SURVIVORS GUILT
୨⎯ chapter fourteen ⎯୧

━━━━ ellie woke up several moments ago and started to guard while joel, maggie and maria slept. ellie held the rifle in the right position close to her chest and leaned herself against the rock.

maria woke up with the sun. the second that it's rays shined itself on her eyelids, the brown hair girl woke up. she extended her arm to where ellie was previously laying down but when her arm went straight down to the pile of empty blankets she shot right up in alarm.

"el?" maria rasped out turning on her back and bringing her hands up to her eyes starting to rub them away.

"yeah?" ellie called back gently as they were at least five feet away and she was watching sasha's every movement. maria had her hands over her eyes now and she peeked through her fingers over at the brunette girl. "missed me that much?"

maria scoffed at the tone of ellie's voice. "no, i was just getting worried as to who was i going to bother now. it's a real struggle."

ellie laughed at her comeback and shook her head quickly giving a glance at the adults who were huddled and cuddled on each other sleeping soundly. maria sat up and let out a yawn while saying, "how long have you been up?"

"not that long ago. i saw joel and maggie asleep and decided that i'm the best person for the job." ellie said shrugging her shoulders. maria hummed standing up from her bag. ellie looked away as maria stretched her arms up causing her jacket to lift up, revealing her scar in her stomach. but that's a story for another time.

maria packed hers and ellie's sleeping bag away and she put on her green vest making sure her gun and her knife were both inside. once she did, she headed over to ellie who was swaying from side to side bored out of her mind but the only thing keeping her mind and herself awake was intruders and the thought of firing the gun she held.

maria kneeled down and touched the snow. she grinned evilly and dropped it as soon as she thought of it looking at ellie who wasn't paying that much attention to maria for the first time. maria piled up the perfect amount of snow inside her hands.

maria stood back up and she didn't give it a second thought before throwing it at ellie. her aiming wasn't as bad but it didn't land directly in her face. more so, it landed between her hair and her face. ellie gasped in shock and her mouth gaped open looking at the giggling maniac in front of her.

"you should've seen your face!" maria laughed the same exact way she laughed in the museum when she pulled the tiny joke on ellie of throwing her inside the water. maria mimicked ellie's face and the brunette girls eyes only widen more along with her mouth.

"you've so done it now." ellie placed the rifle down to her side and picked up a little more amount of snow than maria and rolled it up into a ball. maria backed away into the free space knowing that that was going to hurt from a short distance.

"come on! hit me!" maria said provoking the girl even more. the brown hair girl started bouncing from side to side waiting for ellie to throw the snowball at her. ellie got the right angel to maria. ellie pretended to throw the snow causing maria to stop her jumping and point and laugh at ellie who only laughed at herself. when maria stopped jumping to point and laugh, ellie took this time to throw it on maria.

it collapsed all over her hair and it ran through her back and front jacket. "holy shit! it's down my jacket." maria shivered starting to jake her jacket to get it off. the joyful laugh of ellie and the wave of complaints by maria woke joel miller up.

his first thought wasn't as clear as the second thought. he sat up quickly and gave ellie and maria a irritated glance. by the shrieks of maria, joel jolted away thinking that they were in danger but the second he saw ellie laughing and bending over. all that his worries turned into annoyance.

ellie heard the rustling and gave joel a quick gaze and said, "you still mumble in your sleep. i woke up early. you and maggie were passed out, so i took second watch."

joel shook maggie slightly awake not wanting to startle her the same way the girls startled him. "you gotta wake me up if that happens. you can't do things like this." joel said his voice filled with irritation. it was his responsibility not hers.

maria came back in a short jog glared at ellie backing away from her and moving more next to joel. "but i can," ellie said and gave joel a lopsided smile which was more of a teasing smile, "cause i just did."

"i'm responsible for you and her, okay?" joel said and sure there was maggie who could protect her own sister but marlene told him. not tess, not maggie, him to deliver ellie and take mariawith him. although now, it's come to the point where he slowly no longer thinks of them as cargo. he realized soon after the package deal maria and ellie are, he's learned and adapted to them in a way that not even he could accept.

"then don't fall asleep." ellie shot back as her teasing smile turned more into a tight line. maria shook her head upside taking all of the snow off her hair before putting on her beanie. "i was quiet. i check my six, i looked for tracks, i found the high ground, and i kept watch. like you taught me to. what can i say, man?" ellie looked from maria who was still struggling to take every inch of snow off of her over to joel who landed his way in front of ellie, "i'm a natural."

joel didn't want to hear anymore and just stuck his hand out. ellie rolled her eyes grabbing the rifle and shoving it over to joel who hooked it on his shoulder. "you wake me up next time."

joel stood in the middle of ellie and maria giving them both a pointed look. "yes, sir." said ellie nodding her head.

"aye aye captain." said maria. both girls putting a hand on their head in a salute. joel gave them another annoying glance when the two girls saluted him and started walking away.

