eye lids open but it dropped back down.

"we don't have time for this." ellie muttered standing up from the floor and walking over to the cabinet.

"open your eyes, joel please. you're so close." joel's eyes lid opened up fully but his eyes were still trying to process everything. ellie came back and settled a knife down on his chest and put both of his hands on top. maria sighed deeply in defeat and backed up from joel.

"okay, okay, look at me. there are men coming, okay? we're gonna lead them away from you but if anybody comes down here, you fucking kill them. got it? joel. joel, do not fall asleep. talk to him while i get my stuff." ellie said standing up quickly and grabbing a few things she might need while maria crouched back down.

"joel, if anything happens to us. to me. tell maggie that i forg- if anything happens to us, their names are david and james. look for a david." maria whispered slapping him on the chest gently making his eyes snap back open. "and keep your eyes fucking open, joel!"

maria patting his chest again multiple times just in case he fell asleep again and leaped off from the ground and over to the garage where ellie was waiting for her on the horse. "come on." maria said throwing herself over callus and wrapping her arm securely around ellie.

"ready?" ellie whispered asked when they finally reached the man and landed behind them. maria scooted herself closer to ellie and sat up straighter, giving her a nod. "hey, motherfuckers!"

maria brought up her gun and shot in between the legs of one of them who backed up. "shit!" he shouted throwing himself in front of the car for shelter. maria eyes then landed on james and shot a little closer to him.

"go! let's go." ellie shouted tapping on callus who sprinted off into a run. "keep coming motherfuckers." ellie whispered noticing them all following her. while she looked forward, maria looked around them with her gun up expecting someone to just appear.

he did. but not in plain eyesight. james shot callus causing the horse to neigh out loudly and roll on the floor. throwing ellie and maria during the process of it. maria gasped for air feeling a heavy weight on her lower abdomen and on her legs.

maria panted heavily and whimpered in pain when she tried to pull herself away but it only pressed on her even more. maria cried out a wail and managed to open her eyes up a little. callus. maria felt a tear fall down her eye when she saw that callus was dead and squishing her down.

maria eyes closed again, her whimpers getting lower as she didn't have any strength left. maria grunted putting her hand on callus and trying to push him away but the horse was too heavy too big.

"shh." david whispered kneeling down and putting a hand on her head and soothing her hair. maria flinched and her eye lids opened looking at david in horror. "it's okay. you're going to be alright."

"no, no, no, no!" that was all sasha maria scream out before darkness and silence greeted her.

realization hit maria espinosa like a brick when she opened her eyes - david knocked her out. the atmosphere was gloomy, she was laying on the concrete floor, the coldness of the floor pressing on her cheek. maria then looked down at her body feeling less heavy.

she didn't have her jacket anymore, meaning she's weaponless. she only had her navy blue hoodie on but she was alone. maria sat up and her eyes ran through the room. she was inside a cell, caged off. maria turned to the left and sighed deeply when she saw ellie on the other side. a fence in between them.

"i started worrying you two wouldn't wake up." david greeted. he was sitting on the other side but placed in between them.

maria turned her head abruptly over at david. "let us out."

"well, that's certainly the goal. hungry?" asked david.

"why am i in a cage? why are we in a cage?" ellie asked two times when she saw that maria was right besides her. maria grunted sitting herself up and then throwing herself over to the brick wall and leaned against it.

"because i'm afraid of you guys. you're a dangerous person. you've certainly proven that. especially you," he pointed over at maria who wrapped a arm over her stomach and a hand on her chest. feeling the pain coming back due to the fact that she was completely freaking out but decided to bottled it up and hide it away from david. "almost shot two of my guys. good for you."

"go to fucking hell." maria spat colliding her head on the wall and glaring at david.

"the others, they wants me to kill you for all that's happened." david said, seeming confused when ellie's eyes stayed on maria wanting to be by her side and help her through her attack and maria was just giving no zero attention as well. "did you hear me say the others wanna kill you?"

"yeah." ellie breathed out trying to move herself closer to the fence that separated her from maria.