"other way." maggie said through her breathed out giggles. maria and ellie quickly turned back around grabbing their backpacks and heading the opposite direction.

and just like that they started their walk once again. they walked for about a good 30 minutes before they stopped once they arrived at the river of death. joel told them to hide between the trees as he scouted out the area.

"the river of death. still no people." said ellie in a teasing voice.

"fine." joel grumbled standing up from his hiding position and starting to walk over to the bridge. maria found it satisfying the way that her feet crunched on the snow with every step she took. she extended her arms when they reached a log and had to make their way across.

maria hopped off the log and held in a breath as she stepped foot on the bridge. something in her starting to get worried. maybe it's because the name of the river they were crossing was intimidating but also there was something she didn't like. it made her feel unsure, like as if someone was watching them closely. waiting for the right time to attack.

"mari, do you know how to whistle?" ellie randomly asked. joel and maggie learned not to ask any questions or interact with them whenever ellie and maria start getting bored on their hike. why? because whatever new idea they bring up it always ends up with maggie joining them leaving joel alone and him having to put them all in place.

maria shrugged her shoulders putting her lips together and positioned her tongue in a certain way inside her mouth and breathed out. a soft melody of a whistle came out of her mouth. she glanced over at ellie still whistling.

maria, just to mess around more with ellie, she started to whistle a familiar childish tune. she brought her hands up making a eating movement and then bringing her hands to her armpits pretending she had wings and then did a spin, finishing it off with four claps.

ellie pushed maria's shoulders and ignored the brown head girl. ellie put her fingers back in her mouth and breathed both in and out trying to whistle. joel and maggie gave ellie a quick glance. "i'm learning how to whistle."

"you don't know how to whistle?" joel asked surprised that maria knows how to whistle but not ellie.

"does it sound like i know how to whistle? maria stop!" ellie said glaring at maria who stopped whistling. maria send her a side eye squeezing herself between joel and maggie while ellie stomped past them.

"no." joel grumbled.

ellie then stopped and her eyes landed on maria. "seriously, though, how the fuck do you do that?"

"natural born talent." maria teased blowing ellie a kiss.

ellie looked away and started walking again in front of the three. "whatever." ellie breathed out. once she calmed down the heat that risen up her body she then turned around and started walking backwards. "you should teach me how to hunt. and maria."

"huh."

"huh." like, "she's a girl. she can't handle it." ellie said mocking his tone of voice. "that's not a very nice thought knowing that your wife loves her rifles more than you."

"you can handle the shootin'. not so sure about the dressin'." joel said ignored her last statement.

"what's the dressin'?" maria asked looking up at joel.

"the part where you take the guts out."

"oh yeah." ellie said from behind maria. maria decided to fall behind landing besides ellie. "why do they call it dressing? it's like, you should call it undressing, 'cause it is. it's like undressing from the inside."

"ill love to experience that." maria said hoping that maybe joel would take that as a consideration to teaching her and ellie. she wasn't really psyched about the dressing part, more of the shooting part.

"i'm saying!" ellie exclaimed throwing her arm over maria's shoulder. the brown head girl laughed and slithered her arm around ellie's waist. the two girls synced their steps and speed walk in front of joel and maggie.

"they're so cute." maggie whispered bumping her shoulders onto joel's. maggie wrapped her arms around his single arm and dropped her head on his shoulder. "come on, admit it."

joel looked down at maggie who placed her chin on his arm to be able to look directly at his eyes. "yeah, sure."

they walked for a few more miles till they reached an abandoned building in the middle of a lake. "damn." ellie breathed out.

"you're no will livingston." said joel.

"yeah, yeah, but who is?" ellie said, a small smile tugging on her lips glancing up at joel and maggie. she then looked back, "so that made electricity?"

"yeah." joel responded but before ellie or even maria could get another question out their mouth he added on, "don't ask me. i don't have a clue."

"magg-"

"i don't know either. i was a pilot." maggie quickly said. maggie put her lips in a tight line walking away following after joel. maria and ellie gave each other a knowingly look and followed behind their footsteps.

"you know, you could've made something up." said ellie.

"we would've believed you. also my chest and stomach are hurting. i blame the rabbit." maria said putting her hand on her chest feeling the familiar odd feeling in it and on her stomach. her stomach grumbling was most likely the lack of eating, though the chest part. she wasn't very sure. it did concern her slightly.

as they continued walking, maria managed to push aside the stabbing feeling in her chest and walk like as if nothing was bother her. at a certain part of their walk, ellie and maria started a race. the first to get to the river won and could control whatever the other person does till the sun goes down.

they somehow convinced maggie to be their set off. joel rolled his eyes not bothering to stop them nor his steps. maggie stood between ellie and maria, "ready, set, go!"

maria was winning by a couple of feets. that was until her chest started to feel like someone was putting pressure down harshly and she slowed down for a few seconds. ellie took this opportunity - not knowing the pain she was in - and boosted herself forward.

"ha! i won! look at the river," ellie panted heavily throwing her arms up and turning around to face the river. "it's crazy blue. mari come take a look!"