"i think you mentioned it." maria muttered.

"but i stopped them." david said as a matter-of-fact.

"fuck you."

david leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees. his gaze going from ellie to maria and maria to ellie - just like how he did before. his eyes linger a little longer of maria who was the one that intrigued him more and then over to ellie. "why don't we just start with your guys name?"

"eat shit." ellie deadpanned putting her fingers through the hole of the fence and dropped her head on the fence needing to catch her breath along with her strength.

"hey, listen to me!" david said standing up from the chair and putting his hand on maria fence. "you can't survive on your own. no one can. but i can help you. let me protect you."

"why do you talk like that?" maria rasped out meeting david's eye. he gave her a confused look tilting his head to the side. "you talk singular. not plural."

david didn't say anything other than just stare maria down. ellie lifted her head up and dragged herself to the wall, close to the fence, and settling herself there. david then glanced over at ellie but back to maria. "because i'm not alone. we're not alone."

"right." david said nodding his head, "your friend. and how is he?" ellie shook her head glancing over at maria who turned her head towards ellie. the two girls giving each other sad looks. "i can see how much you care about him so i know it hurts. but even so you guys gotta face reality. that part of your life, it's ending. and what i'm offering you two is a beginning. but if you can't find a way to trust me. then, yes, you are alone because you're not always gonna have each other either."

david then left with his final speech slamming the door. maria exhaled out the breath that she was holding in. ellie called out her name but for maria it was all a blur, she couldn't make out any noises. "ma-maria, answer me. please."

"what? oh," maria voice was above a whisper looking over at ellie who stuck her finger through the fence. "my whole body hurts, el. my whole body hurts."

"hey, hey, hey, look at me. maria look at me." ellie said wanting nothing more than to hold the girl inside her arms. maria looked up at her and ellie winced. her eyes weren't the usual, they were almost empty. "we're going to get out of here. i'm going to get us out of here."

the man was a fucking lunatic. maria was sure of it and so was ellie. maria was staring blankly on the wall and ellie was attempting to look over the small window on her side of the cell along with trying to pick the lock. so far nothing.

then david entered the room, holding two plates and following ellie's gaze. so did maria and she felt sick to her stomach. it was piece of ear, chopped off. "for what it's worth, this is just deer meat. i swear."

"you are sick twisted fucking bastard. you know that?" maria taunted. over the past time capturing all of her strength. maria stood up holding a hand on the wall and glaring at david who sat down with an unfazed look. "you really think you're gonna chop us up into little pieces?"

"i'd rather not. well, at least not you." david said tilting his head to the side at maria and chuckled lightly. "i'm just playing. please, just tell me your name. if you wanna judge me-"

"judge you? you're eating people, you sick fuck!" ellie screamed kicking the tray away from her cell and banging her fist on the metal door. david flinched and backed up.

"yes." david said and his face made maria want to just smash it with her bare hands.

"oh god." maria breathed out running a hand through her face.

"there are only a few of us that know. but i would've told you. sooner or later. i guess sooner." his voice, amusement laced on it. he was proud of what he's done of what he does.

"you're an animal." ellie said standing away from the door. maria moved closer to the fence that separated her and ellie, the brunette hair girl doing the same thing.

"well, yes, we all are. that's sorta the point."

"you fucking lun-"

"it was a last resort." david said cutting of maria who growled looking back down to her feet. swallowing down the puking feeling and then back up to david. "you think it doesn't shame me? but what was i supposed to do? let them starve? these people who put their lives in my hands. expect me to keep them safe, who love me?"

"grass! go fucking vegetarian!" maria shrieked throwing her arm out and shaking her head when david laughed at her response.

"and what? get infected."

"better than being fucking starved and eating human flesh." maria scoffed.

"you don't believe that. i don't think your friend would either." david said and took a step forward, "didn't he take another man's life to save yours?"

"he was defending himself." ellie snarled.

"he was defending you two." david said standing in between. ellie and maria backing up to the wall keeping their eyes on david. "but you knew that. you see a lot. so do i. and you know what i see when i look at you? me. you," again. pointing at maria who's stomach dropped along with her heart. "you remind me of me. you're natural leader, you're smart, loyal. violent and your language is just as bad as my was."