"maria, are you alright?" maggie asked catching up to maria and putting a hand behind her back. maria was kneeling forward starting to feel other things besides her chest pain.

"yeah, yeah, just dizzy. that's all." maria lied standing back up putting a hand on her hip and another one on her head. maria took in a few deep breath. maggie watched as her little sister, smiled over at ellie and made her way over to the brunette girl. her being completely clueless to what is happening with maria.

"i won. you have to do whatever i say." ellie said smirking at maria. her dizziness seemed to stop all of a sudden the second she started walking, her chest was still nagging but now she felt something else. butterflies in her stomach.

maria felt like a personally butterfly zoo. ellie hooked their arms together which only seemed to trigger the butterflies even more. their wings flapping widely, hitting every part of her stomach creating a fuzzy feeling.

"hey, joel, what if this is the river of death?" ellie asked. joel looked down at the teenage girls and then up at maggie. the hispanic woman taking out the map quickly and opening it up. she walked her way up to joel, the two adults inspecting the map together.

he didn't say anything neither did she. they only gave each other worriedly looks but continued walking. ellie and maria only huddled themselves close to each other being closely behind them. maria's head perked up as she hears something from the distance.

"hey, i'm i going insane or do i hear horses?" maria asked. the same time as a tribe appeared from the hill of the mountain snow. joel grabbed and pushed ellie and maria behind him, maggie doing the same thing and immediately bringing her rifle up.

"get behind us." joel warned letting go of their hands and putting his arms up in surrender. he glared over at maggie, "put it down."

maggie didn't listen at first but as more of them surrounded them, she knew what she had to do. maggie put the rifle over her shoulder and brought her arms up.

maria brought her shaky hands up along with ellie. maria closed her mouth, scared that they could all hear her trembling breaths escaping from her mouth. the pain in her chest returning harsher than it ever did before, the butterflies leaving as soon as they came and replaced with a gut wrenching feeling. feeling lightheaded.

"we ain't lookin' for any trouble. we're just passin' through." joel said in a loud and clear voice.

"drop the gun." said the man in front of them holding his own gun up high ready to shot whenever and at whoever. "you and your wife."

"i will n-" maggie started saying trying to protest against it but joel dropped his gun down slowly and shut maggie up by shrugging her gun off as well.

"you two," the man said nodding his head at maria and ellie. "take five steps back. apart from each other."

"how 'bout we just talk this through?"

"how 'bout you shut the fuck up." the man snapped moving his horse closer to joel who didn't move a slight bit but fear only grew in his eyes. "and how about you as well take five steps back for him." he was looking at maggie now.

"okay, easy." joel breathed out. he gave maggie a stern look and a nod. he then glanced back at maria and ellie. "you guys will be okay."

"no." maria whispered her eyes falling upon ellie who gave her a pleading look to just do as he said. ellie took five steps back and away from maria. the brown head girl could feel her breath quickening with every step she herself took back.

ellie felt useless as she couldn't help maria with her attack. having to step away from her was painful, but if stepping away from her was going to keep her safe. she'll do, and she'll never get tired of keeping her safe.

"you been near infected?" the man asked.

"there's no infected out here." joel responding back. maggie bit back her tongue and kept her mouth shut before she says something that will end up hurting them or getting them killed - much to her delight.

"the hell there ain't." the man said. if maria had trouble breathing before she sure did now. the man whistled at in an instant barks were heard. anotber man came in with a large dog that was already barking. "last chance for a bullet. if you've been infected, he will smell it and he will rip you up."

the dog was set free and it went first to joel. the man had zero worries whatsoever for himself, maggie and sasha. his worry was to the immune girl. the dog then went to sniff maggie after sniffing him. once the dog walked back to its owner joel said, "like i said, we'll just move on."

"now the other two."

maria prayed and hoped that the dog could lose his sense somehow. maria closed her eyes as the dog prayed onto them. his head shifting between maria and ellie before making his way towards ellie. maria balled her fists tightly and closed her eyes. her surroundings suddenly got quiet. her heartbeat pounding waiting for its escape.

when suddenly she hears squeals, "hi! hi! hi!" ellie giggled and fell down on the ground as the dog started licking all over her face. maria breathed out and then dog - with his tail wagging and his tongue stuck out - jogged a little over to ellie.

ellie continued giggling from the ground catching her breath as she watch the dog hop on maria dropping her down on the ground. the dog was doing the same thing to her. maria started petting him, rubbing the top of his head and his chin.

"your such a pretty dog." maria breathed out. the dizziness only got worse despite the fact that her panic attack waved off a bit. maria frowned her eyebrows dropping her head gently on the dogs forehead who whimpered gently. maria then lifted her head off and glanced over at ellie.

"hey, el, the world is spinning. too fast." maria mumbled letting out a hum and giving the dog a wary smile. her heart thumping even more, the ache that was all over body consuming her.

"mari?" ellie called at the brown head girl who hummed closing her eyes. "maria! holy shit, mariposa!"