"no, don't you dare walk to him." ellie whispered harshly to maria who didn't listen to her and rushed to the metal door and slapped her hands on the bars, holding it tightly.

"you don't know anything about me." maria hissed and david raised an eyebrow stepping in front of sasha. the brown head girl moving her hands away from the bars and putting them up in a fist but never taking a step back.

"but i do. if i let you out of that cage right now put that knife of yours in your hand, you'd stick me in a second. you have a violent heart. tell me, you love her right? and you'll anything anything to keep her safe even if it puts you in harm, even if you have to kill for her." david said and his eyes started glistening. he hit maria right at her weakness.

"i should know. i've always had a violent heart. and i struggled with it for a long time. but then the world ended and i was shown the truth."

"right, by god. because god says to eat his own creation, his children." maria scoffed but david shook his head.

"no. by cordyceps." david said and the fourteen year old teenage girls held a confused look. "what does cordyceps do? is it evil? no. it's fruitful. it multiples. it feeds and protects its children and it secures its future with violence, if it must. it loves."

maria kept quiet but ellie talked this time, "why are you telling us all this?"

"because you can handle it. she may have a violent heart but so do you. you guys understand stuff the way the others can't." david's voice trembled, putting his hand on maria bar and the girl seemed to be frozen in her spot. unable to move, unable to breath. "they need god. they need heaven. they need - they need a father. you don't. you're beyond that."

i need joel. maria said in her mind. tears whelming up in her eyes as her mind got filled with thoughts and worries of the grumpy old man that they left behind. wondering if he's figured out how to find them yet, wondering if he's alive still. hoping that he's alive still.

"i'm a shepherd surrounded by sheep, and all i want it an equal. a friend."

"what about my friend?" ellie whispered ask and maria took one step back and then another falling besides ellie.

"like i said, loyal. i can tell the others to stop looking for him. they'll spare him." david said and this time it was ellie's turn to step forward. david moved to the side and over to ellie.

"really? they'll just let him go?" asked ellie.

"yes. if he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. they do what i tell them to do. they follow me. and they will follow us. lord knows i could use the help. i-" david said looking behind him and the back at ellie, his gaze drifting over to maria. "look what's happened. think of what we could do together, as strong as we are. we'd make this place a perfect. we'd grow, spread out. and we'd do whatever we needed for our people."

"don't." maria warned watching ellie bring her hand up to the bar next to david's hand. his own hand tightening around the bar. maria eyes landing down at ellie's arm that went behind her back and signaled something to her. trust me. sam taught them that.

"imagine the life we could give them." david whispered taking his hand slowly off the bar and first placing his fingers on top of ellie's hand, letting them linger there. "imagine the life we could build."

maria trusted ellie, with her whole body with her whole life. but at this moment maria was scared, terrified - not for her but for ellie williams. because whatever happens to ellie she won't be able to just jump through the fence and save her.

maria watched as ellie put her other hand on top of davis and in a matter of seconds she snapped his fingers, breaking them all. while david groaned in pain taking his fingers out, ellie reached forward and tried reaching for the keys.

david grabbed her by her hair with his unbroken hand and slammed ellie's face on the bar multiple times before throwing her off. during these maria ran to the front and tried reached for the keys as well, her fingers touching the keys but david took his hand away from the bar and over to maria cell grabbing a fist of her red hair.

"you little cunt." david spat at ellie tugging on maria hair. ellie panted heavily holding a hand up to her face and back down to her eye sight seeing all the blood. "let's see what i go tell the others now."

david yanked maria down on the concrete floor and was walking out when ellie lifting her head up and said, "ellie."

"what?"

"tell them that ellie is the little girl who broke your fucking finger!" ellie shouted pressing her face on the cell door. her agony shouts sending shivers down sasha. her hairs lifting up from her skin.

"what was it? "tiny little pieces"?" and with that david left slamming the door shut leaving and creating two fragile teenage girls.